Advice needed

S

Sky1980

New Member
i am not sure how to start and never dare to share with my friend..

let me intro myself. I am 35 years old man who married for 7 years. i believe i am good hubby and father.

my sex life started very late and my first time is with my current wife. from the green and blur and dont really enjoy it till lately start to enjoy more but my wife is totally the other way round. From hungry for it till now almost not interested by saying that she is tired for kids.

i want to talk to her but she doesnt keen to talk to me on this. I dont like and dont think its right to force her. I even thinking to visit prostitute but worry about disease which may affect my wife and child life.

day to day i try to be good husband and father but at the deep of my heart, i just feel that there is something missing...

Anyone can share with me if you ever have this issue and how you resolve this...
 


I think man and woman got different demand at different age..

As a woman, I can understand how your wife feel as sometimes after back from work, got to do housework, handle kids.. can be very tiring...

But I do admit sometimes will neglect the most impt person - the husband.. (of course not all woman are like that)..

How old are ur kids? Perhaps you can help on some housework or help to handle kids till they go to bed? So that your wife can have more time to accompany you and rest?

You make a right choice for not going to prostitute as it might ruin your family.. :)
 
I have 3 kids and all below 6. Actually, i have a helper and i help on housework (washing plate and cleaning is my routine work). Making kids to sleep like reading story is not rare to me. I dont drink, no smoking, no pub, no KTV....my friend know i am family man so will never ask me to go out at night...

my wife is actually not working as her career is not smooth.

actually i am not sure is this a right place to share this... sharing with friend is a no no for me..
 
Understand.. every ppl does have sth that can’t share with ppl we know...

And sounds like you are like my husband, but we do not have helper and I’m working.. :D

Hmm.. could it be you asking for it too frequent.. Try to bear with it for some time as is not good to force, might make her feel 反感..

Or maybe she is boring to stay at home whole day.. what she busy with recently other than kids? Maybe try to bring her out for dinner sometime le or walk walk? Perhaps go for short travel?

Was thinking is it good idea to hint her that soemone jio you to visit prostitute and see what is her response..
 
There are things that u can get by without talking out and things that u can't. The mismatch in libido belongs to the latter category.

Having said that, getting ur wife in the mood doesnt start with foreplay. It starts with her seeing how much u are trying to ease her burden at home and children (hopefully u are!) and that u truly care for her wellbeing. Being a working mum is not easy and it is very tiring to juggle work, housework and children. Engaging a part time helper may help...
 
I guess most wives tend to neglect husband when they’ve kids - I am also one.. but we still find personal time together.. we don’t have Helper, so usually after we tuck in the kids we will do housework together then have a beer or something before we sleep.. I guess communication is v important.. u can talk thing out with your wife , plan a romantic night .. slowly she will feel love again
 
Yes. I agreed with lovely0315 that man and woman have different needs in stages of life.
In terms of sex, woman can by very active after marriage... And gradually lesser especially after giving birth. That is because most of the woman will then be concentrating on kids, and many of a time, neglect the husband.

You need to spend more personal time with your wife. Perhaps go for a short trip (without your kids if possible), or take a day off and have some personal time with her.
 
Sky1980 said:
I even thinking to visit prostitute but worry about disease which may affect my wife and child life.
Click to expand...

If you don't start then you don't even need to think about how to stop. My advice to you is please don't!

I overhead two of my ex colleagues discussing about prostitutes. One was telling the other he couldn't help thinking about sex 24 hours a day and 7 days a week and always looking forward to his next visit. o_O
 
Bro, Communication is the key. Not ez than said. But we as guy have to take control. Go on short break such and try ur best.
 
