Should I stay?

[Faith_less]

Hi all. Hoping to get some advice here. I've been married for 6 years and have 2 kids. My hubby is a very busy man and I've always tried my best to handle the kids and household well, so that he can concentrate on his work. He's home late many days of the week usually.

Recently, I discovered he's been messaging some women, but nothing sexual. Just a lot of confiding in them. I confronted him about it and he promised to stop and we both agreed to work out the issues in our marriage. But a few months later, I found out that he hasn't stopped after all. I was very upset and threatened him with divorce. That's when he confessed that he's been going for paid sex for the past 3 years.

He's very sorry and begged me not to divorce him. He's very cooperative so far and tells me everything I ask about his affairs. I've talked to my friends and they too feel that his attitude is a good sign that he can change. But I keep feeling upset whenever I think of how he betrayed my trust like that. I've totally lost faith in marriage and I don't know if I can move on.

Anyone with similar experience?

 

[StrictFather]

let time do the healing. i know its heard but try to forgive n forget..
at least its a good sign that he is changing

 

[Faith_less]

But somehow I'm afraid he will do it again in the future. I read so many threads here and so many people say they just don't change.

Is it really common for married men to go for paid sex? Our sex life isn't good after the kids arrived. But I tried talking to him about it and he never told me he was not satisfied. I feel that it's so unfair to me

 

[StrictFather]

try talking to him again, maybe a case of misunderstanding.

 

[richiemccaw]

Gotta let time heal the wounds if you choose to forgive him. It wont be an easy process..

Only you will know how truthful and sincere he is or whether he is just a really good actor.

 

[chewysoh]

I cannot possibly forgive a man like this. Sorry to "contaminate" your thinking. But once he is intimate with another girl. There is no return, whether he shows that he is a changed man or not. He is not satisfied and he can be excused for paid Sex? That's a big no no for me.

The most I can do is still stay tgt and pretend Infront of the kids. But sorry, nothing is gonna be the same

 

[Faith_less]

I cannot possibly forgive a man like this. Sorry to "contaminate" your thinking. But once he is intimate with another girl. There is no return, whether he shows that he is a changed man or not. He is not satisfied and he can be excused for paid Sex? That's a big no no for me.

The most I can do is still stay tgt and pretend Infront of the kids. But sorry, nothing is gonna be the same

I agree that nothing is going to be the same anymore. But I'm in a dilemma. Other than this issue, he's a dutiful husband and father. He never loses his temper with me and is responsible for almost all aspects of his life. He's very remorseful and recognizes that he has an addiction. He could have kept the paid sex thing from me because I totally had no clue, but he chose to confess to me.

Considering his attitude, is it still logical to leave him and cause my kids to have an incomplete family? He hopes I can give him some time to prove himself. So should I just give up without giving our marriage a chance?

 

[chewysoh]

I agree that nothing is going to be the same anymore. But I'm in a dilemma. Other than this issue, he's a dutiful husband and father. He never loses his temper with me and is responsible for almost all aspects of his life. He's very remorseful and recognizes that he has an addiction. He could have kept the paid sex thing from me because I totally had no clue, but he chose to confess to me.

Considering his attitude, is it still logical to leave him and cause my kids to have an incomplete family? He hopes I can give him some time to prove himself. So should I just give up without giving our marriage a chance?

I believe you already have an answer in your heart. Which is to continue to stay. Since you said he is a responsible Father, I believe the bond between daddy and the kids should be very strong. If you can tolerate to stay in the marriage for the sake of your children, that will be the best

 

[Faith_less]

I believe you already have an answer in your heart. Which is to continue to stay. Since you said he is a responsible Father, I believe the bond between daddy and the kids should be very strong. If you can tolerate to stay in the marriage for the sake of your children, that will be the best

Thanks. I'm just very confused now...don't know if he will really change. If the same thing happens again in the future, I know I'll blame myself for being so stupid to trust him and continue to stay with him now. Sigh....

 

[StrictFather]

Thanks. I'm just very confused now...don't know if he will really change. If the same thing happens again in the future, I know I'll blame myself for being so stupid to trust him and continue to stay with him now. Sigh....

i cant say its stupid if that ever happens again because, all in all we do it because of our kids..

 

[paranomic]

Honestly for me, I can't accept. Paid sex, He may be going in raw. The moment I thought of this I will feel so dirty just even sleeping besides him.

