Support Group - Stillbirths

Princessangel, yes i heard fr many pple that body tends to be very fertile after mc or childbirth. How true is it im not sure.

Haiz..guess its really common for us to 'blame' ourselves thinking if its due to our diet or anythg that caused this to happen initially especially with no reason found.. The thing is there could be many possiblilities but no one knows..
 


Dreamer, we opt for autopsy but the results are not out yet. Initially I thought like you too but my hubby said he wants to do it do as to find if there's any genetic causes. As if there is, it will affect future pregnancy. It's almost 2 months but we have not receive any calls yet.

I guess there must be a reason for the
Heartbeat to stop but we did nothing and gynae have no reason. So this is always a ? In our hearts. My gynae say is not likely that our diet will cause the heartbeat to stop unless we took herbs, medicine, infection. In any case I did none of the mentioned.
 
Just want to come in here to encourage everyone who suffered a loss. It's true that only those who experience similar losses will understand the pain and grief. Don't be too hard on yourself and blame yourself on whether u ate the wrong thing, etc. Whenever u see preg women or babies, tell yourself that someday u will also get to carry your own baby in your arms.

I was the one who started this thread. I had my first stillbirth 9 years ago when I was 24. Took me very long to get over. Worse was I had another stillbirth again when I was 26. Send the baby for autopsy but everything was normal. Turns out that I had a blood clotting disorder which clots up the placenta and cord at 35 weeks. The solution was to take aspirin and heparin shots to thin the blood. Successfully gave birth to my son when I was 27. Most recently, gave birth to my daughter at age 33. So girls, pls don't give up, I lost 2 babies, but God is good and gave me 2 more to hug and love. Those whose babies' heartbeat stopped, do see if u can get your gynae to do some thorough blood tests on you. It could be a simple prescription like aspirin which can ensure you a successful preg. Btw after my loss, I TTC again after 4 months although gynae say can try after first cycle. This was to help me be more mentally prepared coz I know once I get preg, I will be fearful and worried.
 
Hi java, happy for u to have 2 babies now. I did some blood test so far everything come back fine. May I know what is aspirin for?

It must be very tough for you to experience 2 stillbirth within 2 years
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Hi princess
Aspirin is to thin the blood so that the blood flow in the placenta and cord will be smooth. However second tri losses can be due to other factors if your blood tests came back ok. Could be chromosomal and occur for that particular preg. However you could try asking your gynae to give u aspirin just in case.
 
I will be changing gynae if I get pregnant again. Not that my current one is not good but i just can't bear to return to the same place again. And because I have also another gynae in mind. But the current one, he told me he cannot find any reason and say wait for post modem.
 
Dreamer,

Like you, we couldn't bear to let our daughter go through the autopsy, even if it may mean we don't know why it happened.

PrincessAngel,

All my blood tests were clear and I was on aspirin anyway. The gynae whom I went to for a second opinion, after looking at her 16 weeks scan, thinks there may have been a problem in the development of her heart.

I only conceived my daughter on my 2nd IVF attempt, after 1 failed IUI, 2 SOIUI and 1 previous IVF attempt in the last 4 years. So to be honest, I envy most of you. At least conception itself hasn't been an issue for you. Whereas for me...
 
PrincessAngel,

I intend to change gynae too. I think it's just too painful lying on the same bed, sitting on the same sofa etc. Memories of the day of the fateful ultrasound scan when I saw my beloved daughter motionless in my womb would just come flooding back...
 
Dawndew, yep I understand. It's not the gynaes fault but it's just us. Do not want to get reminded off. Even now I went back for follow up, it still hurts badly. Same place same ultra sound but no baby.
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Actually girls just like to check what is the heart best of your babies initially? Mine was 166 usually but I remember 1 week before my fateful detail scan, I went for gynae routine check and it was 120+. I was quite puzzled, asked my gynae he said its normal range. I checked online and it states usual range is 120-170. But it just beats me why will the heartbeat drop. I understand that baby heartbeat will decrease as pregnancy progress but I still think mine was unusual.

