Recent miscarriage support

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Keddiay

New Member
Hi, 2 weeks ago, I lost my first child. My EDD was July next year, my first ultrasound at 7+ weeks was normal, beating heartbeat and all. I had no symptoms, no bleeding, no cramp, nothing... But at my next ultrasound 2 weeks later, my baby had no heartbeat. I was told my child died at 8 weeks, probably a few weeks after my 1st ultrasound. I went for a D&C that same day. I miss my baby, I always wil,l but instead of the sadness, I want to remember the joy he brought me in those short few weeks that I had him.

I hope to try again after AF visits, but i know i'll be terrified. I want so much to be pregnant again and yet scared to lose someone I love again. I would not wish this even on my worse enemies but I've learnt that miscarriages are quit common. Anyoneone in similar shoes? How are you coping? How do you decide when your heart is brave enough to take that leap of faith to try again?
 


Nobody should experience this but nature has its way and reasons....we may not find a perfect exact answer to why it happens but as the saying goes, we pick ourselves up and life continues.

My 2 MCs happened in 2012. First one I lost at 13weeks. 2nd was a blighted ovum. After that I didn't conceive again though we have been trying to.

Regardless of the weeks lost, an MC is a hard ordeal for any couple. I believe anyone whom had experienced it went through the exact questions you're having. For me, I let myself mourn for about 1-2 cycles before I was very sure I wanted to try again. In fact I couldn't quite wait to try again because I wanted another bfp to fill up the "hole".

That being said, everyone is different. Depending on what your doc/sinseh advice, you also have to do a check on your psychological part, both yours and your partner's. I feel that's more crucial than the physical aspect.

I guess only you will know when you're ready. I would say once you think you're, you need to let go of the past baggage. It's ok to mourn and to miss....but remember every bfp is different and at your best, have happy thoughts during ttc is the way to go.

I wish you the best.

Ps: there is also another mc thread existing. Lotsa support there.
 
I just lost my first child this Afternoon, ultrasound at 6+ weeks was normal also, beating and Everything. However, was having constant spotting, went for another ultrasound today Because having some redness. Gynae scanned and says child did not grow much Since last scan and there wasn't any heartbeat
 
Redvel: Thank you for ur kind words.

Januzehl: I'm so sorry for your loss. How are u coping now? I know that no words can ease our pain, but as my gyne said after my D&C: this too shall pass. Let us both hope so.
 
You will never forget I must say but got to move on and try again. I know the fear of getting pregnant again and end up in another loss. But never try never know. If its yours. . No matter how bad situation is.. he/she will stay.. if its not yours.. just have to let it go.. I always comfort myself. . At least it wasn't a later stage .. where heartache even more to let go..

Don't stop too long to try again.. I hesitated for 3 yrs without trying and I waited 5 yrs for my first born.
 
Thank you for your encouragement, I've heard that a women's fertility increases a few months following the miscarriage. In fact, studies I've found show that the risk of a re-miscarriage and other pregnancy related complications are lower for women who conceive within 6 months after a miscarriage compared to women who waited longer. I suppose the body will be ready, but as you've rightly said, the heart may never be fully ready. On one hand i really don't want to "miss the boat" and regret it later, on the other hand....... Sigh. Anyway, I've decided to at least wait till my AF comes bah. How long did it take for your AF to come after a miscarriage?
 
Immediately the next mth. My first was blighted ovum (sac no baby), second was chemical (no sac at all). Have faith. I am sure ur rainbow baby will come one day.
 
The holiday seasons are especially difficult, everywhere I go, everyone seem to be either pregnant or have kids already. It's such a surreal feeling, like being trapped behind a glass wall, seeing but unable to reach the other side where happiness is.

Not to deceive myself but 2015 will be a year filled with:
Confusion- when to try again
Disappointment- if I try but do not conceive
Fear of history repeating- should I conceive again
Devastation- should I lose 1 again

But hopefully, by the end of 2015, may all of us who have lost so much in 2014 be able to find peace and happiness.
 
Oh my goodness. I can't believe I actually missed your post Shirley. I do read 2ww thread at times.

