LadyP, timmerin,
Thank you so much for your words of encouragement and concern. I am seeing a TCM now to 'tiao' my body and drinking red dates and longan tea throughout the day.
It is indeed a myth that once you cross 1st trimester that all are fine and dandy. I kept this pregnancy under tight wraps in the first 12 weeks and wore v loose clothing to hide my emerging bump. I thought I can rest easy after 13 weeks and started going out to meet my friends and soon my family and friends knew about the pregnancy because I couldn't hide my baby bump anymore. To be honest, I am still in a bit of shock and felt I am dreaming.
Replacement will be the best closure for me but I am even more heartbroken because I am in my early 40s and I think this is my last chance to have a baby.
Hi jube13, no worries. Forums are good cos they are anonymous and even if you have lots of friends in real life, you can't really share with them cos they might not understand. I remember confiding a lot in my single friend but then she started thinking that I had post natal depression after my loss and insisted on me seeing a psychiatrist. I was very hurt because I don't see why we can't grieve over a loss.
I m in my late thirties and am pregnant now but I m very very jaded and scared because I have had two losses (my friends who have had smooth pregnancies prob think there's really something wrong w my body).
My good friend is 43 and conceived naturally twice after her first ivf attempt resulted in a miscarriage. But of course, having been through this myself, I know that it's hard to see there's any hope when you are sad even if people keep telling you about positive stories.
To me, it was like it's none of my business cos that good stuff didn't happen to me.
I know what you mean when you say it's like a dream. Esp when you wake up in the morning and realise what happened. I still tear when I read about such things.
I would say we have the right to grieve as much as we want and like and nobody should tell us it's time to move on or try again or whatever.
Both times, my hubby also bought this post natal herbal bath from medicinal shops and he boiled a big pot of herbal water and sponged me with it for two weeks since I decided not to shower (but only wash the private parts). I followed every step of a confinement regimen for two weeks. It was quite sad though, eating vinegar pork and drinking red date water without a happy reason.
You are right. Replacement is the only way out and I m still praying that I get a healthy full term pregnancy now every day.
