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Feeling alone in this family

Discussion in 'Matters Of The Heart' started by Amanda.heng, Sep 11, 2018.

  1. Amanda.heng

    Amanda.heng New Member

    I'm currently pregnant with twins and this time round, I feel that I seems to be facing everything myself. My husband has been very fierce and has been scolding me over small issues and my in-laws has not been offering their help but instead has been complaining about me to my sister-in-law and my husband. Yesterday I brought my daughter out and my mother-in-law insisted in me bringing the porridge that she cooked however we did not as my husband's intention was to reach home early. The moment we reached home last night, my mother-in-law pulled a long face and reprimanded me for not bringing the porridge out and hence my husband asked me to feed my daughter at 10pm. Even though it's late and I tried explaining that my daughter was not hungry, no one cares and turned out I need to pacify my daughter and need to crawl around the whole house with my heavily pregnant tummy and injured leg to feed my daughter and shorty after that, my mother-in-law asked me don't force my daughter to eat as it's too late. I was on hospitalization leave due to some complications but i did not manage to get any rest as I need to run about taking care of my daughter and doing all the chores. I understand that it's not my in-laws obligation to help but I feel alone in the family and my husband has been scolding me almost everyday due to small issues. He has been comparing me with his friend's wife and mentioned to me that I have been a financial burden to me whereas his friend's wife has been helping out financially.

    I had been crying myself to sleep and have never bring this up to anyone because I don't want them to worry about me but recently I had the thought of divorcing my husband. Would need some advice on this
    Last edited: Sep 11, 2018

  2. JL8118

    JL8118 Member

    Divorcing is a last option in my pov.
    Suggest you have a talk with your hubby about this issue.
    Even though he know about it, but tell him how you feel.
    Discuss to see what can be done.
  3. Hey girl hope you are coping better. I think it might be a case of too many small squabbles and your hubby found it irritating hence the tension escalated.

    Take a deep breath and remind yourself that once pregnancy over you can move on to other things. Have you thought of working again? It might be good to gain financial independence too.

    Don't look for short cuts. D is always last resort...

    Jia you, God bless! Btw it's a great blessing to be blessed with twins. Grace be to you!
  4. Amanda.heng

    Amanda.heng New Member

    We never quarrel before because I always give in as I believe that quarrel will worsen the situation and I do not want to say anything hurtful. I am currently working just that am having hospitalization leave and i don't that much as my husband.

    Thanks for the blessing
  5. Starrytwink

    Starrytwink New Member

    Press on and I believe things will turn for the better. I understand how you feel when you said you do not want others to worry about you and hence did not tell them, but I really encourage you to speak to maybe one or two close friends who really know you and understand you and have seen both sides of you - pregnant and non-pregnant. They may not only be able to provide you with emotional support but may even be able to give you better advice than us since they are afterall those involved in your life. Also agree that you should speak to your husband about this before the matters get worse but do remember that divorce is the last resort unless abuse is in the picture ya. Well wishes for you and your twin babies as well as your family :)
  6. Eppy

    Eppy Member

    I think you need to get a Helper ... 3 children is no joke or maybe 2 helpers if your in law is staying with you.

    If they disagree just say you cannot cope and cry in front of them, then they will step up n in to help YOU!!!!
  7. Stelle76

    Stelle76 New Member

    It is tough but divorce is not going to work out anything. You gotta stay postive so that your babies will be healthy and pretty. Need to work out your financial plans so that the strain is lesser ... have a good talk with uour MIL and make her understand how you feek now or your SIL if she is a better approach.
    Its a blessing you can have your own kids, i do not have the chance although i love children lots.
  8. Mongkok

    Mongkok Active Member

    you can D. but, not now.

    you may be in an emotional stage (pregnant).

    if you know that no-one will listen to you, don't talk, don't explain. nicely pass the task to the person who think it can be accomplished and then walk away.

    as for the verbal abuse, either you walk away on-the-spot or b assertive; tell him not to talk down on you, ask him to stop.

    for yourself, plan forward. get a job, get a maid. concentrate on yourself and your kid. you'll need money to fight later on.

    you may be weak now, but not forever. learn to love yourself more.

