Waiting for bto flat, have to stay with step mil , how do you all cope?

[Waitingwaiting]

Hi all, just wanna check if anyone has same issue like me? I know my situation doesn't sound too bad but I really don't like to stay with the my step mil in her house when we are waiting for our bto flat. I wrote so many times asking hdb to speed up but they keep saying its within the stated completion date. If they can put more manpower then it can be completed earlier? I don't really trust my step mil I think partly because of my own step grandma's experience. My dad was abused very badly cos he was sold to a family and that woman ( I wouldn't even call her grandma now cos that thing don't deserves it) that land him in joining a triad and got him in jail last time cos he has no love and no more to turn to. she will whack him with cane and washing board and sweep the plates of food off the table when he is having his dinner ( and he only have one meal a day and he is the last to eat). Cny her biological kids all have $10 as ang bao but he only have $2. The family that bought him was well to do and own land then. When my dad know my mum, she refused to pay a single cent to hold a small ceremony for my dad. When my mum is pregnant with me she chase my parents out of the house n they hv to sleep in sbs buses. U might wonder why my parent keep turning to this woman cos they hv no one to turn to. It's a long story and this avenue is not enough to stay all the details. When that woman take care of me when I was a toddler as my parents need to work then, I gt head lice and fell from stairs and had a scar on my forehead. Her sins are deep indeed. All in all, because of my own experience, I feel step mums are not good people. Perhaps that's y I dun trust my step mil. She certain hv favoritism on her natural child compared to my husband. She say no money to pay for his poly sch fees but got money to send tuition classes for her own son n buy branded stuff. When she cook for us my hubby dun eat n I asked him why he says that she takes those old stake food for a few days n cook. I noticed how for her own son she will invite his frens over n cook fresh food for him and his friends. She once opened our letter HDB sent as reciepnt to us that we paid our deposit and she knows how much is our flat. That's freaking rude. When my hubby's biological brother's brokers' statement was sent then she opened it and says how come he got so much money. Smart right, the otw he types of letter dun open but know how to open this kind of impt letters and she say she dunno English. I drill HDB frequently and tell them not to send any mails to his address and inform
us only via email sms if the key collection comes. No correspondences to be sent to that address!! I study hard to provide for my family n refused to get myself back in this situation of being bullied again. If she do anything to disadvantage is I will not be afraid to put up a fight. I will not let her touch my kid cos God knows what stale things she will use again. I love my hubby but sometimes when I think that we hv to bto and wait and not hv enough money to get a resale then i get a bit resentful. I love my parents n I wan to stay near them, cos of what they hv gone thru'. Sometimes i ask my hubby to come visit them he will say sleepy and tired and wants to sleep. He prefers his own room. We just married but now I m starting to feel cold towards him. I feel like staying at my own home for a few weeks to just clear my mind and maybe knock some sense to him. Sometimes I wondered y my hubby not rich enough so we can get our own place immediately. He dun wan to stay w my family as my place too small. I keep writing to HDB but thats not helping much. Thanks for listening, maybe I just need some listening ears as I can't tell my hubby and my frens and family this and this is causing me imbalances.

 

[kuroihikari]

how about renting a room outside? If no choice need to stay with your step MIL, then maybe you just try to spend less time in the house and more time outside (maybe can patoh with your hubby) before your BTO comes. Or simply just stay in the room unless u want to go toilet.

 

[littlemonkies]

If your husband is not complaining about his step-mom, why are you complaining? If he has no issues, perhaps you should just let it be. Peace is better than dissent and strife. Your life story may not be his experience.

HDB is not going to expedite the building just for you. When you balloted for it, didn't you already know the waiting period?

If this bothers you so much, like what the earlier sister said, just rent a place first pending the BTO. I think govt does offer rental flats for very cheap fees for couples waiting for BTO. Anyway, rentals have dropped across the board.

It sounds like you have depression. Why don't you speak to a professional counsellor?

