Advice Needed Urgently! My Lawyer for my divorce case is my Husband Frnd!

S

shermaine_chn

New Member
Hi ALL!

i need advice urgently! 3mth ago, i caught my husband red-handed in bed with another women. so i went to look for a lawyer for a divorce.

Last wk, the lawyer told me that he actually knows my husband!! and my court hearing is next wk! i asked him if he wants to continue my case and said he knows what hes doing. i tried to discuss with him my case last wk but he say he busy, and the reason is- he need to pick up his suit! and the whole week he has no time for me!

initially i told the lawyer i want full custody of my child. today when i call him, he told me to gv my husband joint custody. somemore say to give him flexible timing to visit my child and put my husband name in childcare list (those who can pick up the child)!

when i ask him about division of the matrimony flat, he told me not to fight for it and tell me to gv me husband 80% of the flat!

i am very lost now,what should i do?? any recommendation of lawyers i can check on this? pls help!
 


Switch lawyer immediately. This one obviously doesn't have your best interest at heart. Sorry, I don't have any to recommend. Perhaps someone else could.
 
shermaine

This looks like a case of conflict of interest. My hubby's fren is a lawyer who also deals in family law. You can PM me if you need his contact.
 
Hi

Like to ask for some advice here for my fren.
My fren wanted to file for divorce but she is not sure about the flat.
The flat is going to be fully paid for by hubby in May 07. Is it true that when filing the proceedings, if hubby willingly say that he will give up the flat to wife, wife dont have to return the cpf money? Or how does it works?

alhana

Does ur lawyer fren provide free consultation? Or how much will it cost for consultation?
 
I posted a reply to Shermaine earlier.

I said I know of a lawyer that deals with divorce cases. A family member of mine who was going thru a divorce met up with her 2 times for advice first, before engaging her for her services.

She charged S$50 each time for advice, which I found very fair. Your friend may want to contact her. She is called Ms Loh and her details are:
http://www.law.com.sg/address.htm
 
Hi, my boyfriend specialises in Family Law, and can provide free legal advice if you quote my name.

PM me if you want the contact
happy.gif
 
If hubby willing to *give* flat to wife, he must deposit into his CPF the amount that was used to pay for the flat, plus interest. It's a HDB/CPF ruling. CPF money must be returned into account that was used to pay for HDB flat. Recent news indicate this may change in the future. (the transfer is done without any deposits until the flat is sold to a third party at which time all monies refunded accordingly)

Joblessness does not indicate you will not get custody of the children. If you have been the sole caregiver, then actually, your chances of custody are much higher.

You may want to shop around for a lawyer till you find one you are comfortable with. Otherwise, go to the legal aid bureau.

He SAYS he doesn't mind giving you everything... so hit him with everything. Get a lawyer, ask for sole custody, maintenance amount enough to support you and kids to continue your lifestyle as is now (i.e. without you getting a job) and to transfer the flat to your name (and he has to deposit into his CPF as per my first paragraph in this post)... if you are lucky, he'll be in such bliss with his girl that he'll give you all that without arguments
happy.gif
 
Mercury,
Legal aid does help. You can approach them and now they assign me a lady lawyer , AC Fergussan whom is very helpful and consideration.
 
hi ladies,

not sure how active this thread is now. but i need some advice.

my hb has been getting very close to a female col. they sms each other everyday, like constantly. they are fr diff dept but same office. so even during office hours they'll sms each other and go lunch together alone everyday. then come home hb will sms her whether reach home yet or he'll be watching tv and smsing her at the same time cos she'd be watching same prgm and they'll have a sms-conversation. beside sms hb will oso chat with her online every nite, they'll be at it till he sleeps abt 1-2am. but with me, he bearly has more than 10 sentences with me the whole nite and day. i tink he checks on her movement and show concern for her more than me and our baby girl. he always worried she go home late, take bus very lonely...

then today i check his email and found out they oso communicate thru email even in the office. the things the talk about are like, my hb will say she very sweet and nice....shld wear bikini then his nose bleed....etc. today's email to her was quite devastating. apparently this morning rain so she waited for him at mrt station to shelter him with her small umbrella. umbrella v small so they had to squeeze inside. hb say he half body wet but he v happy get to hug her and hold her hand. some more can say hope tomorrow rain again.

