MVH,
Sometimes u need to be harsh towards both... For me, my hb will coax #1 to bed but smtimes she insist she wants me, then no choice need to switch role liao, i attend to #1 then hb attend to #2... smetimes i bring #1 to bedroom with hb then switch off all lights so that she won't be able to see and get out of the room... probably u need to switch off the only light too, to let her know it's really bedtime.
for pacifier, i find pigeon better, last time my gal first tried pigeon, i never try other brand but for this #2, i initially don't intend to give him pacifier... so my house only got a pacifier from giftbox that looks like nuk.. after given him, i find that he couldn't suck well so i go to buy pigeon brand yest and find that he could suck better without dropping, unless he purposely stick out his tongue... conclusion pigeon is better for my 2 kids...