 

[gladjo]

Hi waitingwaiting ... I recently hv a friend who rent fm HDB 1rm 1hall flat n rental is only $90 pm, so perhaps u can check with HDB on this, pretty new flats n not ran down or complicated but good n clean enough until ur bto cm. Meanwhile, 'ren' n move far away fm mil since she play favourites ..the farther away fm mil better ... My dad was adopted n I fully empathize ur feelings...I hate my grand n my dad step brother... Long story but something like yours,, hope these ppl get what they deserve .... N hor, u will hv to diligently everyday watch n open letter box to prevent mil from getting ur bank stmt, CPF stmt , HDB ltr etc ... Meanwhile ... REN gal ... God bless

 

[toblerone]

老师读了。你写了很长。下次,break into paragraphs. 不然，眼睛看了很痛。说来说去，就是不愿意与你丈夫的家人同住。

Hi all, just wanna check if anyone has same issue like me? I know my situation doesn't sound too bad but I really don't like to stay with the my step mil in her house when we are waiting for our bto flat. I wrote so many times asking hdb to speed up but they keep saying its within the stated completion date. If they can put more manpower then it can be completed earlier?

这个是HDB的运作方式。HDB不可能会entertain你。

讲真的，很多新加坡人不知道。A certain percentage of flats are built in Malaysia. 因为马来西亚的人工以及材料便宜，所以建造石墙都是在马来西亚完成。然后，才载入新加坡。Material and land price is cheap. But over rhe years, HDB flats and condos are way too expensive! Surprsingly, many Singaporeans are still able to afford it. Because everybody is paying high price, and Singapore Gov't knew most people can manage to pay, so, HDB pricing/private property will never fall.

话说回来，新加坡的建筑商有很多，承包的建筑太多了。有分main contractors and sub-contractors and involve million of dollars. 总建筑商可以提早交货给HDB，但是不能迟交。一旦迟交，就算毁约。明白了吗？

So, the completion date is beyond HDB control. Once the completion date is fixed, flat applicant either take it or leave it. The Gov't is not going to care about complain anymore. The NDB and HDB (国家发展部与建屋局) are sick of complaints and feedback. If you are one of the 70% voters say 'yes' to the Govt in the GE2015, then don't make noise.

I don't really trust my step mil I think partly because of my own step grandma's experience. My dad was abused very badly cos he was sold to a family and that woman ( I wouldn't even call her grandma now cos that thing don't deserves it) that land him in joining a triad and got him in jail last time cos he has no love and no more to turn to. she will whack him with cane and washing board and sweep the plates of food off the table when he is having his dinner ( and he only have one meal a day and he is the last to eat). Cny her biological kids all have $10 as ang bao but he only have $2. The family that bought him was well to do and own land then.

也就是说你爸爸是被买回来的。This is very common is olden days of Singapore. You used the word 'sold', meaning, your father has adopted parents. Step-
parents refer to 继父继母。如果，你奶奶（死了），然后爷爷另娶老婆。那么，你爸爸就有继母了。

To be exact description, 你爸爸是有养父养母，而不是继父继母。Technically speaking, your grandparents are your dad's adopted parents not step-parents.

不论是养父养母还是继父继母，一切是上一代的事，与你无关了。老师这样讲，不知你道能接受吗？

你爸爸有他坎坷的命运，为什么他会被买去领养，为什么他小时候会受委屈、为什么他会被毒打、为什么会加入帮派，前前后后是他前世的因果！你以为这些你爸爸想要的吗？

老师也在想，为什么自己不是Temasek Holding主席的孩子、为什么阿里巴巴马云不是我叔叔、为什么我爸爸不是OCBC的Chairman.这全是都是因因果果。

When my dad know my mum, she refused to pay a single cent to hold a small ceremony for my dad. When my mum is pregnant with me she chase my parents out of the house n they hv to sleep in sbs buses. U might wonder why my parent keep turning to this woman cos they hv no one to turn to. It's a long story and this avenue is not enough to stay all the details.

