Devastated wife
- Thread starter Sad_angie
- Start date
sane
Active Member
.. tried for a yr, but still no good news
This is the first phrase of motherhood challenge that u will be facing.
My buddy tried for years with several failed attempts of IVF blasting almost 100k.
She even quitted her high flyer job for a more relax lifestyle just to ttc.
She went without a job for a few years and luckily she managed to conceive naturally and will be due in Jun.
Sometimes have to depend whether your workplace is pro family too, I think I was performing well till I informed them that I was pregnant.
Dragged myself to work with the dreadful morning sickness and even go to work with bleeding in the first trimester but still the co asked me to go because they want to scrimp on maternity benefits.
The stupid boss thought he cover his ass well by coming up with a stupid lame excuse and asked me to leave by the end of my first tri. Little did he know that the enhanced maternity protection kicked in May 2013. The MOM officer say if I come in years earlier, I have no case to fight.
IMO, anyone can work well but whether u can find a good supportive co is another thing or whether u can find a co who want to employ a mum is another thing.
You can starve but your kids can't starve.
Down the road and getting older with 2 young children, whether I could find a job will be another issue. Parenthood is not easy.
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betc
Active Member
I agree. Seeing other struggle is easy to console them but when we ourselves r caught in the situation then we know how it feels to struggle trying to feed ourselves n the kids. Many single moms don't chose the path they lead. Men can just leave without a word.
betc
Active Member
One more thing. Feeding 2 kids n feeding 2 dogs r totally different. Children is a lifetime responsibility. They need food, clothes, enrichment classes on top of regular schools. They can't be left alone at home. They r like super glue. We can't just throw them somewhere if we need to do our own things.
sane
Active Member
And being financially smart doesn't mean that won't get into cashflow difficulties, got laid off, investment flopped, stock market crashed. I also never ever expect that I will be asked to leave too.
And also are u financial strong enough to be a SAHM if you have kids that are born with special needs?
Mothers are not being strapped of cash but also time too.
There are children who are born with special needs like ADHD or being diagnosed with fatal illnesses. Their monthly expenditures and medical bills are not something that insurance can cover and can run up to a hefty bill per month.
For those who's not fortunate enough to have rich parents have to factor in the healthcare and the support of their aging parents as well.
Other than their own expenses, they will still have to foot the children's expenses, house loan, household/electricity/insurance/phone bills, caregiver/maid and parents' allowances.
And also are u financial strong enough to be a SAHM if you have kids that are born with special needs?
Mothers are not being strapped of cash but also time too.
There are children who are born with special needs like ADHD or being diagnosed with fatal illnesses. Their monthly expenditures and medical bills are not something that insurance can cover and can run up to a hefty bill per month.
For those who's not fortunate enough to have rich parents have to factor in the healthcare and the support of their aging parents as well.
Other than their own expenses, they will still have to foot the children's expenses, house loan, household/electricity/insurance/phone bills, caregiver/maid and parents' allowances.
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pixie ng
Well-Known Member
that's why always need to plan ahead... before i start TTC, my boss already encourage me because i'm not young...
now i TTC, most probably will be trying IUI soon, so i already pre-empt my boss high chance i will be taking HL or unpaid leave...
then again, i have no issue supporting from work as my boss trust me that i will deliver his expectation
i agree. being financially smart will help you prevent getting into cashflow difficulties, got laid off, investment flopped, stock market crashed. but of course nothing has 100% guarantee, you have to prepare for the worst scenario.. is like when i invest, i will ask myself can i afford to lose this sum of money? if i lose my job, can my saving last me 6months at least?
for example, my friend gt an insurance once her baby is born which is smart. unfortunately her baby has water bubbles in her brain few yrs later, so she has to redeem the insurance for the treatment. lucky she has the insurance, but then again after this, don't think any insurance agency will insure her child anymore...
actually i dun put my dogs at home when i'm work. i fetch them to my parents home before going to work, after work will fetch them home. then again i do agree dogs and kids are different responsibility.. hence parents need to plan well and ahead
cant be when you end up bankrupt, being laid off, or investment failed then you start planning for the future... i guess it will be too late then
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sane
Active Member
It's good to have a understanding boss, my previous bosses in the Jap co were very understanding too as I had a difficult pregnancy and have to be admitted frequently.
