Divorce

[Pearly.Mh]

I am Malaysian, my husband is Singaporean. We have 7 months old baby boy.
I would like to know how to divorce in Singapore.
We just get married Oct last year 2014. Since we married, we always quarrel over a small thing. And honestly I have never feel happy since I marry him. I don't love him at all. So because of this, he always get frustrated because often I don't treat him as a husband. The marriage happen because of 'shotgun'
Early of making decision, his mother told us that better do abortion now than be cruel to him later of his life. But I cannot abort him since he is already in my stomach. I don't want to be a murderer to my own blood (please punish me God for such a thought )
So I settle down with him. I have a thought to stay with my mother in Malaysia first before the delivery. Because I am not working that time and still have to go thru a long way before delivery. I tell him that and he tells him mother about my thought. His mother become so angry that she shouted at me. Started that moment, I hate his mother for being interpreter. And not only that, my husband is well cuddled by his mother. Anything problem between us, he will tell his mother, end up his mother will come and scold me. I hate this kind of man that he cannot stand by his own, always use his mother to screw me. I am fed up with them, I hate both of them. Since my baby born, his mother become like a mother to my son that every time they come home, she will pick my baby first. She complaint so many things about how I take care of him while I don't see any wrong. Sometimes I want to tell her stop being so naggy, I just don't have the gut.
My husband didn't let me to work and demand me to take care of the baby.
Now I don't love him anymore. Because whenever we fight, his mother and sister will always be there to be his back up and supporter.
He didn't really hit me before, but he once push me down while I am still in my confinement. Often he use harsh word to me when he's angry. Never apologise even when he's wrong. Seldom helping me with the baby when he's around.
Often he will use my name as excuses for not going out with his friends and it just a shitty excuses.
I just want to know if I can divorce because of this situation? I don't have any heart to solve this problem as both him and his mother is always a gang against me.
What about the custody?
Now that I am not working, is there any way I can get the custody?
ICA granted my PR, if I divorce, will they take the status back?
If remain as PR, will they let me stay in Singapore?
I remember my husband told me once before, I cannot bring my baby back to Malaysia, because the baby is Singaporean. Really things will turn up become like that?

Please help me. I am so frustrated about this
Thank you
p/s sorry for my broken English. I am not educated

 

[iwontbite2]

I can feel you. If you divorce likely custody will goes to father because the baby is Singaporean and you are a PR. The reason why is because the judge may afraid that you bring the child back to Malaysia. But provided you have family members here who can help you and support you. How long have you obtained your PR? You can Pm to chat

 

[icekacang]

Why don't u go to fei Yue family servicE's. See of they can help u. Or go to mp.

 

[icekacang]

Write to amy khor

 

[Sasha_y]

hi pearly,

sounds like a terrible situation. sorry you are going thru it

from my knowledge, once you get PR, it lasts for 5 years. if you divorce, you do not lose your PR. if you are on DP, SP or LTVP, you may lose your visa when divorcing, but not PR. you can renew it after 5 years but that is based on a few factors like a) approval of spouse, b) children, c) employment.

Re: custody, my feeling is that joint custody is the default, but your husband may get care and control (like the daily responsibilities of take care of child). so if you are filing divorce, file a personal protection order or police report about him pushing you down during confinement (to prove that he is violent and not a good father), and get an interim custody order (so that you get custody of the child). best to get free legal advice for this. there's a list of clinics here: http://legalclinics.sg/

feel free to msg me directly also. there are some FSCs that are v helpful, like Fei Yue (as icekacang mentioned), HELP fsc, Trans Bedok fsc, etc..

 

[k.mummy]

I agree with your husband as well, government also ask us give birth more of course they will not let you have the child.but as a mother myself I will fight for my child regardless. You should get evidence of your husband behavior and prove that he did not look after the child.

 

[littlemonkies]

Surely your kid is entitled to Malaysian citizenship as well? If not long term visit pass?

For you to stay on in Singapore without any financial or emotional support is difficult. If you want to take your son away, you may have to consider taking him back to Malaysia. But if you do that, legality aside, be prepared that the guy's family will totally drop out of the picture and you will have to bring up the child by yourself...

 

[betty20]

Pearly, I am so sorry that you are in such horrible situation!

I remember that I saw a discussion on http://www.girlsaskguys.com where an American was in the same situation in Singapore, married this guy because she was pregnant and thought that everything will be ok, but it turned out that it was even worse than she imagined! Her husband was treating her badly and made her take care of the baby all the time even when it turned 3 years and could have been left in a kindergarten for the day. She had enough and decided that she wants to file for divorce. I remember that she said that she found an American lawyer in Singapore who could help her because she was afraid what decision will be taken about the custody. I think that the lawyer was able to approach her husband and his lawyer and made an agreement about the kid. This lady stayed in Singapore because of her baby but she also liked being there and not being treated badly by her husband. I think that she feels much better now.

I don't know if you would like to stay in Singapore, I would understand if you don't because your family is in Malaysia. However, what I would absolutely recommend you doing, is contacting a lawyer just to get some advises on what to do.

You have my full support! Wish you well, Pearly!

 

[icekacang]

Call women's help line. They hv volunteer lawyers to help clarify your doubts. U need to call up and make an appointment as it's only once or twice a month.