Advice needed on divorce/separation/child custody

My husband issue me a lawyer letter .. promise he wil not commit any family violence again if I withdraw the ppo against him
 


To hire a lawyer to fight for ppo it cost alot.. but I still considering should I withdraw, and thinking why he wanna me to withdraw
 
I went through the trial myself. Need to prepare affidavit abd u must look.thru his for loopholes and question.him. It's is easy if he represent himself. But if got lawyer. It bE tough on u.
 
i feel u just go there and personally present your case, with the police report and medical report to back you up. But to prove your case, better to bring in more incidents.

He is frightened, that why he is negotiating with you. If the lawyer is so confidence, why must he admit to violence and ask u withdraw .
 
I further more I been stay out at my mum place to prevent anything from happen.. he said since I already move out it will not cause any violence. .and ask me to withdraw and promise won't commit any family violence
 
Anyone know if there is a high chance of not receiving the maintenance from ex after divorce? My parents keep reminding me that normally man will only give for the first few months and will not give any.
 
Anyone know if there is a high chance of not receiving the maintenance from ex after divorce? My parents keep reminding me that normally man will only give for the first few months and will not give any.
As long u dun remarry, ur ex has to give you alimony if granted by court.

Child maintenance is as long as the child is under 21yrs old must give?
 
I just worry that he may go missing after a few months...really veri headache to go thro all these. Should i divorce or stay...
 
U will need to go a lot of times cos as children grow big their maintenance will increase and got inflation. Unless you are satisfied and can cope with e amt he give. Otherwise just give him hell by filing variation order every year. For men who are stupid to think not to give, court will sentence them jail. If u go soft, then they get away. Up to u if u can provide for your children
 
My ex-husband default payment thrice in a year despite court order and enforcement. Each time I went back. At the advice of my lawyer, I could apply for attached earnings if he does it again. So now he has no choice but to pay up promptly. The 3rd time he default payment, the court demanded him to pay up promptly for the next 3 months and each time, he has to show up the next day with receipt of payment.

By chance, I stumbled upon an article about DP Credit which is linked to Singapore Council of Women's Organization. They will "chase" maintenance from your ex-husband via sms monthly and they will gather a credit report on him based on how promptly he pay his maintenance. This in turn will affect his ability to get a loan be it a bank loan, car loan or whatsoever. DP Credit will only collect maintenance on your behalf if you give them a percentage of your maintenance which is not little (I think 20% if I'm not wrong) but at least they give these fellows pressure not to default payment.

If I'm not wrong, the court is able to track via GPS the whereabouts of the guy even if he moved house provided he changed handphone number so there's a loophole.
 
Hi all,

I'm in a similar dilemma like many of the gals here.

To cut the story short, Hubby and I have reached a point whereby there's no meaning in continuing with our marriage. We have 2 kids to the marriage, a 8 yo gal and a 5 yo boy. When i left the house in Nov 2014, i thought that the kids would be better off with him. Well, at least, they still get to live in a landed property vs myself, who has to rent a room. All i ask from him is reasonable access to the children, which he agreed.

However, he start to chu pattern when i wanted to see the kids. First of all, he insisted that it had to be a supervised visit. Though i did object to it, i still gave in, coz all i wanted was to see the kids. N Throughout this first visit, my fil followed me everywhere with the disgusted look in his eyes, as if I was a criminal and some dirty woman. I swallowed all these.

When it came to subsequent visits, he kept giving lots of excuses not to let me meet them. Even though we had agreed that every Sunday would be my day, he turned on his words n said that if i want to see the kids, i have to follow his schedule. In order to see them on sunday, i had already shuffled all my work to the other days. He's really making things difficult on me. Time and again, i swallowed my pride and went along with him.

In Mar 2015, when i requested to see the kids again, he told me that he would only consider that if i agree to his terms on our bto. I reasoned with him, explaining that they are two different matters and shouldnt be lumped together and that he has no right to deprive me of my rights as a mother. Well, of course, he ignored all these. This was when i decided to fight for my own rights. Not wanting to give in again this time, I went to my boy's school and picked him up, back to my place. I did my part to inform him upon picking my boy up. He kicked up a huge fuss and went to the police claiming that i had mental illness. IO actually dropped by my place to make sure that i was in the right state of mind. Zzzzz..

