Support Group - Mid Term Termination Of Pregnancy

I cant say that i have gotten over it. My tears will flow uncontrollably whenever i think of him. It was a boy n his whole body was swollen with a big tummy. I did not take a look @ him but my husband did. This was what he told me.

I feel that i am not the same as b4 even though the days passed n life goes on as usual.
 


The nuh stuff asked if we wanted to take his skin for testing. But there was no outcome as he had died n they could not get any result. They also suggested not to test the placenta n the pregnancy was not too advance n they most probably could not cultivate the cells
 
I feel that i am not the same as b4 even though the days passed n life goes on as usual.

It will never be the same again that's for sure... Almost half year past since my MTPT, the pain will always be there, but you just have to learn to live with it as time past... stay strong, ladies!
 
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The wife of my hb's bro is also pregnant n her edd is 5days aft mine. I told my hb that i do not want to see them n neither do will i attend their baby shower if something happened to my baby aft my gynae routine scan. I know im being selfish but i cant bear to look @ someone that will constantly remind me that my baby is dead n that my baby is supposedly the same age
 
The prof said hydrops is not very common but quite common for him as he sees it once every month as a high risk pregnancy specialist. But he said it is a one off incident as my boy is normal n i do not have thalasemia. I am scared to conceive again. This pregnancy had been normal from the start with morning sickness n oscar reading 1:6600.
 
I had depression symptons a few months aft my 1st miscarriage n it only went away aft i got pregnant again. I was very stressful throughout my 2nd pregnancy n made my hb n gynae stressed too. The only way to make me feel better is to conceive again but i probably wont be able to take the stress n there is always the 'what if'
 
I had depression symptons a few months aft my 1st miscarriage n it only went away aft i got pregnant again. I was very stressful throughout my 2nd pregnancy n made my hb n gynae stressed too. The only way to make me feel better is to conceive again but i probably wont be able to take the stress n there is always the 'what if'

Yes I understand how you feel as this is exactly how I am feeling now! :( ever since my MTPT, this messsage "Not All Pregnancy will result in Live Birth" has left a very huge imprint on me!

Since the prof was convinced that your boy is likely one off condition, we can only hope for the best for the our next one...
 
Girls, this may sound very difficult and almost impossible but time will really heal wounds but it cannot remove the deep scar...so do give yourself time to grieve and move on when you are ready... only you can set the pace to emotional recovery, no one else (not even DH) could dictate that pace for you...
 
fifteenmay, i haven't meet them yet cuz we r both in confinement period.. but i met my bil when he came over to take time stuff n it wasn't easy already so i can imagine when i see my sil n their son.. like u say, it'll b a constant reminder..

since ur side meet weekly, i presume u have met them? hearing others stories n exp, think its normal to want to avoid new borns, preggies ard e same edd etc.. for me, i have that same dread too, but kinda avoiding using confinement...
I only met my bil,and in laws but not my sil or the baby yet. Its too hard. Thinking abt it already makes me cry about it. They wld nvr understand fully what we feel. but we cant avoid forever cos they r family,that s the hardest thing.
 
The wife of my hb's bro is also pregnant n her edd is 5days aft mine. I told my hb that i do not want to see them n neither do will i attend their baby shower if something happened to my baby aft my gynae routine scan. I know im being selfish but i cant bear to look @ someone that will constantly remind me that my baby is dead n that my baby is supposedly the same age
I dun think its selfish that we dun attend the baby shower. Its protecting our fragile heart while we grieve.
 
I dun think its selfish that we dun attend the baby shower. Its protecting our fragile heart while we grieve.
i agree.. i'm also not gg for the baby shower..
we need to give ourselves time; i believe the pain will lessen over time, but the "scar" (can't think.of a better word) will b there, n with time, we can proudly say we have the "scars" of motherhood that others can't..
 
i agree.. i'm also not gg for the baby shower..
we need to give ourselves time; i believe the pain will lessen over time, but the "scar" (can't think.of a better word) will b there, n with time, we can proudly say we have the "scars" of motherhood that others can't..
Yes why open ourselves to more hurt when we r trying to heal. Our family shld understand. The pain of losing our kid will remain with us til we die.
Anyone had anyone made stupid remarks or comments to u yet? My grandma in law had the audacity to say tt maybe why my child died is cos I flew too often (which is like 2 times with docs permission) I had to laugh at her ignorance. Then some pple pissed me off by saying that they went through the same thing and tt we must walk ut of it. Crap lo... a d&c is not the same as labour and giving birth to a child and having to pick out coffin and urns and reg death certificate. And dun tell me to walk out of it. This will remain with me til I meet my girl in heaven.
 
