All things donor sperm

C

ColoursofLife

New Member
Hello all,

Just thought would like to create a thread for all things donor sperm (local or overseas) for everyone to share, learn and suppory each other!

Am going through the donor process and feels that this journey can get quite lonely. Hope this space will open up our thoughts and story!
 


ColoursofLife said:
Hello all,

Just thought would like to create a thread for all things donor sperm (local or overseas) for everyone to share, learn and suppory each other!

Am going through the donor process and feels that this journey can get quite lonely. Hope this space will open up our thoughts and story!
Click to expand...

Hi, my interest is actually on egg donation, but here are some relevant articles in Singapore newspaper that I came across about sperm donation, while I was looking for more information on egg donation:

Reconsider practice of importing donated sperm

TThe legal impasse with the in-vitro fertilisation mix-up case here has undoubtedly caused much anguish to the parents and child concerned ("Still no decision on whether parent is entitled to damages"; last Friday). Read more at straitstimes.com.
www.straitstimes.com www.straitstimes.com

www.asiaone.com

Fertility treatment: Take steps to avoid accidental incest

AS CLINICAL assisted reproduction becomes more common in Singapore, there is a pressing need to confront ethics and health risks associated with this medical technology ("Court says 'no' to upkeep claim for IVF mix-up baby"; Jan 17 and "New private fertility centre opens in Singapore"; ST...
www.asiaone.com www.asiaone.com

www.straitstimes.com

Have donor registry for IVF to avoid genetic issues

Adjunct Associate Professor Tan Heng Hao in his Forum letter said that women receiving egg donation face psychological barriers (Menopausal women seeking IVF: Guidelines being worked out, Sept 28). Read more at straitstimes.com.
www.straitstimes.com www.straitstimes.com

www.straitstimes.com

Forum: Look into latest legal, ethical issues in egg, sperm donation

I thank the Ministry of Health (MOH) for its reply to my letter, which assured the public that it will continue to closely monitor developments in safeguards for sperm and egg donation (3 live births per sperm donor among safeguards against genetic issues, Oct 7). Read more at straitstimes.com.
www.straitstimes.com www.straitstimes.com

Don't mind if I ask, are you going through the donor treatment process locally or overseas?
 
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Please see the following paragraphs from this article:

https://scholars.org/brief/case-ending-anonymity-egg-and-sperm-donations-united-states

In my conversations with donor-conceived people, those who seemed most at ease were told at a young age and continued to hear their conception story as they matured. People who were told as adolescents or later, or discovered the “secret” on their own, report feeling a sense of betrayal at having been lied to by the parents they were supposed to be able to trust. For families who decided not to inform their donor-conceived children, the secrecy appears to have been largely rooted in the stigma and shame many people feel about infertility and the inability to have a biological child.

Essentially, anonymity is already obsolete; U.S. policy simply has not caught up with modern technology. The rise of direct-to-consumer genetic testing increases the likelihood of donor-conceived children finding their genetic parents, whether the donor wants that to happen or not. If anyone in a donor’s family does a test and registers on a website like ancestry.com, chances are good a donor-conceived child can find them. While such consumer testing and ancestry sites do raise privacy concerns about the public availability of genetic information, they make it virtually assured that anyone can be found.

Also see this article:

https://theconversation.com/secrets...ved-children-need-to-know-their-origins-44015

However, studies had begun to reveal potential problems that arose from not telling children. While in general, people who are donor-conceived are not disadvantaged in terms of well-being or connectedness to their family, problems can occur when they learn of the circumstances of their conception later in life.

When this happens, people may feel betrayed by their parents, leading to resentment, confusion and distress. This may be particularly destructive if a person inadvertently discovers they are donor-conceived, rather than being told by their parents.

Alongside this, there is an emerging body of research which shows that telling children they are donor conceived does not damage their well-being, particularly if they then have the option to learn more about their donor.
 
