Mother, Maid and Child Relationship.

K

karen wang

Member
Hi,

This has been troubling me for quite a while and I think I would need to vent it out.

I am currently 38 weeks pregnant and my baby can be deliver anytime, due to the fact that during April I would need to go back to school hence there will be no one (everyone in the family working) to take care of the baby. Thus, my MIL had hired a maid to take care of my baby.

I want to have a balance mother, maid and child relationship. But have no idea how?

My only plan was after I reached home, ALL the feedings, diapers changing and etc will be done by me instead of the maid. Hence, the maid has been with the baby for the day time already. And of course, during weekends, I will do the mother's responsibility towards my child.

I keep on worrying that my child would rather stick to the maid rather than me. It is quite sad that your only baby prefers the maid and not his own mother.

Anyone has this experience? Mind sharing with me...?
 


Hi hi Karen
Breastfeed and baby will stick to you. That's my experience. I breastfed my baby till 2 yes old. When I come back from home she will be very excited to see me. Haha nobody can replace you.
 
Hi Karen
I have posted a thread on baby closer to grandma previously.
I am facing the same thing as what you are thinking now.
I am a full time working mother and my bb is being taken care by my mil in the day time.
We will bring her home after work everyday.
Like what you have said,you will do the mother's responsibly towards a child once you are back from work or sch.
Of cause on weekend as well.I am doing the same thing also right now.
But my bb would still want to look for my mil whenever there is sight of her.
i am feeling upset over this.
Hence,my advice is better to put your bb in infant care centre rather then hired a maid to look after as maid is at home everyday .
While in infant care Centre, there is no one to one or a specified teacher to take care of individual bb.
Then the bb will not be too close to anyone except us .MOTHER!
 
Hi @marc jacob
I did thought of putting my bb in infant care but it is way too expensive for me. Hence, no choice but to drop the idea.
The maid will be taking care of my bb for 2 years. I had made it clear to her that once I'm home and on weekends, I will take care of my bb myself..
But when u bring ur bb back home, does she still look for your mil?

Many people told me that I have been thinking too much regarding this matter. But I cant help it...
 
hey karen, my friend's case is quite similar to yours. her child only look for her helper whenever he cries. because of a back injury, she can't carry him as much as he needs. so she need to entrust the task to the helper. although the helper has been great, it became a habit that the boy will look for the helper whenever he cries.

this made my friend a jealous and possessive mom. lol..

i chose to be a SATM, so it has been a great experience for me. what my friend does now is to try her best to spend as much quality time with the kid - be more of a trusted friend to the child. i thought this is quite a good idea too, since she can't do anything to make her back better..
 
Hi Karen
yes.my bb will want my mil if she is around .
when my mil is not around in my house,she will then wants me.
Actually the cost is about the same if you divided out.U have to place all the necessary fees to employ a maid .
for the monthly fee at infant care is about $750 if I am not wrong.
so maybe you might want to do another round of calculation to compare again.

Hi Kiernn,
ya..I will want to be a SAHM when my bb reach about 2 years old.
I want to watch her grow and I think that is priceless.
No matter how much I earn also cannot compare to the precious time I have spent with her.
 
hahaha. yes @marc jacob .. it is priceless, really. But the tricky thing is, how to dig all the patience you have to face them everyday. You know, they can be such a dear at times and cranky on other times. When the crankiness come out, oh my god, just need to be patient and hear them out, reason with them. That is really the tricky and tough part of SATM. Hahah.
Other than that, seeing them growing up to be a great and precious kid is really priceless.

Someone did ask me before, whats if your kid don't talk to you as much when he grows up. Will I find it wasted?
To be frank, I'm a lil worried.. not because i will find it wasted as it will never be the case, but it is more of worrying that the communication between us and the kids start to dilute. you know what i mean?
 
Hi karen, I would like to share my story and thoughts as a ftwm who has a maid to take care of my boy now 2y3mo. I also worried who will care for my son when I go back to work 4mths after giving birth. Infant care, mother in law or my mum (on top of hiring a maid for housework to help either mums). The best is my mum but she prefers to have her freedom. Mother in law wanted to but she was not in good health and her house was in the condition that I wouldnt want to live there. Infant care option was attractive but few and far in my area, I could not get a place in time.

So it was a maid we hired when my son was 2 mo. Before she came my mil and mum would help me on different days. I was tormented physically and emotionally by the new born baby's needs. I realised I wouldn't want to be a sahm, when I had always wanted as I was raised by my mum, a sahm.

When my maid came, I first felt jealous when she could soothe my bb to sleep better than me. She has 2 young boys of her own so she was more experienced and much more patient than me in character. After I went back to work, my mil and mum still came to my house to help (ensure maid is not doing anything funny). When bb was 6 mo, my mil passed away due to illness. Luckily my mum agreed to help more but it was to come to my house at random hours for a couple hours. She lives 2 bus stops away and does not want to stay in my place, or me to bring bb and maid over.

My maid was a first timer and did a good job with taking care of my son. So it was good and bad cos I worry if my son will recognise who is mama? I looked after my son after im home. He still sleeps with me and hubby. But during weekends we still need the maid to help care for my son cos he is extremely active and doesnt like to nap.

2 years on, my son is now enrolled in full time childcare but his hours are 830am to 430pm. He is still getting accustomed to the place. I am glad to reduce his hours with the maid but gotta accept that childcare does not care for kids as well as a one to one caregiver.

My maid will go back 4 weeks for home leave and we have re-contracted her. We are undecided how the 2nd contract will last because it depends on how we manage in her absence, her attitude after she comes back, if there will be a 2nd child, etc.

Many ppl manage kids without helper but I guess I have been 'spoilt' by the convenience of a clean house, clean and ironed clothes, homecooked dinners.

My son does ask for 'aunty' when he is out with us and I get upset. Hubby tells me I am too sensitive cos he believes as his son grows older, he will naturally lean towards his parents, us, who has the $$! *Men*
 
Last edited:
Hi hi @HYgirl

Same here, mine is also a first time maid. I guess this is a must go thru process for having a maid.

It seems like nothing that we can do but to only make up for the time when we're not around with the child.

Hais.
 
If you feed your baby start when she born, it will be with you, she have a feeling like different when u feed, even other care :) :) her love will always be with you ...
 
I think it depends on the baby herself/himself.

Thank you all ladies for sharing your advice and experience. It had definitely made me prepare in terms of the emotions and etc. :)
 
Hihi

I am FTWM, both my kids are taking care by inlaws and helper during day time, both of them are very attached to me when I am at home especially my elder one, even she is now 10 yrs old. I put the credit to breastfeeding, I latched her on until she was 10 mth old, even I started work, I will latched her in the night. For my 2nd kid, I was able to latch him for the 1st mth and he refused after that so I can only pump out and bottle fed him till he was 1.5 yrs old. But he is still very attach to me, when I am around, is always mummy rather than my helper. I put credit to I tug him to sleep every night, he is sleeping in the baby cot in my room. I spend most of my times with them when I am at home, so naturally, they will come to me when they see me. So doesnt mean you are not able to take care of your children in day time, your children will not be closed to you and more attach to their caregiver.
 
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