I resigned but he asked me to stay and even employed a part time to take over me, he asked me to exhaust the HL then ML but unfortunately that pregnancy didn't ended up well.
Sorry to hear about your friend's case, it's good to have 2 insurance policies.
That's why I really salute single mothers. A mother's challenges start from the day of ttc then also to be covered in all aspects for unforeseen circumstances.
lavendards
Member
Just a gentle reminder. We are here to help one another through sharing our own experiences. Everyone got a different story to tell. No one is greater than, or more heroic than others. We are all from different level of the society. Respect each other ways of dealing with life choices. Not by flaming, not by bashing, not by putting each other down. End of the day, be responsible for own actions. One can choose to do what's best for themselves, or what's best for the children.
Just sharing my friend's experience not asking anyone to follow uncontested or contested way. So need not be so harsh. I do know that We will never understand what one had gone thru. But I also want to highlight that even after winning, there will still be drama later on. The guy declared bankrupt and yes he did not disappear. What he does was to make trips to OA to declare his inability to pay. He just want to 'play along' by wasting time, making the poor woman going after him. My friend needs to take leave to go various agencies to claim her rights. My friend has 3 kids. On top of the need to hold a job to feed them, taking leave to tend to her kids when they are sick, now she has to take leave to chase after alimony. She won the case but she only get bit by bit thru much chasing. JTS
It isn't so easy to go bankrupt ...once a bankrupt, you can't travel for first 5yrs n thereafter you hv to get approval if u need to travel to US, UK n EU n monthly trips to OA to submit your statement n you can't get bank loans n any type of loans n at every employment he hv to declare bankruptcy. Women's charter allow wife to go court for warrant of arrest.
Alternatively, the wife can seek to garnished his salary..after all he need $ so surely he will hv some form of income...so, there may be some missing info. So long as there is CPF contributions, there is work. Unless odd jobs or refused to work or work for frrns. My sis was a bankrupt now discharge.
And I was almost one myself...it isn't a wonderful thing when u hv seizure.. This is Singapore, u can ran but u can't hide.
Yes..she hv to chase..she hv to just submit a $1 court admin fee for an order to be issue against him n that take 5min and an appointment in 2weeks later to stand 5min only b4 the judge n the arrest is done granted.
And if she was represented, that lawyer did a lousy job but he still got paid.
Bottom line, I may not get what I want by contesting, I may only get half of it ...still it's better than not trying n getting nothing ... Yes, it' s draggy but am not contesting a few million.. Or some landed property.. It's just HDB... How long can it drag ..10yr,30yr...no.. 1-2yr depending what i contest in ancillaries.
1-2yr waiting period compared with no financial assistance from those stupid husbands for the next 20yrs? Which is better.
while u skim n save n worked like a dog ...he is having full financial freedom (when u go uncontested) n enjoyment.
Is this what you deserve? Does the kids deserve this?
Alternatively, the wife can seek to garnished his salary..after all he need $ so surely he will hv some form of income...so, there may be some missing info. So long as there is CPF contributions, there is work. Unless odd jobs or refused to work or work for frrns. My sis was a bankrupt now discharge.
And I was almost one myself...it isn't a wonderful thing when u hv seizure.. This is Singapore, u can ran but u can't hide.
Yes..she hv to chase..she hv to just submit a $1 court admin fee for an order to be issue against him n that take 5min and an appointment in 2weeks later to stand 5min only b4 the judge n the arrest is done granted.
And if she was represented, that lawyer did a lousy job but he still got paid.
