(2012) Ivf/icsi Mommies Support Group

Joanne - thanks for your input too. Helps me put things into perspective. I got more confused after my mil put ideas in my head. hahahahaha. But yeah I agree on the rest part - otherwise hire CL for what? haha :p

Hazel - ya I'm quite concerned about post natal blues which the agent highlighted and told me it can affect us without us knowing. I agree, cuz that's what happened to my relative..she had post natal blues without realizing but yet she also admitted she was so reliant on CL that when CL left, she din't know what to do, what was going on etc. that she kept contemplating just jumping down without realizing. So I guess have to learn to strike a balance... I know my mil kan cheong maybe cuz she's heard of not too good CLs out there who only want to rush the job to get done and not care about anything else. I'd have to manage mil's expectations on that. Anyway I'm the one Cl is taking care of, not her also. Haha.
 


kimmy, is ur choice if u wan the door to be open or closed. if there is no aircon, better to keep it open too for better ventalisation.

re: washing bb clothes
after that 1 mth are u going to handwash or machine wash yourself? i am going to machine wash. even those new bb clothes i washed recently, are all machines wash. So, if i find it a chore to hand wash, then i wun expect my CL to handwash.. BUT must separate the load from adult's clothes.

Re: CL chores
they cover cooking for mommy & daddy. washing their clothes in washing machines & of course change bedsheets. Do u hand wash your bed sheets? if not, i dun think is fair to ask CL to hand wash bed sheets. i personally feel that if there are things we dun even do, we shldnt expect CL to do... they are human too. one thing CL wun usually do is ironing. So, you still need someone to do the ironing for your hub's clothes especially.

Re: bathing bb
CL will bathe bb in the bathroom in my master bed room. All windows need to be closed when bathing bb & i wan to watch CL bathing my bb. Household chores can be sloppy. but not bathing bb... esp my bb is a gal. certain parts like her pte parts, have to make sure the CL cleans & dries properly. I never open my bed room windows. So, with the door closed, there will not be any wind. After bathing, CL can wrap bb in a towel & put her on my bed to wipe her & dress her.

If bb is guai, during the day, she can lie on the master bed together with me. new born wun know how to turn yet. so, is relatively safe. i forsee myself to be lying in my bed in aircon room most times... so bb next to me, i can watch over while CL does the cooking & other things... infant if dun fuss, sleep alot during the inital days anyway.

Re: Post natal blues
So, we have to be happy and not stress/sweat over things during confinement time. Ask your hubs to take 1 week leave to be around to give the necessary support & run errands if needed. With more help, u can relax & rest more.
 
Kimmy

Re: expressing BM or direct latch on at night
What the CL/agent said is partially true only. Yes, latching on means we can rest less coz it can take up to 1 hr for feeding. Expressing, maybe 30 mins at most if we use a dual electric pump. But i personally feel that if i need to wake up to express, it does not make any difference to latch on.

FOr CL, her life is easier if she feeds bb on expressed milk or FM during the night. coz it will take her less time & she can go back to sleep faster. imagine, if she brings bb to us to latch on, she wun be able to return back to her sleep until we are done! and who knows how long bb will take? Well, i am not so nice as U, if the agent or CL tell me what she told u, i will tell her, ya, for CL convenient too. but to a mommy, not much diff to wake up to express or latch on. UNLESS, mommy dun wan to express in the middle of the night, then it makes sense.
 
Hazel, thanks for the POVs and clarification.

Agree on washing bb clothes. I intend to hand wash first time, after that throw inside machine. I will see what's CL preference and won't force her. Aiyah, my MIL is just comparing her confinement duties with the one i'm hiring so I just got to hear one ear in and out. But yes, will separate load from adults clothes. But even mine also ah?

CL chores - mine only covers cooking for mommy. Bedsheets I'm okay with her putting into the machine, no prob about that. ironing..ahah never even expect.

Bathing bb - yeah I want it to be in my master bed room also. Hey about our own bathing, is it true CL boils flowers in a pot for you to shower?

Breastfeeding - Yeah personally I want to latch on to stimulate more milk...so probably I'd request for that. Yeah doing my 'research' now so when CL comes, I know exactly what I want and don't want to do instead of just being 'accepting' of what agent told me...
 