Shirley dear, I've came across many many many (many many....) posts of ladies sharing their success stories of bfp and yours is one that made my eyes filled with water. I can feel you and your journey from your words. It's very real (like my laopeh told me to carry one of my sis' twins home. The twinnies are 8months old now. Like huh?) and the questions and blames we set upon ourselves.

Thank you for sharing your journey story and of course the happy ending (or should I say the beginning of another chapter). I wish I am there to give you a hug; for your faith and courage; for being stronger than you thought you are; for the happy blessings you gained from Gods (I am a Buddhist too). I also wish you are here to give me a hug too because I feel very touched and somehow connected to your story.

Congrats my dear. I'm truly happy for you.
 
*big hugs* with positivity. . We can overcome impossible.

This isn't only my story. . It is on behalf of most woman out there..
 
Hi ladies... Just want to share my own experience, I got a mc in July 2012 thru D&C at 7weeks cos baby didn't have a heartbeat. I even went for a second Gynae opinion and it was the same outcome. Both Gynaes told me not to blame ourselves, it just happened and there's all sort of reasons behind but there's none which we can pin point to. 安慰的是 at least we are able to conceive, but it just went wrong somewhere. However, I wasn't able to accept it and was crying almost everyday, i blamed myself for the mc. I can't stand the sight of preg ladies outside, avoided friends who were preg, was happy for them but yet I was feeling very sad for myself. It got worst when friends immediately got preg right after that got married. I was already married for 4 years in 2012, everyone have been stressing us to have a baby. It's not that we don't want, we love kids but then it was just never meant to be. People won't understand unless they been through the same. I can't blame them, but it's really tiring that everyone keep asking and they assume that we didn't want kids. The baby was our best 4th year anniversary present in 2012, but he/she didn't make it.

After my mc, I went TCM to adjust my body, hoping to conceive but my hubby was pressurized by the fact that I wanted a baby so much and sex wasn't enjoyable. We talked it out and decided that we should just let it be 顺其自然 instead of persistent trying. So I stopped my TCM sessions.

Last year May 2014, closed to 2 years after my mc, we found out that I was pregnant (not planned) and my rainbow baby edd is 28jan15... Just a few weeks more. Wanna tell you all not to give up, sometimes it happens when you least expected it. It has been a long journey for us, and I give thanks to what I have now. Have hope, have faith, most importantly to stay happy and healthy... Jiayou to all of you :)
 
I had a blighted ovum last Feb and had to have a D & C to remove it. It almost destroyed my relationship with my husband cos he couldn't accept the fact that we were so close to having a child but lost it in the end and I was in tears after the procedure. It got to the point where he went bersek one day and scared the hell out of my elder son and me over something trivial my son did.

A few months later, I found myself pregnant again and throughout the whole pregnancy, I lived in fear that my baby will stop heartbeat any day. Even after I delivered, it took me a while to register that my baby is still living.

The point is: u may have suffered a setback but if u are ready for a baby, don't be afraid of the past. It is the present and future which u will be experiencing. ..
 
like @krissyun , I am also a Jan mummy and suffer 2 MC before having my bb, I be inducing on 5 Jan. :)

Don't give up hope. My 2 Mcs are chemical, both time spotting appear during 5/6wks and nothing was found in the vaginal scans. Doc fear it might be epotic but the HCG levels just drop over 2 days showing a not viable pregnancy.

Doc also told us not to blame ourselves as early loss are common but of coz I know how not to feel heart pain right especially we been ttcing for so long.

I did get pregnant shortly after my loss, 1st loss in Jan, 2nd loss in Mar, got pregnant in Apr. So its possible that women are very fertile after Mc.
I did not wait in my case coz I did not undergo D&C, both were natural miscarriages.
 
Thank you all for your encouragement. These 2 days have not been good for me. I was more or less fine until I went for my gyne follow up yesterday. She had to do a ultrasound to check that everything in my uterus had cleared off. While she was doing the ultrasound and I saw my empty uterus where my baby once was, it just brought back all the memories of how I had seen my baby's heartbeat at first, only to see my baby without a beating heart 2 weeks later and now I just can't stop crying again....
 