The next schooling day, he and his mum went to my boy's school wanting to snatch the boy back. The school called for police intervention. We subsequently reached an agreement whereby the kid would stay with each parent for a week. This agreement was written and signed by both myself and him. I thought that that would be the end of the nightmare. But i was so utterly wrong.

Out of goodwill, I agreed to him having the boy over for dinner (it was my boy's birthday) even though it was my week. I really did not expect that to be the last time i see my boy. He claimed that he regretted what he had written in black and white and that he will not honour it. I called the police but to no avail. They have no respect for the law at all. In fact, his mum told the police officers that this is a private property and that they have no right to enter it.

From that day (24th Apr 2015), my boy didnt go to school at all. Everyday, i would call the school to check on his attendance. Hubby ignores all my msgs. I have screenshots of him having read them and being online. This went on for about 3 weeks. I couldnt take it anymore and requested the Principal to call him as they have not explained his absence to the school at all. This was when he told the Principal that he wanted to withdraw the child. Again, i told him that i was against that idea and he acted nonchalant again. I had no choice but to send him a legal letter. Upon receipt of the letter, he cancelled my daughter's tuition classes, which i was paying for. Furthermore, he told the teacher to hide it from me. I only knew about it coz the teacher couldnt get the payment from him. What a joke.

During the June Holidays, i painstakingly called all the kindergartens nearby his house to see where my boy was. How can a boy at the tender age of 5 not attend school? What is he trying to do? In July 2015, i learnt that he was registered in one of the pcfs. I tried making a few visits there to see my boy, but he was either absent or had been picked up early. I would always inform the school prior to my visit n I even told the principal that i only want to see him during his break time, so as not to disrupt his learning. Somehow, there were too many coincidences and i always cant get to see him. Feeling fishy, i decided not to inform the school this time and he was still absent. I went down again the next day and he still wasnt in school. I requested to see his attendance as i was very worried for my child. N guess what? That idiot had not been sending him to school ever since my last 'informed' visit. From the attendance, i could see that he has not attended even one full week of school ever since he started there. He would be absent for at least a day for every week. I sent a legal letter to him again and requested the principal to call him. My gut feel was right. He had withdrawn the kid once again.

Do u gals think these actions of his are substantial proof that he is a very immature adult who does not think about the consequences his actions bring? That he is a very irresponsible father who does not see the importance of education for his kids? Under the child protection act, a child should not be deprived of education. Is this depriving the kid?
 
My ex did e exact same thing. What is your stage of divorce? File for interim care and control. At cfrc I ask for penal code from judge. State exactly e time for access. In case he take away e kid again.
 
We've just started filing for divorce based on unreasonable behaviour.

I was so mad when I saw e reasons he filed. Blantant lies. He claimed tat was an alcoholic, he had to feed my drinking habits plus e kids, tat i spent all my $ on myself, tat him n his mum were e only caregivers of e kid, etc..really makes my blood boils..

On top of tat, he is requesting for sole custody n control of e kids, limited supervised access to me, no overnight or overseas trips till 15, no maintenance for me, I have to give up our bto to him, n I have to pay maintenance for e kids.

Will b going cfrc on 6th Oct. M not very sure what I should do. Mind Sharing ur experiences?
 
Forget to mention. I m fighting for custody, care & control with him..n giving him full access to e kids, b it pone, overnight, overseas..

Hope his actions will cause his downfall..
 
At cfrc inform judge he stop u see e kid. Judge will ask u all to mediate. U can request for a court order/penal notice for access. Then tell judge that u all can't come to agreement. Push for e divorce first on uncontested basis. But e kids come first. So u must get access. Judge will always ask to go mediate. If your ex don't agree. U say u file for summons for interim care and control. Whatever he say is bullshit. U don agree to anything. Say deal at ancillary, let judge decide.
 
Frankly, I want to drag e divorce for as long as possible. He wans custody of e kids as he wans to get a hdb flat to roll more $. The current landed tat they r staying in now is bought based on assets loan n this cash tat they hav in e bank is running low. I'm e one who helped them in their investment n moved frm hdb to condo to landed, so I koe e financial status of his whole family very well.They r not able to support e loan.
 