Bottom line, I may not get what I want by contesting, I may only get half of it ...still it's better than not trying n getting nothing ... Yes, it' s draggy but am not contesting a few million.. Or some landed property.. It's just HDB... How long can it drag ..10yr,30yr...no.. 1-2yr depending what i contest in ancillaries.
1-2yr waiting period compared with no financial assistance from those stupid husbands for the next 20yrs? Which is better.
while u skim n save n worked like a dog ...he is having full financial freedom (when u go uncontested) n enjoyment.
Is this what you deserve? Does the kids deserve this?
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My friend ever told me that if they were to part ambically, maybe things won't be up to this stage. Perhaps it is because she made life difficult for him and that's y he is returning back to her. Honestly, after years of fighting, she no longer cares whether the man is enjoying life or not. She is very very tired and no long wants or interested to know how happy or rich he is. That's y when I read Pixie's reply, I was very emo. I wonder if my friend will be happy like her if she did not fight so much causing pain to both herself and the man. It is so hurting to see her going thru so much.
So, here's the missing info..when quoting, quote facts...so it was an ambical uncontested div so ur fren hv to live with the decision...for every decision there is a effect or sometimes repercussions if the decision was wrong. Nobody's perfect.
Yes, your fren hv to beef up n bite the bullet n move on n through this she becomes wiser n more strong n a pillar to her kids as well as others. Sulking in the corner n play blame game won't do any good.
She is pain cos she is probably having 2nd thoughts as some of the prob may b due to her. Fact is you can't turn back time.
If she haven't reached ancillary, she can opt to Settle Down in court. Then the case will be stopped in favour of hubby. If this makes her happy.
Alternatively..she can hv out of court arrangement to settle down .
Once settle down, it's done deal. No turning back.. Be it good or bad.. Learn from this experience.
Yes, your fren hv to beef up n bite the bullet n move on n through this she becomes wiser n more strong n a pillar to her kids as well as others. Sulking in the corner n play blame game won't do any good.
She is pain cos she is probably having 2nd thoughts as some of the prob may b due to her. Fact is you can't turn back time.
If she haven't reached ancillary, she can opt to Settle Down in court. Then the case will be stopped in favour of hubby. If this makes her happy.
Alternatively..she can hv out of court arrangement to settle down .
Once settle down, it's done deal. No turning back.. Be it good or bad.. Learn from this experience.
sane
Active Member
Seriously taking care of 3 young children is really not a joke. Her ex hb aside, I will be completely exhausted mentally and physically if I am her but of course watching them grow is rewarding. Nothing can ever replace that.
pixie ng
Well-Known Member
you no need emo.. coz before i divorce, i seen several of my friends and relatives divorce.. some okok.. some very nasty... then i think think why want to be hard on myself.. life is unfair and why i want to bring justice using my own hand and in return i also cannot be happy. after few months of thinking, i quit drinking (i used to drink 1/2 to 1 bottle of watever alcohol i have every night) and decide i just want to end everything one for all. just delete all the bad memories and restart afresh. karma will come and bring justice, just in matter of time.
actually your friend is not the worst case i heard....
i heard from my friend, one of her friends also has nasty divorce. she has a child but i forgot what problem her child has, i only remember need to see doc frequently. her husband also cheated with thai or vietnam gal. courts grants her alimony and child maintenance from her ex. but her ex declares bankrupt and never work, so courts also cannot force him to pay alimony since he doesnt have income. one fine day, he suddenly MIA and suspected migrate to thailand or vietnam with the woman...
then now she has to hold 2 jobs lo.. one normal office job, then weekend work ad hoc PT job... lucky her parents help her to look after her child.. if not how sia
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pixie, agreed what u say. We are all sharing experience here. Doesn't, need to be emotional. Everyone have their own set of trouble and problems.
What is very important is move forward, don't stay in the past. No one owe us a living. If really need to suffer now to bring up the children, do our best. To depend on someone who had betray your trust and hope he will provide for you in the future, is like living in a time bomb.
If he is not willing, u force him to pay maintenance, he can try 101 ways of escaping. There is really a limitation what the court can do.