Keddiay said:
Thank you all for your encouragement. These 2 days have not been good for me. I was more or less fine until I went for my gyne follow up yesterday. She had to do a ultrasound to check that everything in my uterus had cleared off. While she was doing the ultrasound and I saw my empty uterus where my baby once was, it just brought back all the memories of how I had seen my baby's heartbeat at first, only to see my baby without a beating heart 2 weeks later and now I just can't stop crying again....
Click to expand...

It's not easy... Cry it all out if you have to. Once awhile when you think about it, you will also start to feel sad. I remembered very clearly my D&C date and every year this particular date I still get very upset and I will cry too even thou when I am preg with my rainbow baby. You won't be able to forget this loss, time will only help you to feel better... The memories will stay. All I can say is try do things to make yourself happy, meanwhile if you wanna try for another and Gynae say its good to go, you can start trying if you want... but health and well being is impt, try to be happy. Good luck to you and hope you have a rainbow baby in time to come :)
 
Keddiay,

I totally feel what you are going through now, I am going for my d&c tmr as my baby was found abnormality at ard week 11. What a bad start for 2015.

Lucky for my husband support, I am stronger than I thought although I am still sad and at times wondering why is it me?

Let's support each other and be strong and I am sure better things are waiting for us!
 
Krissyun: Thank you for ur support, I'm back at work and it's prob good as at least it makes time pass faster and keeps me from dwelling.

Sters: I hope the op went well. Do update if possible. Not sure if u believe in such things but it's good to do a mini confiment after the D&C, I didn't believe initially but felt physically better after. Emotionally- lets us both support each other and hope that time will heal us both.
 
keddiay,

I am visiting the doc at NUH and after a long 5 hours wait, I was told they do not perform d&c. They only perform non invasive way where they put in pills every 3 hours for up to 24 hours until everything is cleared. Although d&c is of higher risk, I opt for d&c since it's less trauma since I will be sleeping during the surgery. Now I am looking for other hosp that can help with the d&c at the earliest time slot.
 
That is sooo weird. I got a D&C the same day I was diagnosed with the miscarriage. Would u consider going private hospitals? 'Cause I wanted to do it at kkh initially but realized after checking w my insurance that all pregnancy related surgeries cannot be claimed so I went private instead and got it done in the same day.
 
I m not sure but I m so tired going thru the whole process again, do you mind sharing how much it cost and which hosp you go?
 
Doc also advised me to have d&c on new year eve which I dun wan, I duno wan to grieve on it on every new year eve. Is the non invasion way better and not so damaging to our womb?
 
I'm not so sure, my gyne said that the medicine method is not 100%, 'cause it is possible that not everything will be expelled and in the end I may end up with a D&C still. So I choose the D&C from the start.
 
The prof in nuh say it's less risky for the medicine type and it's much cleaner although a d&c might need to be done (20%).

keddiay: I think I will stick with nuh thanks for your reply anyway.
 
Thanks keddiay. Let's support each other though this difficult time and hope we can have good news v soon!
 
No prob, are you admitted to the wards now?
Are you given painkillers? Take care.

Well about the trying to conceive again part, i'm actually quite confused, my gyne told me to wait for at least 3 mths before trying again, she said that if i conceive within 3 months, the risk of re-miscarriage is higher. But from what i've read in other sources, other gynes recommend waiting till the next period only, and that is only to date the next pregnancy more accurately. Supposedly it is ok to try immediately after.
I don't know who to listen to now.
Anyway that is for the future, you just concentrate on getting well 1st. Hugs... Take care for now and hopefully we can jia you together soon.
 
I will admit on Wednesday morning. Doc suggest that I do the amino test to test if if the abnormality is due to chromosomes but I am considering not to do since its invasive and cost 1k .

I will check with my doc regarding the trying to conceive part. Yes seems like a lot of Pple try after one mth.