Oh one more question - does CL dictate your eating timings? Is there breakfast as well? Or you let her know when you wanna eat? And everyday about the same schedule/timing right?
 
Kimmy, if mommy does not go out during the 1 mth confinement period, actually, can wash our clothes together with bb's ones using bb detergent. the rational is, our clothes may contain germs, but we dun go out & always at home, there shldnt be right? we defintely carry bb when at home, bb also comes into contact with our clothes anyway isnt it? but if u wan to separate your clothes with bb's clothes, i dun see any issue too. anyway, if using washing machine to wash, not that time consuming to the CL also.. hand wash will take a longer time & hence that will mean less time to take care f your bb since when bb sleeps, CL has other chores to do and she needs to rest too..

CL has to prepare your bathing water and if u dun wan to touch "unboiled" water (aka sheng1 shui3)(any water that didnt reach 100 degree celcius), she also needs to prepare pots of cooled boiled water in kitchen & your bathroom for you to wash hands, face & brush teeth. previously, i told my mum, hot water from the bathroom heater or tap is good enough for my washing of hands, face, etc and i only need boiled water for showering. but, last year, i had stiff & aching finger joints after i touched "unboiled" water.. coz regardless of how hot the water from the water heater is, it is still not at 100degrees.... so, now i know is not a myth to use boiled water.

For bathing, it depends on whether u wan to use herbs or rice wine. Herbs now come in packets to be boiled with water. not like last time, still need to sieve the loose herbs before u can shower. i used rice wine last year coz i feel it cleaner & i dun get sticky feeling after bathing. CL needs to boil alot of water coz of this. So, you need to hv kettles, pots around. i will ask CL to start boiling water the night before... i need 2 big pails of boiled water for showering & washing hair (yes, i wash hair daily). So, the night before, CL needs to cook enough water to fill 3/4 pail each with water. The hot water will take a few hours at least for it to cool down esp if there is no wind. Next morning, i wan to shower abt noon time, before i shower, CL have to cook water again to top up the balance 1/4 pail each for me to shower... the water temp will be luke warm, just nice for me to shower. before i shower, CL will pour 1/3 bottle of rice wine into the pail of water to mix.

same thing for pot/pails of water for you to wash hands, face, etc. they hv to be cooled before u can use right? So, there are lots of boiling of water... n a few hours to cool the water.

Your are the employer. U let your CL know what are your preferred meal timings (including breakfast), showering time (incl bb) and what you would like to eat. You have to let her know your expectations. So that she can plan her own schedule. E.g, If u tell her u wan luke warm water at noon for showering, she has to go plan when she needs to start boiling water, how much time, to let water cool (she is an experienced CL leh)...

some CL can wait till night time then shower bb.. for me is no no... bb should be showered in the day when the weather is hot.. night chill is no good for bb.... for me, night time, just use a damp cloth dipped in boiled water to wipe bb's body before bb sleeps... of course, some wan to shower bb again... again, your preference.
 
CL is supposed to be experienced, but some will take the easy way out. Some i am fine, but some cannot. Eg, washing of bb's mouth cannot use tap water! have to use boiled cooled water.. last time, when i saw my mum did that, i said she was very hardworking...!! but after Mrs Wong advocates that during her antenatal class & the rational behind it.... it finally makes sence & i have to say what my mom has been doing is correct... :p

When i met the CL agent, i told her my expectations & what are the things that i expect the CL to do (n the things i dun CL dun do, eg ironing) & how i want certain things to be done... i told the agent, my mum has done a few confnements before so I learnt these along the way, the agent knows i know my stuff, not blur blur sotong.. where she can push her way through...

eg if she said CL can bottle feed bb at night so that mummy can rest during the night.... i told her what she said is only partly true.. is more for her CL's convenience.. she shut up leow. :p

how much are u paying for the CL? CL should take care of ur hubs meals at least leh.... if u are paying close to market rate, i dun see why this CL is so special n dun hv to do.. UNLESS, you dun wan CL prepare your hubs' meals, then is a different story.. i m paying $2080 FYI.
 
