(2009/10) October 2009 MTBs

[lydiagal]

xoxo :

cheerED up.

sunnyling : mine is stressed by my own parents.

but py/xoxo/mie is right, each bub develop in their own pace. though we parents would be eager to listen ...patience...

joyce :

good job nathan. jiayou jiayou.


childcare :
would like to know..for those working and kid is in childcare, how do u settle 'dinner' for your toddler? cook? eat outside? cater?

 

[xoxolight]

hi mummies...

gal > haha..u sound so much better now! that's good!

mrs neo > yup..i can't believe how much time has flown by! feeling old..haha..but happy!

angie > i try to pop in whenever i can..sometimes it can get tough with the so much that is always going on..but yeah, let's keep this virtual friendship going.

natalieL > Megan is awesome! Dre can't sing as many songs as she can..in fact, she can only sing one worn-out tune! Haha..I am still waiting for her to sing more!

ilovemaxmax > my hb has bought the bike for Dre and it arrived in less than 24hrs! 100+? so now we have 4 at home but this one is by far, the favourite. Dre loves it very much...then again, she embraces anything that has to do with speed and stunts. i won't be letting her out of home with it just yet, hunting abt for the helmet first.

 

[stlock15]

xoxo: would mostly settle dinner at my mil's place. in a way some savings then invest in their education materials / courses.
i've tried doing cooking. it's pretty tough to rush home to cook. unless you choose to leave the porridge in the slow cooker then add the ingredients when you are back home. So you need to remember to thaw the ingredients overnight.

 

[planners]

xoxo:
u r right...caught up with so much happening around us and the rapid growth of our little ones. We have just moved to NZ in Apr and we had to settle down. Now that I am a stay home mum, i guess i'll pop in more often.

Can't believe how time flies! Feels like it's just yesterday tat our little ones popped out of us and now we are on our way to the 2nd birthday...amazing!

 

[xoxolight]

stlock > It was Gal who was asking...haha, money no enough is also here! *kee chiu*..hmm..we cook home most days. i know of caterers who claim they don't add MSG but they can't guarantee if MSG is used in some of the sauces. The nutrients in the food once it is cooked starts to deteriorate and if you pop them in the microwave to heat up..there goes many of the excellent trace minerals/vitamins etc. It was for this food reason that I chose to sacrifice my privacy and employ help. Somehow, I know of mummies who can cope very well without a helper and have a full-time job too. Applause to those! You have my greatest respect!

angie > beautiful place u are in! north or south island? it's inevitable everyone moves on plus we were never very familiar with one another in the first place..only bonding over a shared (but rich) experience. there have been attempts to meet a couple of folks here and there..but nothing really stuck except for some bonding within smaller oct groups.. anyway, i hope you love the SAHM status! and yes..nostalgia is always a very rewarding feeling. time has flown by...the newborn is not even a baby anymore...you miss those tight little fists, the swaddling..the scent..haha, and even the three-hourly nightmares. good and bad...all these experiences are so treasured. soon-to-be two..then three..then six..then ten..

 

[lydiagal]

stlock : hehe. thank u

xoxo : wah.. u cook at home? after work??? *Respect*. how do you do it? :S.

 

[fifidoog]

xoxo, you miss the 3-hourly nightmares? come and feed my #2 when she arrives! hahahaha... i can surely use your milk (no i mean your help!) bwahahaa...

angie,
wow NZ huh? hope you're not in earthquake zone...

 

[planners]

xoxo / Happy Hippo :

We are in Auckland...away from the earthquake area but still in the volcanic belt so we still have too keep praying.

Life here is quieter and slower paced. Paige enjoys the weather and the bigger area to run around.

I am enjoying my SAHM status but at times when Paige's terrible 2 temper takes over her being (I believe most of you know what I am referring to) , I pull my hair..

We are planning to send Paige to a preschool set in a farm next year. We think she will enjoy it coz she is an outdoor and sociable girl.

The only thing she will miss out is on is Mandarin / dialects. I am the only one who can speak Mandarin. My hubby is Msian and can't speak Mandarin...so we are considering bringing her back for Nur/Kindy and Primary....real dilemma!

 

[fifidoog]

hey mummies,

have been reading the forum but haven't really had time to sit down to post anything.

re: what the bubs can say @ this stage
well, while i confess that i am totally amazed by Megan's speech development and Dre's many other feats, subconsciously i do compare Min with them but always have to take a step back and remind myself that she will eventually learn these things, when she's ready. what Astro said way in the beginning "in his/her own time" really stuck in my head.

as we watch our precious lil ones grow, there will be endless things that will make us wanna compare and wish our lil ones can be like others but i guess we have to remind ourselves to cherish the present instead of wishing for something else that has yet to happen ya?

HB and i had an interesting discussion about what we would like for Min when she grows up and we both agree that we have to try and remind ourselves not to push her too hard and just let her do her best. Express stream in secondary school is good enough, not need to go Special or Gifted. haha... that's what we say now. ask us again when she's 7.

Update on Min
She doesn't cry anymore when going to school. she made friends even! Teacher told us that she will help to distribute water bottles to her friends when its meal times. very kpo, but very class monitor material i'd say!

she's been spouting 2-3 new words the past few days all of a sudden. of course, she can't sing yet. but she's good at imitating expressions and sounds.

her food intake is good and she eats a wide variety of food. only problem is: SHE'S ONLY WILLING TO EAT PUREE!!!!!! give her more texture and she'll stick out her tongue with the bits of meat/veg and go "heh!" (meaning pls remove offending article on my tongue NOW). and her staple remains mashed potatoes. when we are having dinner @ the dinner table, and we offer her some of our food, she'll just shake her head and eat her strawberries/snack.