Sorry to said that. That's your choice.

 

[JK1688]

Firstly, one should never mention the word "divorce" during an argument..

He confessed about going to paid sex, any reason you can think of? Why did he visit prostitute?

 

[Faith_less]

Firstly, one should never mention the word "divorce" during an argument..

He confessed about going to paid sex, any reason you can think of? Why did he visit prostitute?

I wanted to divorce when I first found out because it was too much for me. It's not just an argument. He cheated on me.

He said he was feeling stressed out at the arrival of our firstborn. I was even more stressed out having to deal with breastfeeding issues etc, but I didn't cheat. To me, it is more of an excuse. Our sex life was very bad, I admit. So I think that's the main reason. But still if it was me, I will never cheat on him even if that is so. So it's very hard for me to accept.

 

[JK1688]

I wanted to divorce when I first found out because it was too much for me. It's not just an argument. He cheated on me.

He said he was feeling stressed out at the arrival of our firstborn. I was even more stressed out having to deal with breastfeeding issues etc, but I didn't cheat. To me, it is more of an excuse. Our sex life was very bad, I admit. So I think that's the main reason. But still if it was me, I will never cheat on him even if that is so. So it's very hard for me to accept.

Sorry, i dont mean you're in the wrong. Obviously the one who cheated is.

But, in my point of view, once the word divorce is used. The consequences is significant. Even if you can forgive him now. The divorce will still be the nightmare for both of you.

Hope you're doing well now!

 

[jojogal]

Believe and give him a chance. Do you still love him? Does he still love you? Everyone makes mistakes in life. My uncle and auntie are one of an unfaithful couple many years ago. Both had affairs outside their marriage for more than 10 years. They had the intention of divorce when they turned late 40s, but they did not. Why? Because of family. They have 3 children of their own. Which kid like to have a broken family? Both of them talked things out and promised not to repeat the same mistake again. Now they are in their 60s. Their relationship is closer than ever, and a perfect couple in the eyes of many people. How did they do it? That's simple. Trust, believe, forgive, communication and share interest. They are doing things that they like together. eg singing and dancing.

Think, why the both of you get married in the first place?
What is the purpose of creating a family?
What is the vision and dreams that both of you share?
What are the things that both of you want in life?

Both my hubby and my dreams are very common. Have a bigger house, going to holidays with family, more time, more money....
But how? We started to build our online business together. Before that, our routine was like everybody else. Work, look after kids, play, eat, sleep, shopping. There were no other things that keep us excited and motivated, until we started our part time online business. Whenever the money comes in, my whole family will be so happy and excited. Our relationship gets even closer and better because of the goal that we want to achieve together.

Your hubby may be seeking for excitement, but in a wrong way and with the wrong person. Work out something with him that can spice up your lifestyle.

Be positive. Cheers!

 

[paranomic]

Honestly for me, I can't accept. Paid sex, He may be going in raw. The moment I thought of this I will feel so dirty just even sleeping besides him.

Sorry to said that. That's your choice.

https://www.facebook.com/YuvettoreSeraphina/posts/10153942201163789

 

[gladjo]

Hi ..sad to hear your suitation ... many women are expressing same at now this economic downturn belive me.. man are like small grown up boys, unable to handle stress n temptation like us women. There's a 2 way approach, see a counselor together n work out the trust again ... as a women, like, just a warning forbidden fruits always taste sweeter. Suggest you do your prep for really rainy days. Other approach is .. leave...yep, sorry it sounds harsh but until he rebuild the trust he destroyes, this marriage is in devil's attack zone. May God bless you wisdom. .

 

[ayeayelinnthu]

Observe for a while. If he still didnt changed. Then maybe you can made the decision. Btw, it's not a easy process

 

[traynhle86]

if you said any of those insults to a guy in a club he'd beat the piss out of you!

 

[atan85]

Whether he cheat now or in the future it doesn't matter..he cheated. You can give him a chance to prove that he has changed but if he cheat again thats it..no more excuses shall be tolerated. It will not be an easy process to forgive someone who betrayed you both emotionally and physically. Talk things out and set your expectation right with him. Trust and respect are the basic to keep a marriage going on top of kids.

Whether you can really let go of the mistake he did is important as to whether you are prepared to forgive him. Alot of times, women tend to recall the unhappiness and rake it up during arguments which doesn't help if both parties are trying to mend the relationship.

Jiayou!