I am married with my husband for 19 years. Have 2 daughters one is 17 years/ 15 years. Long story cut short. He has several times being caught cheating. Initially I thought is just texting with girls. But after the last discovery (in 2018), I realised all these years I was foolish. He cheated, had sex with sex workers. Domestic workers from online WeChat etc. i forgave him, and we moved on till today. Yes I love him. But I can’t seems to be able to continue. On top of all these infidelity, he has serious OCD. Been unable to treat despite him on and off taking medicine. He walks few buildings to park his car in “safe places”. We forgo going to places which does not have “safe parking” (example single lots). Example if shopping at vivo city, we park Harbourfront office building and walk over to Harbourfront shopping centre and cut thru to vivo city. At home, things are to be neat, if messy, he flares up. Before leaving house, even though late, he has to sweep/ tidy / arrange in order before leaving. Parenting style, we have big differences. I prefer to let kids do things themselves, he prefer to help thus causing them to be reliant. My kids though being teenager are like primary sch kids. They can’t pack bags, can’t go out buy things themselves, both have social anxiety, even the doctor identify strong genetic traits in the family. Elder daughter finished o level, but didn’t choose her poly course, he helped her. She continues playing game morning to night and refuse to leave house for any family gathering. He felt is normal. And continued to feed her with gaming mic and gaming headsets. She bought 3 headsets / 3 mouse. Each time she said the model/ brand no good, he buy new one for her. All expensive ones from challenger stores. I felt that I had enough of this husband, should I leave him??? I had told him all that I was unhappy with him, he claim that he will change, but till now he is still the same.
Should I leave him?
- Thread starter kiwi8099
- Start date
colormebeautiful
Member
If he have OCD, it doesn't make sense he have sex with unknown people, especially sex workers. OCD people are very paranoid about safety, hygiene and clean.
My husband has the same OCD about car....we have to inconvenient ourselves because he always has to park single lots...
The fact that his ocd is affecting your children should make you wonder what effect your husband might have on the children. It's really scary when teenage children can't take care of themselves in elementary things.
Hi Wit
My hubby also must park single lots!! If no good lots, he will drive out of the carpark and park another building. So mostly we have to walk across buildings to reach our destination if that is a popular shopping centre etc
Because of this, I feel very depressed and unhappy also. His ocd traits caused both kids to have genetic traits too and they are all under medication. Sometimes I feel like just walking out of this family and leave all of them as I am really unhappy. But I love my kids a lot too. So difficult decision.
moorspa7
Member
I recommend you to read the book by Henry Cloud, “Boundaries: When to say yes, how to say no. Reading your story, it is a boundary problem. You may want to separate from your husband for a while to find yourself and give yourself some peace and quiet before you make any decision. It is the lack of boundaries that is causing you unhappiness. When you find yourself tolerating yr husband, it means your boundaries has been crossed by him, which you failed to set strict boundaries with him, on what you can accept and not accept with him. It seems your husband keep doing things his way, be it parenting or in marriage. If after doing all the boundaries work with yr husband, it still doesn’t work for you then you will decide whether to leave him.
Agree! i've OCD and on medications for two years now. The very first thing that makes me anxious and uncomfortable is anything that have to do with touching another individual or his/her belongings. Having sex with sex workers is just too extreme for ppl with OCD to handle. Maybe he is just overprotective and over-dominant. But I am not in the position to judge or diagnose him. Anyhow his sexual activity and OCD together don't make sense.
I feel sorry for your kids. Maybe you should start diverting your attention to your kids. They need your support and understanding the most now. It could be a genetic issue but with proper care and attention, I hope they won't get as worse as your husband. On top of all, you have to be strong to handle everything.