Kimmy - did u go to Mrs Wong's class in the end? My ultimate takeaway from the class is that dun listen to the CL & work with the CL on your expectations! hahaa.. do what u think is right for you. If you want to BF directly (ie. latch) at night to bond with bb, just tell her that's your preference. In the end, we are paying
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as long as we make it v clear to the CL our expectations before starting so that no misunderstanding.. coz once she steps into the house, we are at her mercy since we need the rest.
 
Babylove - Hi. This week only start of Week6 (or even end of Wk5) for you, right, if your ET was 9-Dec? You are having cramps but not bleeding? Stay positive. Likely your scan was too early, but at least u saw the sac
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When is your next scan?
 
Kimmy, like Ron says, must tell CL what u want! For my case, I conveyed my expectations to my agent already & she told me no issues. On the first day when the agent brings the CL over, we will hv another session with the CL, agent & myself to run thru my expectations AGAIN to avoid any misunderstanding with the duties that the CL needs to do infront of the agent.
 
Kimmy - i'm less worried about post-natal depression, as I think my family support and hb support should be strong enough to recognise it if I really kena. I'm more worried i become one of those mamas that my whole life circles around BB and forget to "live" my own life (and life as a spouse and daughter).. that's my big fear now, coz i find I am quite kan-cheong abt bb arriving & sometimes i find myself only talking about BB to dh. Have to consciously keep tell myself to dun get too wrapped up & live my life around BB
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chrisl, i understand is a different practice in the western countries such as UK & USA (not sure abt europe). In these countries, mommies need not engage a gynae, a mid wife can see the mommies through the entire pregnancy, including delivery. Every visit to the mid wife / gynae also does not necessary involve a normal/detailed scan.. such as oscars...

So, you may want to find out more from your clinic...
 
Hazel - ask you a question - when we said cooled boiled water, how do you plan to keep the cooled boiled water? In tupperware? I have an airpot at home that i'm planning to use to keep water boiled, but then I am thinking how to store it the boiled water after cooled down, leh? Initially i tot just let it cool down but now I realise bb may not have time to wait if need to shower! hahaa.. Quite stupid question i should have asked during class... sigh.
 
Hazel, Ron - again thanks for your inputs. haha i'm really learning a lot from this.

Yes, I'm going to attend Mdm Wong's class end Jan so will take down more notes & ask more questions then. haha my mil was trained by Mdm Wong too re. confinement so I guess what she tells me does have some solid backing. I will most likely bathe once before my massage lady comes and then tell CL to prepare water. But because I stay in a 2-storey, so agent told me CL no strength to carry boiled water up the stairs so I'm thinking of getting another kettle to put upstairs for her to boil and fill the pail with water.

Can bathe with rice wine instead of herbs ah? I didn't know that! Both also produce the same results right? I also don't like the sticky feeling! Looks like I need to get a lot of thermos/flasks/pails to store water already. Haha.

hmm my CL charges $2100. But I'm only paying $1600 because she can only confirm 21 days (she's popular and was booked by another lady for end apr). If the next appt doesn't pop early, then she can do for me another 7 days making it a total of 28 days. Agent told me via list of paper only cooking for me leh. Cuz she said confinement food too heaty for hubby to eat. Then again my relatives are telling me now that CL also cooked for husband and CL will eat the leftovers.

I like the approach of going through everything when she reach my place on the first day. Most likely I will do that do to avoid any miscommunication. State my preferences (as you girls mentioned) etc.

Re. Post natal blues - haha yeah I hope my hubby and family support will be strong too but the 2 stories I heard, just hit them without knowing and also started because one of them refused to sleep just to watch the baby. Hehe I hope I can learn to let go also. 1st time mamas tend to be more kan cheong naturally but you're right - we got to be aware and keep reminding ourselves :p

Understand that there's also 1 x check-up visit after delivery during the 1st month right? Does CL follow along?
 
ron, my mum bought 4 new BIG pails to store the boiled water.. leave it there to cool... before shower, mix with some hot water to form luke warm water...
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boiled water for bb bath is not alot. is our bath water that is alot...