I know it's useless to think too much now but i am just wondering if my baby heart is already weak already, that's why it stops.
 
Hi java, am sad to hear u lost two.. But happy to hear the successful story of urs after yr losses. Actually i suspected mine was due to blood clotting as well and my new gynae did check for me, No clotting issue found. but does'nt mean it wasn't not an issue before. So i'll prob have to do more detail tests when im pregnant again.

Dawndew, dun give up. Did u see if tcm can help? I also changed a gynae.. I Went back once to my previous one n its really painful and ya the memories just came flooding back.. Just start afresh with a new gynae feels better for me..

Princessangel, did the doc take yr blood for testing after the incident?
 
After the first stillbirth I changed gynae as I also could not bear to go to the same clinic. My first gynae diagnosed as cord strangulation thus did not conduct any blood tests on me. My second gynae based on my first gynae's prognosis, treated my second preg like any normal one. So when it happen again and coincidently at 35 weeks again, she suspected something wrong and did the blood tests on me. Really sway, if my second gynae was the first one I went to, I kmow she will do blood tests and I may not have lose my second baby.
 
Hmm so it means not very good to change gynae sometimes? Or have to clearly state the condition to the new gynae.

I have a friend who told me she's preg during my mini confinment, and the thing is she have been trying a year plus. Feel happy for her but sad for me.

It's our anniversary today, how nice if my baby is still with me
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Hi All,
I lost my baby boy at 26 weeks, also his heartbeat stopped and was discovered during a routine check up.
Its been almost 3 weeks since i induced him and i am now on MC at home, going back work next week.
 
Congratulations to all who are currently pregnant again....

My gynae also diagnosed my baby heartbeat stopped because of cord twisted...the cord is not around his body..but just twisted and twisted till his oxygen was cut off...if my boy is alive..this will be his 30th week...so close to birth but yet so far....

Nevertheless, i will ask gynae to do blood test for me as well..as i dont want any doubts in the next pregnancy...

Princessangel...dont think too much..we have to be positive as it helps in our body to recuperate and certainly helps when you are trying to conceive....

My gynae also suggest to try again after 3 months...but i think i will only try again after CNY...still feel very paranoid...death due to cord entanglement is abt 1 in 2000 and im the 'lucky' one....
 
Another question..for those mummies who managed to get pregnant after your loss..was the fear and paranoid very overwhelming??
I know i will be fearful and paranoid but i am scared it may be too overwhelming...

i want to enjoy this next pregnancy as much as my 1st one...though i know it will be difficult...
 
Hi Hui,
Im sorry to hear your loss.
I too lost my boy at 26weeks.
I only discover I lost him when my hubby asks me if baby kick me anot then I realise he din do any movements for 2-3days.
I dont know what cause his loss at all despite going for tests.
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Am currently 28weeks pregnant again.
I got pregnant after one cycle of AF.

I personally feel there will be fear no matter what.

For my 1st boy who is currently 3year.
-Strong fetal movements.
-Smooth sailing pregnancy other than morning sickness during 1st trim.
-Pregnancy was kept mum till end of 2nd trim.

For my 2nd boy(who went up to heaven now).
-Very very mild fetal movements.
-Bleeding during 1st trim.
-Vomitting non-stop for 1st trim
-Annouce Im preggy right after 1st trim.

For this 3rd boy.
-Very mild fetal movements
-Smooth sailing from the start till now.
-Pregnancy is kept mum till now,intending to keep mum till the end.

From the start of this pregnancy,
I keep going to the toilet just to check if I was bleeding.
And ever since I can feel him move,I had to remind myself to make sure that baby move every single day.
Even my hubby keep asking me if baby move today anot.

I choose to keep quiet about this pregnancy,only let my close friends and close relatives know.
And I instructed them not to tell anyone at all too.
I avoid meet ups totally just to avoid letting people seen me being pregnant.

