Child Adoption

[angel_mummy]

@iwantitvmuch, brillant idea u suggested. I am thinking of sending Percy an email to invite them to our family gathering to have her parents talk to my family too haha again great minds think alike

Mrs Ha/Percy, if you are open to this to drop me a Private Message

It is indeed a very challenging journey as a family. Even though we got total support from direct families, there are still the "educating" part on positive adoption language every now and than. I guess is a also a learning process for the family too

Dont loss heart keep praying and Miracle does happen

 

[vickysmommy]

i think it's a great idea to have a support group social gathering with in-laws and parents invited to see how our families are like everyone else. Great idea, iwantitvmuch!

2 yrs before we had our elder girl, we were asked if we wanted to adopt a boy and both sets of grandparents were unwilling. They gave reasons of child's background, etc. The following 2 yrs later, I guess, they saw how much we were going through trying to conceive and they saw a totally different perspective and accepted the idea of adopting V with open arms the minute we approached them. 5 yrs on, all our parents are still very in love with V and now C and said they don't feel any difference between loving a bio and an adopted grandchild since all are theirs. Like us, we had to get over a psychological hurdle about starting our families non-biologically so our parents, too, need the time to take a step back and see how it will work for them.

I think it'll also help to discuss how they can announce the arrival of their grandchild to their relatives and friends; perhaps this would help put them at ease. Remember the 'press release' we spoke about in earlier posts?

Percy, I hope your in-laws will come to terms slowly but surely. Perhaps getting them involved with the process would help?

 

[plee]

Thanks everyone for your support. My in-laws are supportive and not giving me any problems. It's basically my mum, with "face" and her own personal issues. I hope she'll get around it when the time comes...

 

[plee]

When I told my mum about adoption couple of months ago, I got really hurt when she made a comment - "you shouldn't just give up, you can try this and that...." and my kaypo going to be sis-in-law joined in and agreed.

The thing is, unless you've been through it, nobody understands the mental, emotional, physical pain infertility and fertility treatments does to you and your relationship. After our 4th round of failed IVF, I just knew that was the last... I couldn't bear to go through it anymore. I didn't even realise I was in depression till I got out of it...

And now we're glad and thankful that we can and in the process of having a child through adoption.

This is a great support site. I feel normal here and not judged...

Thanks everyone

 

[iwantitvmuch]

Percy, sometimes we are hurt when people don't say what we want to hear. Give your mom a chance to understand how you feel.
Your future sis-in-law might be trying to be 'supportive' in the wrong way. Also, forgive her. I know she 'fail' your test of being a perfect sis-in-law. haha.
I remember taking a picture of all the drugs and injections I have to take. There were alot of needles and boxes of medications. If anyone is to doubt what I've gone through, I will show it to them. So far, I haven't done that. if you need it, let me know. It's might not be the same drug you took, but as an illustration.

 

[invictus]

Hi iwantitvmuch, my wife and i had taken pictures of all the needles and medication as well .. just to serve as a reminder of that part of our journey. I believe you are quite right when u mentioned that at times we are hurt when others, especially our loved ones, don't say what we want to hear. I guess it's cos we are, after all, very social beings, and desire the approval of our loved ones

Hi Percy, Mrs Ha, Lyn, i think one of the main reasons why loved ones may express apprehension is due to their ancectodal experience with adoption (they have prob heard of some negative experiences, usually from friends of friends who have adopted). This is then amplified by the Asian belief and culture systems surrounding the need for a bio child. But, this said, their apprehensions and feedback are more than likely fueled by their concerns for our well-being. I believe that as they learn more and more about the joys and actual reality of conceiving a family through adoption, and the happiness that comes with this, they will provide their fullest support

