Advise on Baby & Maid Exps

I agree with what Chole said.

Ytd i question on my maid, why need to get two person to send parcels? She din answer but she just say, the second parcel is only clothing for her mum and she really panick. This is the first time i saw her panick looks.She even open up the parcel to assure me is only clothing inside but why she need to panick?

Anyway i feel like changing maid. I have no more confidence in her.
 


lostinthots,
I just read your post. You really have to put a stop to this. My 2nd maid was also like yours causing a lot of disturbances to my boy when he was napping so much so that my boy really lacked a lot of sleep last time. Now that she is gone and I'm maidless, my boy is a happy baby with enough sleep during the day (but still not enough for the tired mummy to take a breather!!)

You have to really tell her very sternly that her behaviour is having a very bad effect on your baby. Like what the other mummies say, tell her that it is causing nightmares to your baby. Then tell her unless she wants to wake up all the time at night to help you attend to your baby she jolly well just shut up and not shout and talk loudly to the baby.

As for what she said abt you/bb being snobbish, retort her back too and tell her that she has no common sense and no manners!

That was what i did to my exmaid. If she refuse to change. You change the maid and kick her back to whichever timbuktu she came from.
 
honeyjul,
tell your maid.."no spag straps. Sir thinks it's very ugly!!" HAHAHAHA that's what i told my 2nd maid too. If she says she wants to wear it to sleep, tell her "ok. as long as no one sees her in it. NOt even you boy!" see whether she still wear or not...don't wait for her to reply. Just walk off aft saying wat you need to say.

cincin,
your maid's behaviour is suspicious. Did you tell her that if she needed to send 2 parcels she could have just pass BOTH to you? What did she reply if you had asked her this?

Tell her directly that her requests for 2 people to help her send parcels can cause unnecessary suspicions. Ask her how she would feel if you didn't bother and just simply accuse her of doing something that is not right. Surely she would say she would be upset or what...hahah or maybe just keep quiet (which will REALLy drive you nuts!). You just explain to her that she didn't need to do this as it is causing a lot of trouble for you and your sister. Again, don't bother too much with her explanation. Just tell her, "want to send parcels? all give to me. No more passing to other people." Then walk off...
 
Hi, I am new to Singaporemotherhood. I need advice on maid problems. I have a 3+year old daughter. She goes to nursery for half a day and my maid looks after her in the afternoon. My daughter naps for 1-2 hours in the afternoon. There is only 3 of us (me, hubby and daughter) so my maid doesn't have a lot to do and she is pretty free. I can tell you she is so free that she changes her nail colours every few days and eyebrows are shaped nicely! I don't even have time to cut my nails!!! She can still put flowers on the nails. Anyway, she was the maid from heaven during the 1st few weeks and not bad overall in the 1st 3 months. I increased her salary but then she became lazy, impatient, cunning, sneaky and very forgetful. Lied for time off during weekdays to go to the bank and also weekends to attend course. My free transfer was up after 3 months and things started to deteriorate.
Anyway, do bear with me as this is long...
She has been with us since September 2007. She is asking for transfer (10/4/08) now because she told me she cannot handle my 3+ year old daughter. My daugther is not hyper but a normal kid btw. I was also going to give her notice because of this matter but she resigned before I could tell her. I did inform the agent prior to her resignation of my intentions.
I was stupid enough to write her a recommendation letter and submit to her agent but of course did not support her unsupervised childcare. Only mentioned her cooking improved and she is fairly organised.
I mean she will not harm my daughter but accidents can happen due to split second neglect like chatting to another maid etc. I mean she loves to TALK! This has happened before in the playground. And she has also forgot to lock the windows leaving my kid in the bedroom...!!! Now my mother and sister are monitoring until 29/4/08 (my deadline to the agent).
Anyway now I will agree to her transfer if the agent finds her a suitable employer i.e. if the employers have babies/toddlers then there must be some adult supervision. Since she told me she can't handle my child, i feel responsible to agree to a transfer if I am certain of the safety of future employer children. I know my maid will not intentionally harm the children but might be unintentional due to negligence. The agent however thinks it ridiculous since I am limiting the maid chance...even snigger at it! I told the agent then it is my right to terminate her work permit and repatriate her if this request is not followed. The agent threatened me that the maid can complain to MoM because I am not giving her a chance to look for work. I did remind the agent that I am allowing the maid to look for work but with conditions and I also supplied a recommendation letter. My maid have worked for a previous employer with 3 toddlers but they were under the supervision of their grandmother and grandfather. I feel my maid needs adult supervision when handling children after staying with us. I regret and feel guilty of leaving my daughter with her even for half a day now. I have 2 cameras set at home but I don't have the time to monitor every second.
The contract with the agent states that both parties should give 30 days notice to terminate the contract. Since it is the maid who is giving me notice, I told she doesn't have to give me 30 days.
I wrote to MoM to get some advice on this and they've just replied me. MoM doesn't seem to be bothered about this I guess cause the girl who called me just told me I can send her back if I want to by having an agreement with the agent. I know a lot people just send the maid back directly and I am really thinking of doing this. This agent seems to be more interested in earning money than to think of the wellbeing of prospective employers. Well, I will say the agency name here. Dans Services. I got my maid from the Jurong branch.
Either way is loose-loose situation for me. If I send her back, I will have to buy her ticket. If I were to let her find work and lie her way through, then I feel uneasy in case anything does happen unintentionally...
Btw I am not looking for another maid anytime soon as I am 'scared' of them and their agents.
 
