ADVISE please! Growing Up as Only Child

[wsj]

Something to share:
me and hubby are only child.
when our elderly parents fall sick esp if around the same time, and all the 3 family lived apart. first, only me and hubby have run around singapore keeping the folks sane and at ease... in the end, both of us are so tired.
If only we have one of sibling to help out with the shifts.
2 person to take care of 4 sick elderly and live at different end of singapore. and we are not even counting our children.
think of it.
that's why both me and hubby sees it and decided to have more than just one child.

 

[mimic]

I only have one child and i think its fine...many of us cannot have more than one child due to health reasons, i hardly think that it is selfish.

 

[tanlengleng]

Jia You Everyone.

 

[lexnchris]

yeah i have one child too and I do not think it is cruel to have only one. I have an elder brother by 5 yrs and I thought we were close till my dad passed on and after I got married and came to a realization my mother favoured him more than me. Because of favouritism, I am very disheartened by my mother who doesn't offer to help me much after i had a child. She has very traditional concept of son more important and daughter married off is no longer my responsibility. Cruelty to me is to have another child when you are still not resolving issues in your marriage everyday quarrelling at home and have your child model and end up marrying a similar partner and then passing on this kind of familiar family life. I don't know about expecting her to take care of me when I'm old, but I think everyone ought to not expect and plan ahead for their own retirement.

 

[cherylicious00]

Well, I'm the only precious and in fact, I spent my childhood at my nanny's with kiddos around, thus I do not feel lonely. However, things do change, I spent number of me-time during my teens and etc. I do not like crowded places and not so active in meeting up with friends for chats etc. I prefer movies, reading etc. Thus, I have limited friends which I'm pretty cool with. My parents tried their very best to 'compensate' me with their time / money which I do not need at all. Thus, I grow up thinking being rich sucks because you can't get to accompany your kid/s and there's little bonding in the family. So I always look forward to have simple meal with my family however due to their work commitment, sometimes I get the disappointment.

There again, I am in my mid-twenties now and I found a guy whom I know I can rely on, however, my parents do not like the idea to have baby early - to be tied down. Whilst both my SO and myself loves kids, we want to have at least 2. But it's so expensive to have 1, what about 2? Right?

Anyway, it's really sad to be only 1 despite yes I may have cousins, but they have their own life too? Imagine, if i'm going to have 1, then my kid will not have cousins (my SO's has 2 wonderful niece but by the time my kid grows up, his nieces is probably in their teens and who cares about their cousin?

Thus, if possible, I would prefer to have 2. At least, they won't be lonely if one day my SO&i are gone, of course, if only our SOL isn't that high...

 

[mycutey]

Hello,

Sigh sigh sigh..... Me also wishes to have another kid lor... But hubby is dead against it..

Reasons as below:
1. Age gap too big, at least by 6 years old.
2. Financially tight due to single income, if got 2nd child, must go cc , this I can't compromise.
3. Hubby can't wait for me to go work soon so that he dun hav to pay for my expenses. This will happen when my kid goes pri 1 and studentcare.
4. I have severe conditions that require frequent steroid treatment unless I watch my diet strictly, worry that it will cause me to have special needs child, then I will sure go bankrupt.

So sad to see my only child, next time grow up with no one to talk with.

 

[mycutey]

Mine dun even hav cousins to play with. People around me are not having kids though they are married. So my child is always mixing with adults.

 

[mumusings]

Cherrie:

What's most important is that there are meaningful activities and abundant love from family. My kid also has no cousins to play with but he's perfectly happy to have both of us around as his live-buddy/playmate. These days, he'll voluntarily summarise before zzz time what we did in the day, what he learnt/saw/liked and what made him very happy. With that, we're both very touched and gratified that our efforts have paid off.

Seriously, given my constraints I cannot afford to have another kid and don't wish to subject another life to possibly worse standards than we can afford. I don't think only-child(ren) will be lonely and sad. Sibling rivalry can develop into demonic state if parents can't manage or have time to ensure attention is balanced out.

Diff families have diff problems and therefore differing priorities. For us, we won't push for what we cannot cope with (financially, physically or emotionally). Cheer up and take care of your health!

Not fair to your first child if your mind is often straying to the invisible #2. Hope u don't mind me being straightforward here.