Hi fifteenmay, I can understand how u feel. I got miscarriage 4 times in 2 years. Although mine is just d&c but the feeling is the same cos lay on the operating theatre, I even blame myself is it I had done so many bad things that I can't get another baby. Stay strong, the scar will be there forever. A sister came and pray for me before I went to my d&c she said god must a reason to take away your baby and my baby will rest in peace. Cos I love her.
 
Hi fifteenmay, I can understand how u feel. I got miscarriage 4 times in 2 years. Although mine is just d&c but the feeling is the same cos lay on the operating theatre, I even blame myself is it I had done so many bad things that I can't get another baby. Stay strong, the scar will be there forever. A sister came and pray for me before I went to my d&c she said god must a reason to take away your baby and my baby will rest in peace. Cos I love her.
I m sorry to hear about yr losses. Only pple who have auffered losses can understand how it feels to be heartbroken.
 
Ya. Remember to stay strong. Go for holiday with your hubby. To a place that both of you want to go. Forget about things in Singapore.
 
Hi fifteenmay,

I can understand how you feel, and I am sure all the mummies here too. Please stay strong and dont give up hope. Most importantly, you need to nurse yourself back to health through the proper confinement. Like you, I wanted to die when I had to do a MTPT due to T21 last dec. I felt that life was so unfair and why it must happen to me when there is no family history, I am not even at risk due to maternal age... etc... etc.... To make matters worse, I had 3 colleagues in my department who were pregnant at the same time as me and my close friend whom I see regularly also pregnant. They all have since gone on to deliver their babies... I know this sounds silly, but what I went on to do was to avoid talking about babies and engaging in small talks with these colleagues (except work). As for my close friend, I also try to keep my distance as her baby was born ard the EDD of the bb I lost. I have also shut down my facebook account and decided to just keep in touch with people who really care.

The MTPT taught me many lessons, one of which is to appreciate and really differentiate ppl who genuinely care and those who dont. The mummies here have also provided a source of comfort and emotional support. Remember, not all is lost. Most importantly, we dont give up.

The only way to let go (we will never forget but we can let go) is to pick yourself up from where you fall. Once you nurse your health and become emotionally ready, try again. I am sure you will have your rainbow baby in time to come.

PM me if you need someone to talk to ya? Take care! :)
 
Oh ya, about the stupid remark.... I had one female colleague coming up to me after i came back to work after my termination, saying that I shouldnt be ashamed of what I did! I was so pissed off!!! I mean, MTPT is it something I want?!!! Is it even to be considered as a shameful thing to begin with? I almost slapped her when she said that to me...:mad:
 
Yes why open ourselves to more hurt when we r trying to heal. Our family shld understand. The pain of losing our kid will remain with us til we die.
Anyone had anyone made stupid remarks or comments to u yet? My grandma in law had the audacity to say tt maybe why my child died is cos I flew too often (which is like 2 times with docs permission) I had to laugh at her ignorance. Then some pple pissed me off by saying that they went through the same thing and tt we must walk ut of it. Crap lo... a d&c is not the same as labour and giving birth to a child and having to pick out coffin and urns and reg death certificate. And dun tell me to walk out of it. This will remain with me til I meet my girl in heaven.
Oh ya, about the stupid remark.... I had one female colleague coming up to me after i came back to work after my termination, saying that I shouldnt be ashamed of what I did! I was so pissed off!!! I mean, MTPT is it something I want?!!! Is it even to be considered as a shameful thing to begin with? I almost slapped her when she said that to me...:mad:
insensitive remarks r by far n large plenty.. i'll say take them with a pinch of salt or let them flow in frm one ear b out e other n dun process them~

for me, i dislike when ppl tell me "u r young, can try again".. one or two of the docs going on rounds during my hospital stay said those words n i got slightly worked up, but didn't say anything.. cuz i realised they did it in e way they thot was comforting, when actually it hurt more..

fifteenmay, staying in a less negative mindset is pretty impt now~ n dun get so worked up! *hugs*
 
I agree with you lazybee85, after what happened to me the other time, i realized maternal age alone doesn't matter when unfortunate things happen...

Nevermind mummies! Let's stay positive and have faith!!!
 
AF came last week.....waiting for the 2nd cycle before we try again...

am sorry to see more new entries here but we have to keep thinking positive. Nurse ourselves back to health, keep ourselves busy, take up some sports, Jiayou ladies!
 
After i did my termination, whenever i see my AF, i rejoiced! This is because AF = ovulation = there's still hope!!! Jiayou jiayou!!!
 
need some advice.. how long does it take to stop bleeding after evaluation? my gynae said it shld last a wk.. but it's been 10days since my procedure n still on and off spotting...
 
need some advice.. how long does it take to stop bleeding after evaluation? my gynae said it shld last a wk.. but it's been 10days since my procedure n still on and off spotting...

mine took me around 2 weeks... on off spotting... after stopped two weeks, my 1st menses came.
 
