Dear June Mummies,
I have a sad news to announce...i guess i do not have the fortune n fate to be a June MTB.....i had lost my baby on 14/Nov, on my birthday...
it was the saddest birthday of my life.....Heaven played a prank on me & my hsb, he gave us hopes on 16/Oct but took it away on my bday & wants me to remb forever....he was too cruel!.......it was too grieving and painful...both physical and emotional... .my heart brokes..hurts..sorrow..words can never expressed how i feel ...even till now..my tears drop endlessly............
My bb has gone...i had a miscarriage....
last Friday i felt so tired, so i applied for half day leave, that morning kk nurse called me to tell me to go buy another insulin medicine because current one not strong to bring sugar level down..when i reach home at noon, suddenly i felt a drop like menes, when i took a look, it was blood...i called my hsb who quickly rush me to kk. Dr Tham saw me and ask me not to worry, when he do ultra sound scan he say sac is still there, i felt relieved. He then go on to do V-scan...he didnt say anything, i ask "how's is my bb?", he keep quiet, my hsb ask him, he say wait for me to dress up...then he says "i am sorry, dear, your bb has no more heart beat.."....
My heart sank, i burst into tears, he tried to console me, saying maybe the machine not accurate and send me to AMC for 2nd scanning...in AMC, i saw my bb clearly, but no more heartbeat..It was so grieving and pain...
It's my first pregn, i knew it on 16/Oct, 5nov bb still well and at 1.03cm...it was 1.3cm on 13/Nov. Dr Tham asked when i wanted to do the evacuation. If do on 13/Nov, i gotta stay a day and I dun want that, so i had to made a painful decision to remove my bb on my birthday...it was so pain...i was in sorrow...
my hsb and me cried over the nite, my bb stayed with us to spend my bday but is no longer alive in my body...on 14/nov i admitted at 8.30am...had to wait for Dr Tham to finish his patients at AMK, so surgery arranged at 3pm..time was slow...i cried the whole day...they gave me a pill at 3pm, i started to feel the effect of the pill...i had labour pains..and i started to bleed...blood roll down my tighs and my bed...but i had to wait, because i was told the pill need 2 hr to take effect...and Dr Tham was on his way...finally i was pushed into operating threater at 6.30pm, it seems blur to me...then someone asked me to breathed in n out slowly, i was knocked out..
then i heard someone calling my name...i came round...my bb has left me, left my body.....
The lesson i learnt, never treat spotting as something normal in early pregnancy, yes, somethimes is normal but is better to ask gynae to check to acertain it..Dr Tham told me it was common to have miscarraige...which is abt 20%...he say is the gene is not developing well, it will terminate by itself..and another doc told me 60% of pregn woman doesnt even noe that are pregant and pass out as memes..then again, it was too grieving for me and my hsb...i hope i can be strong but i cant...i missed my bb...everything happend like a roller coaster...it was alrigght on 5/Nov,i guess i had not build up a strong body..and had taken everything too lightly, i walk too much, didnt have enough rest, when spotting didnt go see doc immediately and wait till bleed...which was too late..doc say my bb die few days back, so i guess is when i go ODAC that day, maybe i was too stresful over my GD...it was the day after ODAC that i experience spotting...
I am so sad...my bb is gone.. Mummies, please take good care of your baby and yourself..is you notice any abnormal, just go to see doc... time matters....
i do not know if i still have the courage to try again, it was such painful experience, both emotional and physical...i am currently on hospitalisation leave for 15 days...
i missed my bb....
CJ, would you kindly help to remove my name from the namelist of June MTB..its too sad to see my name on the list.thanks a lot...