    always remember, you are not alone. you have your children with you.
    Last edited: Sep 14, 2018
  9. Amanda.heng

    Amanda.heng New Member

    Thanks for the advice. I try to ignorance and walk away but it seems like things are getting out of hand. My husband will ask me to feed baby, do this, do that as if I'm idling around. I have to admit he's very meticulous however there are times when he was packing some stuff, he will give me warning and talk in an authoritative tone and will say things like "U better know where I put, if I ask you and you don't know, I will scold you for sure". To me, it's even worse than working because I feel stress every single day.
  10. sherrylim

    sherrylim Member

    Hi Gal, if I were u....I will tell him off...or rather tell him straight that I am not your maid. Sometimes we have to protect ourselves. U r working too. not that you are totally depending on him.
    Be strong and Protect yourself. dont let your hubby bully u...In a marriage, husband dont treat their wife this way...
    jia you! ;)
    kiche likes this.
  11. Cindy Tay

    Cindy Tay Member

    Sounds that he's a MCP guy... I dislike this kind of guy... My ex was a MCP and I couldn't accept and in the end, broke up.
    Anyway, since you have chosen this path, you need to move along.
    Similar as sherrylim, I will for sure tell him off if I'm you.
    Stay strong...
  12. Amanda.heng

    Amanda.heng New Member

    Thanks all for your advice. Today my daughter was having afternoon nap and woke up at 6 plus and before that, she ate quite a lot. My mother-in-law was asking me to feed my daughter and as we will be going out shortly, I told her we will feed outside. When I was walking up the stairs to change, I overheard her telling my husband that my timing for baby meal not fixed and when I went down, she raised her voice at me and my father-in-law kept adding oil to the fire. My husband was around but he did not came to my defence, to me, I seriously don't know what i have done to deserve this.
    I feel so helpless and feel like moving back to stay with my parents
  13. cookieseason

    cookieseason New Member

    do you want to consider shifting out with husband & children instead of staying with in-law?

    Previously I stayed with my in-law, though they treated me quite well. However, my mil would want to everything kaypo & have a say & she must talk to win... so majority of the time, my husband tend to listen to her more than me... now we have shifted out, things have greatly improved a lot...
  14. Amanda.heng

    Amanda.heng New Member

    My husband will never allow that, he mentioned before that he will want to stay with his parents. She will perform stun everyday, while I was showing my helper how to clean stuff, she walked up to us deliberately to see what i say, I feel like a prisoner, suffocating and in front of my husband, she appear to be very nice. I'm on the verge of breaking down. She insisted her way even when it's my pregnancy even my delivery date just because of religion
  15. gemini jello

    gemini jello New Member

    I feel you, dear. Feel like being trapped, being watched, being questioned and no one is on your side.

    I am living with my IL and I keep asking myself why did I get married :) When my girl was really young, my MIL once pushed me away when I was hugging my girl goodbye at cc. That time, I just gave birth to my younger one. When my girl was older and we were cooking in the kitchen, she slot herself in between us and talked to my girl as if I was not there, giving instruction and chiding for not doing this and that. She questioned every grocery I buy, tried to throw the food my mum cooked for me without checking with me. and lots of other stories....

    In the beginning, I ren. Ren until cannot, complain to my husband. Later, I got into a huge depression. Fought with my husband almost every week, burst out at my girl every week, cry every other day. That lasted a few years. Result? My girl was badly affected emotionally.

    I realised, most husband cannot talk back to their mothers. It is not filial and they can't bring themselves to do it. They thought we wives can get along with their mothers, like how they can. They don't see it as any difficulty. When things get nasty, they run away.

    I'm still trying to survive but things are not as bad as before. I remind myself that she meant no harm, she is used to be the only woman in charge at home. Even though her actions and words are hurting, she doesn't mean to hurt me.

    I don't have any advise for you except be strong for your kids. Try to detach yourself emotionally when she say things. When she ask you to do anything, you have the rights to do or not to do. If you disagree, don't do and be firm. After a while, she will learn your stance and may give you more room.

    Also, be financially independent or at least have a job. That way, you don't feel so helpless and you don't need to face her every minute.

    Good Luck!

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