Hi die, was about three to four months to our first interview .. we are now preparing for our house visit .. v excited!!! hmmm .. just an input .. although I totally understand and agree with the need for a thorough assessment, I must say that the experience of having to open up to a complete stranger on the very first meeting was a little uncomfortable, at least for myself. My wife was less affected though, so probably my experience is not indicative of how the majority would feel

oh yes, the assessor called us to inform us of the interview date/time , and followed up with an email on details ie. venue, what to bring, what to expect etc

 

[vickysmommy]

hi all, i think those who hvn't had difficulties in conceiving will almost never understand what we went/go through and depending on how and where, even the most thoughtful of comment to encourage us can come across as insensitive. i had decided to forgive them for their ignorance and give them the credit for trying.

invictus, i'm so glad at least round 1 is over for both of you. last week, someone i know was matched with a baby locally just 2 wks after her HSR was completed so hey, you're almost there!!! i know it was very humbling to be interviewed that way but i tell myself that they meet so many families and will not remember us : )

during your home visit, they will ask you about who will be baby's main caregiver. they even interviewed my helper and my elder girl - and we were not allowed to be near them in case we try to steer their answers! well, just FYI and to prepare you.

another friend of ours has an adopted son who is 10 now. her father-in-law and her son became best of buddies from the day he came home from the hospital and when her FIL was diagnosed with cancer last year, he fought to stay alive because he said he wanted to live for his grandson... he literally came back from the dead 2x and finally succumbed to his illness last week. well, here's another happy story for apprehensive grandparents... love does blossom.

have a good rest of the week, everyone

 

[lady1978]

Hi Andrea, that's a touching one and yes u too believe love can blossom coz we r human beings! Bio or not everyone has different encounter and I strongly believed the upbringing of s child is more important then anything!

Hi invictus, I juz hope that ppl r less judgemental towards adoption and shld sincerely support us esp family members. Hey u must be excited by now, congrats!

Hi Percy, we went thru or rather gtg thru this phase and ppl here r very understanding and not judgmental at all and this is wat we need most now. U jiayou too!

 

[strawberrysusu]

Hi, have not posted in awhile cos life sure is busy with a baby in the house! So glad to see all of you progressing in your adoption journey.

Invictus - think guys are naturally more private than girls? My hubby also doesn't open up as naturally as I do, esp when it comes to deep issues eg. infertility, so your feelings are prob pretty normal! Just have to tell ourselves that they really need to ensure we'll be good parents for the baby's sake

Percy - glad you've found this place where you can have some emotional "rest" - people sometimes don't understand, and they try to give advice based on their own discomfort of the issue. Even after our son has come to us, we still get comments like "Ha? You have given up trying for your own child?" Praying tt you'll find much joy on this journey in adoption

HB and I had a very enjoyable HSR process thanks to our lovely and supportive social workers from TOUCH

really felt care for beginning to end. We are amazed at how God worked - our son came home to us even before the HSR was written, as he is local and we did not need to use it in the end! Just had our MCYS office interview - another gruelling 3 hours... and today our final home visit. The house is a bit messy haha but that's the reality of having a baby at home. Can't wait for all the investigations to end and for baby to officially be ours!

 

[invictus]

hi andrea, the story was so touching ..

Lyn, Percy .. u r definitely among kindred souls .. stay steadfast in your beliefs and your desire for bb k

hi strawberrysusu, actually my parents (in fact my wife as well) say i'm way too talkative .. hahah .. maybe it was my expectations of how the session would go .. but it is one more step closer .. we'r anxiously waiting for bb .. waiting for our miracle

Dear all, I watched this vid clip (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iC2rmCRQRKQ) and tears just welled up .. touching pictures, beautiful soundtrack ..