I can say I'm so afraid before I turn 26weeks pregnant for this pregnancy.
Is like crossing the 26weeks mark makes me feel safer,alot safer.
But then again,not really.
I had tots of what if this baby gonna leave me too.
Can I take it again?
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All I wish is that I can smoothly deliver this baby after 37weeks,alive,breathing and healthy.

Take good care of yourself!
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Hi Ranice, Don't worry! Im sure you will have a safe and healthy baby ! I will keep you in my prayers!
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Actually my pregnancy was planned for 2013 but we strike earlier, nevertheless we were still happy.

I had morning sickness too..hated this part the most...
Other than that was smooth sailing...my weight din go up a lot too, i was happy...i started feeling him move ard week 20..and he was very active, maybe over active thats why cord was twisted...

Anyway i read somewhere in this forum, this mummy said that if we believe in fate, the baby we lost will always come back, and if i had not lost this baby, i wont be thinking of conceiving another baby so soon..so in a way the 2nd baby is also part of our fate, isnt it....?

So let's Jia you together!
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Hi hui, have a good mini confinement know to nuture back your health. My case happened almost 2 months, not all blood
Test and post moterm come out yet. So I am unsure if my case is same as yours. Any idea how to prevent your case from happening in future? I always thought why other people I know can have such smooth pregnancy but not me
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For my case
-nausae in first trimester especially at night
- horrible breakouts
- kept mum till mid of 2 nd trimester

My next one I guess I will keep mum as much as I could. Just that colleagues are inevitable as they can see the baby bump in office.

Yes I agree in what you say, the next one also considered fate for us to meet.
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I hope to tcc next month and hopefully it will
Not be too long for fate to happen
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Hi PrincessAngel,

If it is really cord accident and not because of some blood test disorder..then doctor say there is no way to prevent...once pregnant, will have the same chance as any pregnanat lady...

This is horrible as there is no way to prevent..it is really fate i guess....

I haven do any blood test yet...May i know how much is it to do the blood tests? My doctor did mention to me can test for antibodies in our blood, as some miscarriage can be caused by that...
 
PrincessAngel,

People also keep telling me its easier to conceive once you have the 1st time, so dont worry too much and i wish you luck in TTC..hope to hear good news from you soon!!!
 
Hi hui, I guess this is all fated. Not Fated this time round.. I m sure we will have our rainbows soon
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I did my induce at Kkh which did alot of blood test for me but not all results came back yet. Did your gynae told you about the cord after post moterm?

This is my first baby and I am happy go lucky during all my routine checks. Guess this kinda feeling will not be the same again. Paranoid ad nervous is what I foresee next time
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Hi princess angel,
I didn't request for autopsy so doctor only told me cord is twisted, but he seems quite cfm it's the cord and not other causes, though I think better ask him do blood test for me...

I was also happy go lucky, din expect this to happen , though I also read up abt such incidents...I don't even strike toto..so never thought I will be so "lucky" ....

I will feel paranoid too I guess..I am already paranoid now.... But I should be going back same gynae....coz he knows my case and maybe I can ask for more visits in my package? ; p

let's jia you together..!!!
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Ic.. I am still waiting for my post mortem results. But gynae said most likely it will come back normal again. Me too, I was worried about the organs or spine never develop properly before my detail scan because I read about it. Never did I know the organs are all nicely developed just the heart beat stop
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I intend to change gynae because I just can't bear to go back the same place again.
 
PrincessAngel..same here...i keep worrying abt spine..etc...so maybe its the heart that was not develope properly? Maybe God wanted me to have a healthy baby so he took this baby away...

Which gynae you changing to?

Any mummies here can recommend any gynae, or your gynae, who can be more proactive or detailed for mummies like us? Think we really need a good and detailed gynae..or experienced gynae..hopefully to prevent recurrence...
 
Yep a consolation for us is maybe the heart don't develop properly? My 20 week routine check shows 120 while previously its about 160+ gynae told me is normal though.
 