N, even e divorce will b contested coz if I accept his reasons, I wld b admitting tat I'm an alcoholic, never look aft kids, no interest for kids, etc. Then how to fight for custody?
 
Hi Xiao Keai

Actually, just curious why you moved out in the first place?

The flat does it have your name in it? Even if not, so long as you have proof that you have been providing financially or paying for expenses, be it the utilities or Singtel bills or whatever, you have a right to the flat. Usually the children will be under the mother's care and control unless he has proof of unreasonable behavior such as violence or mental illness etc.

Yes, you have the right to see your children and whether it is supervised or not, it's entirely up to the judge.

I would suggest you try to find evidence of him not being a good father such as your child's skipping attendance in school or negligence in any other form.

As for him insisting that you are alcoholic and spent all his $ on you, they are baseless provided he has evidence. I think you can go to the family court like smiggle princess suggested to gain your right to see your children.
 
Like I mentioned earlier, it's a really long story. To summarise, I was abused physically n mentally by pils, n hb's indifference was another form of emotional abuse. I suffered from anxiety, paranoia, stress induced diarrhoea towards e end of my marriage. I lost 10kg in 10 weeks. (I'm avg sized lady weighing 60kg all along) I couldn't sleep at night, had nightmares,often woke up in cold sweats, sweaty palms all e time. I knew that if I continued like this, I would die. Thus, I made e decision to leave.

I know I can definitely get access to e kids. But one of his reasons was tat e kid is not willing to see me. I have read abt cases abt others having not seen their kids for years for tis very reason.
 
Like I mentioned earlier, it's a really long story. To summarise, I was abused physically n mentally by pils, n hb's indifference was another form of emotional abuse. I suffered from anxiety, paranoia, stress induced diarrhoea towards e end of my marriage. I lost 10kg in 10 weeks. (I'm avg sized lady weighing 60kg all along) I couldn't sleep at night, had nightmares,often woke up in cold sweats, sweaty palms all e time. I knew that if I continued like this, I would die. Thus, I made e decision to leave.

I know I can definitely get access to e kids. But one of his reasons was tat e kid is not willing to see me. I have read abt cases abt others having not seen their kids for years for tis very reason.
why your kid does not want to see you? he can bring this reason to court but he needs to prove it...
 
Ting is, I've not seen my gal since Dec 14 n my boy since late apr 15. I believe they hav been brainwashed to a certain degree. Furthermore, the constant threats by my pils..I'm really worried tat they will tell e court they dun wan to see me..

I hope God can show me a way out..all I wan is to rescue them out frm this living hell. I'm willing to giv him e house, no maintenance for myself n kid. I just wan my kids. I wan them to lead proper lives..
 
At cfrc just tell e judge. Both of u will need to come to agreement on access. if wanna fight divorce then fight later. E judge does not look kindly on one parent isolation e kids from another parent. Especially e mother. Unless u have been diagnosed as mental or incapable
 
Even if your kids brainwash also still must have access. All these drama is useless. So long u can prove u have been taking care of them and e kids can tell e counsellor that, u will have care and control. Fight for maintenance. It's for your kids. Even if u go thru help now, still must fight. Cos e $ help them.
 
I understand what you are going through but if you give in to their threats, they will have a chance to brainwash your children that you don't care about them. I know your reasons for moving out but children are too young to understand and usually are influenced by the caregiver in this case his mother.

Depending on your arrangement, if you have to go to "his" house and they threaten you, you could tape it down. Even if he were to baxkstab you saying you are the one who did not visit the child, you have all the evidence to show that you did make an effort to see them. If they are supposed to come to you house but they did not, try making the effort to fetch them. Even if they turn you down, sooner or later they are convinced that you are not what they claimed to be.

If they have mobile phones, you could make an effort to text them. All these are to prove to your children that you genuinely care for them and it might be helpful you never know one day in court when he backbite you for not concerned about your children.

Get all the evidence you have that they are financially unstable and you have been helping the house loan. If you could, try asking the principal to sign to prove that you have been asking and concerned about the children's studies and even paying for your daughter's tuition but he was the one who stopped them from going to school or tuition.

If necessary you could even file for PPO if they threaten your safety each time you visit the children. It's your entitlement. They can't rob you of this.
 
