Laidback husband

lostsheepmeh

New Member
hello, this is my first time posting. my husband and I have been together for many years. since years back, we been quarreling about him being very laid-back and insensitive. to elaborate further, he doesn't take any initiative in planning, for all the key milestones of a couple have to go through from wedding to housing, I have been the one taking initiation to prompt him. for all the small items also such as holiday trip itinerary, money changing, I also have even the one taking the initiation to prompt him.

I don't get how a guy can be so laid-back to this extend. every time we quarrel, he will said he will change and he is improving. from my view, he is improving at such a slow speed, it's almost insignificant. this quarel cycle has been repeating for years and recently I think I really had enough of this nonsense.

while he is nice, and he does stuff and pamper me, but this passiveness of him make me feel very upset and helpless. I am looking up to a husband who can take the lead and not a son who do things only at my nagging. recently his bad temper is also flaring up and it irks me even further. he said hurtful words that show how immature he is.

I really appreciate any advise.
 

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Stansy

Member
Why does it take u so many years then to realize his laidback behavior? Isn’t this since day one when u knew him ? Like u mentioned... marriage, house, holidays planning & etc....
perhaps u shd take it positively that he entrusts you and you being a woman is more detailed compared to a man.
Do you have any idea what’s the reason to his recent bad tempered?
By the way, do u hv any kids? Perhaps you might assign him some responsibilities to ease ur stress
 

Darthvaderxxx

New Member
There is nothing wrong with being laid-back and happy go lucky. Kudos to you for playing the support and carry role till date and that is how you complete him.

Enjoy the moments, don't try to live for the future.
 

jayjayqueenie

Active Member
hello, this is my first time posting. my husband and I have been together for many years. since years back, we been quarreling about him being very laid-back and insensitive. to elaborate further, he doesn't take any initiative in planning, for all the key milestones of a couple have to go through from wedding to housing, I have been the one taking initiation to prompt him. for all the small items also such as holiday trip itinerary, money changing, I also have even the one taking the initiation to prompt him.

I don't get how a guy can be so laid-back to this extend. every time we quarrel, he will said he will change and he is improving. from my view, he is improving at such a slow speed, it's almost insignificant. this quarel cycle has been repeating for years and recently I think I really had enough of this nonsense.

while he is nice, and he does stuff and pamper me, but this passiveness of him make me feel very upset and helpless. I am looking up to a husband who can take the lead and not a son who do things only at my nagging. recently his bad temper is also flaring up and it irks me even further. he said hurtful words that show how immature he is.

I really appreciate any advise.
Not to compare but I have a hubby who wants to decide everything for me.
even how i feed my baby.
 

lostsheepmeh

New Member
Thanks all for the reply. I knew since many years back, and each time we quarrel, he say he will make changes, so I tried to be positive, but until now, things felt the same to me.

He has bad temper all along which was quite under control until recently.

Nope we do not have any kids.

If I have to prompt him to do every single thing, doesn't that make him my son?
 

Drain

Member
Well, it's part of his character, and since at start he's like that, and you chosen him, it's the path that you have chosen.
Yes indeed he said will change but never, and I believe its not the first time already. Probably more than 5 times? If you cannot take it during the 3rd time, you would have do something about it, wont you? It's a bit too late to do anything now.
Take it or leave it is the only choice left
 

johntan68

Member
Hi Sis,

Understand the frustrations you facing. However, there surely have area of strengths your hubby have that attracts you? We all have strengths and weakness, dont keep focusing on the weak point, but look at overall, give and take.
Just as an example, for me, there are so many plannings, strategies, reviews etc & etc in my daily work, so when I'm off work, I simply just want to rest my mind. So when I went for family vacations, I will take tour package rather than free and easily. So i dont need to plan anything but just simply follows.....

John
 

Soulcloudy123

New Member
Hi,

I ustd how u feel... It's just very tiring to have a husb like that. I too face with such a man. .. honestly, I stay in marriage Bec if kid, if not I think I will have just walk away. There is no more love in the marriage. Just responsibility. I feel resentful for the nonsense I had to tolerate n the share of work.. but I guess no choice... Like wat others said either take it or leave it. This type of man will never change only become worse as they age. Sigh. ...
 

bbleh

New Member
hello, this is my first time posting. my husband and I have been together for many years. since years back, we been quarreling about him being very laid-back and insensitive. to elaborate further, he doesn't take any initiative in planning, for all the key milestones of a couple have to go through from wedding to housing, I have been the one taking initiation to prompt him. for all the small items also such as holiday trip itinerary, money changing, I also have even the one taking the initiation to prompt him.

I don't get how a guy can be so laid-back to this extend. every time we quarrel, he will said he will change and he is improving. from my view, he is improving at such a slow speed, it's almost insignificant. this quarel cycle has been repeating for years and recently I think I really had enough of this nonsense.

while he is nice, and he does stuff and pamper me, but this passiveness of him make me feel very upset and helpless. I am looking up to a husband who can take the lead and not a son who do things only at my nagging. recently his bad temper is also flaring up and it irks me even further. he said hurtful words that show how immature he is.

I really appreciate any advise.
I feel you too as my husband is exactly like this. we had many quarrels over his passiveness. I’ve known him for 10 years and he only got from bad to worse. His temper is getting bad too.

I have a young kid and I chose to tolerate all these. I don’t have expectations of him so that helped to keep my disappointment low. I can’t change another person but I changed my attitude towards the situation. That made me feel better at times.
 

Mongkok

Active Member
He won't change. Neither will you. Understand? Vice versa, can u do it?

It's about living w each other's flaw in a relationship.

Being lay back has its plus point. Think about it. If yours is too active, u may come to this forum on a diff issue (eg. EMA?)

If u can't live w his attitude anymore, this shows u guys are fated to end very soon. Why force him to change if u can't do it?

Marriage is life commitment. Noone will change him/her self (unwillingly) to suit the partner for life. Well.. exclude willing cases.

one man's meat is another man's poison.

Don't think he has any issue getting someone who sees the good in this attitude.

It's life. Try to accept.. ask yourself how long it will take u to find the perfect one since your current one so far has no deadly sin?
 

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