 

[invictus]

To all the mommies and daddies that have been such a great support on this forum .. Happy Children's Day to all your little ones

 

[angel_mummy]

@Andrea, beautiful story thanks for sharing

@invictus, haha u so funny ! I dont know about others but at times I hope my hubby is as "talkative" u haha... when we were doing our HSR the assessor have to find different ways to get him talk haha Thanks for sharing the Video, I watched it before but still tears welled up for me too when I watched it again

@Strawberrysusu, I am at the same phase as you, MCYS just came for the home interview 2 weeks back now patiently and eagerly waiting for the day I get my BB new Birthcert ! It has been quite a journey for us, HB and myself decided we must throw a SMALL CELEBRATION w direct families when that day arrives

@Lyn, Agreed w you, I hope the whole society here will be more educated and expose to adoption so that more people can get the right perspective of it and also learn some PAL

 

[die]

Happy Children's Day!

Yahoo, as a childcare teacher i get a day off. Goin to catch up with some frens over dinner tonite..

Yesterday in school, we had a children's day party. Everyone was dressed to participate in the school fashion show. There was lots n lots of food. One kid on sugar high is quite a handful rite? Jus imagine a hundred kids on a sugar high.. Wow I almost died yesterday.

 

[angel_mummy]

Btw I am just thinking for those of you Daddies and Mummies to-be, awaiting for the HSR to be started / completed or waiting for yr bundle of joy, if time permits, one of the thing you can do is check out some good parenting course especially those which cover area on handling a infant

Though I wont say it will teach you everything as hands-on is the best training but may be able to prepare you for what is coming

A church friend of ours did that just before the arrival of their BB boy and they was sharing it was really helpful for them especially in managing their BB feeding and sleeping patterns

I went abit late haha only after my BB is with me but still some of the teaching and experience share are useful.

As mind is a religious base parenting course thus may not be suitable for all parents here. But I do know there are many organisation out there providing good and non-religious base courses.

I think KKH Ante-Natal course is quite good too but that might mean sitting in between mummies who are pregnant so may need to be mentally prepared.

 

[angel_mummy]

@Die, u r a childcare teacher, oh mind, my salute to you ! Though I love kids alot, I have to say "Yes, hundreds of them can be quite a handful". I am always amazed by nursery, childcare, montessori teachers, I am always thinking, handling my 5 mths old is quite physically challenging for me aridi (I think I am aging aridi) how did all of you manage a class of them

phew !

 

[die]

Mrs Chou,

Great idea. But I dun have time to attend so been reading on bb care. Lots of books available on babycare, parenting n child adoption at the national library

 

[die]

Mrs Chou,

I work with children from 18 mths to 6 yrs old. After 15 years in this industry, i m still struggling. There are gd days n there are crazy days. Kids come in all shapes, sizes, colours, backgrounds, behaviours and challenges but i have learnt to love each and everyone in my care. That is the reason why i can accept adoption. I can really love any child as long as there is bonding and attachment.

As for working with their parents, now thats another matter altogether...8)

And i have no experience handling 0mths to 18mths infants.so been reading up on babycare.

 

[jeathanaidu]

I am new here , was just looking when sudden i come to this page. My cousin just got a baby yesterday. we are malaysians , my cousin very young. we nobody to go to. husband don have. indian baby gal any body want can contact me thanks.

 

[angel_mummy]

Ieathanaidu, Thanks for sharing tis, I am just thinkg maybe u can contact one of the HSR accredited agencies and go thru them to seek the couple for the child, the reason I suggested tis is because I think beside finding the parent, it is also important to get the right contacts to ensure necessary legal process being advised and the whole adoption process are handle in a more proper way. Really this is also to avoid any complication in between esp when both parties may not be familiar w the process. I do personally know of arrangement done in such a not well informed way at the end it didn't work out and the parents are so heart broken.
I suggested the HSR agencies as they r well govern by the authorities and do make sure the they provide good advise on the whole process
Hope u don't mind my directness. I pray for the child to be able to find her heavenly appointed parent because every child is such a gift beautiful gift from God.

 

[vickysmommy]

I totally agree with Mrs Chou. Going through an accredited agency will ensure that your cousin gets proper counseling as well. Pls google Lotus, Alice or Greenhouse, Mr Loh for their numbers.

