Need advice on divorce

[depressedsoul]

I have 2 young kids and is currently 5 months pregnant. My husband left home suddenly and told me he wanted a divorce. He is staying outside now and cannot be bothered with my children and me. I pleaded with him and told him not to divorce for the sake of the kids and we should work on the marriage. He refused and told me he does not love me anymore. The why did he tell me he loved me and I did not even see a divorce coming? I noticed a change in his behavior before he left home. He suddenly came home late about 11pm for a month, telling me he had to work. This had never happened before for the past decade. Back home, he would be on his hp till 1 or 2 am.

We have been married for more than 10 years and I have been a Stay At Home Mum who depends solely on him. He gave me and kids a decent allowance every month as he earns well. I do not have much savings and I have 3 children to feed. He refused to pay for medical for the kids.

The moment he left home, the divorce documents were ready for me within 3 weeks. I really felt my world crushing on me because why he could suddenly become so cruel out of the blue without sparing a thought to work out the marriage for the sake of the kids. I told him to wait till bb is born end of this year then I will have time and energy to settle divorce. He refused and said he wanted to divorce ASAP. He claims he loves our children but why did all these happen?

I need some help:

1. I did not receive the divorce documents a few times because I was not at home. Last week, the court sent me a letter ( cc: to me as a defendant) stating that he, as a plaintiff, did not reply and follow up to set down for the hearing and also his lawyer have not replied to the court in the form as directed by the Registra's Notice. He is directed to set down the case for hearing by XX date , failing which he is required to attend a status conference.
What does this mean?
I thought usually the lawyer will get the court to paste court order on my door if I do not receive the documents send by courier?

2. I am worried where the children and I are going to stay. Our flat is currently paid by him and I did not contribute because I have no income as a stay at home mum. When the baby is born, I have to take care of the baby and cannot find work. I do not have a good qualification and will not earn much to pay childcare for all 3 kids too. Will the court make him pay for our accommodation?

3. If I receive XXX from him monthly, will the court still base on this amount as alimony and child maintenance?


I hope someone can share some info till I have time, energy and money to find a lawyer. I wish to drag this divorce longer till court orders me to reply. Also hoping one day my hb will come back to us. I am feeling so lost every day, missing him despite all the abusive shoutings before he left. He threatened to keep contesting the divorce with me, even though I have no money to fing a good lawyer to contest with him. My children are worried to have no house to stay.....

 

[Rachel80]

Sad to hear on your plight, though I can't advice u.. Suggest that you speak to a lawyer, as there's always two sides to a coin. People can advice, but you will not know what right or wrong.
I used to go to Angela Wong in Chinatown for my case. You can pay a $50 and make appointment, and ask her your questions. 63234606, she is very good though.

 

[theneestay]

So sorry to hear that depressedsoul, while I can't advice on legal matters... I really hope you'll stay strong for your kids. Love is a choice, and he chose not to love the family anymore. Do you have perhaps your parents to go to? Otherwise maybe you want to try to seek help here http://www.aware.org.sg/, my personal opinion would be for your to seek alternatives before your baby arrives. By then you would be too busy to take care of anything else... At least try to settle accommodation. Our hearts are with you, depressedsoul. *Sends virtual hug*

 

[timmerin]

hi, i m so sorry to hear abt your situation. your hubby is very heartless n cruel man. at this point u should put aside any thoughts of having him come back to you. focus on the following :

1) who else can support you through your birth? parents/siblings/relatives? the more support u hv around you the better you can cope in taking care of your 3 children

2) seek legal help. u can try legal aid bureau
https://www.mlaw.gov.sg/content/lab/en/eligibility/do-i-qualify-for-legal-aid.html

3) seek help fr family service centers n the social workers there can also help u examine ur options.

 

[mimicoco77]

Hi, legal aid will help u. No worry, u will get the flat even u didn't contribute in monies term cos u r a stay home mum. Usually, u may need sell the flat n get yr share (cos u not enough coffee to buy back or obtain loan) . Buy another cheaper house or go relatives house temporary . Faster look for care corner counsellor to support in term of these period. Prepare yes elf to take job. U will survive n u must for the sake of yr children. PM me if u need more info.

 

[mimicoco77]

Sorry, not coffee but cpf

 

[gladjo]

Hi mimicoco77, have u managed to get yr ex cpf $ ??