What is very important is move forward, don't stay in the past. No one owe us a living. If really need to suffer now to bring up the children, do our best. To depend on someone who had betray your trust and hope he will provide for you in the future, is like living in a time bomb.
If he is not willing, u force him to pay maintenance, he can try 101 ways of escaping. There is really a limitation what the court can do.
That is why I want to highlight that even by winning a contested case, life is not a bed of roses. One really needs to decide for herself what is best for her not listening to one sided view that 'u cannot let the man off cos he hurt u. U must fight.' Good to have a balanced viewpoints.
Live itself is never a bed roses... Either u try or don't try ...when u try, and even u can't get all that u wanted, but some of it ...wasn't it better than not trying n get absolutely nothing n never knowing..?
Raising kids isn't easy...so difficult,right... then don't have kids. Why have kids n grumble everyday n regret your carefree live style n cos you are now single parent income instead of 2?
Your fren just have to keep moving on n not keep replaying past. It's not helping at all when you can't change a single thing.
When I raised my 2gals on my own, nothing from him at all, not even $1... I bite the bullet... I know I hv to otherwise nobody will n my kids will go hungry n lost n I will loose them. So, No matter how tough, holding 2jobs, I plough on...
Honesty,I forgotten how cinema n shopping look like at one time. And now, it's my time to get my justices.
So, tell your fren, she isn't the only one. There are many like her ... We just don't go publishing..we work n work n work. Whatever help u can offer her at this period of time, it will be good.
Raising kids isn't easy...so difficult,right... then don't have kids. Why have kids n grumble everyday n regret your carefree live style n cos you are now single parent income instead of 2?
Your fren just have to keep moving on n not keep replaying past. It's not helping at all when you can't change a single thing.
When I raised my 2gals on my own, nothing from him at all, not even $1... I bite the bullet... I know I hv to otherwise nobody will n my kids will go hungry n lost n I will loose them. So, No matter how tough, holding 2jobs, I plough on...
Honesty,I forgotten how cinema n shopping look like at one time. And now, it's my time to get my justices.
So, tell your fren, she isn't the only one. There are many like her ... We just don't go publishing..we work n work n work. Whatever help u can offer her at this period of time, it will be good.
loveserena
Active Member
I salute you my friend. In fact I salute all the single mummies out there that raised their children by themselves.
I've been there and went through the hard route. Years have passed since that dark day. I'm a happy woman now with my kiddies growing up together with me.
Mummies that are going through the tough period now, be strong and be assured that the stormy days will passed. Stay positive and God bless..
your_attorney
Active Member
Do you think you can support the children if you divorce him?
Do you think ppl will look down on you and children if you divorce him
Even if you cannot forgive him, can you live in the same house as him.
I think I will forgive but hard to forget. It takes time to build the trust again. But for the sake of your children, I suggest you dun divorce. Maybe I am conservative sort. Try to go for some counselling it may help
Do you think ppl will look down on you and children if you divorce him
Even if you cannot forgive him, can you live in the same house as him.
I think I will forgive but hard to forget. It takes time to build the trust again. But for the sake of your children, I suggest you dun divorce. Maybe I am conservative sort. Try to go for some counselling it may help
wingkei
Member
Hi Mummies,
I need your advice on something too. The condoms at home were usually kept secluded in my hubby's wardrobe, but recently, I discovered that they are now in a very accessible place. Stupid me, simply could not remember if there are any missing but I have a vague impression that there are. I also noticed that the plastic bag containing the condoms has been "touched or moved" a few times. I have now taken to noting down the number of condoms inside just so I would know if any is missing. My hubby's character is quite similar to Sad_angie's hubby, and I know I have pushed him away a few times as I was simply too tired. (Had to sleep late to finish all the housework and wake up early to prepare the kids' and his breakfast) I wonder if this had pushed him to seek "solace" elsewhere. Do you think my hubby is cheating on me? I do not have any evidence yet but am so tempted to get a PI. Can anyone advise the average cost of a PI? My hubby checks my bank account and it is very difficult for me to make huge transactions without him knowing. But this has been bugging me so much that I would count the condoms everyday to check if any is missing and I have been racking my head to try to remember if there used to be more than this. It's kinda like driving me nuts.