---> should I be worried that she only wants puree??? i can't really get her to eat other things besides cornflakes and plain white bread. i figured that since she is eating well and eating a big variety of food, she is getting all the relevant nutrients which she needs. can only keep trying to give her other types of food in the mean time. *helpless*

re: other extra classes
i may have said it before but can't remember if i do. at 21 months i think i just want Min to learn how to swim @ aquaducks and am trying to be a relak-one-corner-mum. so not going to bother anymore trial classes like JG, GUG, etc, etc, etc. maybe one day i will awaken and say "aiya should've done this last time" but for now i am stubbornly sticking to my motto of non-kiasu mum. hehe...

 

[lydiagal]

hippo : the childcare don't give puree for meals right? i remember seeing macaroni when i went to visit childcares. does she eat the solids when she is at the childcare?

E will 'pui' out veg. so we 'minced' it.

xoxo : that's a good point..abt sauce may contain msg. so.. u cook after u pick dre?

general question to mummies: i know its up to individual preference but would be great if you could share your views.
1. why have u chosen kindy or why have you chosen childcare?
2. is it logical if i put my kid in kindy first..then move to childcare before P1?

 

[xoxolight]

gal > during my pregnancy and delivery, i stubbornly refused to engage a helper as i valued my privacy very much. moreover, my tiny flat did not afford me the luxury of space. buying a bigger house then was out of the qn with the terrible nausea/frantic work schedule in my pregnancy..u know, a place with a maid's room and the works. so SF and I somehow went thru' the delivery + 5 months of babyhood with Dre without a maid. Those days were absolute mayhem. I was the Maria, cleaning and scrubbing when she was sleeping..and since I was bfg, I cooked as much as possible.. to ensure that I'd the right nutrition. Worse, Dre had a milk/protein allergy which meant I couldn't just buy anything from the hawker/restaurant and eat..even bread! Some lazier days..I ate at restaurants only to have the poor babe react with diarrhea after a nursing..

Everything had to be prepared at home so we will know exactly what ingredients went into the dish...all these while I was still working. Honestly that left me very tired and I wanted so much to be there for her during playtime..not worrying about the clothes, or the toilet that needs a scrub etc. Not fun. So we succumbed and got a helper. Sanity vs privacy..sanity prevailed. But it isn't a bed of roses either. First maid was great until we discovered she was a panadol addict. Now we are on to maid #2, who has been working with us for a grand 8 mths now. I plan the menu and she executes. For Dre's food, the premium ingredients (yes, she gets the good stuff, the adults make do with whatever) which can only be found at weird places will be bought by me and I am always looking out for new/interesting food to try out. Variety is the spice of life. The helper starts marinating in the morning and cooks for Dre around 11am. She returns home by 1pm and she takes her lunch. The helper will start cooking dinner at 5pm, whole family has dinner at 6.30pm. so these are my circumstances. weigh it and see if what your priorities are...the way i see it, if u have a career and u want quality time with yr kid..getting a helper is the way to go. we don't get an ounce of help from the grandparents or extended family..so these are all factors.

sauce > salt and brine content in soya sauces are also really high, in addition to MSG etc. so do watch for that.

as for your 2 qns..these are my answers:
1) i chose playgroup. it is neither kindy nor is it cc per se. Dre is an only child in a small, tiny house. come morning/afternoon..it's way too hot for us to be roaming at parks and playgrounds. she gets really bored too and attending a daily playgroup helps to establish social skills, a routine, as well as occupy her time usefully.

2) huh?? i don't understand yr qn. are u referring to kindy or cc as the establishment which yr kid will attend? if so...it really depends. are u expecting to work longer hrs or there's no other caregiver at home? i am trying to place Dre at a centre that is able to take on full day if need be, just in case i need that option...but no, haven't planned so far ahead.

 

[xoxolight]

hippo > well said. 天外有天, 一山还比一山高...that's the way i see it. comparisons and questions..even worries..are inevitable facets of parenting and life. Make no mistake abt it..I do know for a fact that Dre is not the best nor the smartest. I was just telling Sotong_Mum, Dre has a classmate, born on the same day as her, who can already read - and was speaking at 9mo. Do I say that.."oh, I don't like to compare, I don't want to know?" ..no I can't do that and it would be most silly to make such an ostrich statement. Of course when I first learnt of his abilities, I was ASTOUNDED. I mean, that kid was barely 20mo, he takes a book, flips, starts to underscore words and say those words completely accurately. What is that? Pure genius I must say..and of course, and very naturally, I begin to think, is Dre slow? is she doing OK? hahaha..that's where those helpful health-booklet stuff comes in..she's cool, she's fine..just that that kid is of another level altogether. I think the forum, at least for me, exists because it was one of the rare places I could pour out my MS woes during pregnancy and you gals understood. No one else did..at best, it was just pedestrian sympathy from them and I don't think they would be interested in my nausea report either . So I appreciated this outlet..and moving along with those joint experiences..were truly life-changing as it was memorable. Some of those beautiful and funny moments had you in it

so yeah, thanks babe!

Thus, this forum to me, is meant to be a place where we can be candid about our fears, joys, tribulations and so on..where there are mums and kids who are doing superbly, we should rally behind them; where there are worries or things that need consolation..we should be there for one another. call me naive but that's the ideal. unfortuately as the CP incident goes to show, having large grp gatherings are not wise..so i suppose we are all getting comfy in our nucleus and what not...still, it's good to pop in once ever so often and catch up with familiar nicknames!

will Min take biscuits? progress with adding soft cubed food into her puree? they go thru' phases so i won't be surprised if the puree phase disappears soon enough. both Sotong_Mum and I dare not thread on Hippo's Haven once yr no 2 is out. but if u need milk, no help..haha..it's always just a phone call away.

 

[xoxolight]

angie > "slower pace of life.." my..I need that! good for u! Paige in her terrible 2s? What did she do? Haha..don't pull your hair..pull hers! Hmm..this Mandarin prb isn't exclusive to you either. I've certainly increased the amt of Mandarin at home..but it's darn obvious which language she prefers..get Mandarin CDs, DVDs, story books etc the next time u are back here so u can have some material to "inspire" her with?