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Another thing to take note if u are using relative, the sperm donor might claim your child back, are u ready for that in future
 
Also, there is a legislation that the sperm donor can only result in 3 live births, not sure how it will apply to his brother cos he might ?want to have kids of his own as well...
 
even if brother plan to be single for his whole life, there is a risk during his old age, he claim the kid to his biological kid, then it will create family dispute and pity the kid mental well being, it will be a shock and trauma to the kid, so my personal opinion is prevent any non anonymous donor. Cause friend or relative can claim back the child
 
Donor can sign the legal document, but cause your donor is not anonymous,he see the kid grow up daily and person can change. If one day he regret or want to take advantage , then u and ur husband will be in difficult situation cause they are also blood related biologically
 
I think it is not a bad idea they know. Family should have open communication. There are quite a lot of chinese decendant sperm for us sperm bank. I personally feel Using husband sibling sperm or fil is a bit awkward. However that is solely my opinion. I feel nurturing child in condusive env is more imporant than bloodline related, u can see some adoptee children do very well in life even though the adoptive parents not blood related.
 
Chingmee said:
That is per vial, is that correct? Doctor says will do ICSI, so 1 vial sufficient for 1 cycle. Did your doctor also suggested ICSI?
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Hello!
Hmmms usually they wont suggest ICSI as first route tho...same as Tine, will be gking with IUI first if all scans are clear :)

Yeah usually around 900 plus USD, need to check with your hospital which sperm banks that they liaise with as well.
 
Chingmee said:
Probably due to my age of 39 years old, the doctor say IUI not recommended. Additionally, he also said that zona shell of the eggs of older women is quite hard, so better to try ICSI straight away.
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I see! Thats good at least he recommended well!
If you want local i think NUH sperm bank have the last time i checked! That was about 3 months ago though.
 
Hello,
As DH is diagnosed with azoospermia. We’re also considering donor sperm, yet to make any decision.
Good to know there is this thread/space around for support.

Anyone in the donor process from kkh?
 
Kumo21 said:
Hello,
As DH is diagnosed with azoospermia. We’re also considering donor sperm, yet to make any decision.
Good to know there is this thread/space around for support.

Anyone in the donor process from kkh?
Click to expand...
Hello! Hope you and your husband are doing ok!
Do ask if you need anything!

Im not doing with KKH though :(
 
Chingmee said:
Dear ladies,
we as a couple have been pondering deeply on using donor sperm for IVF, and am rather unsure about a rather sensitive and personal issue - whether or not to ultimately tell the future child the truth. We have done some intensive search for more information on the internet, and it seems that the overwhelming majority of websites recommend not to hide the secret and tell the truth to the child. It seems that all these are from the perspectives of Westerners, and I am unable to find a website that gives an Asian perspective on this issue. Being Asians, we tend to have more conservative family values and are more hesitant to tell the truth. We have not yet undergone counseling for sperm donation. Wondering what do counselors advise on this issue?
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Yeah me and my hubby struggling with this too. Personally my husband feels that we should but i feel that to protect the child, if we can, to omit the truth. Im seeing my cousellor next week! Will update after :)
 
For me i will tell the truth, so when he/she met partner, they can openly discuss so to prevent incest, since so many couple conceived with donor sperm nowadays. Secondly i want to raise awareness, donor child also have a right to know their origin, i want to nurture the child self worth and identity. And have the chance to meet his/her other half siblings , there are donor registry so it can trace donor child from the same donor.
 
ColoursofLife said:
Hello! Hope you and your husband are doing ok!
Do ask if you need anything!

Im not doing with KKH though :(
Click to expand...

Hi. We’re fine so far as we have tried everything we could. My husband seem to be okay with donor sperm, but I’m still unsure if i should. Struggling to make a decision.
 
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Kumo21 said:
Hi. We’re fine so far as we have tried everything we could. My husband seem to be okay with donor sperm, but I’m still unsure if i should. Struggling to make a decision.
Click to expand...


If you are not ready for donor sperm, go for adoption.
 
Kumo21 said:
Hi. We’re fine so far as we have tried everything we could. My husband seem to be okay with donor sperm, but I’m still unsure if i should. Struggling to make a decision.
Click to expand...
I think it really depends on your beliefs and what yall expect when it comes to having children
 
Kumo21 said:
Hello,
As DH is diagnosed with azoospermia. We’re also considering donor sperm, yet to make any decision.
Good to know there is this thread/space around for support.

Anyone in the donor process from kkh?
Click to expand...

Sorry you are given this sucky diagnosis! We too received the same news in July so i know its not easy. Hang in there and this support group is great! They helped me a lot when i was so lost and sad at the beginning. Exchanging stories made me feel like im not in this alone.
just ask away if you have questions :)

We are taking a break now, not with KKH :)
 
Kumo21 said:
Hello,
As DH is diagnosed with azoospermia. We’re also considering donor sperm, yet to make any decision.
Good to know there is this thread/space around for support.