Kimmy, ur relatives are correct. CL is supposed to cook for hubs! U are paying market price leh... Yes, our confinement food is heaty. may not be suitable for hubs. If so, then CL has to cook separately for hubs & herself. If CL is not cooking for your hubs, then what is she going to eat? She got time to cook for herself BUT no time to cook abit more for your hubs? Or your hubs or ILs are going to buy food from outside for her? Dun let her take your confinement food okay. Not only heaty, they are ex too. Of course, if u do hv normal dishes like vegetables, all 3 of us can share the same dish.

BB needs to go for jaundice check up in the 1st week after birth. Whether u need CL to follow or not, is your choice. For me, If hubs & I are bringing bb there, then i dun need the CL to come along.. BUT if my wound is causing me alot of pain, then maybe i need the CL or at least my mum to come along to help.

You are the boss & went through 9 mths & labour pain to deliver your boy. So, you decide whats the best for you, okay babe?
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Bbliss, there are 2 angbows to be given. One when she arrives (for good luck) - that to me is just a token, so an auspicious number is good. 2nd before she leaves on her last day - this one, depends on how satisfied u are with her service. Good, u can give more, no good, then just a token also. I am very frank to the agent. & most likely will tell CL the same.

My CL price does not include this as is payable to agent who will settle with CL directly. For the angbows, i give directly to CL.
 
Mommies, got time watch Daddy 101 series. it includes the challenges a new mommy faces with a new born and also, c section delivery in some episode, bringing up of kids, etc. i am watching episode 7... when the bb was born n crying but immediately stopped after hearing daddy's voice... v heart warming.. n he expressed his gratidue to his wife & said we women very 伟大

If hubs got time, ask him to watch together:

http://video.xin.msn.com/browse/tv/show?tag=daddy+101
 
Dear gals,
Am learning a lot thru reading this thread! I'm only at 8 weeks plus. Booking a CL is probably a 2nd trimester thing?

Also, advice needed on how to reduce bloatedness? I feel especially bloated especially at night? I try rubbing tummy to release some gas. I can't burp on demand. Is it good to use the famous jixiang pai ruyi you for the tummy? lol.

Dear Chrisl & Baby_Me,
Hurray! There's quite a group of us in first trimester now, can exchange a lot of experiences!

Dear Babylove,
I went for an earlier scan and didn't see anything. I was also very worried. End up I saw heartbeat 2 weeks later at 7w3d. When is your next scan? Don't be too worried and best to go after 7 weeks ya? Take care!
 
Haha busy watching daddy 101 now. Quite an addictive watch! Haha whose Benji btw? Ch 8 actor? Like nvr see him before...
 
Oh... So u ladies got give angpows ah. Mine CL is from Malaysia, introduced by my ah Kim. We oni pay for net fees of 2K. Asked my ah Kim whether nid give angpows, she say no need as she oredi settle by telling e CL that there will b no angpows. But I tink is becoz 认识 de so e CL is ok wif it.

Apparently, she will cook for herself n my hb but as for chores like washing bed sheet, ironing, seems like is nt in her list. Tink can request but may nid to pay xtra... Haha.

For marketing, I prefer my mum to buy for mi coz she noe my liking e best. Giving $ to CL to buy may sometimes result in unnecessary issues.
 
Feel so restless at wk aft such a long break. Haha....
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Btw, any mummies here that are civil or public servants ? When do u all in ministries or stat boards start to clear maternity leave ah ?

Btw, does yr boss start to slowly relieve u fr yr work duties when he/ she noes u gg for ML ?
 
Bbliss - ohh. ahha maybe that's why I don't recognize him. Gosh now Im reading a link in asiaone (fengshui master says some dates not good to born in dragon year prone to autism) and I regret clicking on it. Grrr. My CL also from M'sia, but I guess cuz yours is know one. Mine is through word of mouth, recommendations so that's why still need to give ang pows.
 
Kimmy, ur mil or parents know how to read tong shu? If so, ask them to help.. I already know which r the good days near my edd for bb to be born, taking into consideration our zodiac signs.. Hv been telling bb to arrIve on x day.. :p
 
Hazel - my grandma and uncle know how to read... wait this one is the same book they buy for CNY every year to read based on what animal/year you born in right?
 