 

[crystallized]

Am posting on e go so a short one now.

Hippo!!!
I wan to hi-5 with you! Firstly, RN oso refuses to eat certain textured stuff when she does not fancy. She goes the same way as Min and sticks out her tongue for us to remove e food bit if she does not like it. One min she can b happily eating, e nxt, she spits out everythng n gives u a disgusted look. -_-
For this reason, i'm still cooking her meals n bring out but sometimes she'll not eat coz she wants food that we're eating but yet she cant really accept it as a decent meal yet. Ahhhh headache! E brother took a long long while to accept outside food too. So i guess my daughter is taking after him. Its not a bad thing in a sense, hvg homecooked fd is still e best.

And secondly, the relak-1-corner mum. I am one and i also think shld i juz "wake up" one day and start scolding myself why din i do this earlier... Erm... Will deal w that later. For nw, juz C.H.I.L.L

 

[lydiagal]

xoxo : i am v likely to have caregiver problem after next year. when that happens then I'd have to put in childcare. which is why the 2nd question on whether..there are cases where pple change from kindy to childcare. I've heard of the latter coz mums want their kids to be more all rounded (childcare first) then when at K1/K2 they enrolled them to kindergarden which is more academic. but not the other way round. so am thinking if .. its logical if kindy first.. then childcare. or since i know there is a caregiver issue then i should go straight to childcare route.

same w u. no help from relatives.

me too. same sentiments for this forum. I may have gone insane long time ago. I hope this forum continues to stay alive.

 

[cat02]

hello hello hello... another relak-1-corner mum reporting!!!

wrote a long post but somehow it "vanished" when i tried to post it. arghhhhh.... will pop in again when i have more time.

In summary, Kae is growing and progressing at her pace, and I'm simply enjoying her as herself.

glad to see this thread still alive. all mummies please fall in. heehee...

 

[planners]

xoxo:

I started her on a Chinese Nursery Rhymes DVD...she kinda likes it and I try to speak to her in Mandarin whenever I remember

As for our kids devt, everyone should just take their child as an individual and not compare. Just use the developmental milestones we find in books/magazines as a guideline but remember that each child is unique and develop at their own pace. I have been in the preschool industry for the past 15 yrs and have seen parents who are "bo chap" and parents who are "kancheong & kiasu"...at the end of the day, the children also walk the same path but with different mindset and attitude. Cultivate their love for learning and they will just enjoy the process and reach the milestones when they are ready.

 

[lydiagal]

xoxo : *pat of back* well done mummy. you went through all those for 5 months! gosh.
has dre outgrown her milk/protein allergy?

angie : that's great

my hb tries to speak to my boy in mandarin whilst me in english. hoping he can pick up the language.

 

[dejected]

Hi all
Me back..been bz with work...have heart palpitation...doc says i too stressed and anxious, gave me some relaxing pills.. i told her i not stressed, she says its sub conscious..coz she did BP 90/70 normal, heartbeat 76..so she says i dun seem to have palpitation per se, but prob heart beats harder and not faster. Maybe this is my first time working as a mum...so feelign lots of apprhension in terms of coping.

 

[astro_pro]

xoxo and hippo: i went smiling at every single word that you two ladies have posted. way to go

we need to meet up.. i know.. i know.. it's always me who can't make it :S.. soon soon. when this incredously busy semester ends..

dj: it is not easy coping as a working mum.. and in industry of education.. hoo-woo.. lagi worse..
sometimes i go back home dead beat.. i asked myself.. 'why the hell am i working so hard when i am neglecting my kids?!' but i know.. when i am happy and self actualising, my kids and entire household stays happy.. haha!

have a gd weekend everyone.

Bao is sick. 39ish fever.. wah liew eh.. going to have a SLOW weekend...

 

[xoxolight]

astro > we miss Bao, Bally, Miser & You! It has been a L-O-N-G time..!!!

dj > try meditation. I never took this seriously until I had a babe.

gal > haha, those 5 mths is still nothing compared to the nausea that lasted my whole pregnancy - in fact, that sole reason has put me off for plans of #2! she is getting over her allergy gradually. she can take all types of cheeses now, take soups made with milk..even cereals - but for some types of pure cow's milk, she will be hit by the runs. patience lah...at least thank God that the allergy is not as bad as it used to be. as for your kindy-childcare..uh...i really have no clue. best to find a place that "blends" the best of both worlds..?

angie > "..whenever I remember"...haha..same! it is definitely not my instinct to use Mandarin!

 

[xoxolight]

hi, quick question here..SF and I are getting really worried now abt this Dre. She started this talk in the third person character called Violet today. She tells us that "Violet says drink water"..then she would go..drink water. There were also many other "Violet says..." examples...e.g. Violet says time to cook - then she goes off and play with her kitchen set etc. At dinner time..my village came and all of us freaked out when she said "Violet says eat with the fork...Violet - you want more? Violet..talk to me." I swore I kinda lost it and told her stop it, it isn't funny..only to kena a retort - "Violet says Mummy shhhhh!" who is this Violet?!!?? i just KS texted her playgroup teacher and asked if there was a Violet in class...the teacher said no...and we don't have anything/anyone called Violet in her immediate orbit..so I really don't know where this fella Violet is coming from! :S plus..everything naughty she does today..it's because "Violet says..." ARGHH!! is this something of concern? anyone have such experiences?