 

[die]

strawberry susu,
I tried to pm u but u dont accept pm.
Just wanted to ask how u got ur bb locally.

Andrea, maybe u can also help my query here.
Can i leave my name and number with any local shelters, organizations etc to be on a waiting list n be matched with a local bb? That will be more cost effective for me as i wont need to go thru an agency to find my bb rite? Understand the queue might be long but jus try my luck..since im still waiting for 1st interview, that can be something for me to do.

If u know of any local shelters, or organizations i can call to find out more do let me know.

TIA

 

[lady1978]

Hi strawberry su su, ya I m keen to know how u got ur baby locally? Did u go thru an agency?

 

[mom_2_be]

Yo Ppl

Atlast after so many editions to the answers in the marathon HSR application form, We've submitted to Touch last week. We submitted all the required documents & only the letter of assurance from our embassy is "under construction"

Feel so much relieved after that highly stressful month of writing, editing, re-editing the answers for those Qs.
Touch has given us a waiting period of 4 months

until then, we've starting to re-arrange stuffs for the home visit & preparing ourselves for the interview BBQ

Thanks for being such a positive vibe for me to accomplish this!!!

@mrs.chou thanks for the invite...I won't be in spore for the next couple of months...so I can't take make it....Thanks again

 

[angel_mummy]

I forgotten if I posted this article link before or not heehee but still worth reading again

http://dadsforlife.sg/index.php?option=com_content&view=article&id=190:love-is-thicker-than-blood&catid=77:matthew-pereira

 

[angel_mummy]

Dear all, if u can read Chinese, the next time u pass by a magazine store, do pick up a copy of "妈妈宝贝" Oct/Nov issue, is from the same publisher as "Motherhood" go to page 18, special feature "天下的妈妈都是一样的", it feature 3 local adoption stories in this issue

 

[lady1978]

Hi Mrs chou, the link that u had attached its indeed a very touching story....

 

[die]

Mrs Ha, Congrats!

Mrs Chou, thanks for ur email

 

[vickysmommy]

Mrs Ha - well done! It's the first major step and I'm sure you feel so relieved, right?

Mrs Chou, I'll look out for the mag - also tks for the link!

 

[plee]

Hi Mrs Ha - just wondering why you need letter from the embassy?

 

[invictus]

hi mrs ha, congrats on submission of your HSR application .. another step closer yah

mr chou, i love the article you posted .. two phrases kinda stood out for me .. indeed, i choose to believe as well that "Love is thicker than blood". In addition, as a result of our challenging journey, i now consider it not a right but truly "a privilege to be able to adopt" (read: to have child of my own)

 

[die]

Thanks Andrea for ur email.

Yahoo! I jus got a promotion and a substantial pay raise today. Feeling top of the world! Going to celebrate over dinner now with hubby n my best friends

BTW, I jus bought an avent sterilizer. Again hid in the cupboard. Heeheehee

 

[angel_mummy]

Die, congrats ! all things is going uphill yipppee ! Really happy for u, yes celebrate, u deserve it And I think u need a bigger secret cupboard hahaha else it will overflow at the rate u r buying lol ;p

 

[die]

Mrs Chou,

I cannot get a bigger cupboard cuz then it wont look like a secret anymore heehee

Hows ur bb doing? r u a sahm?

 

[dream09]

Mrs ha!
Congrats. One big milestone achieved.

Mrs Chou
Thanks for the story, really a touching one and very true to all of us.

Die
Well done and congrats on your promotion. This was fast. Remembered you joined them not too long ago! On another subject, without compromising your work, which childcare would you recommend? You can PM me. Thinking about childcare is stressing me! So I need all advice. Thanks.

 

[mom_2_be]

hey

Thanks for all ur wishes.