Anyone in the donor process from kkh?
Click to expand...

Hello Kumo, I’m with KKH
For the procedure...we chose the donor from their website and check with KKH on the donor eligibility (I think limit to 3 birth from each donor). Once its confirmed eligible, we liaised with the sperm bank to do the purchase and payment. it costs about $3k including shipping for 3 viral of sperm (3 tries).

Prior to the above, we attended counselling at KKH first and also went down to sign some forms.

Hope this helps!
 
B
Chingmee said:
Dear origorig,
When you say three tries, is it IVF or IUI? Hope you don't mind sharing which overseas bank you used? Wondering how is the counseling session like? Did they advise anything in particular about telling the child the truth, and how to go about it? This is a rather thorny issue that me and my husband are still struggling with, of which we had had some intensive debates over sleepless nights. At the moment, both of us are still confused and have not yet made up our mind on this particular issue of telling the child the truth, despite mutually agreeing to go for donor sperm treatment to have a child.
Click to expand...

Reflect on what both of u are worry of. Do u worry your child will leave u once they know they are donor conveived and find the biological father? If u dont tell, are u ok if they accidently married their partner who might also conceived through same donor and having incest.
If these factors are too difficult for u to decide, let counsellor mediate this conversation or go for other couple counselling, and dont forget about the counsellor role in this instance is to assess whether both of u are fit to be donor parents and feedback to your fertility centre, not to help u decide.
 
Chingmee said:
Dear origorig,
When you say three tries, is it IVF or IUI? Hope you don't mind sharing which overseas bank you used? Wondering how is the counseling session like? Did they advise anything in particular about telling the child the truth, and how to go about it? This is a rather thorny issue that me and my husband are still struggling with, of which we had had some intensive debates over sleepless nights. At the moment, both of us are still confused and have not yet made up our mind on this particular issue of telling the child the truth, despite mutually agreeing to go for donor sperm treatment to have a child.
Click to expand...

Hello Chingmee, it is for IVF. but I think it works the same for IUI, each viral is for 1 try. KKH only allow us to use fairfax cryobank. The counselling session was more of making sure that both of us are ready to accept the usage of donor and treating the child like our biological one. Sorry I can't quite remember if they advise on telling the truth. but the counsellor did asked our plan on this.

We plan to tell the child the truth in future. I felt that it will be better that we inform the child ourselves rather than the kid accidentally finding out himself/herself. At the same time, I think sharing it with the child will also make myself feel more at ease, if not, it may always be bothering me.
 
origorig said:
Hello Kumo, I’m with KKH
For the procedure...we chose the donor from their website and check with KKH on the donor eligibility (I think limit to 3 birth from each donor). Once its confirmed eligible, we liaised with the sperm bank to do the purchase and payment. it costs about $3k including shipping for 3 viral of sperm (3 tries).

Prior to the above, we attended counselling at KKH first and also went down to sign some forms.

Hope this helps!
Click to expand...
Hi, I am new to the forum. My doctor also recommended importing from sperm banks in the USA. But when I did an internet search for more information, I found a number of mishaps and scandals associated with American sperm banks. Three cases stood out. Firstly, the scandal of an ex-criminal (Christopher Aggeles) with schizophrenia who falsely claimed to be a genius with a PhD in neuroscience, who went on to father 36 children from his donated sperm. Secondly, a mix-up that resulted in a white lady (Jennifer Cramblett ) receiving donated sperm from a black man. Thirdly, a mother (Danielle Rizzo) with two autistic sons conceived from sperm donated by an autistic man, who went on to sue the sperm bank. Wondering if any of you are aware of such scandals. After reading such stories, I am quite apprehensive about importing donated sperm. Do you think the donor screening process is more strict in Singapore, so that it is safer to use local donors instead?
 