cincin
Did you check the pockets of those clothings? If nothing valuable is found, then you can rest your heart as to trust her one more time, perhaps she's afraid that the parcel all in one might cost a lot to post, so she separate them into two and ask different person to send, hopefully the posting charge is lower than both of you would offer to pay for her. Just my thought....but the tiff. jewellery if it is real, is very suspicious....every little item from Tiff. is very costly, did she work long enough to be able to buy it?

Bee
Oh no, another employer who's scared of getting maids like me. Trust is so impt. when working together, perhaps the maids were never taught when they were younger. Sigh!
 
Bee,
i don't think it is true that the maid can go to MOM and say that you didn't give her a chance to find employment. Afterall, your concerns are valid. Even the maid herself said she cannot handle kids. Why don't you put the maid and the agent together and have the maid tell the agent (in front of you of course) that she told you she couldn't handle the child-minding?

When i had to transfer my 2nd maid out, I also told my agent to look out for employment for her which doesn't require her to work in a household with young kids and babies because the maid had shown that she couldn't handle the workload. Not only was she forgetful (wrt to the babycare matters), she also could not handle the housework! we are all aware of the amount of cleaning to do with a young baby around...The agent was agreeable with me and really made the effort to work according to my recommendations.

I think you really might just be better off sending her home.
 
cincin - sounds like she panick over the 1st parcel instead lei... why 2.... why separate?

honeyjul - they will suddenly hav cousins here and there one. i dun like my maid even tank tops or low cuts. she shouldnt rebute u. it's simply that she has to obey your rules if she is working in YOUR house.
 
Bee,
Welcome to the thread. You have the same family arrangement as me. 2 adults and 1 child and maid quite free.

First of all, your agent is a liar. You do not need to give this maid an opportunity to look for work. It’s up to you. Furthermore, you are not entitled to a free replacement. Very unfair. I strongly suggest you SEND HER BACK. Her behavior is unacceptable. She paints her nails, asks for time off during the week and additional on weekends, she is irresponsible etc. I for one would not want to employ her at all and I’m sure other mummies would feel the same. I think she would only be suitable for an old ang moh man.

Mummy’s on this thread have mentioned $190 airfare back to Fili. You can do the cancellation online and frankly speaking, you do not need to involve the stupid agent at all. I have a very LOW opinion of maid agents in general. They will lie and cheat and misrepresent just to get a BAD maid placed and earn their fee. They do not care at all about anything else.

You have been very responsible in setting conditions for her transfer but it will not happen. The agent will transfer her to the first family who will take her. Please help to keep BAD maids out of Singapore and send this one back.
 
nellu,Precious_one:

both hb and me just tell her is very costly to send parcel separately, then she replied,"huh, i dun noe" and in the end she haven tell me why she need to get person to send.

