Feeling unfairness

[Peace & Happiness]

Hi, have anyone been in this situation whereby I bought birthday present for my niece to make her happy but when it was my daughter's birthday, my sil although remember but keep numb about it. I don't feel good cos my daughter asked why she didn't get any present from sil but her daughter got present from us. Not sure if I am being too petty about it.

 

[tryingtostayafloat]

Hi, I understand you don't feel good about it and no one would to cause you want your kid to be happy and yet she's asking such question.

There isn't enough info for me to tell you whether it's petty or not. Does she have financial difficulties? Did she forget and kept quiet? Why are you so sure she would remember? What's your usual relationship with her? Or maybe she's just a person with very low EQ?

If you are still upset, perhaps your husband can talk to his sister in a joking manner rather than making this an issue? See whether she can be jolted to do something about it?

If not, just move on. You sound like a nice person who makes an effort to get a gift for your niece but just because you are giving, you cannot expect the same treatment from others. Not everyone thinks/behave in the same way or will reciprocate.

 

[Stansy]

Hi Peace & Happiness,

Based on your sharing it seems that you are expecting your SIL to reciprocate it; if that’s the expectation of yours ... ain’t as an aunt shouldn’t you be giving an unconditional loves to your niece? Anyway, how expensive can a birthday gift be rite? Like you said your intend is to bring happiness to your niece so why get yourself into such negative vibes.

I agree with tryingtostayaflout perhaps your SIL has some financial difficulties.

life is short... just move on. Mostly importantly is to stay happy and harmony with the family members

 

[Peace & Happiness]

Hi ladies, thank you for your reply. Yes although I don't feel good. I will still move on. However allow me to tell the whole story in detail.

I have 2 sil. I'll address them as A and B. Both are closer to each other than me. My relationship with them is normal. We do chat. We never quarrel so there is no hard feeling among us. B has always show great support to A and always shower A's daughter with gifts for different occasions. My girl has none. Sometimes when we gathered, B gave gift to A's daughter in front of my daughter and both aunties will talked loudly and laughed about it. I know my daughter doesn't feel good but she pretended to be ok. I feel sad too. A's daughter is 2 years younger than mine. Her daughter is the youngest and the 'apple' in our big family. Before A daughter's birthday, B will asked what present she like in group chat. A will then send pic for us to buy. We cannot celebrate with her due to CB so i think the gift although quite costly (hundred over) can cheer her up.

Fyi, I'm a housewife. My husband is a senior executive. We are not rich people. B is also like us, not rich people. A is a senior manager. Her husband is a regional director. They live in a private house. Drive luxury car. They are definitely richer than us.

My daughter's birthday is one month after A's daughter. It's still CB so we can't celebrate too. Why I know they are aware of my daughter's birthday because both A and B only asked if I want to buy birthday cake for her, they can recommend an online cakeshop that do delivery during CB. They emphasized how delicious the cake is. Other than that, both did not mention wanting to give this niece a nice birthday present. My girl is just 2 years older than A's daughter. She's also a kid. She does not need hundred over birthday present, just decent gifts from both aunties to let her know that they adore her. She's not nobody or somebody who stand at one side watching. Sadly the adults are being too insensitive. Overall I just don't want her to feel sad and feel less love.

Please let me your thinking. Thank you.

 

[Kaninana21]

Hi ladies, thank you for your reply. Yes although I don't feel good. I will still move on. However allow me to tell the whole story in detail.

I have 2 sil. I'll address them as A and B. Both are closer to each other than me. My relationship with them is normal. We do chat. We never quarrel so there is no hard feeling among us. B has always show great support to A and always shower A's daughter with gifts for different occasions. My girl has none. Sometimes when we gathered, B gave gift to A's daughter in front of my daughter and both aunties will talked loudly and laughed about it. I know my daughter doesn't feel good but she pretended to be ok. I feel sad too. A's daughter is 2 years younger than mine. Her daughter is the youngest and the 'apple' in our big family. Before A daughter's birthday, B will asked what present she like in group chat. A will then send pic for us to buy. We cannot celebrate with her due to CB so i think the gift although quite costly (hundred over) can cheer her up.

Fyi, I'm a housewife. My husband is a senior executive. We are not rich people. B is also like us, not rich people. A is a senior manager. Her husband is a regional director. They live in a private house. Drive luxury car. They are definitely richer than us.

My daughter's birthday is one month after A's daughter. It's still CB so we can't celebrate too. Why I know they are aware of my daughter's birthday because both A and B only asked if I want to buy birthday cake for her, they can recommend an online cakeshop that do delivery during CB. They emphasized how delicious the cake is. Other than that, both did not mention wanting to give this niece a nice birthday present. My girl is just 2 years older than A's daughter. She's also a kid. She does not need hundred over birthday present, just decent gifts from both aunties to let her know that they adore her. She's not nobody or somebody who stand at one side watching. Sadly the adults are being too insensitive. Overall I just don't want her to feel sad and feel less love.

Please let me your thinking. Thank you.

How is the relationship between your husband and his sisters?

There is nothing wrong with wanting your girl to feel loved. Sometimes, it’s due to the relationship your husband has with his sisters.

 

[Peace & Happiness]

My husband is a quiet person. Because he doesn't talk much, he seldom interact with them. But they never quarrel. If there's any dispute, they'll avoid and will not bring it up. Another thing is my husband always side his family no matter right or wrong. That's why I did not bring this matter up to him. I know he definitely not agree to me. He loves his daughter very much. I'm sure he's aware but because the other party is his sister. He can't do much. So I should say they see each other as brother and sister but not close.

 

[Mongkok]

you are not petty. you are feeling sour.

A can choose what gift her daughter will get. U aren't given a chance to choose.

In future, 'choose or decide' on the gift u want to give. when A send you a pic, take it as a cue ONLY. If A didn't send, you decide. Either decide on your own what to gift or you give something equivalent to A's choice.

Once u gain bk this control, you will feel balance.

 

[Peace & Happiness]

Anyone in my position whose daughter was not loved and ignored by extended family members will understand how I feel. I am concerned abt the little child's feeling. Not me.

 

[Susu1985]

Why not let ur daughter jus tell her aunties that she is upset that she didn't get any present for her birthday when u guys meet up. When kids speak for themselves, it's less offensive and portray the true feeling.
I think the adults will feel abit paisei by kids asking for presents. Haha

 

[Peace & Happiness]

Kids also paisei to ask. Anyway if adults can display equality and fairness among cousins in a big family.. just like in school, parents request teachers to exhibit equality and fairness in class, there won't be this kind of unnecessary disappointment. Everyone is different. To meet a responsible and upright person even more difficult.