this can't possibily be an innocent platonic frenship rite? this woman oso legally married, though no customary yet. i oso found out from their emailing that they planning something when i go overseas in june. i'm going overseas in june without my hb and she say her hb oso going overseas during tat period....hb say want to go out at nite during tat time.

how? wat shld i do? i hven't confronted him with any of this...cos 1 thing i secretly check his sms and email. scared if i confront him next time he'll delete everything then i have no more proof. i've printed out all their correspondance already and keep one side....i'm seriously preparing to file for divorce the moment i get proof tat he's having an affair. i'm afraid when i come bk fr overseas in june...it's going to be a full blown affair already. thinking of hiring a PI but no $$$. any idea how much it cost??

someone pls help and advice.
 
i really hope there's someone out there reading this thread.

this morning wake up my heart very very pain....literally. feels like its going to burst. help!
 
confused ...i cant help coz i never gone tru what u r going tru rite now...but juz bcos im online rite now n saw ur msg, i felt for u n hope u r ok...u have a baby girl rite? well, be strong for her n yourself...n if things do happens...juz look forward n think of it this way.."why shud i stay with a man who doesnt understand the meaning of loyalty to one's own spouse?"...
 
hi confused,

do u still love him? guess now they have been to bed yet, its only attraction to each others and beginning of his infidelity. do u want to try and win his heart back?

if u really want evidence for divorce, can get a PI, they charge 2K & above, depending on how long u want they to follow your hubby. lawyer fee abt 3k for uncontested divorce.

can email me [email protected] if u need to pour out your sorrow.
 
confused
well... your husband could be flirting with his colleague at the moment and MAY not have gone further.

Regardless, you may want to bring up the subject carefully with him, about fidelity and loyalty to spouses, maybe even casually tell him that one of your friends/colleagues found out that the husband was having affairs and the result was devastating for the family and the children, and they had started innocently like having lunches and car-pooling etc.

Need not confront him on his behavior at the moment, give him a chance to pull back. If you confront him, he may get very upset and your relationship may get worse.

Use one of the weapons attributed to women - gossip! Share the "gossip" innocently with him and see what he says.

Hopefully, your husband will get the hint or realise that he might be treading on dangerous grounds even though he has not started anything. If he has, hopefully he sees the damage it could do and repent.

If after this, he continues, then you may want to take more drastic action if you feel that he no longer respects you as a wife.
 
Hi confused,

Just to share my experience.

My ex also did similar things as your husband. I have all his emails with the girl, sms messages etc but when I present them to the lawyer, he said it is not enough to prove adultery. So you will really need more concrete proof if you want to file a divorce on grounds of adultery.

I eventually file for a separation, backdated it and my divorce was finalised Jan this year.
 
dear mamaliz,

thx for your kind words.

shermaine,

i don't think its worth winning his heart back if he has already started developing feelings for another woman. its so devastating. even if he comes back to me, i don't think i can ever love him again. how to love someone who's always thinking about another woman, even if he doesn't love her (yet). jus tinking about her already makes him unfaithful rite?!

do u know if i file for divorce, is it going to be immediate or do we have to go thru the 3 yrs seperation thing? on wat grounds can i file for divorce?

dear ozzie,

don't think the "gossip" idea will work on him. somehow suspect he knows what he's doing. actually we've talked abt fren's infidelity before. in fact only recently one of our frens kana caught by wife for having affair for 1 yr. somemore my hb cn go counsel him. such double standards rite?

in fact i v disappointed in my hb. last yr he was taking part time course in social services. part of his diploma covered courses on dysfunctional families. he learnt abt how affairs and divorce can be devastating to families. in fact when he was studying tat last yr he can still discuss with me those case studies and say the wives and children so poor thing. then see now!!!????

is a man's threshold of flirting so much lower than a woman? to me what he's smsing to the woman is so much more than flirting.
 
hi confused,

if u are married for more than 3 yrs, dont need to go thru 3 yrs seperation. u can file for divorce on unreasonable behavior, if file under adultry need to hv PI report.
 
hi shermaine,

which is easier, unreasonable behaviour or adultry? adultry must catch them having sex? wat constitutes unreasonable behaviour?

sorry so many questions.

hb suspecting something already. he keep asking me today wat's wrong with me. why keep pulling long face. but i jus say tired and stress with work. don't wan to alert him yet.
 
