Divorce with difficult ex-spouse

evolutionmr

New Member
I had already divorced with my ex-wife for 1 year plus. Throughout the divorce til now, we have many dispute regarding about matrimonial flat, children or even maintenance.

Despite the court granted me to take over the matrimonial flat upon my ex-wife unable to take over, i was rejected by HDB to take over due to my age below 35 as of the date for final court order and they requested me to obtain my ex-wife approval in order for HDB to look into my appeal, however she wrote in to HDB for them to reject my appeal. After writing multiple letters through MPS session or even wrote to Minister, the same reply template from HDB was reverted to inform me of the same thing. Hence HDB "forced" me to surrender my flat (cannot even sell to open market as cannot come to a consensus agreement with my ex wife)

The court also granted me with access for the children every friday, saturday, half of the school/public holidays. However my ex-wife always find ways to make me take care of children more frequent as she always busy with her own stuff or probably dating. I have no problem with it, but at times i was not available due to work or personal, she will use threatening words that she will take over their custody, or change their surname all these sort to scare me so that I will concede to her request. At times, she will also spy me by asking children if i got go out with another girl, or bring them out or do what. I feel very irritated and disgust by her action.

My court order did not specific clearly on the extra expenses such as school or medical expenses which I need to responsible. But my ex-wife often bring them to expensive pediatric or sign up for all the school enrichment or even extra school-care fee which not even state in the order and expect me to pay all these.

I tried to put up a variation order to family court. But unfortunately, my lawyer actually siphoned with the legal fee and flied away from the country. Henceforth, my case was dismissed as the appointed lawyer did not fulfill his role and submit all the necessary document or appear in court. Made a police report but the police said that they will not conduct investigation as this is not considered a scam there is a agreement verbally (its like wtf right). Went to law society and they refer me back to the law firm which they are not even helpful and responsive.

My life is in a big mess, and i find it extremely difficult to move on with this type of ex-wife. Went through many counseling sessions by the family social centre but my ex-wife always create another story to them as if I am in the fault despite i have all the evidences. The counselor also cannot do anything about it or provide constructive solution. Went to other agencies such as MinLaw, MFS and etc also no use. All responded by same standard template reply.

Any other divorced parent facing same problem and what solution is possible. The route to future seems to be a dead end for me now...
 


I had already divorced with my ex-wife for 1 year plus. Throughout the divorce til now, we have many dispute regarding about matrimonial flat, children or even maintenance.

Despite the court granted me to take over the matrimonial flat upon my ex-wife unable to take over, i was rejected by HDB to take over due to my age below 35 as of the date for final court order and they requested me to obtain my ex-wife approval in order for HDB to look into my appeal, however she wrote in to HDB for them to reject my appeal. After writing multiple letters through MPS session or even wrote to Minister, the same reply template from HDB was reverted to inform me of the same thing. Hence HDB "forced" me to surrender my flat (cannot even sell to open market as cannot come to a consensus agreement with my ex wife)

The court also granted me with access for the children every friday, saturday, half of the school/public holidays. However my ex-wife always find ways to make me take care of children more frequent as she always busy with her own stuff or probably dating. I have no problem with it, but at times i was not available due to work or personal, she will use threatening words that she will take over their custody, or change their surname all these sort to scare me so that I will concede to her request. At times, she will also spy me by asking children if i got go out with another girl, or bring them out or do what. I feel very irritated and disgust by her action.

My court order did not specific clearly on the extra expenses such as school or medical expenses which I need to responsible. But my ex-wife often bring them to expensive pediatric or sign up for all the school enrichment or even extra school-care fee which not even state in the order and expect me to pay all these.

I tried to put up a variation order to family court. But unfortunately, my lawyer actually siphoned with the legal fee and flied away from the country. Henceforth, my case was dismissed as the appointed lawyer did not fulfill his role and submit all the necessary document or appear in court. Made a police report but the police said that they will not conduct investigation as this is not considered a scam there is a agreement verbally (its like wtf right). Went to law society and they refer me back to the law firm which they are not even helpful and responsive.

My life is in a big mess, and i find it extremely difficult to move on with this type of ex-wife. Went through many counseling sessions by the family social centre but my ex-wife always create another story to them as if I am in the fault despite i have all the evidences. The counselor also cannot do anything about it or provide constructive solution. Went to other agencies such as MinLaw, MFS and etc also no use. All responded by same standard template reply.

Any other divorced parent facing same problem and what solution is possible. The route to future seems to be a dead end for me now...

Who is the lawyer you engaged? which law firm?
 
Bro, after reading your message, i can really feel for you. While there will be no quick way to fix the behavioral of your ex wife, I think if you continue to dwell into such as going MFS, MPS etc, it will eventually drain you out. I see that you have tried many options and apparently doing the same things again & again, you dont expect to see any changes. You have couple of options:-

1. Keep all the evidences and take your ex wife to court and be prepared to set aside of $200K at least to drain her mentally and financially. And to show her you mean business!