I need your advice on something too. The condoms at home were usually kept secluded in my hubby's wardrobe, but recently, I discovered that they are now in a very accessible place. Stupid me, simply could not remember if there are any missing but I have a vague impression that there are. I also noticed that the plastic bag containing the condoms has been "touched or moved" a few times. I have now taken to noting down the number of condoms inside just so I would know if any is missing. My hubby's character is quite similar to Sad_angie's hubby, and I know I have pushed him away a few times as I was simply too tired. (Had to sleep late to finish all the housework and wake up early to prepare the kids' and his breakfast) I wonder if this had pushed him to seek "solace" elsewhere. Do you think my hubby is cheating on me? I do not have any evidence yet but am so tempted to get a PI. Can anyone advise the average cost of a PI? My hubby checks my bank account and it is very difficult for me to make huge transactions without him knowing.
But this has been bugging me so much that I would count the condoms everyday to check if any is missing and I have been racking my head to try to remember if there used to be more than this. It's kinda like driving me nuts.
pixie ng
Well-Known Member
Why not just ask him first?Hi Mummies,
I need your advice on something too. The condoms at home were usually kept secluded in my hubby's wardrobe, but recently, I discovered that they are now in a very accessible place. Stupid me, simply could not remember if there are any missing but I have a vague impression that there are. I also noticed that the plastic bag containing the condoms has been "touched or moved" a few times. I have now taken to noting down the number of condoms inside just so I would know if any is missing. My hubby's character is quite similar to Sad_angie's hubby, and I know I have pushed him away a few times as I was simply too tired. (Had to sleep late to finish all the housework and wake up early to prepare the kids' and his breakfast) I wonder if this had pushed him to seek "solace" elsewhere. Do you think my hubby is cheating on me? I do not have any evidence yet but am so tempted to get a PI. Can anyone advise the average cost of a PI? My hubby checks my bank account and it is very difficult for me to make huge transactions without him knowing.
pixie ng
Well-Known Member
to me, i always believe there must be trust in a relationship...
it maybe the condom has expired.. or ur hub just want to put it somewhere near so whenever you are in mood, he is ready for action?
then again, PI is always expensive, at least few thousands
if you really do not want to ask, perhaps you can take $100 per month? or open new account and tell your company that you switch bank acct?
Or you can borrow money from someone?
wingkei
Member
Hi pixie ng, I also know that there must always be trust in a relationship. It makes me feel so uncomfortable like this. We have not used condoms for a very long time, which is why I was shocked to discover them suddenly placed "so openly". That is what I worry about, about PI being expensive. I guess I will just have to hold on for a while and observe.
Hi gladjo, thanks for the advice. My hubby is a very careful guy, he brings his hp with him wherever he goes, and the first thing he would do when he wakes up is to check his hp. But I did manage to check it a couple of times over the weekend when he was bathing like you suggested and there is nothing. Then again, he is such a careful person, it will not be easy for him to "drop" any evidence.
Hi gladjo, thanks for the advice. My hubby is a very careful guy, he brings his hp with him wherever he goes, and the first thing he would do when he wakes up is to check his hp. But I did manage to check it a couple of times over the weekend when he was bathing like you suggested and there is nothing. Then again, he is such a careful person, it will not be easy for him to "drop" any evidence.
sassymummy
New Member
Really saluted all single mummies out there. I'm holding on to my marriage for my boys. Yet he kept showing me that he wants a divorce. My heart is broken and yet worry about the effect will have on my boys. I pray that I'll pull through and wait for the day that I'll stop crying.
mmjbbe
Member
big hug sista....
jammerjamz
New Member
Hi Devastated Wife,
I may not understand the full blown of your frustrations and i must say that i am sorry to ride on your post. I am new here and definitely have to let it off my chest. I cannot imagine having to share this, with people "I know". It is about my SUSPICION towards the husband and the maid!!! It is getting very real now.