Hi hui, sorry to hear that u experience the same like one of us.. My bb was formed perfectly normal and everything well well until before we planned to induce her.. My gynae then was going away and all I thought was for him to deliver my bb before he goes on holiday and not another unfamiliar gynae to deliver my bb.. Since I chose him because of his of called popular stitching skills..

Her heartbeat stopped too when I suspect something was wrong cos there was no movement.. I think the kicks count is very impt when it comes to pregnancy.. If I had suspected earlier maybe things maybe different.. If I had induced her earlier at 37weeks things maybe different also.. If so.. I maybe carrying her proudly ard celebrating her arrival .. Unfortunately, it was not meant to be..yes, so near yet so far..

I am still emotional when I see babies especially the age she is supposed to be.. And also when so many of my colleagues celebrating the arrival of their newborn bb... I just had to like play low and hopefully no one look at me when the news was announced.. But time does help to heal my wound.. Thou not completely.. We will all be better and occasional tears are fine..
 
Hi dreamer, it's so sad we have to meet in such a thread..
I can't imagine and nobody else can imagine the pain you have to go through..losing your baby after week 37..hugs..don't be disheartened..

My colleague just gave birth..also have quite a number of pregnant ladies in office..only me with such a fate..unfair but that's life..I'm sure our babies left for a greater purpose...so let's jia you together!
 
Dreamer, did you find out the cause?

I'm going ask my gynae to run blood tests and also, ask my sisters and friends to request for blood tests in future if they are pregnant.

Nobody should have to suffer a loss before they know abt protein s deficiency or some other blood disorders that can contribute to stillbirths.

If all these blood tests were done as part of prenatal tests, we can save many babies from the same fate.
 
Hi princess angel, I think I need to get a Doppler to monitor baby heartbeat in future!

A check up once every 3 weeks is too long!
 
Mine was once a mth at 2nd trimester.
Sometimes a Doppler may not hear the heartbeat too coz not in the right angle and end up being too paranoid.

I also have a colleague who's pregnant and knowing what i been through still keep talking to me about her excitment.

And another ex colleague got pregnant when I lost, she tried for one year plus and only conceive when I lost. How irony. She planned to change her gynae and I even offered my gynae to her. As she is still keeping her pregnancy under wraps so she will ask me (who knew her pregnancy and was pregnant before) many questions. All the steps and phases that I went through before. It hurts...
 
Hi princess angel, your colleagues are not very sensitive ya...but I'm sure they don't mean anything..most prob too carried away..

I'm returning to work next week,.still thinking how to face my colleagues..pretend nth happen? Hmm...
 
Hui, there was no reason given to me.. Not cord, not placenta, nothing....I also check for my blood thou it was a little late three mths after my bb was born but my blood is fine.. Just unfortunate.. Me n my hubby comfort ourselves that maybe there are some detects that could not be detected or weak heart or could be due to some virul infection as I was down with a bad flu during my last trimester.. Well, we are the one who chose not to have any post mortem done so we just have to leave it to god...

I thought of getting a Doppler too. But also afraid of being over paranoid if I keep thinking to test every now n then.. May not be advisable..

I think we all really have to keep a very positive mindset and believe we will have healthy babies! Rest maybe very important too.
 
Btw hui, u are back office so soon? Have u done yr confinement? Because stillbirth is entitled to maternity leave under employment act.. It's better in a way at least we have time to recover..
 
Hui, going to work is one thing i dreaded most. People weird looks and all, thing is they won't ask me but ask my close colleagues who knew. But well, it will pass. It will not be as bad as you thought. Your long MC is already a 'sign' for them, they will agar agar guess it also. Since a month I return to work, now people all normal. they will not talk about it for long one.

dreamer: It's one way to comfort yourself. My sonographer also said maybe my baby's heart is already weak so better to find out now than later. I guess we feel better thinking this way also.
 
