Divorce / separation problems, pls help. :(

[Mel Ang]

Hi all, need some advices, pls.

Sorry for the long story. Reason for me to file a divorce not only due to his affair, also we have not have any intimacy since I was pregnant till now. We have many big and small arguments as well, all these I can endure though no feelings for him anymore but the triggered reason is his affair.
In order not to affect my 13-year old girl, I proposed to go ahead with the divorce but still staying together till my child's older and sell the house. I dont want any of my family members to know now too cos they are very traditional.

Initially, he agreed with the divorce and T&Cs including transferring the flat ownership with only 25% of the original house value back to him.
Unfortunately, I don't have any valid reason to file for divorce (no proof for his affair) and my salary does not allow me to take up sufficient loan to pay off the balance house loan plus the 25% to him.

Hence, i tot of going for informal separation for 3 years, still stay under same roof. I wrote up an agreement stated on what he has agreed earlier on and ask him to sign. But he suddenly changed his mind and said he doesnt want to sign anything. I was so angry that he went back his words.

I'm at a loss now. i can't divorce now and he doesnt want to sign the agreement. I don't know what i can do, I cried and pray everyday. This issue is draining me emotionally daily. Can someone advise me, please?

 

[wendy_reborn]

If it’s because of 3rd party then get evidence and file it under unreasonable or adultery.

For him why does he wan to sign a divorce if he doesn’t gain from it.
He can have best of both worlds and he doesn’t need to pay maintenance of the children and the house.

 

[Freedom-123]

Maybe he still want the marriage?

 

[wendy_reborn]

Maybe he still want the marriage?

If a man still wan the marriage he won’t risk it by having affafir

 

[TazAngg]

Hi all, need some advices, pls.

Sorry for the long story. Reason for me to file a divorce not only due to his affair, also we have not have any intimacy since I was pregnant till now. We have many big and small arguments as well, all these I can endure though no feelings for him anymore but the triggered reason is his affair.
In order not to affect my 13-year old girl, I proposed to go ahead with the divorce but still staying together till my child's older and sell the house. I dont want any of my family members to know now too cos they are very traditional.

Initially, he agreed with the divorce and T&Cs including transferring the flat ownership with only 25% of the original house value back to him.
Unfortunately, I don't have any valid reason to file for divorce (no proof for his affair) and my salary does not allow me to take up sufficient loan to pay off the balance house loan plus the 25% to him.

Hence, i tot of going for informal separation for 3 years, still stay under same roof. I wrote up an agreement stated on what he has agreed earlier on and ask him to sign. But he suddenly changed his mind and said he doesnt want to sign anything. I was so angry that he went back his words.

I'm at a loss now. i can't divorce now and he doesnt want to sign the agreement. I don't know what i can do, I cried and pray everyday. This issue is draining me emotionally daily. Can someone advise me, please?

There's no need to have prove on his affair, unless you want to file for 'Adultery'. To be honest, doesn't have much impact also, since assets etc are based on different judgement. The only maybe is that the other party pay for the lawyer fee and/or PI fee if found guilty.
Most still will go for 'unreasonable behaviour' for divorce, to save most trouble, or even 'sexless marriage' can be part of this reason too.
Actually previously when he agreed to the terms, you should engage a lawyer and do a draft already. And when both signed on it, it's some sort of 'agreement' already.
Now he doesn't want to sign anymore... You need to know what's the reason. Maybe have a talk with him? Or maybe can somehow discuss further on the T&C and see how both can give in to have it resolve in a better/peaceful way.

 

[wendy_reborn]

There's no need to have prove on his affair, unless you want to file for 'Adultery'. To be honest, doesn't have much impact also, since assets etc are based on different judgement. The only maybe is that the other party pay for the lawyer fee and/or PI fee if found guilty.
Most still will go for 'unreasonable behaviour' for divorce, to save most trouble, or even 'sexless marriage' can be part of this reason too.
Actually previously when he agreed to the terms, you should engage a lawyer and do a draft already. And when both signed on it, it's some sort of 'agreement' already.
Now he doesn't want to sign anymore... You need to know what's the reason. Maybe have a talk with him? Or maybe can somehow discuss further on the T&C and see how both can give in to have it resolve in a better/peaceful way.