Hi depressedsoul. ...it's sad to know yr suitation. .. if u hv spare $$ , yes contact a lawyer, or any lawyer, first "normally" session is supposed to be FREE n after that it's $$$$$$$$ unless u Wanda go Uncontested which cost only btw $3-5k n completed in abt 3 myths which entails accepting every single condition he mentions. I hv honesty heard many mummies told me their lawyer told them can get this ex cpf $ but after months down the case, their lawyer changed n say impossible n that's when they r in into Pre Trial stage n too late to do anything, fact is don't believe everything the salesman tells u....if u get a lawyer to contest , cheapest fees are btw $20-50k ...I paid $500 cos I represent coz I didn't hv a choice

 

[mimicoco77]

I am not a stay home mum n in fact I earn more than him. Very lucky that I didn't need to give him maint.. I didn't want his cpf too... I fingered out he will need it for his old age when the mistresses suck out all his monies I take care the 3 children myself. I m happy.

Also, I have a Indian lawyer who follow up all my matter fr maint, divorce to ancillary matter. He is not a blood sucker but someone who was featured in the paper n famous in getting the highest claim.

My objective for my lawyer is very simple - get the divorce n get me the house.

ANYWAY, I admire your energy in doing yourself. There r many follow up. I suppose u hv good resources that can help u. Jia You....

 

[gladjo]

Hi mimicoc77 ...thanks for your input. How much did your good Indian lawyer charge u? Not being sarcastic but I hv a few friends to recommend. ... Contested how much? How many appearances in court n per affidavit how much? Does he charge your phone calls per minute or per hour? Honesty, not sarcastic I need to know all these facts.

Many other mummies may not have to privilege to earn more than ex hubby and some are SHM with savings sufficient for rainy days. So am enquiring for clarification cos I personally hv come across with mummies introducing their lawyers on agreement that their own case is discounted, this at expenses of others.

 

[mimicoco77]

I understands. I guess I m lucky. I do not recommend u take lawyer if u can do it yourself but I scare too stress. I want use my energy on my kids.

 

[mimicoco77]

U are very lucky too just only spent 500... I m
Sure u can help lot of mummies here. May I suggest you to hv a blog to share your experiences. I plan to do that after my case is closed

 

[mimicoco77]

Well, I hv not recommend my lawyer to anyone but anyone who is interested, do PM me. I not sure my lawyer give me discounts or commission but I will be happy if he offers me.

No worry, I do not hv hard feeling towards u. Maybe u r right, some people do take advantage, but I m sure it is a win win situation for all parties. Always give ppl the benefit of doubt,

These days, I learn to attract positive feeling, let ppl win a bit, own self lose a bit n make ppl happy also okey la...

Life too short to be miserable all the times nor be too calculative. As long as u r comfortable n it is ethnical with clear conscience, just go with it.

 

[ayeayethiritaw]

Cheer up

 

[bretrayed]

life is short, be happy.
If we can help we help each other.
try to be simple minded as possible.
it's very tiring to be suspicion of other intention, we are here to help each other during difficult time.
one bad encounter with a bad lawyer doesn't mean all lawyers are bad.
i have heard lawyer helping many people in need to get get the best out of everything

 

[mimicoco77]

http://thubtenchodron.org/2012/10/接受-变化/

 

[gladjo]

If you are earning the big bucks, losing a bit isn't a big deal but if the poor mummy is hand to mouth, even $10 means a lot. That's why pls consider the lesser fortunate n not talk from your high tower. Today your are earning big bucks but one will not know what tmr holds.

While I was representing my own case in court, ever penny counts.And bear in mind, lawyers are the legal robbers

 

[Mother of 2x]

Hi depressedsoul, very sad to hear about ur Situation, me too cheated by my hubby with his colleague, we have 2 Young kids who just 6yo(boy) and 4yo(girl). I'm SPR indipentantly applied by myself, I got permenant job, and I'm in the midst of applying SC, my first Apptm was next year march. Few things that need to seek ur help :

1) currently I'm engaging a PI to get a solid evidence for me to flight for child's custody, what if we can't find the solid evidence, am I still able to get my child custody, as well as the HDB that we own now?

2) if really got to divorce, does my SC application will be affected?

3) according to woman chapter, do ur think I can get my child custody and my HDB 100%?

4) should I still giving him a chance? As my kids still at very young age, if we divorce, they will not have complete family; yet both of us seems now still like continue our marriage, as he told me he won't give up this family also that woman, at first, I'm desperately want him back to this family by changing myself, a few times later, when I found he Msging her and bring her out, I found this man not that i knew, my changes to him was 50:50, cause bottom of my heart still loving him, and we are not easy to get in together..