I told her ytd, all parcel give to me in the future as my colleague from logistic side can pack for her and do document for freight. and she says "ok, next time i give to you." Now , i must really find a good chance to speak to her again.

I have checked, the clothes have no pockets and those things are jsut clothing for her mum which my mother bought for her. There's one letter which contain ang pows for her nephew and two of the red-packets are supposely to be in my unlock drawer. Could she be panick abt that particular red packets which she took from my drawer?

Really scary leh, if she dare to take thing without my permission once, think there will be twice or more, right?

Should i talk to her and give her another chance? really confused now.
 
bee,
save yourself all the trouble and just send her bk to her country.
i think your gal would be better off in childcare.
housework can get p/t helper to come and do in the weekend.
 
Thanks all mommies for inputs. I am very tempted now to go maidless since I plan to send my bb to infant care. Have to contact back my part-time helper 1st.
Just this morning, I was telling her to re-wash bb's napkin coz got some funny smell (dunno what it is), then she smelt and said "don't have". But I insisted that she should re-wash it, then she walked off exclaiming loudly "Oh, I love this smell". Damn rude!

Cincin,
If you are really sure that she took your things without permission, then you have to be careful already. This is especially for things kept inside drawer. I have forbid her to open all drawers except kitchen drawer. Mine got history of doing the same, then kept pestering to use things that she want.

Re spag: no experience yet, thankfully but i think i will disagree on it as well.

Mommies,

I have something to share on those maids that appear emotionally unstable. My sis who is based in M'sia got a colleague who's maid cried everyday, not working at all and quoted homesick. So she told her in this case, will send her back home tomorrow since no heart to work. Then next morning found she hanged herself in her bedroom! My sis's colleague so traumatised, and moved out from her house that same day!
 
lostinthots - pls let her go and save yourself all these 'heartache'. her behaviour is totally unacceptable!
 
hi all,
just asking if i'm being very petty/paranoid/calculative.... appreciate any advice too...

u see, my phone has caller id. will register calls even private will show '---P---' or '-no id-'

on tue morning before i left home i saw the caller id register '60 calls'.
that day i tried to call home at x time and line was engaged.
when i got thru my helper said her friend called. but when i got home i saw on the caller id '59 calls'
i think most prob she aldy erase some numbers.
i'm not happy cos if there's nothing to hide why erase numbers?

yesterday even worse, the caller id show '58 calls'
she must be checkin my phone...

a few times when i'm home, her 'friends' called
but they moment i pick up the phone and they realise it's not my maid, they hang up
it so annoying!
 
Wendy,

I agree with you, if there's nothing. why must erase the number unless you forbid her to use phone.

Don't the maid have brain to think, they are here to work why must create so much problems for us. Haiz......
 
Wendy,

I think she don't want you to check on those numbers. Sounds fishy.....
It is irritating to have her friends kept calling your house phone. Does your phone have recorder function? If you install one, then don't let her know how to operate and you can check and listen back the conversations (coz i have a friend who caught her maid through this method).
 
Wendy, can change your hse phone number and subscribe to private number after u hav new number, so her friend cant call your home.
Your maid allow to use hp?

Think its to much,hired her not to answer call,be operator at home??? about 60 calls per day,that's a lot..even if 10hrs(60calls),means every hour will have 6 incoming calls..where got time to do hse chores.

Give her warning.I don't allow maid to use hse phone..previously,I have phone call from man..mid nite at 4am.. so I no choice to change to private n never let maid know hse number..just call my hp to contact me.
 
Chole, Thanks, been hearing a lot on checking the maid bag before she go, will do so...Oh dear, she took your favourite toys? *sigh* guessed many are right, treat them nice but yet they still do these.

Eve, Thanks, nice to hear your myanmar maid is good, I think I will try myanmar maid this time.

Vone, I called the agent and they say employer should be paying for the airtickets but my maid just with me for 1 year and it was her choice to go home not that I don't want her...quite unfair to employer right, spent so much to get her in and wasted the agency fee, insurance fee and still have to pay for the air tickts.