To file by adultery means that you need a PI report to prove ... photos etc. You catching them in bed would only fall under unreasonable behaviour.

Unreasonable behaviour is easier (and cheaper) but what you have isn't quite enough. Of course, if he WANTS to divorce then yea can just file with what you have. If he contests, you will definitely need more. Physical violence, lack of maintenance (i.e. not financially supporting the family) are other forms of unreasonable behaviour.
 
need advice urgently!

i went for mediation last wk and the judge said that my ex will be given a wk supervised visit of the child at those family centre, and he's also allowed to stay in our flat. and both of us will be going for counselling and shall go back to court 3mths later.

but on the day after court, he went home and throw out my things and changed the lock! he also followed, scolded me vulgarity and throw my hp on the floor. i make a police report and they cant do anything with him even though i have a ppo against him!

my neighbour also told me they suspect he bought prostitute home. if found he let illegal immigrants stay in the house, would the flat be confuscated by HDB? that will means i lost my share too even though i was not staying there?

he has been standing outside the childcare of my child for the past 2 days and my child did saw him. the teacher told me today that he has began to push/hit his classmate after he saw his dad.
the police told me they cant stop him even though the child has a ppo against the dad too! the teacher saw his dad thats how i know hes there.

he lie in court about his salary and i found out hes earning $800 more than what he said. maintenance amt that judge ordered is based on the salary he said, can it be changed? is it a crime for him doing so? he said will pay for childcare fee but in court he said'no $, no $'. when judge ask why he said willing to pay in the first place, he said'i want to pay but no $, no $!' btw hes earning $2K plus.

devasted now, what should i do?!
 
shermaine & confused,
my heart goes to both of u. We women are pitiful things. hubby doesnt knw our hard works of working & taking care of family & bb. They oni knw how to find "xin huan" & forget "jiu huan" realli a sad thing. GOD shld punish all this "mei liang xin" guy leh. why are we women always the sad parties??

confused,
i understand how u feel by retaining a hb back but then his heart could be thinking of another pax. What's the use of still keeping a changed heart man with u???

shermaine,
your hb seems to be abit violent. be careful for urself & ur kid.
 
Hi confused and all who going thru pain,
If you need a PI or lawyer, i have both. My lawyer only charged me $400 plus for separation procedures. spoke to me several times and gave very very good advice. I seen another lawyer before him and the female lawyer like this cannot that cannot and did not give a overall view of wats gg to happen, consequences blah blah.

I also just got separated and life never so good before. Read my thread if you interested. "what should i do" & "i will learn and know wat should do" & itsybitspider is my posting name.
http://www.singaporemotherhood.com/forumboard/messages/5/510960.html?1178098161
 
hi ItsyBitsySpider
can pm me the contact of ur lawyer...? n is his charges very high..? my sister nds a lawyer but not capable to come up wif $$ coz the hb has been holding her acct all along up till a few days back when he gave it back but it was empty....so cant afford anything till her salary comes...
 
I caught my ex-husband on bed too! Some more at our own house on our own bed!!!

He's too ashamed to even defend for himself. I was so broken, lost, angry, confused at that time. Luckily all is over now. Successfully divorced him last year without him contesting. Paid quite a hefty lawyer fees tho (total abt $6k) but I guess looking back, it's all worth it.

Here's to all... Just have to settle it quickly and get it out of the way so we victims can move on with life. Jia you!!
happy.gif
 
hi pigmit,

i caught my ex-husband on bed at our bed too! only those who go through it will understand the shock, anger, confused etc..

at least your ex did not contest, mine still hostile and blame me even scold me infront of the judge! want to fight for sole custody of our child, harrass me & my family, verbally abused me then want to apply ppo against me by making up a story! make me go court few times and case dismissed as i hv proved i was at somewhere else.

