Just woke up.... turned on my laptop and my heart dropped when I read Joodz post!
JOODZ-
ADOI! Huggles!!!!!
Don't do silly things like that again pls???? Sayangs!!!! Praise God that Rae woke u up.
Some guys are like that- they have very wild imagination... U tell them a white lie, they will assume that that means u prob can lie about everything and anything. I guess he needs to know you won't lie to him. Perhaps someone he knows had some experience abt the wife lying about online friends and so he was feeling terribly sensitive that night.
I have a gd friend who can be like this to his gf too... they have a very crazy relationship but they love each other a lot. He had a bad experience in a prev relationship and he carried it over and placed it over his current gf. She is a very super nice girl, but he finds imaginary bones to pick with her. He can be a gentleman... and is most of the time... but then it is like Dr. Jekyll and Mr Hyde, he goes into this jealous green rage thing. Sighs. Things have stabilised over the years, and I hardly hear about any crazy fights as much. The last time was when he left her in a park alone after an argument, and it was sooo late at night. Wanted to scold him coz it can get dangerous. Hubby and I wanted to go look for her and take her home, but she managed to pull herself together and take a cab home. Grumble.
As a fellow artist, I understand what is meant by an "artist's temperament" but to my fellow artists, it is not a good excuse for indulging in our emotions in a negative manner. I used to be terribly suicidal and emo... at one stage I was slicing the skin of my arms (thank God it is a miracle no scars except for one small line...), I used to cry all night long, I used to sit on window ledge... those kind of crazy things. I was full of self pity BS you know what I mean? =p I was so heavy into the "U dun understand what I am going through so shut it" phrase... =p I can't imagine what it would be like had I not take a good honest look at myself and decide to step out of that shadow I had chosen to plant myself in.
I don't think the moods we have affect baby, unless you wanna go believe that lor. When I had Kae I was suicidal, melancholic and I was crying almost every other night because my ex was a total jerk to me or because my mum said something cutting or because I felt so afraid. And Kae, like Rae, was very good. He would kick me as if to say he was there.
And Kae is a very cheery boy! He didn't turn out to be some glood cookie with a bad temper. He is cheerful, quite the joker, very loving and very understanding. I refused to buy into the my crying will affect the baby rubbish, but I would apologise to him when he was in me and I was feeling sad.
I remember my aunt (she works for a psychiatrist) once told me that when a person want to really commit suicide, they won't tell anyone or show anyone. They will behave normally and then when no one is watching just go. I came close to the actual thing when I was 15 at the window ledge at 3am in the morning. When I was 24 and very very angry with my Dad for some rubbish he said, and cut myself in front of him, my Dad whom I am ever so close to, said "Go ahead and die. See if I care, but don't do it in my house." Wah lau! I was so upset. My hubby, then BF, was not in town so I called that aunt and she told me don't be stupid. Attempting suicide won't win me any sympathy with my Dad and it would just make him not trust me. That was my LAST attempt at killing myself ever. Lol. I was realised how dumb I was. Needless to say, my then bf was so upset with me but not angry. He was so worried and I felt bad to put him through that kind of emotional stress.
I guess hubbies/ dads know when you are just using suicide to emotional blackmail them back and it just isn't healthy. This kind of tit for tat can only hurt more than it can help as a level of mistrust might grow from such outbursts. So pls pls pls don't do silly things like that.
Joodz, maturity comes with time and both you and your hubby are just at the start of a long and beautiful marriage. It means hiccups at the beginning, but don't let the hiccups derail you this way again k?
Try this, suggest to hubby that when you guys argue, you will give each other time to cool down then sit down and talk about it later. Both being very constructive and open about how you feel (since no one can read minds as pinkyval has also shown in her account), but don't judge or accuse the other person when you are talking about how you feel, the person is not wrong for feeling that way... it is the reaction that might be the issue. Then reassure each other, apologise to each other and promise to not keep score. We do all this before bedtime. The whole point of the exercise is not to justify yourselves, but to help you understand each other better and to heal the hurts that might have been done in a heat of anger.
That is the very first thing I laid down with my r/s with my hubby. Having been in several lots more relationship than him (I am his first gf and his wife hehe), I knew he was not going to understand how to handle me hahaha. So I would laid down this sorta golden principal... based on all the crap experiences I had, I realised this was the healthiest thing to do so I also won't hold a grudge inside my heart. This is what we enforce with Kae too so he doesn't feel like we don't care, don't understand and grows in frustration in the quiet.
Of course every relationship is diff and some people prefer to take another one or two days to cool off, but don't prolong it coz tendency to brush it off under the carpet happens. And when the carpet explodes a lot of "dust bunnies" will come out again. =p
We have had our arguments, and even sometimes our differences on how to handle Kae (he can be very unbending sometimes when it comes to discipline), and this "golden principal" in our relationship has really helped us grow stronger and closer, rather than further apart.
HUGGGGGGGLES!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Remember PM Lee's quote that I posted up. He said this to Hsien Yang when he got married (and I think all couples should hold this close to their heart too)...
“… We have never allowed the other to feel abandoned and alone in any moment of crises.
Quite the contrary, we have faced all major crisis in our lives together, sharing our fears and hopes, and our subsequent grief or exultation.
These moments of crises have bonded us closer together.
With the years, the number of special ties which we two share have increased. Some of them we share with the children.”
Crisis- whether circumstantial or personal- can be used as a stepping stone or a tripping stone in a relationship. Choose to use it as a stepping stone.
Hugs and love
Geri
