Husband refused to sleep with wife

[tryingtoconceive2014]

Well, sometimes, I really pity my university classmate. She is 1 year younger than me, married to her husband for 7 years at least. However, since marriage, actually till date, they only slept together on the same bed once or twice. She often quarrelled with her husband coz of this. The reasons he gave are often: he snores, thus disrupting her sleep; she needs to get up early and he does not; and or he sleeps late and she sleeps early etc. Whenever she brings up the subject of having a baby, he will quarrel badly with her. For the lack of affection, he tried to make it up by cooking breakfast, doing household chores etc. My university classmate often cried in silence. The husband knows about that too. They are both Christians. Now my university classmate admires a boy in the job she is currently working, but not sure if the boy has any affections towards her. She tried to persuade the husband to go for marriage counselling. He just went once, and said that it was a waste of time and totally useless. They are both Christians. In my classmates's eyes, Bible says Christians not supposed to divorce their husbands or wives, so she is stuck here. She keeps on waiting years after year, hoping that the husband will change one day for the better. However, 2 to 3 years have passed, and the husband is still cold and unaffectionate towards her.

What should she do now?

Strange thing is: the husband's parents never bring up the subject of grandchildren all these years, though my university classmate insists that her husband is straight.

 

[Daman]

So they were both virgins before they got married? Sounds like they never gone on overseas trips or something together while they were dating before they got married. Anyways, too late for anything, unless your friend can understand what is going on inside the hub's mind, think this union doomed to end...

As a guy, some reasons why hubby refuses to sleep with wife. Like somebody outside, felt that pleasure itself is a sin (due to religion sometimes), see no need to sleep with wife, sees her as a thing to make babies (some of my japanese friends are like this)... a tonne of reasons... Ask your friend to decide, at the end of the day, is her happiness more impt or religion more impt. If its religion, then ask her to convince her hub, or otherwise be stuck in her miserable life forever (since divorce and cheating is out).

 

[jo_tadd]

There could be many reasons such as catinthesky suggested or he has bisexual tendencies. You never know. I know of cases where the couples are both Chrisitians and the guy married the girl just due to parental pressure as a disguise that he is straight. Eventually, the wife found out and divorced the husband.

I am a Christian. My ex husband was not back then but he followed me to church. He is straight unfortunately he was sexually abused at 7 and has been on gay websites and webcam with them for many years. I only found out after I gave birth to my boy 4 months later. You could never tell. I'm not insisting that the guy must be bisexual or gay but human beings have desires especially guys so how could the husband don't want to touch the wife unless he has somebody else in his mind or is not straight? The possibilities are endless. Even if the guy is a staunch christian, he surely has desires bah?

 

[bbabyblue]

I though usually for Christian, before married will have to attend marriage preparation course. Talk about things including whether want to have children or not?

 

[jo_tadd]

It depends yes and no but he kinda accepted Christ for me and revert back to his beliefs after marriage.

I was a virgin before marriage. I didn't force him to go for church counselling. But seriously counselling is only helpfulwhen the party is really open to it.

After he was caught redhanded, he went counselling but after a few sessions he stopped. I didn't see his effort to want to change. Main thing I'm concerned he will do hanky panky stuff to my boy. Of course there is also financial woes as he was job hopping and not providing financially. So I decided to file for divorce. I rather be cautious because I can't be with my boy 24/7.

 

[Cindize]

Perhaps her husband has a different language of love. Many sleep with their wives and all but don't help with house work nor even cook ever for their wives. Just abusive and selfish. I guess every family has their own problems.

 

[jayjayqueenie]

how old are they to be exact?

recently i have heard certain old time traditions that some couples sleep seperately. in this case, reason is because the female family requires husband to buy a property for the wife. if not a property then there must be a room dedicated specially for her.

but this was an old tradition. hardly have this anymore.

