Hi Sisters,
No time no talk
How have you all been. I "see" some familiar faces and some new brave sisters. Jia you everyone. For me, the status is that I am just trying naturally as I believe I am happier with life for now by trying naturally first.
Meanwhile, I followed the page of posting and can I see something from the bottom of my heart and hear me out if you have time. I see that many sisters here have had bad experience with kkh and would never want to go back there again. I also see that some sisters were very lucky to have strike the first time and is speaking up for kkh and their belief in the merits of the hospital.
I personally believe that everyone is entitled to their opinions and that is the right that all us are luckily to have been born with. Its great to take the stance of having the courage to express our opinions. In addition, life would be very beautiful if we can belief/support our views and at the same time, respect that of others due to everyone’s so unique circumstances.
And the latter statement is very difficult to attain unless one traveled that very difficult path of ups and downs, rock and bottom. Personally, in these two years, I went from a person who can conceive easily to one who has been through multiple mcs to one who has problem conceiving. And I find that at each stage, my view on life changes significantly. When I could conceive easily, frankly, the threads that I would visit is where to find the most beautiful maternity clothes. To me, having the problem of conception can only happen to other people. Its afterall 1 out of 10. I shared the joy of my pregnancy with friends who have kids and also fall under the 9 majority category. It did not cross my mind much that I will need to face so many challenges. Also, then, mc was alien to me as I hardly know anyone who has suffered mcs (now I know its that people who suffered mcs don’t talk to people who don’t understand mc). I still have friends who think that people who have mcs are fools who do not know how to take care of themselves and I don’t blame them personally as it takes one to know one.
Next, I have mcs, then, I started to visit sites on reasons for miscarriages. No longer do I look at maternity clothes or the best brand of DHA milk powder. I started to know friends who have miscarriages and find that miscarriages are so so common. Statistic showed for every four woman we know, one might have a mc. I became very sympathetic and understanding to those who have mcs as I have experienced that firsthand, no fun at all, full of sadness and regrets but somehow, my world is enlarged to a large extent in that I experience, saw and knew true sufferings. And also gained lots of insights from comrades who also mced.
After I have difficulties conceiving, I started looking at ivf and tcm and acu. I stopped looking at reasons for miscarriages as I know that so well now. And the 1 out of 10 couple with problem conceiving is no long alien. I now have friends who have been through the same journey and we really treasure each other. My world grew larger yet again. This time, injected with elements of struggles with getting that positive on the hpt and at the same time, I grew more worldly, that in this world, we cannot take for granted that there are imperfections. Ironically, from been imperfect, I became a better and more complete person, no long a mountain tortoise. Also, I got to know people who have gone through even far more from these forums.
Again, when I am with friends who have never and will never walk such a road, I refrained from talking about infertility, mcs and such as we would probably end up fighting as they cannot understand me, I understand where they are coming from (been there) but still, they cannot understand me. So I will avoid the potential landmines. Are they still my friends, yes, but not the full spectrum as there is an important part of my life that they don’t understand. Do I blame them, no if they try to respect me but I know its tough as they have not gone through that. If no choice they come to know that I belong to the 1 out of 10, I will stand up for myself and tell them in this world, they are people like me. While they still be my friends, yes, if they stop giving me that funny stares at less in front of me but I don’t care and don’t have the capacity to care what they think.
So here I am, from been someone who has easily conceived to someone believes in the merits of ivf and done ivf myself and has lucky or unlucky, made to go through the whole cycle of in heaven and hell. Do I pity myself, no longer as I lost (babies and the ease of conception) and yet gained knowledge, sympathy, so many things that can be within our control are no longer by some reasons that even the most modern science cannot explain and a whole new spectrum about what really goes on in real life and I also make new friends.
I see my experience of two years as been very relevant to the debate on kkh. For sisters have lousy experience with kkh, and vowed never to go back, they are made to go through the whole cycle of hope and failure and many logistics issues. Its like the me who have gone through these ups and downs. For sisters, who have strike the first time and may or may not experienced the logistic issues (to be fair, sisters who have strike the first time have been through issues too in some way or other), its like a hypothetical me who has been through one mc and then have a good pregnancy and graduated and can move on into another important new role in life.
So I believe that the result of these two camps is really due to life experiences and circumstances that one is made to go through by the higher forces. For the sisters who are made to go through ups and downs again and again, hang in there and I am sure we will gain something along the way. For the sisters who strike the first time and on the way to motherhood, I envy you all and think you all have done a lot, being through a lot to be where you are too. Your success is well deserved too. In the meantime, please bear with us, the repeated students who kept failing under the system and would like to share the reasons why they believe their failed under kkh, and be more patient with us as we need the patience and lots of tender loving care really to make up for more trying trials ahead.
And lets all shake hands and be friends again k as this road is already so tough, full of hateful rocks and stones. Trust me, there will be now other forum participates who are talking about where to buy the sexiest maternity clothes thinking that participates in this ivf support group are all people not from these earth. All the more we must help and support each other to make this thread feel like coming home too k. I am sure we all can do it, given our similar experience of having conception difficulties and later doing ivf.
Another thing I want to recommend is that for sisters who are going to do their cycles at NUH, do consider asking for two progesterone inserts, one to be used in the morning and one to be used in the evening. They usually give one only but to ensure our backside is more covered..can ask for two to provide more support during the 2WW.
Sorry for the long post k..