This kind of man who will go back on his words and doesn’t want to divorce.
How to trust him and file for divorce and in the end he deny everything then will waste more money on lawyer fees.

If you want him to give way unless there are something that’s is beneficial to him. If you comprises too much on the end will waste out and the divorce t&c will need to go to his way.

 

[ashly]

Hi all, need some advices, pls.

Sorry for the long story. Reason for me to file a divorce not only due to his affair, also we have not have any intimacy since I was pregnant till now. We have many big and small arguments as well, all these I can endure though no feelings for him anymore but the triggered reason is his affair.
In order not to affect my 13-year old girl, I proposed to go ahead with the divorce but still staying together till my child's older and sell the house. I dont want any of my family members to know now too cos they are very traditional.

Initially, he agreed with the divorce and T&Cs including transferring the flat ownership with only 25% of the original house value back to him.
Unfortunately, I don't have any valid reason to file for divorce (no proof for his affair) and my salary does not allow me to take up sufficient loan to pay off the balance house loan plus the 25% to him.

Hence, i tot of going for informal separation for 3 years, still stay under same roof. I wrote up an agreement stated on what he has agreed earlier on and ask him to sign. But he suddenly changed his mind and said he doesnt want to sign anything. I was so angry that he went back his words.

I'm at a loss now. i can't divorce now and he doesnt want to sign the agreement. I don't know what i can do, I cried and pray everyday. This issue is draining me emotionally daily. Can someone advise me, please?

Hi,

I am going through a difficult divorce now. I understand what you mean by wanting to stay together till your child's older and not wanting your traditional family members to know.

I just want to share that I was like you, wanting to wait till my kid to get older before I get a divorce. I realised now that it's the biggest mistake I ever made. Once a woman has the thought of divorcing, she should immediately get it done. Our instinct is often right.

I had been thinking about divorcing him every day of my life for more than 10 years and I had checked out different lawyers every two or three years, and even paid a lawyer deposit more than 10 years ago. He begged me not to divorce and promised to change and all. Of course, he never did. It was his ploy to delay the divorce so that he could manipulate my younger kid to his advantage and milk money from me.

Men who go back on his words tend to be cunning. Before he found his lawyer, he cried and said he would always be good to me even after divorce. He would let his next girlfriend know that his ex-wife will always come first. How touching!

But in secret, he went to find some cheap but aggressive and sneaky lawyers to demand from me my kid, more flat sales proceeds despite paying less, child maintenance and restriction of my visiting access.

The divorce totally reinforces his true colours: he just wants the money.

For a man like your husband, who sounds similar to mine, I would advise you to proceed with the divorce. You can file a divorce even without him signing or agreeing to anything. I was like you, thinking that I had to get him to agree with everything first before filing so that it's a quick and painless divorce, but if the man is a difficult husband, he will not let you have it easy. He makes sure that everybody sinks together with him getting the most out of the sinking ship.

If you go ahead and file for a divorce, it will seal your decision to leave him - no matter how much it takes, because he will then show his true colours when money is at stake.

However, lawyers out there vary greatly in terms of quality as well as costs. Be very careful of cheap or young lawyers. They don't have the experience or expertise to help you. Most lawyers are just doing paperworks ('What do you want? I type for you.'). Sometimes you can get the vibes that the lawyer is not interested in helping you at the free consultation session. Other times, you can only know after you have paid the lawyer to draft the divorce papers which cost me $2000. I had to change to another lawyer as I found her to be incompetent and was unable to advise me on my rights at all. She was just asking me what I want and typing what I agreed to compromise or gave in on paper! A glorified and well-paid clerk at best.