 

[fifidoog]

xoxo,
i have read in the past that its common for kids to have "imaginery friends". but i have no clue how or when it comes about, or if i ever had that phase before. so not sure what to advise but i can understand why you're a bit freaked out. sounds a bit er... weird hor?

astro,
hehe... what did i write?

well you know i'm just being myself lah. oh dear. hope bao gets well soon. min had a long spell awhile ago for like almost a month. this is probably the first weekend she's completely ok and able to go for her aquaducks class. hehe... yes we have to meet when you miss busy can have time for us. hopefully before i pop ah! ;P

 

[xoxolight]

hippo > good tip..i didn't know something like that exists. pretty sure i didn't have imaginary friends! for her..this is like an imaginary mummy giving her instructions?! gulp..if the google results are to be believed...she is acting out the bossiness/instructing/lording over in the household!!! and yes..she is "blaming" this violet for anything oopsy she does. indeed recently, to curb all her tempestuous tantrums..the roll-on-public-floor stage etc..we had to adopt a fiercer, more bossy tone with her...hmm... before bed, we told her to go and sleep..she asked us to invite violet to sleep too...so while i can accept this "exploration/imagination"..it's still quite a (freaky) bit to get used to. -_-"

ting > i didn't want to say more on FB cos there are family members there..muahaha...they would go off the rails thinking abt stuff..but i took up yr suggestion to ask her who violet was..what is it like etc...she said violet is a big nice bee with wings!

 

[oricule]

Hi xoxo!

Hee cos the things dre said that violet said, sounds like what a caretaker will said. Thus I tot could be ur ex maid.

But when I read ur first posting about this violet... It's a lil spooky! Cos during the period earlier this yr when my own grandma passed away, KD will fuss big time about turning off lights even in school! The teachers asked me if something happened at home cos they found KD's behavior a lil weird. That freak me out a lil! I replied them that its my grandma wake now and i bring kd there in the evening for a while.. And KD will also woke in middle of night to laugh and play and point to a something we cannot see. I was a lil freak out and it's definitely not my grandma. I ignore it for 2 to 3 weeks then finally bring him to temple to pray lo. I reckon it may be stress the child is feeling and they dun really know very well how to express out yet.

I guess u are right, probably you and SF became a lil too stern "suddenly" so she is imitating you two and have "someone else" to back her up. Maybe one be good person and one be bad person to slowly teach her?

Wow! Since violet turn out to be a pretty bee, maybe you can
just use violet as a good model character and teach dre right and wrong whenever she is mischievous! You might want to look for a bee softtoy for her? Haha. Then U and SF dun have to be the bad person for the time being, if she doesn't follow whatever you said, then, u can bring up violet. Not sure if it can help u or not. but KD current teacher told me that if we do not want the child to continue with a certain word (like in KD's case, he said shit whenever he drops something and knows he is in trouble...and he never said it in school only when with his parents! Both parents are culprit!!! Omg! Haha) dont correct him whenever he said it. The more u try to correct the more the child will keep saying. Instead, we should set a good example whenever similar situation arises, don't said the word again and instead demo whatever is right. If the child dont hear it for sometime, then wont say it again for some time too... Easy say leh! But no choice, everyone of us has some bad habits to quit in order to be a good parent. Haha

 

[xoxolight]

Ting > Wah!! Spooky max!! I am trying not to be swayed into that direction..this morning..Violet didn't make an appearance...until this afternoon.....

 

[fifidoog]

xoxo,

i've only come across this imaginery friend thing from watching american sitcoms. don't think its common during our time. i asked my mum if i had one when i was young and my mum was like "what the hell are you talking about?" hahaha... maybe kids these days are just so much more imaginative...

 

[glass]

ting: a few months back, my son also spooked me a little with his behaviour. He started crying, and acting scared, and pointed to a corner of the room. He once did that in the middle of the night, and then after that touched his chest to show his was scared, and pointed. He was also frightened at my mum's place.

I asked the pd and the pd said that it was very common for children to get frightened suddenly as they had overactive imagination, and little things scare them.

My husband was quite disturbed by it. Anyway, my PILs got a priest to conduct a simple ritual when we were out, because they felt that my son was extremely comfortable at their relative's new place. That relative had a priest over to conduct a simple ceremony when he moved in, so that's what they did. To cut a long story short, after that, he did not cry for no rhyme or reason.

Can't prove anything though.


Alamak, reminds me of a story my friend told me. He said he's an adopted son of Guanyin, because his mother brought him to a temple when he was young. He would cry and point and tell his mother he saw spooky things.

xoxo: I don't remember having an imaginary friend as a kid. Actually, I'm more impressed by how Dre is able to articulate all these in complete sentences! Hope the episode goes away soon.

 

[xoxolight]

hippo > exactly..i don't think we have much of these things as a kid. which is why u can imagine my village elders being a little paranoid...no wonder they have a phrase that pretty sums it all up - imagination running wild.

glass > goodness me! i won't doubt the existence of bad spirits..simply because, if u believe there is a God and in good things..sure enough, u would have opposing forces. She isn't reacting in fear..just that she must interact with this Violet character. Day 2..I am getting used to Violet...lol..haiz.

 

[lydiagal]

xoxo:
a acquitance's 3yo kid had a 'possible' imaginary friend. he will tell his parents that 'Uncle Blue' say so. etc. so parents ask the teacher if there is a uncle in school or around school who is wearing blue, etc. but there wasn't. we tried to ask..has papa and mama seen uncle blue before, he said no. i don't know what happened after that though..

kindy/childcare : thanks to all for your feedback and sharing.

me n hb have made our decision. now to execute. hehe. gg to visit the kindy's.

astro :
aw... hope bally get well soon.

 

[dejected]

xoxolight
sounds scary about Violet.hw abt story books she has read? Any violet?

 

[babymax]

Sounds real spooky indeed!! I think I may get paranoid too myself! Hopefully like all things with this age, hopefully a phase that passes quickly.

Angie> Mandarin....perennial issue with us too. Although we try to sign him up for Mandarin playgroups, it is stil at best just 30 mins per week. He definitely exhibits a preference over language.

xoxo> You're so right! I am so happy to find this forum as well. Had I not accidentally stumble into this, I would not have the wonderful forum to share my innermost fears and tribulations...no censorship required! So thanks mommies for being wonderful companions.