Hi Sky1980,
You said that:
- your wife is not working
- you have a helper to do the household work
- and you also help around the house (washing plates...)
What you need is a baby sitter.
Arrange for a baby sitter or find a friend/relative to take care
of the 3 kids (at least on some days) so that you and your wife
can go out and feel romantic again.
Now make my day and 'Like' my post. :)

Kim
 
Sky1980 said:
i am not sure how to start and never dare to share with my friend..

let me intro myself. I am 35 years old man who married for 7 years. i believe i am good hubby and father.

my sex life started very late and my first time is with my current wife. from the green and blur and dont really enjoy it till lately start to enjoy more but my wife is totally the other way round. From hungry for it till now almost not interested by saying that she is tired for kids.

i want to talk to her but she doesnt keen to talk to me on this. I dont like and dont think its right to force her. I even thinking to visit prostitute but worry about disease which may affect my wife and child life.

day to day i try to be good husband and father but at the deep of my heart, i just feel that there is something missing...

Anyone can share with me if you ever have this issue and how you resolve this...
Click to expand...

please please.. do not go for prostitution...
 
actually really depends on the characters. u may be able to soften her sometimes may not because tu lan for too long already thats why rather talk to other people. but honestly speaking nothing can be solve unless she talks to u so find the best timing. best if after her work after she has eaten n shower.
 
punkkini said:
actually really depends on the characters. u may be able to soften her sometimes may not because tu lan for too long already thats why rather talk to other people. but honestly speaking nothing can be solve unless she talks to u so find the best timing. best if after her work after she has eaten n shower.
Click to expand...
But when she come back she say she is tired. Or when even we talk, end up quarrel
 
Mm.. ya.. i will talk to frien n siblings instead of my husb, every time after I talked to him, he will non stop nag, I rather just keep quiet...

I do try to talk, but if talk n end up with nag or quarrel, rather don talk then...

Of course both parties play a part, but if you wish take the first steps to improve the situation, try to listen to ur wife ba.... I mean, put down whatever work on hand, hand phone etc and listen to what she...

Even she is talking/nagging bout her work thing, just pay attention n listen (although u might not interested to know).. ;)

Y we rather to talk to others, cox they willing to listen to us.. and stand at our side (if things r reasonable)..
 
lovely0315 said:
Mm.. ya.. i will talk to frien n siblings instead of my husb, every time after I talked to him, he will non stop nag, I rather just keep quiet...

I do try to talk, but if talk n end up with nag or quarrel, rather don talk then...

Of course both parties play a part, but if you wish take the first steps to improve the situation, try to listen to ur wife ba.... I mean, put down whatever work on hand, hand phone etc and listen to what she...

Even she is talking/nagging bout her work thing, just pay attention n listen (although u might not interested to know).. ;)

Y we rather to talk to others, cox they willing to listen to us.. and stand at our side (if things r reasonable)..
Click to expand...
This is the problem, I say can we talk. She say what to talk about, work you also don't understand the problem. then talk about kids, all only have her say. Never my say. So piss sometimes. (Sometime it really make me think, the person is having an affair is it her. She never want to talk to me anything
 
kind_vigilante said:
This is the problem, I say can we talk. She say what to talk about, work you also don't understand the problem. then talk about kids, all only have her say. Never my say. So piss sometimes. (Sometime it really make me think, the person is having an affair is it her. She never want to talk to me anything
Click to expand...

Hmm.. have you tried surprising her a gift? like maybe buy her something small and let her know that you acknowledge that she has been working very hard and you appreciate all her efforts. Sometimes we females hope to feel more appreciated for taking care of the kids and family. Then if both of you are on better talking terms, maybe can ask her what can you do to make the situation better for her as you really want to help and ease her burden.
 
kind_vigilante said:
This is the problem, I say can we talk. She say what to talk about, work you also don't understand the problem. then talk about kids, all only have her say. Never my say. So piss sometimes. (Sometime it really make me think, the person is having an affair is it her. She never want to talk to me anything
Click to expand...
how i wish my man tell me "can we talk?"
 