Kimmy, yes, is a yearly book. U tell them tong shu, they will know. 2012 one already out. After u decided, talk to your bb, tell him, come out on a gd day at a gd timing, he will hv a smooth sailing future.

Is not say suspicious or wat... Bb really has therapy with us one.. I asked a few friends already n all those me same thing...
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Eg, My gd friend has a scheduled c section but she found out the day before the scheduled day is a good day. So, she kept telling her twins... On the day before scheduled c section, she felt uncomfortable... Her lower bk was aching badly. So, she went 24hrs n checked, wow, she was 4cm dilated already though she didn't feel labour pain... Immediately, emergency c section! So her twins were born 1 day earlier than scheduled c section, on an auspicious day.
 
dear frds, im a silent reader in this forum and read some of u mentioning tat dragon year starts officially on 4th feb, but according to websites and some local chinese ladies, it seems dragon yr starts on lunar new yr on 23rd jan. Cld any of u pls pls clarify for me?
 
dear frds, im a silent reader in this forum and read some of u mentioning tat dragon year starts officially on 4th feb, but according to websites and some local chinese ladies, it seems dragon yr starts on lunar new yr on 23rd jan. Cld any of u pls pls clarify for me?
 
Kimmy - hahaa.. ya, i also regret reading tat stupid fengshui master saying alot of dates in April not good! grrrr... BB due either 18 or 19 April so apparently only got 1 day window (19) which is good.. hahahaa.. heck-la. i'm sure when i was born also no one bothered to check good or bad day, just come out!

Hazel - hehe.. ok, i have a small tupperware.. hahaa.. smaller than BB size.. hahaa. i think better go and prepare a few bigger tupperware/pails.

sashamama - forgot to reply you
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I'm only at week 25, still worried like siao-char-boh before each scan.

To the ones reaching end of 1st tri, if you want to, can update this doc so that easier to remember who the buddies are
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No obligation if you don't want to update.

https://docs.google.com/spreadsheet/ccc?key=0Apo2MurVx1FDdEMyZkp1NjVfWG43Z2pITmdoTUM1V3c&hl=en_US#gid=0

Bbliss - did u contact Taka to change the Zapp xtra?
 
Every lunar yr, must wait for "Li Chun" to start before the zodiac animal for that year truely arrives. So, when does Li Chun starts? it is documented in the yearly tong shu.

For 2012', li chun starts fr 4 feb, 7pm. So bb born after that timing will then be a true dragon

U may wan to read more fr the website on Li Chun. Eg
http://www.5arts.com.sg/2010/01/li-chun-1st-solar-term/


Btw, I hv been told according to tong shu, first 2 days of cny r not good days,
 
May wan to read this website for mommies who want to know when does the year of water dragon starts in 2012. Tong shu will actually state to actual timing on 4 feb. Is close to 7pm, so I rounded up.. Hehe. This website also stated briefly by the fengshui master that the first day of cny is a bad day... Interested mommies, can read the tong shu in more details.. All info that fengshui master shared are from the book anyway..

http://2012.sjzyxh.com/shengxiao/103.html
 
This is another website that said the same thing:
http://www.azg168.cn/fengshuiwenhua/2011-07-14/kultur38010.html

<extract>
龙年 2012年是壬辰年。壬辰年生肖属龙五行属水(长流水)。2012年立春以后出生的人是属龙的水命人。
2012年立春时间是02月04日 18:22:23

So mommies with edd end Jan, or bbs born during cny holidays, will not be a true dragon.. Until after feb 4, 18:22:23 (where I round up to 7pm)...
 
Dear Ron,
I think I will also panick in between every scan all the way, lol. THANKS for sharing that doc!!! It is a really good one and I updated my info! I didn't see the link to this doc the past month of reading this thread daily. Now will know the sisters here better!

