Hello everyone,
I'm new to this page.. Just want to share my testimony. I want to agree with double_wenz that truly there is a time for everything.
I wasted a lot of time angry with God. It was in my heart from young a strong desire to get married early and have a good sized family. But He made me wait. Wait for my husband to be ready to get married. After that, wait for him to be ready to have kids. I told myself, I would rather wait than to have a heart unprepared for marriage and fatherhood. But by the time we were ready for kids, time had caught up. We TTC'ed for 3 years without success. I had an ovarian cyst, was allergic to Clomid and all the while extremely angry with God why I had to go through all that, when I had a deep down conviction that if He truly wanted to give, all He had was to SPEAK and I would conceive. I prayed for many to conceive and they did. But when I prayed for myself, I had nothing but the word wait. I was furious, felt that God favoured others but not me. So God was dealing with me all these issues I had, the anger, the self, seeing children as a reward for the things I did.
Then miraculously, just when I've given up, I conceived naturally. His time had come. I was ecstatic, thought that my turn had come. I bonded with my son immediately. I knew what he was like, his personality, his God-given name. I prayed for him everydday. But his heart stopped beating at week 9. I was devastated. God did not give answers but that I would have another one soon. I told Him I just couldn't trust His word again. He sent a sister to tell me that others will be trusting for me. I conceived naturally within 3 months. I nearly lost her too, if not for God's intervention.
She's almost 3 now, precious in His sight, loves Jesus and sensitive to His Holy Spirit. She asked Jesus to be her Friend the other day. She lost one more brother last year at wk5 but is expecting another brother later this year. All 4 naturally conceived within 4years, a miracle for someone who is 39 this year and whom the doctors say cannot conceive naturally, EVER. And I can feel this little brother of hers kick when the presence of the Lord comes as I pray. All glory to Him.
I'm sharing this because I read in this forum some who have heartbreak of the loss I experienced, and the heartbreak of waiting. I look back and realised that the children came at the time when the Lord has prepared my husband and I (especially me) to have His precious ones. And when they come, they will be ready to receive all the blessings He has for them because their mothers and fathers have been prepared by God. I wasted a lot of time trying to seek that ahead of His timing. Time which could be spent enjoying the private times with my hubby, to do with joy the things He entrusted, instead of contaminating that time with anger and envy and striving.
Please seek the Giver, not the gifts.. Do not be like me and let the TTC'ing and anticipation rob you of your present joy and gratitude. Live in the present, not the future or the past. May His joy be with you.
