Hi,
I'm a daddy and it's my first post here. Chanced upon this forum after I had a big quarrel with my wife, who said that I'm not good to her at all..and that made me feel very down. Hence I hope by providing more details here, fellow sisters can give me your opinions or judge how i do as a husband.
We have 1 kid who's 2yrs+ and a maid at home (wife's working too). In terms of finances, we don't go down to the details but basically wife pays the maid's salary, the kid's clothings, diapers, toys, groceries whenever her parents buy for us. I pay all the house utilites bills, the kid's childcare, insurance fees, milk powder, NTUC shopping if i'm around, dining out as a family, all the car's expenses (ard 1.5k/mth). Only she uses the car on weekdays as she needs to fetch the kid to school, and if there's a need to top up petrol or wash the car, I'll be the one doing it. I take mrt daily. I don't surprise her with gifts like how the best hubbies do, but on her birthdays, I normally spend a few hundreds to dine out and buy a present for her.
Before we had a maid, and baby was still small, I help out with some chores like clearing the rubbish, washing the dishes, ironing my own clothes, going out to buy back lunches (I still do that all weekends cause she says she's tired/lazy to go out), help baby to change diapers, clothes, oh and carry and coax baby to sleep every night.
Past few times we had arguments because I told her to stop using her phone all the time as she'd be glued to her mobile while baby's mucus was going into the mouth or maybe watching some violent scene on TV. Then once we were travelling, she told me she needed to use the washroom, so I waited for her outside while I carried the baby. When she came out, I saw her entering a department store and so I waited outside, with the baby for like 20-30mins. When she finally came back, I gave her a black face and chided her for going to shop while i waited outside with baby, to which she responded that ever since we had a baby, I'd been criticizing her for all the small things and didn't give her personal space.
As she goes to work later, she would normally sleep late and wake up later than me. So during the weekends, I will wake up first with the kid and look after the kid for 1-2hrs so that wife can sleep more. Once a while if she tells me she is meeting her friends after work, I will just say ok and look after the kid for the night, without asking details of who she's meeting or where she's going. She's an independent person and tends to have her own thinking. As a result, when it comes to making decisions, many a times she will override me, partly because I give in to her. From which contractor to use, which hotel to book for hols, which school kid should attend, sometimes we have different opinions and she will go ahead to make her decision. Overtime, it is making me unhappy and more passive as I don't feel respected, and often my efforts and time have gone to waste (eg. researching for a holiday hotel and gets ignored eventually). Sometimes partly because of this issue, I don't really feel like making love (our frequency is like once every 3-4 weeks..) She has complained about the lack of intimacy, so I tried to cut down on the porn and diy, to increase the frequency to once a fortnight (she doesn't have a high libido, just expecting slightly more i guess).
I'm not sure why, but since early days (not just now) when we got married, she does not hold my hands nor kiss me except during bedroom activity. Sometimes when i read about other wives expecting a daily kiss before work from their husbands, or when I see women willingly hold their husband's arm while walking, makes me so envious. I wish she would do that or ask me to do the same, but i guess this kind of stuff depends on whether one has the feelings to do so..? So because we normally have little physical contact (and she's not the kind who'd dress up to attract me either) sex just took a back seat for me overtime..usually only happens if she asks for it
Sorry for the long story, just wanted to give more background info, so that you can better understand my situation. Do you all feel that I'm not good to my wife or not a good husband..?
Thank you so much for your time for reading
I'm a daddy and it's my first post here. Chanced upon this forum after I had a big quarrel with my wife, who said that I'm not good to her at all..and that made me feel very down. Hence I hope by providing more details here, fellow sisters can give me your opinions or judge how i do as a husband.
We have 1 kid who's 2yrs+ and a maid at home (wife's working too). In terms of finances, we don't go down to the details but basically wife pays the maid's salary, the kid's clothings, diapers, toys, groceries whenever her parents buy for us. I pay all the house utilites bills, the kid's childcare, insurance fees, milk powder, NTUC shopping if i'm around, dining out as a family, all the car's expenses (ard 1.5k/mth). Only she uses the car on weekdays as she needs to fetch the kid to school, and if there's a need to top up petrol or wash the car, I'll be the one doing it. I take mrt daily. I don't surprise her with gifts like how the best hubbies do, but on her birthdays, I normally spend a few hundreds to dine out and buy a present for her.
Before we had a maid, and baby was still small, I help out with some chores like clearing the rubbish, washing the dishes, ironing my own clothes, going out to buy back lunches (I still do that all weekends cause she says she's tired/lazy to go out), help baby to change diapers, clothes, oh and carry and coax baby to sleep every night.
Past few times we had arguments because I told her to stop using her phone all the time as she'd be glued to her mobile while baby's mucus was going into the mouth or maybe watching some violent scene on TV. Then once we were travelling, she told me she needed to use the washroom, so I waited for her outside while I carried the baby. When she came out, I saw her entering a department store and so I waited outside, with the baby for like 20-30mins. When she finally came back, I gave her a black face and chided her for going to shop while i waited outside with baby, to which she responded that ever since we had a baby, I'd been criticizing her for all the small things and didn't give her personal space.
As she goes to work later, she would normally sleep late and wake up later than me. So during the weekends, I will wake up first with the kid and look after the kid for 1-2hrs so that wife can sleep more. Once a while if she tells me she is meeting her friends after work, I will just say ok and look after the kid for the night, without asking details of who she's meeting or where she's going. She's an independent person and tends to have her own thinking. As a result, when it comes to making decisions, many a times she will override me, partly because I give in to her. From which contractor to use, which hotel to book for hols, which school kid should attend, sometimes we have different opinions and she will go ahead to make her decision. Overtime, it is making me unhappy and more passive as I don't feel respected, and often my efforts and time have gone to waste (eg. researching for a holiday hotel and gets ignored eventually). Sometimes partly because of this issue, I don't really feel like making love (our frequency is like once every 3-4 weeks..) She has complained about the lack of intimacy, so I tried to cut down on the porn and diy, to increase the frequency to once a fortnight (she doesn't have a high libido, just expecting slightly more i guess).
I'm not sure why, but since early days (not just now) when we got married, she does not hold my hands nor kiss me except during bedroom activity. Sometimes when i read about other wives expecting a daily kiss before work from their husbands, or when I see women willingly hold their husband's arm while walking, makes me so envious. I wish she would do that or ask me to do the same, but i guess this kind of stuff depends on whether one has the feelings to do so..? So because we normally have little physical contact (and she's not the kind who'd dress up to attract me either) sex just took a back seat for me overtime..usually only happens if she asks for it
Sorry for the long story, just wanted to give more background info, so that you can better understand my situation. Do you all feel that I'm not good to my wife or not a good husband..?
Thank you so much for your time for reading