Hi princess angel and dreamer, i think still birth is 28 weeks and above by law, they will issue death cert only upon 28 weeks.
For me doctor gave 30 days Hospitalization leave, just nice do confinement.

Ya maybe there is really birth defects somewhere not caught by Ultrasound..I don't really think the Ultrasound can capture all defects as gynae use it like 5 mins each check up?

Anyway for me gynae says its cord, but my mum is a Taoist so she went temple ask, they say it's because baby not in good health, even gave her a date, they said baby passed away 2 days before my check up..just coincidental that's when I feel less movement..
 
Hui.. it's more consoled to learn that baby health no good and it's not your fault. Health no good is better to know early than later. So you should tell yourself that ok?

I was given 14 days hospitalisation leave and gynae gave me 5 more days so total off week 3 weeks plus.. did 2 weeks mini confinement.

I also felt less movement 2 days before my scan. I never think too much cause I was just 20 weeks and thought maybe movements is not too much. U make me feel like asking also, but scare if the answer is not good I may blame myself more.
 
Hi princess angel, ya it's true 20-28 weeks, movement is not very regular..I remember my baby was quiet for around 2 days during week 18 but scan shows he is ok..my doctor was still telling me it's ok even when I went for my check up that day..he look totally shocked when he scanned..now that I think of it, maybe his heart was not very good..sometimes slowed down? Just so happen every time check up he was active so we never did realized...

Indeed I felt more consoled after hearing what the temple said..the person say the baby will come back very soon though..so it's kind of comforting to know that..
 
Hui, it's very comforting to hear that baby will come back very soon
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But I very scare go temple ask later not what I wanted to know, I be very sad.
Is this your first child? U planning to TCC soon?
 
Hi ladies, I'm not sure if it's after 20th or 28th then considered.. Mine had a notification of SB, not death cert cos there is not birth cert.

My mum also want to ask like the medium but my hubby dun want. He's afraid that We'll be upset n affected if we know the truth..
 
Hui

We only did blood tests on me to see if there's anything wrong but all came back alright. My gynae asked if we wanted to test on the poor little one but likely to come back negative too for our case, so we don't know the reason.

When I was pregnant subsequently, we did the ECG on baby bi-weekly. (I think it's call CTG?) Gynae said he discussed with gynaes in other hospitals and they suggest that if there's really something wrong with the heart, heartbeat might drop to 120 so doing the CTG for 30mins will show if there's any abnormality. Sometimes it's also for us to have a peace of mind.

Since staying inside me is more dangerous, both #1 and #2 were born via c-section at 37 weeks. #1 was breeched and went NICU for wet lungs. #2 lungs was immature and stayed in NICU for 8 days. Well, I least they are still here with me now.
 
Oh, and the doppler. It was my gynae who suggested not to get it as it will make me more stressful. When my husband asked him, he actually said "Please don't stress the poor lady here."

I just take note of movements all the time. Frankly speaking, #0 was not moving much compared to #1 and #2. Since I didn't have any experience, there was nothing to compare and I missed that he had stopped moving even before the gynae visit. I was very bloated so I brought my appointment one day ahead but it was still too late.
 
lucky3+1,
Thanks for sharing the information. I wonder should I suggest to do the ECG like what you mention in my next pregnancy. But is it a long process? What does the test actually do? Because one week before my baby heart stop, the heartrate is 120+. It's always 160+. But my gynae told me is normal.

I agree about the doppler thingy. It will stress us more.
 
Hi lucky 3+1 , when did you do the bi weekly CTG? Since 2 nd trimester? I dunno if my gynae clinic has this machine..so far I haven seen anybody using it at his clinic...seems like a good idea to monitor..
 

Hi girls, went back to gynae check up today. He done an ultrasound and say everything is back to normal and can also see my eggs. But still advise me to try after nov. he said w will closely monitor me when I conceive my next one. Now I am in dilemma if I should change gynae because tw reason I want to change is not because he no good but due to me not wanting to be reminded of the sad things.
 
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