The maid has been in our household for about 3 years now and she does her work well (that explains y she is still employed by us). However of late, i am very displeased with the manner the husband and the maid are interacting. i would say it is the husband that is initiating all these closeness and it is making me very suspicious. It got so bad to the extend that he mentioned " it is OK if you will not attend the family gathering but the maid MUST attend". Oh wow! she can replace me as the wife just so bcos she cooks and cleans and does almost all of the household chores. and me being very observant have noticed COUNTLESS times how the husband "will not be aware" of the distance when talking to the maid.
When tasting food, will stand so close.. when checking out the dishes will stand so close... when taking my 2 yr old from her will almost touch her that kind. I am very disgusted! You dont know how much it means to be able to vent out this story here. Worst is still yet to come... the husband will also complain fucking silly things like... "maid.... my eye pain....... my chest pain....". He will share medications with her (gastric medications.......)
At home, we have a camera to monitor the things going on at home but i am not given access to it. He can watch it from his phone. There are times when he will be on MC and AL to run errands and kids will be off to Childcare. and then there is him and the maid. all alone. I wouldnt want to think to such extend that he has been fucking her while i am away... but i am not surprise it that has ever happen. there were several occassions where by i called home and she took so long to answer the phone. and condoms... talking abt condoms... he fucking hates using it. and i was at a point of time on contraceptives (IUD). on one of those nights we were abt to do the deed, he put it on and i asked why wld he need it. He said for easier penetration?? well... i wld agree there are times when doing the deed is not that easy, but for him to have stocks of condoms?? what ever the **** for? the more i write here, the more i am feeling he is cheating me with the maid. and men... they are the useless lot when it comes to confrontation, they will either blow out into a angry feat or pretend nothing has happened. I would say that the angry feat is to instill fear in me not to say or accuse him further as he may not bear to face the truth of doing those things infront and behind me.
I may not understand the full blown of your frustrations and i must say that i am sorry to ride on your post. I am new here and definitely have to let it off my chest. I cannot imagine having to share this, with people "I know". It is about my SUSPICION towards the husband and the maid!!! It is getting very real now.
The maid has been in our household for about 3 years now and she does her work well (that explains y she is still employed by us). However of late, i am very displeased with the manner the husband and the maid are interacting. i would say it is the husband that is initiating all these closeness and it is making me very suspicious. It got so bad to the extend that he mentioned " it is OK if you will not attend the family gathering but the maid MUST attend". Oh wow! she can replace me as the wife just so bcos she cooks and cleans and does almost all of the household chores. and me being very observant have noticed COUNTLESS times how the husband "will not be aware" of the distance when talking to the maid.
When tasting food, will stand so close.. when checking out the dishes will stand so close... when taking my 2 yr old from her will almost touch her that kind. I am very disgusted! You dont know how much it means to be able to vent out this story here. Worst is still yet to come... the husband will also complain fucking silly things like... "maid.... my eye pain....... my chest pain....". He will share medications with her (gastric medications.......)
At home, we have a camera to monitor the things going on at home but i am not given access to it. He can watch it from his phone. There are times when he will be on MC and AL to run errands and kids will be off to Childcare. and then there is him and the maid. all alone. I wouldnt want to think to such extend that he has been fucking her while i am away... but i am not surprise it that has ever happen. there were several occassions where by i called home and she took so long to answer the phone. and condoms... talking abt condoms... he fucking hates using it. and i was at a point of time on contraceptives (IUD). on one of those nights we were abt to do the deed, he put it on and i asked why wld he need it. He said for easier penetration?? well... i wld agree there are times when doing the deed is not that easy, but for him to have stocks of condoms?? what ever the **** for? the more i write here, the more i am feeling he is cheating me with the maid. and men... they are the useless lot when it comes to confrontation, they will either blow out into a angry feat or pretend nothing has happened. I would say that the angry feat is to instill fear in me not to say or accuse him further as he may not bear to face the truth of doing those things infront and behind me.
loveserena
Active Member
Hi sista,
I know how frustrated you are now having all the suspicious. Are you able to gain access to the camera monitors? And hard truth, if u really catch them red handed, what will you do? Divorced? Are you ready for that consequences? Or would you rather not know and pretend nothing happen and try to win back your hubby's attention to you?