Letter Of Assurance from our embassy is still "under construction"

. Hence, we can't adopt baby from Malaysia or any other country other than our home country. The letter of Assurance should be approved by MCYS for us to adopt baby from Malaysia or other country.

@plee
The letter of assurance, is an assurance from our embassy for granting our country's citizenship for the baby, when the legalisation process is done in singapore. We dont need the letter if we adopt & legalise in our home country. the time taken to finish the process will be atleast 4-5 years

 

[dream09]

Mrs Ha,
I am really sorry to hear that but just in case you do not know, you do not need a HSR if you adopt a local baby as he/she will have Singaporean citizenship. I am not sure what are your long term plans but if you intend to settle down in Singapore, that could be an option. You may want to contact agencies and ask for more information.

Otherwise, may I know what nationality you are.

 

[die]

Andrea,

Hope Vicky is recovered from her fever.

Dream,
U got pm.

Today, SBL Vision finally called n fixed our office interview on 24th November!!Yahoo! What a great week. Any advice on office interview is appreciated. You know, i would hug everyone on this thread today if i could. Muackk! Thanks for all ur encouragement, support and advice to get me this far.

 

[plee]

Die - congrats!

Mrs Ha - so sorry to hear that you have to go through the wait. If you don't mind, what's your home country? We went through a bit of trouble when we started too as my hubby's Australian

 

[die]

Percy,

Are u in the process of moving to singapore? Im sure u cant wait to meet the bb destined for u!

Mrs Ha,
Seems like u have to adopt local bbs cuz im sure u dun want to wait 4-5 yrs!! Wats ur next step?

 

[die]

Now im abit anxious abt my new position at work..whether can cope with the new responsibilities n coming bb..But i will remind myself to hang in there for the $$ sure need the $$ as will put to gd use for bb's arrival.

 

[angel_mummy]

@Die, God dont give someone something that person cant take, we have all been thru bigger challenges than this

Like what I mentioned everything seems to be going uphill from here for you, so treasure the moment sized the day, dont worried so much about the new work load, yr new bundle of Joy will be there soon to be the motivational factor to move you on daily U can do it ! 3 Cheers for You !

 

[die]

Thanks Mrs Chou for ur encouragement. I am so touched.

 

[googlebaby]

dear all, pls be very careful when you do adoption. Do not trust any agencies quickly

 

[angel_mummy]

@googlebaby, u r indeed right, I think the best is to either go to MCYS or the MCYS accredited HSR agencies (i.e TOUCH, FeiYue, SBL....) to ask for reference. And of course do your homework !

 

[angel_mummy]

@Revathi, Thanks, hv read thru the site, it is indeed v informative I have save it as my Favourite. Under "Want to Adopt a Child?" there is a list of the HSR accredited agencies.

Personally, I am not so much for the idea of anyone who want to make an adoption plan for their child to just post it on a forum like this or help someone else to just post it. I think this is taking it too lightly as a child is a gift from God and I agreed w Andrea that the parents should gets proper counseling. I suggested the HSR accredited agencies because they are also registered community services who have Family Councelling services.

Sorry again for this long post just thot of speaking something in my heart.

 

[lovelyday]

hihi
Been a silent reader of this thread and am so touched and inspired by all of you! =) We are also going on this journey of adoption.

 

[angel_mummy]

lovelyday, all the best !

 

[lovelyday]

Hi mrs Chou, thanks! I've been through 1st interview and a
Now waiting patiently for home visit. Do you all have experience with kid n tot agency? Seems like they are able to source for local babies.

 

[vickysmommy]

welcome to our forum lovelyday! may i suggest you ask the agency who's doing your HSR re adopting local babies. they should be able to put you in touch the relevant parties who are able to handle the entire process professionally from start to end; including pre & post adoption counseling for birth mother/parents/family.

all the best; meantime, pray for the right baby to be matched to your family.

 

[lady1978]

Andrea and other ladies, may i know adoptiong local babies and foreign babies has different procedure?