Disneytokyo, wow, school holiday in PH so long? hm..she received the call end Mar then started all the homesick symptom. Like a lot of happening at home, hse reno, father and hb quarrel, mum working as maid in the other cty didn't call home etc that made her have to keep calling home to check the status. I told her it is beyond what she can control remotely here. She gets a lot of smses from all her few aunties regularly too, like she is running a big biz here..haa..I a bit regret to give her the freedom to call, all started because of the phone calls. I wonder why her family don't give her the support and keep telling her bad news to make her worry and sad. Wow, you can understand fil? next time maybe you can help me interpret the smsess, I hope she is not hiding anything from me...She hasn't decide whether she wants to quit, I still have to get another new one before letting her go, guess will wait for mid may and hope airfare will be cheaper then.


lostinthots, what you encounter reminds me of my earlier maid, she was a trf maid and reason given was the employer mum didn't like her. Thinking the trf was only personal opinion and she look pleasant to me, I employed her than suddenly after 5months, she keep singing, run and suddenly jump and shout to scare my baby, she often cry too due to homesick. I see her like emotional unstable so ask what happen, seeing me nice to her, she told me frankly that she has been wanting to go home since her 1st employmt but agency say she has to be trf. so she do those to upset us so once we send her back, she can go home. I send her back to the agency immediately since still within the free trf and told the agency to let her go since she wish to go home. Oh dear, it must be terrible for your sis colg, luckily I let my previous maid go as her wish, no point forcing them if heart not here cos' can cause other work related hazard to us.
 
Disneytokyo,

you understand philppine language? i have some letter with me. can help to interpret? I heard from my maid is her hometown langauage.
 
amlamum - yah very long holiday. like what i told my maid, if she comes here then her family has these problems, she cannot do anything abt it. This is a period of adjustment for ur maid i think.

cincin- i do understand, can take a look at it but i do not understand dialect one
 
disneytokyo, hee...she already here for 1 year, by the time she get adjusted, she can go home already. Sometime I wonder what her family wants from her? She is here to earn more to bring home for the family and they still expecting her to shoulder all the bad happening at home.
 
amlamum,

ur agent is nt ethical. it's ur maid who wans 2 go back, nt u who wan 2 send her back. so hw can he/she ask u 2 pay 4 d air ticket back. it's like giving d maid a free holiday here.
 
vone, They mentioned the rules is under MOM, employer needs to pay for airtickt to send the maid home despite which party ended the contract. I thought only when they complete the 2 years contract then we will pay the airfare right? You are right that if we were to pay, they can happily come just like on tour to take a look and go back as their wish.

Any mummies heard of this MOM rule can help to advise?
 
hi bee, jus my 2cents... if i were u, i will just spend $2-300 and send the maid back.No need to go thru agency. Prev when I was selecting a maid agency, I came across Dans at JE too. Went there and saw a maid bio dat I like. But Dans is open by Filipino, the staff working there mostly/all filipinos. HB doesnt like this agency, as the way they speak they doesnt believe in good employer. Only good maid. Employers must be patient.. bla bla bla...
 
amlamum, my agency told me if the maid didnt complete the contact dey have to pay for their own air-ticket back.. But my maid from myanmar.. duno issit the same
 
amlamum,
didn't the agent get you to keep $500 of the maid's salary for this purpose? I always thought that this is a std practice..

I think MOM did say that we are supposed to shoulder the air tickets. Need other more exp mummies to verify this.

Mummies,
btw, my search is over. I've selected a fresh PH maid to come in mid-end May. I interviewed her abt 3 times and found her not too bad over the phone. Used many open ended questions and this maid is quite good. Even with a yes-no question, she elaborated on her answers. It does show that she is quite forward thinking. I really do hope that she is as good as she sounds...

do wish me luck...better still if you can pray for me...kekeke...my heart and my psychological state cannot take another blow from another rubbish maid....
 
nyssa won, bee,
speaking of Dans, I went there too in my search for a maid. After speaking to them, i decided not to use them. My hb was also very uncomfortable with them. on top of that, while i was telling them abt my requirements and explaining why i am not compromising (due to previous bad experiences), they gave me very crap answers and also the look on their faces tell me that they think i'm crazy...
the terms on their contract which i cannot accept at all is the one that makes you use the maid for 30days before you can return her to them..when i asked them what if something really bad happens, like a theft or some emotional outburst from the maid (like the maid gila or wat), what would they do...they could not give me an answer at all..
so because of that, we wrote them off.
 