Yes for now I just to get over the procedure and start everything afresh
 
This waiting game is taking forever, I am suppose to admit today at 3pm but I received an sms from nuh asking me to wait at home until they got a bed. Not sure if it's a standard sms I will try n call again later to check
 
Oh dear..... Hope things will go smoothly. I found this website which is quite useful, answers quite a bit of questions I had about recovering after the procedure, when to have sex/ try again. Would recommend checking it out even if just to keep yourself occupied while waiting
http://pregnancyloss.info
 
Sters, that's a strange arrangement. In any way, hope your road to recovery, physically and emotionally, after the procedure will not be too long, however tough it may be. Hugs. I always feel very emotional myself when I read ladies here going through mc/d&c. Again, big hugs.
 
Keddiay, like some other posters, I would like to offer a word of encouragement. My first pregnancy ended in a miscarriage. About a year later I was pregnant and since have two wonderful children. Try not to stress yourself out about it. Good things come in good time. All the best :)
 
Thanks Blindbat, I'm trying not to think about it now and to focus on work and other stuff but frankly, nothing else seem important to me now. There is this huge hole in my heart that I hope can be filled soon.
 
Sorry to hear of everyone's loss. Would like to share my story. I lost my second child at 28.5weeks. Her heart stopped and I had a still birth.The problems started surfacing since oscar scan. Her oscar test results were terrible. The odds were like 1:4 for t18 which was a death sentence. We went for second opinion and did harmony test which came back ok for all the abnormal chromosomes. We thought that we were in e clear until 20weeks detailed scan where we found out that she was growing behind her fetal age and had hole in the heart among other stuff. The doc asked us if we wanted to terminate. We are Catholics and decided to leave it to god. We passed into third trimester and made arrangement to have a special needs child and premature baby but never expect her to leave us. It took 4 days in kkh to give birth to her. The longest 4 days in our lives. Imagine being on e delivery suite and hearing baby's cried outside and knowing u wldnt hear your own baby cry.hubby arranged all the cremation details for her and her urn is in our house right now. I look ok during the day but cried and cried in the stillness of the nights,questioning why am I the one who had to lose my girl. I Cldnt stand seeing preggy women and my sil gave birth to a girl one week after our girl passed. It was really hard for me and I din see the girl for 3 months. Did a 40 day confinement and went to Perth for a holiday to get a change of environment. In Perth, felt weird and did a pregnancy test and tested positive. Was surprised to have succeed so fast. In fact I got preggy right after confinement ended! Prayed so hard for everything to be ok with this baby. But just as I was beginning to relax, 20 week scan showed that this baby has only one kidney. I was scared and so angry as to why is this happening to me again. But docs have comforted me that one can live with one kidney so I m trying to be positive. I just want a healthy living baby at the end of this.
Sorry for the long story... It has been 6 mths since our loss and I know that we have changed forever but we just learn to live in this new normal. Jia you everyone.
 
15may, thanks for sharing your story. My first bfp had the Oscar similar result to yours. One week later, baby stopped growing.

I wish you the best in your current pregnancy. Take care.
 
You are such a brave lady fifteenmay. Let's Jia you together and all the best for your current pregnancy I am sure God have some plans for you .
 
Thank you for sharing your story 15may, hope you'll have an uneventful pregnancy and a healthy baby at the end. Your story provides much hope to all of us. Jia you!

Steers: Hope everything has gone well?
 
Hey Keddiay,

I am fine now doing mini confinement and go back for check up in 2 weeks time. It's a fresh start for me even though I still miss my baby at times.
 
Hugs... New beginnings for us all. Hopefully we can all have good news soon. I was advised by my gyne to cont taking folic acid even if I'm not going to conceive soon. But I'm thinking being more kiasu and taking pre-conception multivits plus folic acid instead. Just to refill whatever my body needs, hopefully can have a healthy baby soon. Let's jia you together!
 
Yes hope there is good news soon, meanwhile be happy and positive!

I will check with my doc regarding the medication when I go for my review:)
 


Another week, another day, some good days, some bad. Less crying.
Its been about a month for me, the world has moved on and i'm expected to move on too except that i'm still stuck sometimes.
How's everyone else coping?
 
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