Depressed with harmful thoughts

[ultrajo]

Dear all, I just had my second baby but same as the first every time when bb cries I cannot take it I feel very angry and will bang things. I have thoughts of throwing them and sometimes when I'm very angry I'll smack the backside hard. When I'm ok and carrying bb near window sometimes I have thoughts like what happens if I throw bb down or do anything harmful to them. I will just imagine things here and there and I am very very tired but I have difficulties sleeping. Thinking if I should see psychiatrist and have someone to take to. But if u see me I can act normally and joke and laugh but deep in my heart I feel I'm another person.

 

[piggyevie]

i think this is the one of the many symptoms of depression.. please go seek professional consultation before you do anything harmful to u or ur kids..

 

[pixie ng]

i think you should see a GP first and let him assess your situation. normally if mild depression, GP can prescribe anxiety or depression pill for a week or so. if after completed the medication, you still don't feel right, you can ask GP to refer you to a specialist.

for me, my colleagues and friends also comment i'm a happy go lucky person. always making jokes. always smiling. but i was diagnose depression. even i took medicine for a period of time, i don't feel it works at all. so i just give up. but i don't have suicidal thoughts, just that i find life is meaningless. so i think still ok.

 

[angie saw]

Agree with pixie. Should consult a GP first. Thereafter, GP may be able to refer you to a support group, counsellor or psychotherapist, also may be able to arrange cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT) or interpersonal therapy (IPT). CBT can teach you coping strategies, while IPT explores whether problems in your relationships with others may be contributing to your depression. Don’t struggle alone. It's not a sign that you're a bad mother or are unable to cope. Postnatal depression is an illness and you need to get help, just as you would if you had the flu or a broken leg.
Talk to someone you trust, such as your partner or a friend. Or ask your health visitor to call in and visit you. Many health visitors have been trained to recognise postnatal depression and have techniques that can help. If they can't help, they'll know someone in your area who can. You can also talk to the mummies in SMH. We're here for you.

 

[gohalison]

I think you are suffering from post-natal depression, have you spoken to your hubby or family/friends abt it?

insomnia is one of the 1st symptoms, I suffered from that for years before I was diagnosed with depression 6 yrs ago and i'm still on medication.

try to see a doc asap. take care..

 

[ultrajo]

Hi I just told my hb today I need to see a doctor and I feel guys are guys not helping at all. He tries to carry my 2 months bb gal but she will cry. Same goes for my boy 2 years ago. He's just not good with bb but he's patient I would say. So end up I need to carry back. I feel I hv to make decision for everything. Their diaper finishing, my boy's enrolling childcare, ensure their safety, night time got to wait up and pump milk and etc. there are just too many things on my plate. Night time when I wake up n feed my gal I see my hb sleeping I feel very angry too. Thought he will say need help just call him but he sleeps like a pig. If I'm already awaken then I wouldn't wanna disturb ppl. Also I'm a very light sleeper, a tiny sound and I will be awake. Thought I have a helper and daily I go to my parents' place so my mom can help me also but I still feel the stress and always has negative thoughts.

 

[pixie ng]

i guess your husband is very tired from working.
just go to see a GP and see it goes.

 

[queby77]

I think you should feel really proud of yourself because each time, you will manage to solve the problems. Though I have not birth yet, I am just like you having to solve all issues not just for myself but for my other family members too, and when I overcame it, the next problem is there again and many a times I also have mental breakdown. The strength to gather oneself back can be tiring at times, but I am sure u will feel a sense of achievement and happiness because you have 2 beautiful children. As for hubby, yes you r damn right, guys will always be guys, some batches are just less sensitive to others. But with much love and patience instead of negativity and frustration, I am sure he can help you with the kids, it is ok that they didn't do well the first few times, give them the time they need to perfect the tasks. This way you don't pressure yourself and him. You may also take some time off to go for facial or massage to relax yourself and rethink what could you have done or done better. Sometimes it's just us feeling vulnerable, I hope you start to love yourself more, to love the people around you.

 

[springong]

Please go to polyclinic and get a referral, is cheaper this way. You need help.................. I happen to know one mother like this and she almost strangle her own baby to death, she was completely lost and when her husband tried to stop her she was so strong that she knocks him down and he was sent to hospital, and thankfully she awoken and called for the ambulance to help, so both husband and baby was saved.

Please get help before is too late, your bb needs you, so please get help to get well.

all the best

 

[timmerin]

hi ultrajo, i can empathise w ur situation v well. sometimes its hard even to see a gp n go for therapy because there's hardly anyone u can entrust ur baby n older child to. i found that having a woman friend whom i can chitchat w on a regular basis helps tremendously. in the horrible moments, having that friend reaffirming your efforts or just listening to your problems is like dabbing ice on a sprained leg. some husbands are great caregivers. some take longer and probably will never be as adept at caregiving as u wish them to be. for the latter, u need to accept them as they are n lower your expectations and find other alternatives to get around your issues. dont resent them because they are wired for other things (they hv strengths in other areas). find out what ur hubby is good at doing (with regards to caregiving) n empower him n assign him that specific role. things that ur hubby is horrible at, dont get him to do it. can see u do hv sm support like maid n mother. u may need to mobilise them n empower them even more to help u take on more responsibilities. jiayou!!

 

[Yingchian]

Dear all, I just had my second baby but same as the first every time when bb cries I cannot take it I feel very angry and will bang things. I have thoughts of throwing them and sometimes when I'm very angry I'll smack the backside hard. When I'm ok and carrying bb near window sometimes I have thoughts like what happens if I throw bb down or do anything harmful to them. I will just imagine things here and there and I am very very tired but I have difficulties sleeping. Thinking if I should see psychiatrist and have someone to take to. But if u see me I can act normally and joke and laugh but deep in my heart I feel I'm another person.

Hi, hope u r feeling better now? Do update u current status here.