Oh I also did malay massage which may help to speed up the spotting process and also to push our womb back ...
 
Oh.... i didnt do any massage or watever, but after my confinement while still on HL, I actually took walks in the morning and evening just to get myself moving and be more healthy... you should try that too!!!
 
feel like getting out to do smth/light exercise but elders advice otherwise.. say need to stay @home..
No need to stay at home...I think you will feel worse if coup at home...but also dun go malls when you will encounter triggering scenes...best to just walk ard your neighbourhood just to avoid speaking to anyone at home trust me u will feel that most of the time during this period...its perfectly ok...
 
thks ecym~ sometimes e smallest things just trigger e emotions den can't control..

u gals here haf been a great source of motivation of me to stay strong n persevere on! :)
 
Hi, I am preggy now with a new baby which is 13weeks5D ,as I went through the loss of baby girl same as u in last Sept only. The experiencce is unforgettable , but I still thankful to God for teverything; as I went through it, I knew that life process is a give and take, do not felt guilty for taking such decision. Life is full of joy &excitement.

Condolence to u and May Ur baby rest in peace.


Regards.

Hi Mummies,

very sorry to find all of you here..

We finally went ahead with the termination at 15 weeks due to bad fetal scan results during the 12 weeks oscar scan and CVS.
The results confirmed a pure turner Syndrome.

As the pregnancy already passed 14 weeks while we waited for the detailed CVS results, we were told the only and safest method in Singapore for termination is to go thru an induced labour. This was indeed a traumatizing and painful and long procedure. As i also have a cyst, i have requested my gynae to remove the cyst upon the termination. Not certain if i were strong enough to handle two procedure at one go, i still went ahead.

It seemed like grief and sadness had not caught up with me until i was discharged.
Discharged and now back home on one month hospitalization leave, i realised i started feeling sense of guilt and upset suddenly for no reason. It was not regret as we thought our decision was the "better of both evils". We didn't want to see our baby girl suffer if we carried her to term.

i know it takes time to grief...I miss my baby girl...every night before i sleep and times when i just think, the flashback recurs and tears just well up...i even dreamt of losing my baby in my sleep...the last thing i want to do is to slip into a depression.

Hoping to find solace here and provide any information to anyone who may need to go through this difficult period as we did.

~~God bless and may the strength be with all of you~~

** Also, taking this chance to thank my wonderful hubby for accompanying me through this difficult period of our lives. You have done everything you could - I love you (if you come across this thread <3 <3 <3 ).
 
thanks toto_mommy..hope everything clears out and this sad episode can end soon.o_O
still hesistant to try for the next one but due to my condition, gynae advise not to wait too long...start trying in 2 months again....haiz..

@porky_pig,
as I already pass six mhs only we try for a new one because the experienced nurse tells me that it will be better for uterus to rest and get a recover fully.
 
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thks ecym~ sometimes e smallest things just trigger e emotions den can't control..

u gals here haf been a great source of motivation of me to stay strong n persevere on! :)
All of us here have gone through whatever you will be going through... Sometimes even our loved ones won't be able to understand how we are feeling right now about our losses... Most of our loved ones choose to hush about everything and sweep the incident under the bed, it should NOT be this way. Crucial support is essential at this vulnerable moment, I want us to come out from this episode stronger than before to face the world...
 
All of us here have gone through whatever you will be going through... Sometimes even our loved ones won't be able to understand how we are feeling right now about our losses... Most of our loved ones choose to hush about everything and sweep the incident under the bed, it should NOT be this way. Crucial support is essential at this vulnerable moment, I want us to come out from this episode stronger than before to face the world...
YES eycm! i agree support is really impt in such times, n of cuz the individual makes a difference too~ :p
 
ladies, need some advice re spotting/bleeding..

did the evac on 22June n bleeding stopped last thurs.. stopped bleeding so thot can bd liao.. den i saw red again on Mon til today n feeling crampy since last night..

is this normal? does it mean AF coming? cuz i nvr had much pms in e past n read frm e past posts tt hormones go haywire n tt symptoms change?
 
how much red are you referring? need to change liner every few hrs? If only staining i think should be ok, may be after BD, your womb contracts further and more clots being pushed out? when is your next review with your gynae post evac?
 
