Please Help!

[G T]

Can someone help me? I am really in the crossroad of my life! In fact, as I write this I feel very ashame of myself. I am not a mother but a father of a 4 1/2 year girl. I married very late and that was my first marriage. My wife useful to be very homely. But 3 months' ago, she started work and ever since has been going out quite frequently to pub, club and bar. I knew this because she did in fact told me so and said she went out to socialize with her friends. She would come back very liquor smell (though she looks sober). She would come back at past 1 am and often at 2 am or even 3 am. She worked in a restaurant and her working hours are either from 8 am to 4 pm or 9 am to 5 pm. She would adjourn to drink sessions with her friends (at least I was told).

I was very patient and told her to just come back earlier because I know when you drink, you cannot stop. But sadly, she just come back very late (or rather very early in the morning). On occasion she came back at almost 3 a.m. This has been going on for the last 3 months since she start working. Her 'drinking' session is once and sometimes twice a week on Fridays or Saturdays.

I am stressed and I now cannot take it and has a big quarrel. I hate to say this that I am comptemplating to divorce. But I cannot live without my daughter. I have been taking care of her since she was born and she is very, very attached to me. Since she was born, I never, never left her one day. I am with her 100% of my time.

I want to know about child custody. I just cannot live without my daughter.

Can someone advice me of my situation?

G T

 

[gladjo]

Hmm...are u a House Husband? Why are u feeling ashamed ?

The F&B industry is THIS complicated.. It a very obvious fact. If u dun want her to keep late nights n drinking session then u know what needs to be done. As yr wife said this is their way of unwinding from all the frustrations of that night ... Ur suspicions n insecurity are driving you up the walk. I had an ex colleague, he was a driver, married at 60 n had a baby boy age 2, he knows his limitations, so he cheong n cheong n make sure he provides for his young wife to stay Hm look after their boy. He really work hard n every lobang he will grab .. Cos he know he only hv this window b4 his health problems start.

Sorry to say, but fact is this is why some ppl dun hv kids if they are well advance in yrs n spouse age is much younger.

If u divorce, court will review 1)age of minor..age below 10 are usually award to mum 2)earning capabilities
All these to provide for the child...

I dun mean to rub salt, this is how the court rules ... Void of feelings n emotion n sympathy... Regardless how much blood n sweat n time n $$ ..its useless.

So, mr g t, u know the solution .. If u can provide for her needs then u problem goes away ? The human heart is such a difficult thing to fathom, this is just my 2cents worth.

 

[jotan33]

before u think of divorce hw abt gg to marriage counselling.... can she look for other jobs then remain in restaurant??

 

[pixie ng]

if you can prove that you are a better parent than your wife, you can gain custody for your kid... i have friends who have custody of their kids because they can prove they can take care of their kids better than their ex-wife. or you can endure for awhile more for the new maintenance law to pass...

to me, is more towards self control. if a person does not have self control, she/he can comes out with tons of excuses.. how complicated a job is, also is an excuse to me unless your jobscope NEED you to drink. just like when my spouse was single, he always go drinking almost everyday, smoke non-stop, doesn't really look into the future. but once he wants to settle down, he quit smoking, and stop going to drinking session with his clients, boss and colleagues. if you are good at your job, no one will care whether you attend the drinking session or not. your boss wun fire you because you don't drink with him.