2. Treat all these such as spending time with your kids, sending them to a better enrichment classes (I assumed you can afford) as part of the investment and love for your children.

I would recommend you to go for option 2, don't dwell in further with your ex, it is draining you mentally, physcially and as well as finanically.
 
Bro, after reading your message, i can really feel for you. While there will be no quick way to fix the behavioral of your ex wife, I think if you continue to dwell into such as going MFS, MPS etc, it will eventually drain you out. I see that you have tried many options and apparently doing the same things again & again, you dont expect to see any changes. You have couple of options:-

1. Keep all the evidences and take your ex wife to court and be prepared to set aside of $200K at least to drain her mentally and financially. And to show her you mean business!

2. Treat all these such as spending time with your kids, sending them to a better enrichment classes (I assumed you can afford) as part of the investment and love for your children.

I would recommend you to go for option 2, don't dwell in further with your ex, it is draining you mentally, physcially and as well as finanically.

Apparently i had already financial drained after divorce and variation order, finding a lodging place also become a problem now as HDB is prompting us to surrender the flat which i don't even have another alternative place to stay. Buying a 2 room also takes time, which i still need to rent a place temporary which might be costly. Playing legal with her is meaningless as she is under legal aid (i dont understand how she can obtain), she can send me hundreds of letters which she wont feel the pinch at all.
 
Apparently i had already financial drained after divorce and variation order, finding a lodging place also become a problem now as HDB is prompting us to surrender the flat which i don't even have another alternative place to stay. Buying a 2 room also takes time, which i still need to rent a place temporary which might be costly. Playing legal with her is meaningless as she is under legal aid (i dont understand how she can obtain), she can send me hundreds of letters which she wont feel the pinch at all.
Bro, I'm sorry to hear that, while I think you already exhausted all means but still can't fix the issues. In this case, i would encourage you, for the sake of financials, your kids, swallow the pride and take a few steps backward. I know this can be tough for man, but i think yr situation leave you with very little choice available.
Hey, anytime if you need someone to talk to over a cup of coffee, let me know ok.....
 
I had already divorced with my ex-wife for 1 year plus. Throughout the divorce til now, we have many dispute regarding about matrimonial flat, children or even maintenance.

Despite the court granted me to take over the matrimonial flat upon my ex-wife unable to take over, i was rejected by HDB to take over due to my age below 35 as of the date for final court order and they requested me to obtain my ex-wife approval in order for HDB to look into my appeal, however she wrote in to HDB for them to reject my appeal. After writing multiple letters through MPS session or even wrote to Minister, the same reply template from HDB was reverted to inform me of the same thing. Hence HDB "forced" me to surrender my flat (cannot even sell to open market as cannot come to a consensus agreement with my ex wife)

The court also granted me with access for the children every friday, saturday, half of the school/public holidays. However my ex-wife always find ways to make me take care of children more frequent as she always busy with her own stuff or probably dating. I have no problem with it, but at times i was not available due to work or personal, she will use threatening words that she will take over their custody, or change their surname all these sort to scare me so that I will concede to her request. At times, she will also spy me by asking children if i got go out with another girl, or bring them out or do what. I feel very irritated and disgust by her action.

My court order did not specific clearly on the extra expenses such as school or medical expenses which I need to responsible. But my ex-wife often bring them to expensive pediatric or sign up for all the school enrichment or even extra school-care fee which not even state in the order and expect me to pay all these.

I tried to put up a variation order to family court. But unfortunately, my lawyer actually siphoned with the legal fee and flied away from the country. Henceforth, my case was dismissed as the appointed lawyer did not fulfill his role and submit all the necessary document or appear in court. Made a police report but the police said that they will not conduct investigation as this is not considered a scam there is a agreement verbally (its like wtf right). Went to law society and they refer me back to the law firm which they are not even helpful and responsive.

My life is in a big mess, and i find it extremely difficult to move on with this type of ex-wife. Went through many counseling sessions by the family social centre but my ex-wife always create another story to them as if I am in the fault despite i have all the evidences. The counselor also cannot do anything about it or provide constructive solution. Went to other agencies such as MinLaw, MFS and etc also no use. All responded by same standard template reply.

Any other divorced parent facing same problem and what solution is possible. The route to future seems to be a dead end for me now...

Hi, sending u a PM shortly.
Pls check your Inbox. Thanks!
 
TS tks for this thread. it provides some useful info on what sort of scenarios and situations can play out post-divorce.

just to better prepare myself, and those facing D or impending D soon. any other kind souls, active members here with your personal experience and lessons to share? eg. how to have concrete measures to prevent ex spouse from being difficult? how to deal with it? any tips and tricks? what to take note of in court order etc?

thank you all.
 

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