The most immediate reaction you can have is change maid.
My marriage been on the rock and over and I have moved on. I can tell you the hard truth of knowing your hubby is having an affair outside is heart wrenching. My ex even had the girl preg that's y wanted to divorce me. It all started with anger, den hatred, den depressed, den helpless, den anger again.. The whole cycle of emotion turmoil again n again, especially if got involve children is even worse.
So sista, do you rather want to choose you dunno anything or you want to find out the truth? Best scenario is you over sensitive and there is really nothing between them so think again..
I don't want the sisters here step into what I went through. If you can salvage and bring back the sparks in your marriage, by all means, really...
loveserena
Active Member
I really dunno how to comfort you. I wanted to tell you to leave the man if his heart is no longer with you. But at the same time I know the consequences of divorce with children involved. Either way you will have to go through the depression period. For me I chose to stay strong for my children after my divorce. But my kids really went through some hard times and emotional issues. They r better now but I know there is this scar somewhere in their heart that they always trying to hide from me cos they know is their father whom did me wrong and break my heart first.
May God bless you and all the best sista...
KTel
New Member
@Sad_angie, after hearing what happen to u...i would advise not to tell his parent cos after all it is their own flesh and blood so they might side with him even though he is in the wrong. Aware that your husband had high sex drive, then perhaps in the first place u should not even think of having the 3rd child cos the current situation is u r salvaging the relationship and at the same time, satisfy his needs as a wife since u still love him. Otherwise, he would hunt for someone else which i believe he is been doing this especially when u r pregnant. Prevention is better than cure and not trying to harm the baby too. Cos i did have some friend becos of hubby request, they lost their bb. I mean come to think of it, isit worthwhile? And pls dun go find a guy n got urself a 4th one which is a no-no. But if i were you, i will leave him even though i love him cos everyone had a borderline. For me, i told my hubby if ever one day he slap/beat/bash/ betray me just once, i will immed divorce. Everyone got trigger point so do u. But what is most impt is it doesnt matter what happen now cos it is already over n u cant do anything. More importantly is how u respond to what happen...do u think choose to forgive but not forget will make u happier? Ur caplock already reflect ur mood. 1 of my best friend marriage on the rock she thgt having a 2nd kid (a boy 1st is girl) can bring her hubby back but she was wrong. I lectured her until she cried cos using a new life to save a marriage or to win a man heart is the most foolish thing. In the end who suffer? It the innocent one. I am not sure r u financially relying on ur hubby or there is other reason that u had a 3rd one? Hope u r not cos u need to be at upper hand now. Since we only live once, I believe u deserve a happier and carefree environment. Be strong for urself n ur bb. Do wat is best for ur children n urself.
strongmummy82
Member
But sometimes just feel sad leh. Like why things turn out this way. I will still wonder why why why.. i oso tell myself no point being sad over lousy husband.. but just can't help feeling that way. How?
littlemonkies
Well-Known Member
No point. I think you should let this maid go quietly. Don't need to tell your husband. Wait for a day when your husband is outstation. Prepare everything before hand, buy tickets, and all. Make her pack on the spot, don't allow calls, and send her back. Write to the MOM/ICA to inform them of your suspicion that this woman is the third party in your marriage. That way, she may not be able to come back anymore.
Ladies, juz remember, no matter what happen, our kids are our priority and make sure we up keep ourselves so at least when we go out we can hold our head up high.