Priscillakhong said:
Hi, I am new to the forum. My doctor also recommended importing from sperm banks in the USA. But when I did an internet search for more information, I found a number of mishaps and scandals associated with American sperm banks. Three cases stood out. Firstly, the scandal of an ex-criminal (Christopher Aggeles) with schizophrenia who falsely claimed to be a genius with a PhD in neuroscience, who went on to father 36 children from his donated sperm. Secondly, a mix-up that resulted in a white lady (Jennifer Cramblett ) receiving donated sperm from a black man. Thirdly, a mother (Danielle Rizzo) with two autistic sons conceived from sperm donated by an autistic man, who went on to sue the sperm bank. Wondering if any of you are aware of such scandals. After reading such stories, I am quite apprehensive about importing donated sperm. Do you think the donor screening process is more strict in Singapore, so that it is safer to use local donors instead?
Click to expand...

this is also one of my concerns as I had read mishaps like this :(
but from what I understand from kkh last year when we want to purchase the viral, there isn't any available in their local bank.

@ColoursofLife there are availability in NUH sperm bank? may I ask if they provide strict screening? thanks!
 
Hello! From what i understood when i was at nuh, the sperm banks in Singapore (local donors) goes through very stringent criteria, there is a published document online that shows the criteria the local sperm banks go through before allowing the donor sperm to donate and putting it up for avaliability.

Also, when we spoke about overseas donors with NUH they also have a very stringent criteria and screening process before they allow that donor to be imported. If the donors fail any of the criteria, then the donor cannot be imported into sg (and it is quite an extensive list).

Yes they do have! But that was about 3 months ago, im not sure about the status now. :(
 
Hi, here is the pdf file of the MOH guidelines for sperm banking in Singapore. But seems to be quite old, last updated in 1994.
 

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By the way, regarding the law on sperm donation, let's say you or your husband has a friend that is willing to be a sperm donor, is the fertility clinic in Singapore actually allowed to use him as a known donor? Or does the law insist that donation must strictly be anonymous? I am asking this question because I am a bit afraid of genetic defects and criminal records of a completely anonymous donor whom I have never met. At least with a known donor, I can do some background checks on his education, and whether or not he has a criminal record.
 
Priscillakhong said:
By the way, regarding the law on sperm donation, let's say you or your husband has a friend that is willing to be a sperm donor, is the fertility clinic in Singapore actually allowed to use him as a known donor? Or does the law insist that donation must strictly be anonymous? I am asking this question because I am a bit afraid of genetic defects and criminal records of a completely anonymous donor whom I have never met. At least with a known donor, I can do some background checks on his education, and whether or not he has a criminal record.
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Which hospital are you following up with? Maybe you can check with them.
 
Priscillakhong said:
Hi, I am new to the forum. My doctor also recommended importing from sperm banks in the USA. But when I did an internet search for more information, I found a number of mishaps and scandals associated with American sperm banks. Three cases stood out. Firstly, the scandal of an ex-criminal (Christopher Aggeles) with schizophrenia who falsely claimed to be a genius with a PhD in neuroscience, who went on to father 36 children from his donated sperm. Secondly, a mix-up that resulted in a white lady (Jennifer Cramblett ) receiving donated sperm from a black man. Thirdly, a mother (Danielle Rizzo) with two autistic sons conceived from sperm donated by an autistic man, who went on to sue the sperm bank. Wondering if any of you are aware of such scandals. After reading such stories, I am quite apprehensive about importing donated sperm. Do you think the donor screening process is more strict in Singapore, so that it is safer to use local donors instead?
Click to expand...

Think Thomson medical center had mixed ups too .. it’s the same every where
 
ColoursofLife said:
Yeah me and my hubby struggling with this too. Personally my husband feels that we should but i feel that to protect the child, if we can, to omit the truth. Im seeing my cousellor next week! Will update after :)
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Hi, we have undergone counselling, and the fertility counselor said that the decision whether or not to tell the truth rests completely with us, after she pointed out the various disadvantages of hiding the truth from the child. For example, there have been many cases of donor-conceived adults and teenagers undergoing depression and estrangement from their parents, after accidentally or unexpectedly learning the truth. Currently, we are undecided 50:50 on this issue. Hope you can share what your counselor advised on this issue?
 
krispy444 said:
Hey Everyone, i am looking to donate my sperm to help others, where can i go about doing that? Can someone point me at the right direction? thank you.
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Hi, are you Caucasian? Single and Lesbian Asian ladies in Singapore tend to prefer Caucasian sperm donors to beget "beautiful" Eurasian children, unlike married Asian couples who prefer Asian sperm donors. This is despite the fact, that they may not have a single Caucasian or Eurasian person within their immediate circle of family members, relatives and close friends. I have a couple of single straight and lesbian female friends who have expressed such a preference for mixed-race children, if they were to pursue the single motherhood option.
 
