bb-bao: i felt exactly the same way too! I missed the bump in my womb when bb was born, so much so that i was declared having post natal blues. I then lamented that when she was in there, she was cute and perfect, and never gave me any problems. Now that she is out, she gives me heart attack every other day with problems like jaundice, eye infection, colic, and wailing which i cannot comprehend at all! I almost went bonkers cos she is only 3 weeks old, and i felt like i am now in hell suffering.
Somehow, i cannot bring myself to enjoy motherhood with so many problems that she has. I look at her and felt she is the cause of my misery, and i cannot love her as much anymore.
But then, after things get a little better (her wailings stopped for a while), i feel guilty for thinking this way.
Plus the fact that mil is around, adding salt and spice to everything, hubby blames me for things that has gone wrong with bb, i really wanted to walk away from all these. I used to condemn mothers who abandon their children, but now i tink i can understand why. There r always two sides to the story.
Last night i couldn't take it anymore and lashed out at hubby, asking him why he is so harsh towards me? I didn't want bb to have si many problems too, so why always blame me for things that is wrong with bb? When there r good things, such as good weight gain with bb, no one gives me credit for it. When things go wrong, fingers are pointed at me. I am going bonkers here.
Last night, both mil and hubby claimed that bb's unreasonable behaviour was becos she is always hungry and i dun hv enuff milk. I gave up, and asked them to get fm for bb. When bb is calmer this morning, they seemed to hv won, and think their theory is right. Even tho i am feeding bb round the clock, and i am certain that i hv enuff milk for bb.
Sometimes, i think i am not cut out for motherhood, and i think of the gd times me and hubby used to hv, and i really regretted having bb.
But as someone pointed out, there is no turning bk. So just hv to walk on and on.