HK has a long weekend just. Friday past was their national day. I had little one for full 3 days and its so darn hot that mommy sizzled even going out for a walk in the park in the early mornings. I struggled to think how should I occupy him for the rest of summer...

Ladies>>How would you view this? My little one is an only child, I had a difficult initial 6 months with him...he was colicky, fussy and I experienced difficulties nursing because of low supply, pain, etc, etc, a bit of post natal depression. Recently I am having various conversations with friends / husband about having number 2. Not discussing perhaps, more like debating. To be really honest, I'm PETRIFIED of going through the whole routine again. I think I am selfish, I felt like the conversation was all skewed towards me rather than what is best for my little one. But it is not exactly something I can ask him about what he wants...a baby bro, a baby sis or just him. But sometimes when I see him running alone in the garden or playing alone in the playroom, it does pricks me and I feel guilty and sorry for him. I am not getting younger..in fact I will be bucketed in the high risk pregnancy if I try to do it now. But should I really think about it? I came from a large family - 4 kids...so I don't know if being an only child is not good....I do remmeber sometimes I wished my pesky brother and sisters will leave me alone. hahahahaha. I just honestly feel crippled with fear of going through that whole routine again...

 

[glass]

Babymax: would you have more help with no. 2? e.g. helper or someone else? I was fortunate to have a cl for 2 months, then my parents-in-law helped out a lot.

Perhaps you could ask those who are only child about any 'problems' or 'regrets'.

 

[planners]

Babymax:

I met a Chinese family yesterday and they told me that they send their son to a buddhist temple for Mandarin class. 3 hrs per week for NZ$170 a semester. But they only enrol those who are 5 yrs old and older (the chn start pri school when they turn 5 here) Told her that I am not buddhist but she said that they accept all religions. Her son attended for a year but was playful and easily distracted so now she gives him 1-1 tuition, $20 an hour. As i meet more people, I find out the various options available here.

As for your concern on the issue of "only child"...I can speak from experience as I am an only child...

Growing up, I wished I had a sibling or rather should I say a playmate....but the good part for me is that my parents brought me out to mingle with friend's kids and my cousins. So that helped me to develop an outgoing personality and the ability to share. Altho I am an only child, my mum was very strict with me and did not indulge me on everything I wanted. I had to work for what I wanted and things did not always come easy for me...
But when my late mum was ill with cancer, I felt the toil on me coz I could not turn to a brother or a sister and say, pls keep an eye on mum while I'm at work. At that stage of my life, all social life was put on a stand still. Fortunately I was working half day and could accompany her for her fortnightly blood test and monthly chemotherapy. So as an only child, I felt the stress when my parents fell sick or as they age. I still have my dad and will be applying for his PR to NZ once we have fulfilled the immigration requirements here.

My hubby and I also talked about having a 2nd one as a companion for Paige as she is always yearning the company of children. Whenever we take her out, she follows other children around and tries to initiate play with them. I conceived Paige after 5 yrs of marriage and now with my age and mentral cycle, it may not be easy for me to conceive. Having said that, we are leaving it to God's hands and plans for us. I would love to have a second one but am also worried about going through the whole pregnancy cycle...and not getting back in shape...selfish ah? The older we are, the harder to shed off the excess...hehe. Plus I dun have extra help so it will be very tiring and stressful at times.

As for your fears of a difficult pregnancy, dun let that deter you coz every pregnancy is different and every child is different. With the experience u had with number 1, u will be able to handle better...

Anyway, I conceived Paige when I was 40 and everything went ok too, so give it a shot!

Whatever happens, just believe that if God gives u, He will provide!!!

Hope my little sharing will be of help...

 

[babymax]

Thanks so much Angie and Glass!

Glass> in fact I was debating the help situation with my husband as well. My mum is getting old and also his parents. All of them are in Singapore. In Singapore, they have better network of support like infantcare, childcare, relatives help. In Hong Kong, it is just us and the helper. If anyone of us have to go on business trips, we have to co-ordinate like mad to make sure someone's around with the helper/baby in the evenings or on the weekends. And I know my helper loves my baby, but I am not 100% comfortable he is spending so much time alone at home with her. I just choose to believe that things are working out well and they may well be. I just choose to believe they are.

So I think I need to go back Singapore if we think of having baby 2 just to be closer to that network of support. That is the logical part of me saying. But we give up on good monies here in HK. So a bit of give and take.

But you're right. I need to hear more stories / views from the one child family.

Angie>oh thanks for sharing and the words of encouragement. Yeah, I think having no one to turn to and the stress of looking after us during old age can be daunting. I think you are right, the support is important in the longer term for him.

You brought up a good point. I was in fact half a step to IVF when I conceived him. We were married for 6 years, had to try all sorts of theraphy to get pregnant, that lasts for 1.5 years. Maybe who to say that nature will not be the best judge in this? Perhaps I am overbaking this. There is no right or wrong answer. Just hold the breath and take the jump. And see what comes out of that? I still scared of being eternally exhausted during the first 6 months, feeling like a real b*tch for snapping at all of the loved ones, appalled by my emotional swings and feeling just hapless with that little blob...

 

[yeet7]

Hi all! Got to know that this forum is coming alive again and so decided to be a big kaypoh here. Kinda miss the days 'camping' here while at work hahahha

About schools and development, I am in the half hearted zone. Feel that I shld be ks but yet I don't want to stress her up. She is back with JG on Sundays not that I think they r good but simply because Kay loves it. Yet she is so comfy
there that she will do disturbing things like rolling on the floor and climbing the chairs and tables whole whole class is paying attention. And since I'm self employed now with a more flexible schedule, I hv started her 2x a week in GUG. Today's the first lesson, and I'm questioning the wisdom of it. But on the other hand, I know clearly that she needs to get engaged somewhere somehow. At my mum's it's too much tv and iPad/iPhone so I feel that she needs to be out of it. Although I must say that she is actually learning quite a bit from her Elmo and nursery rhymes apps. Not starting school till next yr because she is one of the rare few who hasnt tAken her pneumococcal vaccine. Only giving it after she turns 22 mths. And not starting school immediately after that becos Oct till dec is peak for flu. Yes I'm that ks in this aspect. So although it's money wiser to start school now as compare to the JG n gug, we decided that it's still the best arrangement for now. At least until my helper comes. In that case, I might just put her back at hm with me so that i can engage her while the helper takes care of the young one. 