I've been doing all these already. But still scare I will lose e kids.They stay landed, r rich, etc.Judge sure think he can giv e kids a Betta life.
 
So long as you have a stable job, usually care and control goes to the mother unless they have proof that you have mental illness or prone to violence. That goes for the house too but he might insist that you pay them back for their share of the flat.

You have a disadvantage ie you moved out first. But never admit that you have a mental problem. You could say that you have been so affected you couldnt sleep and lost a lot of weight but you need to function so you need to keep your rice bowl and give proof of payment you have spent on children.

They may be rich but if you have proof of their financial instability that is good.

Maintenance is a bit tricky because the children are not staying with you but you could ask for maintenance even though you are not divorced yet and ideally you have proof of payment. You could also file for complaints that they have been threatening and even stopped you from visiting the children at the mediation. You could even show the officer the original agreed arrangement but he hasnt kept his word. They will advise you what to do.

You can check out www.steadymarriages.com for more advice.

Back then, I do anything so long as I have proof to my advantage that he is unfit to have care and control and needs supervised visits. Usually the judge grant joint custody unless he gives up on his own accord.
 
I moved out cos pils threw us out. N hb was supposed to clear e air wif his parents in my absence. Subsequently, he avoided all my Ques wif regards to tat n instead told me to help him resolve his company issues which I did..aft all issues resolved, he requested for divorce..claims tat i hav a man outside.Despite me explaining, n trying to Tok him out, he was adamant.

I have proof of all these convos..wld I still b at losing end?

N I hav proof tat I'm e main provider for e kids. plus proof tat he spends $ on luxury items on himself, rather than kid.
 
When I was at the family court and became a familiar face, one day a volunteer officer who happened to be a lawyer told me there was such a case where this very wealthy guy who made things difficult for his ex wife, never pay her until she file at the family court and when mediation day came, he would throw the maintenance money in het face. This happened every month until he met this lawyer officer who told him something and afterwards every month he 乖乖的pay up on time monthly. I probed, she said she cannot reveal.

I think I found the answer when one day I was searching for ways and stumbled upon an article about Singapore Council of Women's Association. I hope I get that right.

I went to file complaint that he owes me outstanding arrears and is supposed to pay me monthly how much. They will handle the case to DP Credit Bureau who will remind your ex to pay up monthly via sms. On top of that, they will issue a financial report of his every month. It would affect his chances of getting a loan be it a car loan, credit card or whatsoever.

I'm not sure if DP Credit is helpful at this point of time but no harm visiting the CSWO after you file a complaint with the family court about maintenance and visitation problems. I'm sure your soon to be ex will be concerned about his financial problems in future. DP Credit might be able to help you get back what he owed you even if no maintenance was involved but you are entitled to maintenance too.
 
Have la. But he's pretty conservative. As in, he feels tat I will lose out on e housing issue. Haizz..Tink he dun wan me to hav too high hopes, in case I dun get wat I wan.
 
I too have asked lawyer about the kids and house issue. They mostly advise not to move out and continue to take care of the kids until the divorce is over to proof that you are still taking care of the kids and will have high chance of getting their custody since most of the time the court will give the kids to the mother if they are young provided the mother is mentally stable. The court dont care about who is richer or poorer. As for the house issue, most of the lawyer will advise to make an agreement before divorce to make things easier. A lot of $$ involved when fighting in court.
 
U must have action plan and tell judge what u will do If e kids go to your care. And proof that u can do it. For house, judge look at e amt each party pay. If u paid, u will get something something back.
 
Mine is a bto. Just completed. Keys not taken.

House which I left only has his brother's name. Being chased Le, how not to leave? Though I left, my maid was still there to look aft them, solely paid by Me. N Im still paying for their sch n tuition. I only Stopped when he Chng sch n cancelled all their classes. Even e maid oso he kIcked her out.
 
Can b maid b witness tat pils, who r going to b main caregiver, are prone to violence?

I do hav a police report made when hb slapped me when I was 7mths preg wif 2nd child. N maid was around when fil shoved me against e wall n tried push me dwn e stairs. Our neighbours have made numerous reports against them coz pils r always quarrelling. N when they quarrel, they do shove n push each other. At times, my fil will start to drink n act drunk..he would start gibbering, vomitting, etc. There was once when he spent e night on e pedestrian walkway outside e auto gate.
 