 

[gladjo]

Usually... Once a man is caught red handed ...their man ego is destroyed n not many will be able to go back to normal sexual relationship with wify ...its kinda of red imprint on their mind...it will take a lots n lots of counselling that's y marrige failed after an affair is discovered

 

[tryingtoconceive2014]

how old are they to be exact?

recently i have heard certain old time traditions that some couples sleep seperately. in this case, reason is because the female family requires husband to buy a property for the wife. if not a property then there must be a room dedicated specially for her.

but this was an old tradition. hardly have this anymore.

My classmate is 38 years old, and her husband is around the same age as her, I believe. I am not too sure, as she never says.

 

[dloreangel]

38yos only and this is happening? oh dear....
its gonna be very stressful!

 

[tryingtoconceive2014]

As far as I know, this classmate of mine always quarrel with her husband coz of this. She is also in a dilemma for some time already, as she likes another man in her current work place (though not sure if the guy also likes her), but do not want to divorce her husband, as according to her, the Bible says that Christians are not allowed to divorce, no matter whatever reason.

 

[sunbelle]

sum times have to ask ourselves, whether is our happiness more impt. yeah why we should be holding on for sumtin that makes us unhappiest.

Easy to say than done cos I m thinking hard myself. If not for the kid, is much easier.

 

[bbabyblue]

But what's the point of holding on to a marriage that is unhappy? I'm sure God will forgive her if the marriage really comes to an end.

 

[dloreangel]

what bbabyblue said is true also.... sometimes if its meant to end, u have no choice

 

[gladjo]

Sometimes ppl just take the context out of bible n then their lives become totally confused n upside down n they blame God. God gave us Free Will n Intelligence so make your decision on your own future. Ur hubby hv a secret life u may not be aware otherwise why this is happening..there's always smoke before fire and if he keeps denying the secret is much ingrain n complex so perhaps as a wife, consider how you want your future

 

[sassynsweet]

Sometimes ppl just take the context out of bible n then their lives become totally confused n upside down n they blame God. God gave us Free Will n Intelligence so make your decision on your own future. Ur hubby hv a secret life u may not be aware otherwise why this is happening..there's always smoke before fire and if he keeps denying the secret is much ingrain n complex so perhaps as a wife, consider how you want your future

agree with gladjo.
dont take the bible (or other religious teachings) out of context also.
if the hubby is no longer in tune with the marriage, whats the point of torturing.
god would not want her to stay this way......

i can imagine how painful for her for the past 3 years

 

[sassynsweet]

Does he have erectile dysfunctional syndrome? Maybe he is embarrassed about it.
Hmm I thought bible also says somewhere that husbands and wives do not deprive each other...

that is a thoughtful thinking. maybe he does have a medical condition that he is too embarrassed to talk abt.
i know many religious people who do not understand sex, and is too embarrassed to talk, or even consult a doctor abt

 

[pixie ng]

As far as I know, this classmate of mine always quarrel with her husband coz of this. She is also in a dilemma for some time already, as she likes another man in her current work place (though not sure if the guy also likes her), but do not want to divorce her husband, as according to her, the Bible says that Christians are not allowed to divorce, no matter whatever reason.

err..pls help me ask your classmate...
bible say christians not allow to divorce no matter what, but bible say able to like another man when she is already married *confuse*
if bible say woman must remain faithful mentally, physically and spiritually to her husband no matter what, she already broke the "rules & regulations"... so mind as well break 1 more if she wants to divorce...

dun understand why people keep using God's name to justify their actions... "god say i need to cut album, so please donate money to me so i can sing song and save the world".. "god say we need to build big church, so donate money to me. god will rewards you with much more" end up money use to pay for beverly hill mansion rental...

 

[jayjayqueenie]

As far as I know, this classmate of mine always quarrel with her husband coz of this. She is also in a dilemma for some time already, as she likes another man in her current work place (though not sure if the guy also likes her), but do not want to divorce her husband, as according to her, the Bible says that Christians are not allowed to divorce, no matter whatever reason.

very traditional people u know

 

[gladjo]

Hmm....there r ppl who hv certain personalities for certain occasion ...u may be seeing the angelic side lo...there's always a part of us that want to do dare devil stuff,I admit ...no shame but there are so ppl so uptight to keeping this ugly side a deep secret n that will grow n manifest sometimes horribly