Dear gals,
Do update if you haven't and of course only if you wish to!!!
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I wonder how the gals on the list are doing. Hope they drop by and update soon!
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Ron - ya ya, hopefully my preggy brain will aid me in forgetting the dates :p I wanna heck, but u know how it can sometimes subconsciously be a self-fulfilling prophecy? :p Bleah
 
my nose is still dripping like the tap and I think that's why I can feel a lot of bb movements - maybe he's uncomfortable too! Eeeps. Contemplating whether to take piriton, been trying to use my natural immune system to counter it but its been 2 days! Eck! And turning off the air-con doesn't seem to be working too.
 
Hi hazel, okie lah, the heavy duty ones done by hb and mil's maid..i only wipe dinning table, shelves, throw clothes in washine machine then hang clothes lor and fold clothes la. aiya didn't supervise maid and end up today found that got 2 places she didn't clean for me ah!! headache now got to clean myself. Maybe do on thurs cos tomorrow still got to go bk office help my colleague and also to handover.
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Bbliss, on the contrary, my bosses piled my workload and threaten me this afternoon if I dun finish it will affect my apprisal!!! I cried badly on my way home and juz now when my mum called. My mum ask me to go complain but what for? Seriously Unless I work 16 hours a day 7 days a week then I can finish b4 I start my ml. FYI my maternity leave has not been approved. I m seeing my gynae on thurs. Will tell her I m v stress. Will ask her to put me down earlier on hl or what. My hb say hack lor no bonus then no bonus most important is my gal and my health. Hb ask me to quit if I can't take it. Where got so stupid got 4 mths free pay dun take?

I feel my new boss is crap. He told me in oct I should take it v easy from Jan but what's this??? I only scare if I can't take it anymore I will slip into depression again... Sigh... I m really v moody now
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hi hazel, joanne,kimmy

For me, my studyroom is occupied by my bil and he's stuff is all over the place, he comes bk from jakarta 1-2x a mth and each time stayed around 5 days. My other spare room, i converted to bb's room, with bb cot, changing table, cabinet and a bed for confinement nanny. i also placed a fan there in case morning if its warm then she can on the fan for bb or herself. i intend to have full night rest and leave the nitefeeding to her, i intend to express the milk and leave it in the fridge for her to warm up and feed bb at night. Then 1mth later when i take over then will change to formula milk so tat bb can sleep longer. i've a portable chair which can be converted to small bb's bed with wheels. So when CL goes bk, i'll placed bb in the convertible bed and push to my bedroom for the night. As for markteting, i'll leave the $$ and marketing to my mil cos she volunteered to do the marketing for me as her place got wet mkt. Otherwise my hb will fetch the CL to wet mkt and buy the stuff.
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Catherine - alamak your boss so not understanding? Threaten some more? That's unreasonable lah. And agree that your health and gal's health is the most important. Yeah, just tahan a bit more only then can take your maternity leave :p You should tell him that your gynae instructed you bed rest etc.

Wah watching the ch 8 drama (on bak kwa) is making me crave for that now. Yums!
 
Hi hazel,kimmy joanne
Went for gynae's appt today, tomorrow will be my 38wks. BB's weight estimated 3.2kg, i didn't gain any weight since my last visit 2 weeks ago. Gynae said bb has moved down further but still not engaged yet so she asked me to continue to take ard 45min walk per day after dinner plus do 20 full squating exercise per day to help bb engaged. The 45min walk is to build up stamina during delivery. She said tat i should be expecting delivering between 1-2wks cos based on her reading I didn't gain much weight. So tomorrow after i handover, i'll start my leave liao.
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hahahah today i managed to walk around the park 4 times ie 1km within 15mins then shag liao cos felt very warm so now starting my full 20 squat exercises after i bath.
 
Catherine,

Your boss is too much!! ignore him, dun let it bother you, go ask your gynae for the HL or mc and rest, bb and your health more important than anything.
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Hi hAzel, thank goodness u mentioned that 1st 2 days of cny not a good date, my mil keep asking me to delay till cny then bb come out so she can still go temple ah... hb say she crazy and asked me to ignore her.
 

Catherine, ask ur gynae for hl/mc n rest. U dun need ur boss to approve your ml.. Is by law, the co has to give u. Dun sweat n get upset over this. Not worth it.. u take care ok?
 
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