As for development, can I boast abt her crazy obsession with climbing anything n everything? That's really irritates me!! In hokkien it's called 'Bo si diam'! Speech wise, she showing a lil more willingness to imitate what we say. But once she switches off, no matter how many sweets we try to bribe her with it will be futile. So this woman has learnt at this young age to put her foot down when she doesn't want to be forced. 

The terrible two stage. My village is extremely frustrated by her random, unreasonable n irritating screams n cries. From a baby who rarely cried, she has turned into a big whiner! Hb says it's lack of discipline while I insist it's just the stage. But both of us agree that it has to do with the presence of meimei. She has been sticking me a lot. The refuse-to-let-me-out-of-sight type and when meimei cries, she would instinctly run n chope me first. So this is one big reason y I'm so tired. She simply refuses anyone. Worst! She now only wants to be carried. My arms are developing these unsightly muscles thanks to 12.5 Kg of her.

As for food, a junkie like the mum. Loves chocolate, ice cream n cakes. Finally caved in to salt in her porridge after she threw this huge tantrum that none of us could stop during dinner. We wondered what was that until my mum dropped these few drops of soy sauce.    

So here am I pouring woes. Long entry. Maybe I shld just copy n paste on my blog. Till the next time!

 

[xoxolight]

babymax > i think we might be alot more relaxed the second time round...not so clueless, not so easily excitable = fooled into buying or having tonnes of useless gadgets and stuff. how easy or difficult a babe is relative to your expectations and/or previous experiences....i have so many pp telling me the second time round..things would be different. i am not from a single child family but circumstances add up and somehow, i am the only one left to take care of my mum + 4 unmarried aunts + 1 elderly godpa..so the burden is high on my end. for my hb, he is the youngest in a three son family...his eldest bro pretty much handles everything leaving him rather carefree (how do i say it? it would never come down to his call of duty..but that does not mean he doesn't do his part)..so u split things 3 ways..the load is easier. i have the same thoughts as u do..same dilemmas...i think the best age gap for me for no 2 would be when Dre turns 4. i conceived Dre only after 8 yrs of marriage...we were really taking things easy then..so another 1.5yrs for me to consider if no. 2 would really happen..my bfg adventure doesn't seem to be stopping anytime soon either..que sera sera eh? singapore is also sizzling!!

tien > u said it right..even if we are not KS, and we keep the babe at home, relax one corner..the kids are restless. they've got so much energy...I CAN'T KEEP UP WITH HER! oh hahaha..i am srsly thinking of sending her for some physical activity class..this climbing/jumping thing will carry on for a long time. just a yr ago i'd be looking for nursing rooms in shopping ctrs...now i am busy keeping tabs which shopping ctrs have good playgrounds! and where the best playgrounds with climbing/jumping/swinging fun can be found to exhaust her! i have these disproportionate muscles on my arms too...junked all my short sleeve..trying to wear only 3/4 sleeves!

 

[glass]

i think big arm muscles are nothing (I have them and I can't fit into my sleeves or arm holes well (now I understand the problem of body builders..

Just make sure you don't shift your body weight and end up with a crooked hip or curved spine.

tien: I've read in Mind Your Health that it is ok to add some salt after the child turns one. In fact, they do need some sodium.

ermm, could it be that she has a lot of energy because of the chocolate, ice cream and cakes she is eating? sugar high?

--
It's really fun to see how our children go on a steep learning curve. From just a few numbers in a mixture of English and Cantonese, he suddenly managed to repeat most of them in Mandarin.

I'm still waiting for him to call me 'mummy' instead of 'mama', because he doesn't differentiate ma3ma3 and ma4 and ma1ma1 (his grandmas and me) but I'm quite content that he has stopped calling me papa.

I've been working full time since jan, and I feel a bit torn. Most of my time is spent at work and travelling - more than 12 hours. I did not make use of my time at home when I was a SAHM last year as I was busy with my stuff. I tried to make up for it in June when I had a few weeks off. I've spent more time with him, bringing him swimming and reading lots of stories to him. It only makes me more aware that going to work means less time with him, but I know I cannot tahan him 24 hours. The max is 1 to 2 hours by myself.

I'm finally going to move into my own place in a month or two. While I look forward to it, I wonder how I can cope with work and still look after him at night, esp when he sleeps at 11pm or 12am and I have to wake up by 5.30am. My husband once suggested leaving him with my in laws during the week, and I promptly shot that down.

Babymax, so I also wonder how to cope when I try for no.2 when we have our own place. Would I be able to go on half workload? But the exorbitant price I paid for my new place means I have to continue working, so I guess not.

Don't mind me, I had squandered my weekend, though doing things I like, such as bringing my son to the stadium to watch the Aseans school games, and shopping for furniture. But I'm paying for it as I need to do some work urgently but feeling sleepy already.

 

[shugar]

someone said sugarhigh? hehehee
Ok, shugar says hi!

Angie, if there was a like button for each post I'd 'like' yours! Well said!

I have a sister and I wouldn't trade her for anything else! I can't imagine if I were an only child. I'd have driven my parents insane with my chatter when I was a kid. As God would have it, my sis was the quiet one and i was the noisy one! So things balanced out. (bet my mom thanks God for that too!)