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ColoursofLife said:
Hello all,

Just thought would like to create a thread for all things donor sperm (local or overseas) for everyone to share, learn and suppory each other!

Am going through the donor process and feels that this journey can get quite lonely. Hope this space will open up our thoughts and story!
Click to expand...

Sorry are you the one donating sperm or looking?

Cause I tried to donate sperm at CARE and SGH and the call was picked up by 2 different people (i called twice)

First time, get the particulars and when ask what's my reason for donating, i replied just donate can help someone, she asked a second time later and i repeated and then i added maybe can shunbian get checked too

To which she paused then said i need to pay for my own screening and need to make appointment with the semen analysis side (which ironically told me to make appointment at CARE side) and what i read online was that SGH sperm donation provide free check up so i was confused...

Copied and pasted from another forum
"Although the Centre for Assisted Reproduction gets few sperm donors, donors still have to go through a strict donation process, reported Shin Min Daily News.
Citing Dr Yu Su Ling, a senior consultant in Singapore General Hospital’s department of obstetrics and gynaecology, the report said those who call to make enquiries are screened. Callers are rejected if they come across as shallow in attitude or immature, or if they are donating only for the sake of money.
The report also said that donors can receive a travel allowance of about $100 from the Centre. This allowance will be given out half a year after the sperm donation, but only if the sperm is determined to be suitable for use.
The only “benefit” of donating sperm, said Dr Yu, is that the donor can get a free full-body health check, which includes a test for Aids. "

After couple hours, i decide to call CARE again to find out the actual process what's it like? Possibly another lady pick up and after she get my age and Nationality, then she ask for the reason for my donation. Now i gave a different reason, said that my ex girlfriend told me to donate my sperm so i want to find out more.

Then she said we currently not accepting sperm donation. I'm like really? she said yea cause you know Covid. I'm like right...

So if the callers are lying to chase sperm donors away, it really puts one off from donating anything. Which leads to empty banks and needing to fork out more cash for overseas sperm. I can't even... comprehend the logic... I rather be rejected when i meet for the consultation before the health check up
 
olivia86 said:
Hey everyone, just thought that this is really not an easy topic and happy that there is a thread for this. I have been struggling as well and trying out different options too. Now with COVID it is also hard to travel out to find someone suitable. There is really not many options here in SG (honestly i'm not sure why) and I much prefer Asian genes rather than Caucasian because it's easier for assimilation. This makes it harder for me...
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Hello there :) Sorry that you are going through this sucky situation!

There are overseas sperm banks with Asian donors that you can consider. They ship to SG so dont have to travel out :)Maybe you can ask your clinic which are the ones they work with? HOpe this helps!
 
Hi guys, our mTESE failed.. really stuck right now on whether to let it go or try with a donor.. I wasn't keen with all the ethical dilemmas but DH says he will be supportive. Maybe, just maybe I shouldnt be so closed up about that option..

For those who pursued the donor route, what were your considerations , and how and where did you start that process? Can PM too!
 
meowyfish said:
Hi guys, our mTESE failed.. really stuck right now on whether to let it go or try with a donor.. I wasn't keen with all the ethical dilemmas but DH says he will be supportive. Maybe, just maybe I shouldnt be so closed up about that option..

For those who pursued the donor route, what were your considerations , and how and where did you start that process? Can PM too!
Click to expand...

Hello! I dont have a direct answer for you on whether DS is right for you and your DH on deciding how to grow your family! But ask anything you need to! :) will try to answer
 
meowyfish said:
Hi guys, our mTESE failed.. really stuck right now on whether to let it go or try with a donor.. I wasn't keen with all the ethical dilemmas but DH says he will be supportive. Maybe, just maybe I shouldnt be so closed up about that option..

For those who pursued the donor route, what were your considerations , and how and where did you start that process? Can PM too!
Click to expand...

Hello there - i totally understand what you are going through right now.. There is no right or wrong answer. i think perhaps you have just been given the news, you will need some time to digest it, grieve over the loss of genetics, and have a open discussion with your husband for the next steps.. and these take time, months even sometimes.. :)

Will be happy to share with you my experience. PM if you can keen to chat! you are not alone!
 
i would suggest against accepting sperm donor for ivf…
alot of stuff can be passdown by the donor sperm and i feel there is never a comprehesive detail screening of the donor health condition can be done
 
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