I know I might come across as mean but my #1 we pat pat pat till WE fall asleep or arm cramp and then at 6 months we read that it's wrong to do so, so we reduce and then just sit by her bed till she falls asleep. #2 we hardly pat, maybe 2 mins to calm her down when she was very very young, never carry to sleep, I don't sit by her cot either. I fed her, burped her, sang one song, kissed her good nights and put her down, she might cry a little some night but after 5 days she cried cos I took too long to leave the room!
Now they both sleep together in their own room liao, no patting, either my husband or I will sit in the dark for 5 mins till #1 gets sleepy then we leave. It's AWESOME.
The only time they sleep with me is when they are sick, for 1 night and that's it. The husband will sleep on the sofa. #1 know she gets one night to manja if she's sick and that's it and she's gonna be reallllllly sick lah.
Point is - kids DO NOT NEED to pat, rocked nor carried to sleep. Seriously! They also don't need to sleep with you, if you want them to cos you want that close-ness, that's cool but you have to deal with it in the long run.