Parents fighting

[airdancer]

My parents don't get along. Last week their quarrel turned physical and my father broke my mother's arm. I am disgusted with their behaviour. My question is, do I limit time with their grandson? I have a four month old. They behave politely and well now with him around because their visits are infrequent and short. I had wanted to bring my baby over to visit once a week but am now unsure if that is too frequent. I am concerned that they will fight in front of my child and my child will see me shout at my parents. On the other hand i think it is important that children develop relationships with grandparents. What would you do?

 

[missyme]

i think personally, have a talk with your parents, tell them that you would appreciate if they don't fight/behave badly in front of your child. But you on the other hand might also want to control yourself from shouting at your parents too..as child might learn from you..as in your child might learn to shout at you in future.. As for weekly visits, continue to do so cos no visits are too frequent, im sure your parents appreciate the time with their grandchild.

 

[airdancer]

That's good advice. Thanks v much. Most times I have to raise my voice to get them to stop the fighting. Keeping quiet doesn't work to stop them. The injury probably happened because I wasn't there to prevent the quarrel from escalating. Bad behaviour all around - that's why I am unsure if I should bring their grandson for such frequent visits.

 

[nicolenicole]

How about your husband? Is he present at such visits? Does he help you stop the fights?

 

[mehui]

You must talk to your parents! Children will learn very quickly which adults can be bullied once they sense that one adult has more 'authority' over the other. Also, brute force is not something kids should witness. They should be able to understand your concerns and also moderate their behaviour if they love the grandchild.

 

[airdancer]

I completely agree! Usually I get in between them. Honestly at 60 + I am surprised they have the energy. I just don't understand....

I will talk to them. I am not optimistic about them changing their behaviour however. So if I go over to my parents' I will be baby sitting them playing with my child. Heh.

 

[trizia68]

Talk to your parents, u never know how much can a grandparent willing to do to protect their grand child. Let them know u appreciate and are proud of the fact that they tried their best to leave a good impression infront of your child.
Do go often, u never know how much they long to see their grandchild n I believe ur baby ll bring joy n love that they both needed so much.
One thing you can do is call them before you go over to "check the weather forecast". Also to prepare them that baby is coming.
Hope your bundle of joy ll bring your family closer

 

[joyceberries]

it is advisable not to let the kids see those fights and quarrels.

the kids nowadays learn things very fast... i rem a time wen i actually raise my voice at my IL.. my son imitate me.. tink you should try to let my parents knw that their actions/behaviour will lead to bad example to your kid...

 

[xsun]

Personally, i will not let my kids be with grandparents who fights. They will need to sort out their own problems before being allowed access to children who learn frm adult's examples.

Breaking arm is quite violent alrdy. Is considered physical abuse.

My personal tots on this.

 

[airdancer]

It is a fine line and v difficult situation to be. I sent them an SMS. I believe they have read it. We are not v communicative so I have not heard from them.

Basically my message is fighting/raised voices/bad mouthing = leave at once and I won't be back!