Hey ladies, I'm pretty worried for my boy. My CFRC is on 6th October and exhubby claims that my 5yo boy is mentally ill now coz of me. Claims that I'm disturbing him to e extent that he doesn't want to go to school, etc.

Neighbours next door called me, expressing concern abt my boy. Claims that his temperament now is totally diff frm last time and that he has become very violent n loud. Keeps shouting. I really do not know what I can do to help him. I believe he could be suppressing his feelings coz ex hubby took him out frm sch twice n stopped him frm seeing me since Apr 15. I've been e main caregiver since he was born.

Can I report for child abuse? I feel that he has been neglected, deprived of school and has not been taken care of bth mentally and emotionally.

All help appreciated.​
 
Crfc is pretty useless. Unless your ex and u can agree to something. He can claim anything but no proof.u report no use cos there is no abuse. U can try bring him go therapy and get medical report only
 
I can't even Tok to him, let alone see him. How to bring him for theraphy??

I'm really at wits' end. Don't tell me let e poor kid continue like this?
 
Hi. If my mil is the caregiver, will judge still give me the custody. My son go to child care but 5 plus she fetch him home..
 
Working mum to get $1 in maintenance

A working mother who divorced her pilot husband has been awarded $1 in annual nominal maintenance after the Court of Appeal clarified a previous ruling, a decision which means she can apply for further maintenance in future if her circumstances change.

Last October, the High Court ruled that the couple's $1.65 million matrimonial home should be divided 70:30 in favour of the wife, while a $1,500 monthly maintenance for their child should be borne equally by both parents.

However, the judge made no order as to her maintenance but made it clear that she had a legal right to apply for it in the future.


The woman, 42, a bank officer, appealed to the apex court against the whole judgment in July. It dismissed her case but explained that "no order" maintenance was not appropriate to reflect the judge's ruling.

Instead it granted her nominal maintenance, which preserves her right to apply for maintenance in the future should the need arise.

"In order to preserve a wife's right to apply for maintenance to the court in the future, an order for nominal maintenance is required," wrote Judge of Appeal Andrew Phang, on behalf of the Court of Appeal in judgment grounds released this month. "What the judge was doing, in substance, was to equate the legal effect or result of an order for nominal maintenance with that for an order that there be no order on an application for maintenance. With respect, we disagree."

The 43-year-old former Republic of Singapore Air Force pilot and the working mum, whose salary soared after she got her master's degree, will share custody of their 11-year-old child despite the wife's bid for sole custody.

The couple cannot be named for legal reasons. Their marriage broke down in 2010 after 12 years and she cited his unreasonable behaviour.

She was represented by lawyer Koh Tien Hua, while he was defended by Ms Sim Bock Eng.

In a commentary on the appeals court's decision, two Singapore Management University law graduates have suggested that the award of $1 maintenance orders as the default position should be reviewed.

This should be considered "in an age when women are increasingly financially independent and spouses share familial responsibilities more equally", Ms Beatrice Yeo and Ms Fiona Chew wrote in a commentary published in Singapore Law Watch last week. "Arguably, the award of $1 maintenance simply to preserve the wife's future right to maintenance without further justification might also be said to be out of touch with the realities of today's more gender-equal era."

http://www.straitstimes.com/singapore/courts-crime/working-mum-to-get-1-in-maintenance#xtor=CS1-10
 
Just went for my cfrc..how u wish he could just drop dead..

E only access he's willing to give me is 2 15min phone access a week. N he still question e counsellor for pushing him to allow me visitation.

As for schooling, he refuses to budge n refuses to send child to sch. Claims tat i will kidnap my boy frm sch..N tat i forced him to do it..Counsellor dragged child protection unit into e picture n he still refuses.

Haizz...
 


Hi, wondering anyone can help advice me on asking for maintenance w/o divorce?
Divorce most likely lead to HDB forced to sell which is not want I want. I was told it is possible to file for maintenance w/o divorce so the wife still gets money and save the flat. Anyone knows where is a good source to read this info or sharing your experience? I am asking for help managing the potential divorce of my parents.
 

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