Road of recovery is nv easy, and might take yrs....so try to keep positive. Talk to people u trust and comfortable if u need. Release ur stress and frustration once a while if u need to. Jia you!
Road of recovery is nv easy, and might take yrs....so try to keep positive. Talk to people u trust and comfortable if u need. Release ur stress and frustration once a while if u need to. Jia you!
95huili
Member
Is he driving? Put a recorder in the car. This is how I fount out my hubby is cheating on me before I engaged a PI. You can get a car workshop to install Tracking device to find out where your hubby usually goes. If your hubby always frequent Sophia Road, I am assure you that he is seeing a PRC. Nowadays, there are many PRC slut that uses WeChat to contact the men. It is very difficult to find out who there are.
I'm very sorry to hear this... but if it were to happpen to me, the only thing i will do is to end the marriage. It is harsh and it will affect the kids, but to me there is no point in staying in a broken marriage for the sake of children. It is selfish, but I also have to think about my own future. Will the kids be happy to stay in a home but the relationship between the parents is strained? Then i rather be a single mum and give them all i can in a happy home of my own with them.
I believe for issues like infidelity, if there is once, there will be a second time. By then i will even hate myself more for being a fool once again and for trusting that he will change. Even if i can forgive and stay on for the sake of the kids, i don't think i will ever want to sleep on the same bed or have any contact with him. Then what's the point leh??? Might as well move on and if fate has it, i might have another chance to meet a better man in future who can accept me and my children.
I ever came across a case where the man has an affair and wanted to leave the wife. But due to the kids, she rather hang on to the marriage. The man even brought 3rd party home to show the wife and the wife bear with it all. I don't think this is being noble for the kids. Being depressed everyday, how well can she take good care of her children? End up if she has suicidal thoughts and really went to commit suicide, you think the man and 3rd party will look after the kids?
But me being me, i of course will not jump to lawyer's office and get the papers done immediately. I will make plans for myself and my children financially, as well as childcare arrangements, and every little thing i need to, to ensure that i can support myself and my children without him. Only after that i will settle the divorce and claim for whatever maintenance i can.
Be strong.
I believe for issues like infidelity, if there is once, there will be a second time. By then i will even hate myself more for being a fool once again and for trusting that he will change. Even if i can forgive and stay on for the sake of the kids, i don't think i will ever want to sleep on the same bed or have any contact with him. Then what's the point leh??? Might as well move on and if fate has it, i might have another chance to meet a better man in future who can accept me and my children.
I ever came across a case where the man has an affair and wanted to leave the wife. But due to the kids, she rather hang on to the marriage. The man even brought 3rd party home to show the wife and the wife bear with it all. I don't think this is being noble for the kids. Being depressed everyday, how well can she take good care of her children? End up if she has suicidal thoughts and really went to commit suicide, you think the man and 3rd party will look after the kids?
But me being me, i of course will not jump to lawyer's office and get the papers done immediately. I will make plans for myself and my children financially, as well as childcare arrangements, and every little thing i need to, to ensure that i can support myself and my children without him. Only after that i will settle the divorce and claim for whatever maintenance i can.
Be strong.
95huili
Member
Angie, stay strong for the kids. The kids will love u and stay by you. The men will have his karma.
95huili
Member
Men who uses dick to think will get the disease one day!
WonderNwonder
Member
I am totally agree in this because my ex hubby also having other woman and have a wife at home. He flirts with so many ladies, but his wife thought that he is a good wife. In fact, i have been wondering did i choose the wrong path just for the kid sake? I think I am not wrong because he never changed his character till now.
pixie ng
Well-Known Member
99% of saying is false, 1% is true... because if it is a fact, it will not be a saying... *shrug*
Probaby no facts because nobody bothers to do research on? Prob because porn is so prevalent. no need funding approval haha... there will always b a market for it. Lol.
End of the day... it is what are our guiding morals/principles in life that matters. Muslims say no alcohol, no pork etc. Vegans say no meat...