Please help me above..
Aside to despressedsoul, we must to strong, independent, flight for our child, giving the best to child that all we need to do, it would have better day at these! 加油！

 

[depressedsoul]

Thanks everyone for your input.
I have got a court order and was forced to file the documents. My friend recommended me a lawyer and each payment is always fearful to me. My first session was not free. Just to have lawyer to attend CFRC is $1k per session. I do not have the money to keep fighting with him but I am not sure if the lawyer from legal aid will put his or her heart to help me get over this stressing period.

I broke down uncontrollably in every appointment with the lawyer and my gynecologist. I still love him so much and I feel so bad that my children have to go through a broken family just because of their father. Recently I have found out he is really having an affair and went overseas with the other party. I feel like exposing his innocent front online.

At the end of the day, for the sake of the kids' futures, I think maybe I should just end my life and give the 3 kids to him...

 

[depressedsoul]

If you are earning the big bucks, losing a bit isn't a big deal but if the poor mummy is hand to mouth, even $10 means a lot. That's why pls consider the lesser fortunate n not talk from your high tower. Today your are earning big bucks but one will not know what tmr holds.

While I was representing my own case in court, ever penny counts.And bear in mind, lawyers are the legal robbers

You are right. The huge amount of money spent on legal for contesting with a heartless man is nightmarish.

Can you advise me how I should go around to cut cost please?

 

[jolyn1374]

You are right. The huge amount of money spent on legal for contesting with a heartless man is nightmarish.

Can you advise me how I should go around to cut cost please?

Thanks everyone for your input.
I have got a court order and was forced to file the documents. My friend recommended me a lawyer and each payment is always fearful to me. My first session was not free. Just to have lawyer to attend CFRC is $1k per session. I do not have the money to keep fighting with him but I am not sure if the lawyer from legal aid will put his or her heart to help me get over this stressing period.

I broke down uncontrollably in every appointment with the lawyer and my gynecologist. I still love him so much and I feel so bad that my children have to go through a broken family just because of their father. Recently I have found out he is really having an affair and went overseas with the other party. I feel like exposing his innocent front online.

At the end of the day, for the sake of the kids' futures, I think maybe I should just end my life and give the 3 kids to him...

Hi depressedsoul,

Dun give in to the thoughts of ending your life & thought that he will take care of the children. Sorry to be harsh, but he may not even care lor.

I have been through similar situation like you too. Husband haven't countless affairs, didn't give allowance, all expenses & taking care of family & my son was on me. I also thought of ending my life last time. But a thought stopped me. Even if I die, he wouldn't even care. So why should I die & let him take all the insurance & CPF money + the house & enjoy with his mistress while my son suffer & become an orphan??? So, pls pls think twice!!

I have dragged on the divorce for about 10yrs as I was financially tied down too. Last yr, I think I couldn't drag on further in case anything happen to me, at least my house goes to my son. Hence upon a friend's recommendation, I found my lawyer who was really kind & not money-minded (that's rare. Cos I've called other lawyers who refused to talk further on the case unless I engage & pay them). My lawyer after knowing about my situation, she's willing to do some adjustment in terms of the payment.

So, late last year, I finally got the divorce & got the house (he only paid part of the installment) & care & control of my son. I'm much much happier now & start afresh in life.

If you want the contact of the lawyer, you can PM me.

Really hope you can stay strong for your children and yourself. And believe me, when you look back next time, you would be glad that you didn't give up now.

 

[mimicoco77]

Hi depress

We r know it is tough. I hv 3 kids too. My ex didn't pay maint for the kids. I hv already divorce . Now, in the midst of buying over the share of the house cos I m a working mum n he is a business man that he show proof to court that he was out of job for 2 years, thus, no money to pay maint. But was living an extravagant life in Philippines with my former maid (the maid will show in her Facebook that she won the victory) . Beautiful car n condo, special holidays, gifts for my ex. etc. n do u know why they show it off to me n the kids, hopefully , we hv ends my life n they take over SG flat, children insurance, our jewellery n monies as our kids too young to be the estate owner. The best revenge is to live. They can't wait for us to die so that all assets will be take control by them (the man n the mistress)
Thus, never die.

For the sake of yr kids. Their father already didn't care, what will happen to your poor kids. Pls pls stay strong.


Thus, no matter what, we have to hv accountability for our own children.

U just need to find the right friend, talk it out. Take 1 step at a time. N u can n will survive.

 

[gladjo]

Hi Depressed soul

Sad to hear your case, I don't have $ like u to ifht my ex, an Asia Pacific manager earning $9k a math ! So I fought him myself, yes , I self represented ..I can teach u ... after all all the afffidvates are Witten by us, the lawyers just chop n sign ..meanwhile, dun be scare , I have been through, I'll help u