在那个年代，被领养的孩子，多半都有不公平的待遇。不能怪谁。

When that woman take care of me when I was a toddler as my parents need to work then, I gt head lice and fell from stairs and had a scar on my forehead. Her sins are deep indeed. All in all, because of my own experience, I feel step mums are not good people. Perhaps that's y I dun trust my step mil.

这么说，她害你摔伤了头是吗？要不要拿把刀捅死她，来消消你的怨气呢？还是要放火，把你心头上的黑心巫婆给烧死呀？

每个小孩都会摔倒，何况你当时还小，你怎么知道她是故意的呢？

She certain hv favoritism on her natural child compared to my husband. She say no money to pay for his poly sch fees but got money to send tuition classes for her own son n buy branded stuff. When she cook for us my hubby dun eat n I asked him why he says that she takes those old stake food for a few days n cook.

老师的父母也吃隔夜菜。当时的人省吃俭用，变成一种习惯了。以前，老师在国外生活，也常吃隔夜菜。吃得还比ang-moh跟healthy.
To be honest, there are hawkers still sell left over food. 只是顾客吃不出而已。

I noticed how for her own son she will invite his frens over n cook fresh food for him and his friends. She once opened our letter HDB sent as reciepnt to us that we paid our deposit and she knows how much is our flat. That's freaking rude. When my hubby's biological brother's brokers' statement was sent then she opened it and says how come he got so much money. Smart right, the otw he types of letter dun open but know how to open this kind of impt letters and she say she dunno English.

I drill HDB frequently and tell them not to send any mails to his address and inform
us only via email sms if the key collection comes. No correspondences to be sent to that address!! I study hard to provide for my family n refused to get myself back in this situation of being bullied again. If she do anything to disadvantage is I will not be afraid to put up a fight. I will not let her touch my kid cos God knows what stale things she will use again. I love my hubby but sometimes when I think that we hv to bto and wait and not hv enough money to get a resale then i get a bit resentful. I love my parents n I wan to stay near them, cos of what they hv gone thru'. Sometimes i ask my hubby to come visit them he will say sleepy and tired and wants to sleep. He prefers his own room.

老师已仔细读了两遍。可见的你有满肚子的牢骚。

We just married but now I m starting to feel cold towards him. I feel like staying at my own home for a few weeks to just clear my mind and maybe knock some sense to him. Sometimes I wondered y my hubby not rich enough so we can get our own place immediately. He dun wan to stay w my family as my place too small. I keep writing to HDB but thats not helping much.

Thanks for listening, maybe I just need some listening ears as I can't tell my hubby and my frens and family this and this is causing me imbalances.

老师给人解答很多很多疑问，人永远会一直有烦恼，永远不会满足。

有不少夫妇，很有钱，但是生不出，就怨天怨地。
有不少夫妇，经济不好，偏偏很能生。
有很多夫妇，生了女儿不满足，要生儿子。仍然生不出儿子。
有很多夫妇，生了儿子嫌不够，要生女儿。始终生不出千金。
有很多家庭在抱怨，如果丈夫对我好，我就心满意足了。当丈夫对她好时又不满足，还要老公买车子。
有很多家庭在抱怨，妻子不要霸道唠唠叨叨，我就心满意足了。当妻子不唠叨的时候，就嫌弃妻子不会烧菜。

老公没钱没有问题。只要他爱老婆，有份工作，能够赚钱养家，那就算好了。当你老公有钱了，或许会变成另一个人，你要吗？当你老公开始会赚钱了，结果生育能力有问题，你要吗？

一个人有本事架Mercedes, 并不代表人人都能拥有。老公经济能力不好，或者有能力赚多少是注定。人生充满了定数和变数。你能跟他在一起是缘分。

老公夹在你和他母亲之间，或者，夹在你和你父母亲之间，难道他没有难处吗？你逼他没有用。要是你们夫妇两人，觉得跟家人住有困难的话，为何不搬出来住？经济许可的话，不妨在外租房子。若想省钱，可以选择住那些超级便宜的一房半厅旧HDB flat. 其实，是有方法。但是，老师不能教，你得自己想办法。

老师在Motherhood Forum写了很多真实的人生故事. 有空可以search through.