hows the lawyer that u used? mind to share with me? can pm me the contact if she/he is gd? cos me discharge my previous lawyer as hes a friend of my ex and looking for a lawyer now. what bad luck i have!! damn 'sua'
crazy.gif
 
hi shermaine,

pai seh, i dunno how to pm. juz to share, my lawyer is frm a big law firm. as my case is pretty straight fwd, most of the time i only get to deal with her assistants. but honestly speaking, their charges are nt cheap. for a simple easy case like mine, i'm alrdy paying 6k. i really wouldn't wan to recommend her to anyone unless u are willing to pay.

i heard frm many she's a very gd divorce lawyer. looking at your case, u seriously need a gd lawyer to help u out. anyway 1st consultantion is free. u may wan to meet up with her 1st and consider again. i can email u the contact if u are keen. email me your addy to [email protected]

will pray that God will give u the strength & the wisdom to fight tis thru. dun worry too much ya, i'm very sure ur husband will get his well-deserved punishment.
happy.gif
 
I duno hw active is this tread now. But I'm in mids of divorce. I think he is fighting for custody when in the first place my 2 yr old do not hv a bond with him or know he is her father. HE does not provide for us; do not see this baby or take care of her.

I'm confuse. He spread HPV to me which causes me to be in CIN1 and went for an op, now still recovering. Can anyone advise?*tears

Angeline
[email protected]
 
hi angeline,

don't worry your child is so young definitely u will get care and control of your child. as for custody u fight with him for sole custody. now court is more pro joint custody so have the mindset that if u get sole custody its a bonus for u.

my ex also said he wants to fight for my child custody, few rounds of going to court he gave up.

get a good lawyer else stand in person. just relax and stay cool
happy.gif
 
I do not wish to stay married to my husband anymore, I will not contest for the custody of the kids as i feel that he can provide for them better than I can.
I have stopped loving him a long time ago and he getting more and more bad tempered. He has constantly challenged me to leave the matrimonial home. What can I do? I had thought to stay till the kids are older but its getting impossible.
How should I go about to file for a divorce? I want it to be as amicable as possible.
 
sometimes, it's good to let go then u can move forwards.

If u want amicable divorce then u have to talk to him to go and see a lawyer together and agree on all terms
 
Hi, I'm a PR and get married 2 years with one 13mths son.
I had a very bad experience during my confinement at my MIL house.
I just cant communicate with his family member..
There is few times we quarrel til wanna divorce but when I look at my son, I take the word back.
Btw, I would like to check, how high my change to get my son custody if we divorce?
My husband is a Singaporean and I'm a PR. My family at Malaysia.
Pls advice.
Thanks.
 
ItsyBitsySpider (itsybitsyspider, issit possible for u to sms me ur lawyer no.? My contact is 97987405. Million thanks.
 
Dear All,

I need some help. this case is the opposite. I am looking for a lawyer to fight a case for my guy friend.

The wife had filed for divorced and the custody for 2 days. my guy friend has been always working hard for family and he did not commit any adultery.

Any good lawyers who can help to fight for the husband?
 
Hi helpinghandz,

I just file for divorce also. I've cheap and expensive lawyer. I'm engaged the cheap one as my divorce is uncontested, just PM me if u need they are contact.
 
By the way, lawyers are to conduct a conflict search to ascertain they and firm do not have a conflict of interest before taking on any case.
 
Any lawyer worth their salt in their practice, even small firms, gotta do a conflict search before taking on a case.

Be careful of those who don't. You don't wanna be wasting your money paying for first consult and/or even subsequent work and then to hear that they can't rep you. Caveat emptor.
 
Can anyone give me contact for divorce lawyer ? Is it true nowadays lawyer fee is charged per hr basis and usually abt 500/hr?
 
Hi, i have been calling around hoping for cheaper lawyer for divorce, the best quote i have is $990 (but have to pay for all the registration fee myself, which they are unable tell me how much in total) any one have recommendation? i am going through a uncontested divorce. Although sad but i managed to overcome and decided to prove that i will lead a better life.
 
Hi, I am looking for a cheap divorce lawyer too. i got a quote at S$990 too. i wonder is it from the same lawyer firm as yours. Is it reliable since it's much cheaper than other quote that i had?
 

$990 is consider very low. i thought it will be 2-4K .

cos me is wn to divoice and also custody and also my flat . sian and head pain ar
 
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