hi nellu,

yes... the look on their face really #@$%! HB says havent get the maid aldy like dat... If get the maid and got problem sure kns.
 
nyssawon, Thanks, I also think that should be the way. I have asked my maid and she say feel bad for not completing the 2 years contract and say she will pay for her own airfare.

nellu, my maid has fully paid her loan and she has $ to pay for her own airfare. I hope any mummies who has experience sending the maid home can share with me. Good luck to your new maid. Btw, are you going to come up with houserules? My agent told me I should not let the maid call to help them overcome homesickness and if they must call, let them use your hp instead of housephone for better control. Pay them for the off days and bring them out together with you so they will be more closer to us than letting them get bad influence from the bad friends they know outside. The agent even told me to write the houserule for them to fax across for the maid to read and sign the agreement. Anyone heard of this arrangement?
 
amlamum,
tt i m nt sure liao. mayb some mummies who hv experience can enlighten us?


nellu,
good luck 2 u. do update us again when ur new maid is here.
happy.gif
 
Liana, vone,
I'm REALLY keeping my fingers, toes and hair all crossed!

She'll be here sometime in the 3rd week of may. This is because the three of us (hb, me + the boy!) will be away for 3 weeks. I'm getting her to come when we have my boy's 1st bday and just when we get home, so she can help with the huge amt of laundry and also cleaning up aft the party...kekeke
 
Lostintots, your maid is really one of a kind…. I think I will send her back straight away man… I cannot take it

Hi nyssa won and nellu and wendy,

Thank you for your advice. Just now i tell her that Sir doesn't like you to wear that green spagetti strip yesterday. He said that he never see maid wearing like that before... then she said okie. Anyway, i don't care whether she is unhappy or not, i cannot stand her wearing so skimpy at my house!

Hi Liana,
$190 ticket back to Philippines? I check on tiger airway its less than $100! But the air ticket is from Singapore to Clarke. Clarke is in PHP, Manila right?

Hi Amlamum,
do you keep a portion of her salary every month in case she wants to go back early? I did that as advise by my agent in case she wants to go back before her contract is up.
I think its NOT MOM rule. If it is MOM rule then my agent will not tell me to use the $$ that I keep for her to buy air ticket for her in case halfway through she wants to go back.

THis is so that i can protect myself in case she give me trouble!

Hi Bee,

Just send your maid back to PHP…. You are really too good to her already. She is asking too much.
 
Wow ladies, thanks for the advice. Really appreciate it. I came to the right forum for advice. My maid is still with me and I am letting her off to have interviews but strictly under the conditions I mention. The reason I am doing this is because I am just into my 2nd trimester and hubby thinks I shouldn't do 'bad' things like sending the maid home...since he believes in doing 'good' while one is preggo! But he agrees that the deadline should be met or else we will say bye bye to the maid.
Ya I do feel I have been a very good employer to her but see what it got me into. I hardly listen to my ma about maid stories but now have learnt my lesson. I was so worried the maid will get impatient with my kid that I always tell her if she's tired, she can rest awhile but of course not when my kid is around. Guess she took advantage of a nice employer. So if I ever ever were to hire a maid...I would not want a Filiphina because there are just too many here and their network is so huge...I feel they are like some MAFIA gang! hahaha...
I will consider an indonesian with no off day, no handphone, no chit chat with other maids etc. But for now I rather do everything on my own. I will try to hire part time cleaner for the house once a week though and definitely getting a dryer for the clothes.
My ma is anxiously waiting for me to give this maid the boot and I am in the countdown mode!
 
Oh by the way, forgot to mention about the agent. Ya they suck big time! They are pro-maid and not pro-employer. Very bias indeed. I feel they should try to understand the situation before judging the employer. I would not recommend anyone going there. I have fought over the phone with this Filipino lady boss because she was threatening and cursing me about sending the maid home. So advice to those who wanna hire maid, read and re-read the contract carefully and test the agent with all kind of situations so that you put them under the spotlight and see what their answers are. It is bad enough to get a bad maid what more an agent!
 
Bee,
On the contrary...if you send the maid home you will be doing a GOOD thing for Singapore!!!!