Tien, heheh i'd rather have muscles than flab anytime! so it may not be such a bad thing after all!
Its the terrible 2's stage, so you're not alone. they are starting to form opinions and have preferences, hence the horrid tantrums. Add in the inability to express their feelings well enough for us to understand and you get a grumpy, angry kid. This stage will pass, so hang in there all of us!

 

[planners]

Thks Shugar

Terrible 2s these days manifest themselves real early....I truly feel it now that I am a mum myself. when I was teaching children this age, it was so manageable and a class of 8-10 was no sweat. Now wth just my one lil' "samseng" I am so drained out...

Some people advised us to try quickly for #2 and said that it will "occupy" Paige and she will not be up to so much mischief. Then we have another question of sibling rivalry....

So I guess whatever will be, will be....

 

[fifidoog]

babymax,

as a pregger @ 27 weeks currently, i'd have to say i had the same debate with my hubby like the one you had. basically we feel that we are quite jialat and incapable so how to handle yet another one when with just this one precious gal we're already fretting over her every move. but i firmly stuck to my previous stand - that we either have none or we have two. so now that it can't be none anymore, it'll have to be two!

and its simply because as i grow older and i get to know more friends who are only childs, i realise that it wasn't so much the loneliness as a single child cos the parents will always bring them to play to cousins or friends' kids so that they are not lonely. but its when they age or rather when their parents age, then the responsibility of taking care of BOTH parents that is very stressful for the child. i feel fortunate that i have a younger brother whom i consider rather close, to share the load so to speak. a few years back my dad had a health scare and i couldn't imagine how i'd handle it if i was the only one that had to step up and make the decisions.

of course in this day and age, we do not and will not expect our children to provide for us, or even to live with us when we grow old. but i've also seen quite a few friends who have lost one parent and the other surviving one becomes very lonely and dependent, as least during the initial period of grief. so i told my hb that should one day i have to leave first, at least he'd have 2 gals that will keep him company. well, or at least i hope one of them will.

so we didn't think that much and we just decided to try. afterall, it's not like you try and you get right away!

on your whole support network here - well, as one with the entire support system here in singapore, i'd say i feel a lot more assured that my mum is helping out. i think i can guess which industry you're in by now and surely the disparity in pay-off can't be that bad here? i have frens who are relocating back to singapore as they are expecting the 2nd child and the whole nanny/help issue just isn't the same as overseas compared to here if you had family to help.

also, at my grand old age, i can't imagine having to run after a toddler when even now i'm huffing and puffing away after Min. so my message is - just do it. don't think so much just do it. haha... easier said than done.

i'm NOT looking forward to the sleepless nights and the breastfeeding all over again. no disrespect to other mummies who have perservered with breastfeeding till now, i take my hat off to each of you. but i am VERY dreading the pumping and waking up to do the 2am pump and trying to stay alert at work. so we'll see how long i last. my aim is 6mths for now. once past that, we'll see.

 

[yeet7]

Morning ladies!

xoxo: Exactly what I have in mind! Some exercise class for Kay! You have anywhere in mind? Been wanting to bring her to Royce more regularly, but she is quite a terror in the car and so my parents and hb kinda banned me from driving her alone to anywhere beyond the east although I feel that she is quite ok with me.

Glass: Actually her ice-cream and sweets intake is very much under control. I don't think her energy comes from that. Being the worrywart, the idea that she is hyperactive comes to my mind but then again, she does sit still to listen to my storytelling if she likes the book. So, in her case is a matter of engagement. Apparently those GUG JG are not enough. I must engage her on a daily basis which is a chore sometimes and I am kinda running out of ideas.

Shugar: I just hope she will grow out of this terrible two phase QUICK. The screams and the tantrums is reallly testing my almost non-existing patience. And to make matter worse, she has this sudden separation anxiety from me. Dunno is it because she has been drinking my fbm. Basically she hogs me the whole day and kinda of depriving meimei of my attention. So, I think it's a bit of sibling rivalry at work. Just the the interesting thing is, she still adores her meimei a lot. she just dislikes me carrying meimei.

Re: Having #2
Agree with Jaz. the reason for having #2 is not so much for ourselves. Yes, it involves a lot of commitment and responsibility and I, too, hate the expressing milk in the middle of the night and the sore nips. But everytime I look at Kay playing with the meimei, I keep telling myself, it's worth it. Soon, meimei will be able to walk and run after the jiejie and they will grow up with each other. I, myself, was a single child for 9 years until my younger sis came along. I was lucky because I have cousins to play with while growing up but somehow nothing beats having your own sis/bro. When my sis came along, sibling rivalry was strong. I kinda hated the attention she got but somehow we got really close when she was much older and now, with the kids, we are even closer. So, we know we can depend on each other. In Kay's case, the meimei came timely. She has cousins, but they are much older than her and they are on my hb side and so, not close at all. My end, by the time my cousins have their own children, they would be too young. So, meimei is really a gift to her.

I guess our job now to minimise the sibling rivalry so that they will grow up really close. Like Jaz also mentioned, it would matter when we start to grow old. And I have seen how my family works, when a crisis happens, the way my father and my aunts and uncles work together and consult each other, I guess it helps in sharing some stress. In fact, because of the most recent crisis, I am actually thinking of having a 3rd one and even a 4th one. Just that financially, I think we are not ready. Will see how it goes when meimei turns 3.