Alot not really, but also not little.. too much for a liner but stains pad.. n wipe will b red though.. (sorry if tmi!)

thks ecym!! everything is just so worrying now..

my visit is coming Monday, hope gynae clears everything~
 
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Alot not really, but also not little.. too much for a liner but stains pad.. n wipe will b red though.. (sorry if tmi!)

thks ecym!! everything is just so worrying now..

my visit is coming Monday, hope gynae clears everything~

if you are not running any fever and feel any pain, i think you should be ok - no risk of infection... as i mentioned, it could be the uterus further contracting resulting from the BD... dun worry too much... its annoying for sure... inform your gynae about it... your next appt, he/she should u/s and see if there are still any pockets of blood clots ...

if you are experiencing pain and having fever, call your gynae asap ya, dun wait till next Mon...
 
By the way, a little unorthodox : but you may try... if you are still spotting after MTPT

1) star-jumping a few times till you out of breath..., and or
2) light jogging for 10 mins

make sure you do not feel pain any where while you are doing it... if its painful stop immediately and rest... if you are not experiencing pain, try doing one of these for a few days and hopefully the spotting will ultimately stop...

if you are experiencing pain anywhere especially abdominal area, stop, rest and try again the following week if spotting still persist...

idea is to further contract the uterus and expel further blood clots...
 
Wah.. tried n tested? first time hearing abt this.. hee~

actually i'm thinkin of starting to exercise soon too.. stopped my exercising since late Feb~ plus now got time to kill away..
 
Yday marked one month since my daughter left us. Yday shld have been her full month celebration but it was a day full of aches in the heart. Brought my first daughter out and kept seeing preggy women,mummies with babies and everytime I see it, my heart aches for all the should beens. I know my daughter is in a better place vut it s the should beens,could beens that make things difficult.
 
my last 3 wks also pass by with all the what-ifs and could-bes.. n it never is n will b easy~
Draw strength from ur hubby, ur daughter n e positive thoughts of our lost little one.. as one can't turn back time, focusing on e positives will be better remembrances.. Our little ones live on forever in our hearts=
 
Mummies, please stay strong. We will never forget whatever that happened to us, but most importantly, let's stay positive and have faith. Our babies will come back to us, for sure.
 
This is my last week of break before heading back to work.

I have been staying very positive for the last two weeks. I thought i'm ok until last night when my hubby suddenly asked me to tag along when he meet up with his friend and family nearby.

His wife asked me what happened and i can reply everything as if it doesn't affected me much and i have let it go. However when she said the next one will be soon for me, i felt abit insulted. People who have no problem conceiving will not know what we went thru. I know my ivf pregnancy can't be compared with her 3 natural pregnancies but i don't know i just don't feel good.

Until we went back home, get ready to sleep, that's when i break down and cried.

The feeling is like actually i had tried hard to bury this incident deep in my heart. But when people asked me about it and the process of mc, the feeling is much more hurtful and pain after recalling and saying it out. My hubby just don't understand. He thinks im just feeling bad.

Well, i guess last night shall be the last time i will talk about it.
 
Wah.. tried n tested? first time hearing abt this.. hee~

actually i'm thinkin of starting to exercise soon too.. stopped my exercising since late Feb~ plus now got time to kill away..

@lazybee85 ...errr... i tried myself... kekeke cuz after 2 weeks after my MTPT, i go back to my gym... the first time i went back for body combat (aka kick boxing) only mild jumping nia, after that 1 hr, i see clots in my panty liner again... after a few sessions, no more le... so i figured maybe exercise may help?
 

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This is my last week of break before heading back to work.

I have been staying very positive for the last two weeks. I thought i'm ok until last night when my hubby suddenly asked me to tag along when he meet up with his friend and family nearby.

His wife asked me what happened and i can reply everything as if it doesn't affected me much and i have let it go. However when she said the next one will be soon for me, i felt abit insulted. People who have no problem conceiving will not know what we went thru. I know my ivf pregnancy can't be compared with her 3 natural pregnancies but i don't know i just don't feel good.

Until we went back home, get ready to sleep, that's when i break down and cried.

The feeling is like actually i had tried hard to bury this incident deep in my heart. But when people asked me about it and the process of mc, the feeling is much more hurtful and pain after recalling and saying it out. My hubby just don't understand. He thinks im just feeling bad.

Well, i guess last night shall be the last time i will talk about it.

Hi @meilingg , i m so sorry about your loss... i do understand how you feel as my previous bb was also via IVF. The wound is still very raw for you... please take your time to grief... 2 weeks is definitely not enough, most of us took months to get over our loss... maybe you dh thinks you are getting over it already... Men do not grieve like us, so please dun assume he will understand how you feel at this moment. If you are not comfortable meeting anyone now, just tell him to attend himself and explain on your behalf...

pm me if you need someone to talk...
 

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