Please reconsider and send her HOME. What if the agent doesn't listen and she ends up looking after a baby and lets the baby drop out of the yao lan or something!
 
wow Bee... how come the lady boss of the agent is a Filipino lady.

i think my agent is good, at least she protects the employer's interest and not the maid's interest.
 
Hi Liana, thanks for the concern but I am sure she is not so 'chialat'. After living with her for 7 months, I know she is not an evil person to cause harm to a kid intentionally. I think she is like most of the maids working in Singapore i.e. they are not perfect. But because she gets more freedom in our home, she tends to get greedy and take advantages of us. She might not be the perfect maid but I am certain she will not abuse children. I think at the end of the day, it is also the responsibility of the parents. For my case, I am in the wrong for letting my kid to stay alone with my maid for even half a day. I mean my maid doesn't know CPR or anything in that matter! So it is also up to the employer to decide if they can trust a maid to take care of their baby the whole day. The maids here are not only housekeepers but nannies as well. In the states or UK, nannies need some sort of certification but over here we just let the maid look after our kids alone. So ladies, do think twice if you are leaving your maid alone with your kids. It is sometimes not about abuse but about what the maid will do if an accident happens at home.
I think sending my maid home cannot guarantee that she will not return to Singapore. There are a lot of ex-Singapore maids on the agency lists. I feel getting the perfect maid is like buying the lottery.
 
Hi Mummies,

Do you all buy clothes for your maid? My indo maid has been with us for almost a yr and she's getting plumper that she can't fit the t-shirts/shorts that she bring here.
 
vone, the airfare thingy quite grey hor, wonder who should be paying.

honeyjul, yes, could recalled my agent also asked me to keep a portion of the salary for this purpose. Now my maid wants to pay her own airfare but agent say 'by right' employer should be paying...
 
Hi all,

My maid wrote letter to me ytd night, find that she just finding excuse.
Haiz..... wonder if i can upload the letter here anot then mummies here give me their 2 cents worth.
 
the airticket
i tot we keep aside $500 from her salary to pay 4 e tickets herself if she did not finish her contract... but if anytime we want to terminate her contract then we need to pay from our own pockets... if she finish the 2 years contract, then we oso need to pay from our own pocket.
 
Hi Chloe,Kristen
I happened to come across abt ur bad experience with Job***. I wonder if we got the maids fr. the same agency. I got my 1st maid from jobplus at S'pore Shopping center.I returned the maid to them after 3weeks & reali hv a hard to deal wf the agent.

Hi Babycutie,
I wonder if ur maid is a Ex-SNG Indo maid wf 6yrs?My previous maid which I returned last Jan is oso Ex-SNG indo maid wf 6yrs.To my disappointment,she cannot handle the hsework of 2adults+3y.o boy.Furthermore,my boy is in school in the AM & at MIL in the PM.She doesn't nid to cook dinner as I ta pao fr. my inlaws hme.what she needs to do is basic hsework.I wonder if u've taken the maid fr. me?
 
lostinthots,
I can't stand ur maid.She simply shows no respect to u.She is hired to tak care of the baby but not to disturb the baby.All these maids reali got prob!
My neighbour stupid Indo maid always on her radio volume until so loud tat I couldn't tolerate...and told her off one day!
I can understand how u feel..i was maidless for 3mth since my very 1st ex-maid gave me prob last Jan.It was a HUGE relieve after she left.But my MIL has not been feeling well,so I decided to care for my son full time & hv hired another maid(she'll be here 2molo).
I told myself to "try" again,sometimes,if reali fated i can't get good maid,then I oso consider CC & getting Part Time helper.But part time helper oso hv another set of prob..hv to train again & again when the turnover rate of the co is high.
 
Bee
Since your maid is the one who wants to terminate the contract with you, you dun have to pay for her tix, she pay. You use her pay for the month to buy her tix back lor.

lostinthots
Why do you wan to keep a maid like her?? She dare do tat, is defiant, I sure ask her balek kampong, Or maybe when she sleep I on the stereo for her v loud all of a sudden! hahah...
 
i agree...with regard to the air tix. If she did not complete 2 yrs of work as stated in the contract. She should pay for the airfare herself.
 


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