many times.. we find out that there is always 1 party who wants to talk but the other party simply dont want..
those who wants to talk are in denial n refuse to accept that there is no more love for them... why cant they face it. why cant u take no as no.? they just don get the point. the more they want to talk the more the other party wants to shut down.
those who decides to shut down have no patience or simply have given up hope n love in the relationship. next is they dont know how to get out of this relationship.
if marriage is like the car's coe i think not many will renew, lol but scrape it! heehee
没有谁就不能活下去的道理啦
还没碰见他/她的时候也不是活得好好的
 
Sky1980 said:
i am not sure how to start and never dare to share with my friend..

let me intro myself. I am 35 years old man who married for 7 years. i believe i am good hubby and father.

my sex life started very late and my first time is with my current wife. from the green and blur and dont really enjoy it till lately start to enjoy more but my wife is totally the other way round. From hungry for it till now almost not interested by saying that she is tired for kids.

i want to talk to her but she doesnt keen to talk to me on this. I dont like and dont think its right to force her. I even thinking to visit prostitute but worry about disease which may affect my wife and child life.

day to day i try to be good husband and father but at the deep of my heart, i just feel that there is something missing...

Anyone can share with me if you ever have this issue and how you resolve this...
Click to expand...

did u see a sudden change?
did she starts to come back late or dress up nicer etc? secretive with her hp etc?
 
If talking face to face is difficult, perhaps you may want to try messaging (eg. whatsapp or sms).
When we write it down in text, it's easier for us to be more truthful about our feelings and thoughts.
Usually we are more talkative and frank when we type on whatsapp / sms.
And we tend to re-read what each other had typed and may start seeing things/understanding things from each other's perspective. You may initiate a sit-down session after that to talk things through once all tempers have calmed down.

This is usually what happens when both my hub n I have a "war".
Both of us tend to bottle up our feelings until we both explode and give each other the "silent treatment", but we continue to quarrel on whatsapp....lolx.
 
different couple have different ways to resolve their marriage because we do not know you and your personality. there are pple behaving like angels whenever they are with their friends colleagues or boss yet when they get back home its totally another total side which the outsiders have never seen before.
your partner have been with you for a while so more or less u should beable to know how she or he operates.
my advice to those who kept saying we need to talk we need this or that... for once do the un norm. dont talk too much. ur partner will see that difference and then maybe will be the other way round that he or she wanna begin talking again.
whenever 1 party ask for a lot. or expect somethings... be prepare to get disappointment because pple in tbis world are not here to please you. just do ur part. do what u need to do n dont complain so much.
 
punkkini said:
different couple have different ways to resolve their marriage because we do not know you and your personality. there are pple behaving like angels whenever they are with their friends colleagues or boss yet when they get back home its totally another total side which the outsiders have never seen before.
your partner have been with you for a while so more or less u should beable to know how she or he operates.
my advice to those who kept saying we need to talk we need this or that... for once do the un norm. dont talk too much. ur partner will see that difference and then maybe will be the other way round that he or she wanna begin talking again.
whenever 1 party ask for a lot. or expect somethings... be prepare to get disappointment because pple in tbis world are not here to please you. just do ur part. do what u need to do n dont complain so much.
Click to expand...
Wahoo, punkkini. I think you went through a lot to see this. Maybe that is the cause why a lot of people don't choose to get married. As all this freedom issue will be taken away.
 
i didnt have to go through alot to see this. just put yourself in another person's shoes... and be reflective over self's action.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.

Similar threads

Q
Husband makes me feel isolated from his family
2
Replies
64
Views
5K
Mongkok
M
R
Need advice. Haven’t had sex after married
Replies
3
Views
2K
Doctoral Genius Paul
D
T
Divorce?
Replies
17
Views
1K
Tracer
T
A
Husband wants a divorce
Replies
46
Views
4K
Mongkok
M
L
Critically low AMH, sharing/advice needed
Replies
0
Views
2K
LD2306
L

Back
Top