Hahah...I sound like Mr Kee Chiu's kar kia hor? Maybe I shld work in MCYDs...all for having more children hahahah

 

[babymax]

Hi Mommies! Thank you so much for the words of wisdom and sharing. Every one of them resonates with me. I am still nervous but I think I can see the longer term benefits of having a number 2. And it is true, the longer I debate this, the more time I will lose and there is no right answer. I just need to get over the jitters and plan the big migration project. )

xoxo : I read in some research (it always amazes me that the amount of research there are to making babies, having babies, raising babies, etc) that the best age between babies are 3 to 4 years. I think it really depends on the parents. For me, I'm probably in the 4 year gap camp. At least one would hope by the time the second one arrives, the terrible 2 will have become a distant memory..

glass : Terrible 2.....I shake my head when I read the entries. It is happening with me and my little one. He is definitely trying to be more assertive, trying to tell me that he has his likes and preferences. Will not take any compromises. Like when I bring him to the garden for a walk, it started to drizzle a little, and I wanted to bring him to the pavilion where it is sheltered. The scene he made!! No, he decides he does not want to go to the pavilion, and no he decides that he indeed wants to play in the rain, and no he decides that it is ok if mommy goes to the pavilion and leave him alone, thank you very much. Anyone has any idea what the expiry date for this sort of behavior again?

Happyhippo : Congratulations!! Yeah true. I like the "its not like you try and you get right away". It may take up to 1 year if I'm lucky judging by previous experience. With my husband's hectic travel schedules, I have to time very carefully. WAHAHAHHAHA. and yes, I'm in the financial industry (where one would argue that's where the whole evil starts). )) I'm definitely thinking if I have a number 2, going back to Singapore will be mandatory. Having been through the first baby, having your own parents / relatives (I stop at that, still gives me the shudders when I remembered my mum in law in HK during my first 4 months) around is so important.

Happy Wednesday!

 

[mrs_neo]

Harlow, mummies!!!

Re: No 2. I was also a very 1 child policy person (But i am not a china FT hor! ). Till the day when my dad got an heart attack. I was so lost and thank god, my sis was there. From then on, like wat hippo mentioned, #2 will share the responsibility of taking care of the parents. yeah, not so much of expecting the kids to take care of us and supporting us but rather be there for each other in case anything happen to us.

So, ya! Hopefully my #02 plan will go on smoothly!

)

 

[shugar]

Terrible 2s: yeah these are terrible alright, especially when it happens outside home. We're always wondering if we shd stay put and toughen our skin n ignore the stares or bundle the little monster up and make a run for it! Sigh! I keep myself sane by the thought that this phase will pass and I hope it'll be soon too!

#2: all the best to the mummies trying for #2!

hope it happens for you when you're ready! well, like they say 'two is company'!

Tien: I'm sure Kay loves meimei, prob she is just not used to the divided attention as yet. But I'm sure she will come to accept it well, esp when meimei gets older and they can play together!

 

[glass]

Hi mummies, does anyone know where to buy mamy poko pull up pants - 30% softer?

I usually buy mine during NTUC sale, but they hadn't had one in months, and my 9 packs have run out.

I think they have the smaller packs, but not the size I want, but very ex. Any lobangs?

 

[xoxolight]

Hi gals..
I had a shitty Sat disciplining Dre. Yep, hope it's a phase alright..though it seems never-ending and always escalating!

mrs neo > all the best to your #2 plans!

babymax> for me and my circumstances, i think if #2 happens..better it happen after 2012...i cannot imagine handling a second babe..uh..let's not even get to that..i cannot imagine if i kena that sort of MS and having to handle this livewire...would simply go bonkers. on a serious note, i just want to ensure Dre gets our undivided attn until she is slightly older. but..whatever happens, happens...in God's hands.

tien > royce is a favourite hunting ground for her...but i also bring her to open parks. Dre actually likes the outdoors so usually we would be sweating buckets keeping up with her. those are free too..exercise classes..hmm..with school having q a fair bit of outdoor play, i don't really see the need + it'll load up her/our schedule..so no, not intending to return to mygym or anything like it anytime soon..u are right, it's impt to minimise sibling rivalry otherwise it'll be a classic situation between me and my sister right now...sibling closeness..is not a given.

jaz > good that u have yr mum's help. and u hv made gd pts wrt sharing the load etc. guess what, second time round..i think u would be more seasoned and experienced...things shld be easier..

 

[09mumtobe]

Hi gals,

i was also seriously comtemplating of whether to have the second one a while ago, my hubby and i try to look at it at many angles. Currently my daughter going to be 20month was taken care by my mum (who stay st my hm during weekdays) to lighten her load, i hired a maid for her so that she do not need to do any housework but just relax and take care of my daughter.

i seldom post here and i did post here before that my daughter had eating problem. This is a major headache for me and my hubby. She will not take any proper meals and will turn away when she see the spoon coming. She is only willing to eat biscuits and bread, that's why. She even reject fruits. We tried many methods and differnet patterns of feeding her and give her different kind of foods. But none of them worked. She still drink her milk. 5 times a day and sum up to 900ml per day.

There was one time that i was so worried sick about this problem that i almost have depression. i feel that this is parents' responsiblity to ensure that our kid had a good balance diet. i have been putting a lot of pressure in myself.

She had this problem since she is one year old. Then come to a time that i told myself there is really nothing i can do. And to worry about this everyday cannot help the situation. We have decided to go with the flow and see how things go. The only blessing is that she is still gaining weigh, healthy and happy, happily playing everyday. Just that when she caught a flu or cold, it will take one week with med. to recover. We had decided to let her go into childcare, hopefully by seeing other children eat, she will follow, either by peer presure or imitation. I feel so heart pain to know that she will eventually get sick more often. i do not dare to think if this way will work. i can just hope for the best. My PD had been pressurizing us to do something about it before it's too late...

Been so busy everyday, i found out that i was actually expecting. last week. Hahaha!

3 months already. i took the last 4 days to digest the fact. i had went to see my gynes. My baby EDD is end of Dec.

Now i come to think about it. It is still not as bad to have another now. Since my hubby and i came from a big family of 4. Sub-consciously, we had always wanted to have more members in our family. Moreover im in my beginning 30 now, i hope i can still had the energy and vibrant to take whatever it comes.

Now i refused to worry about anything but to look forward and be postive. i want to be a happy mother so that i can once again give birth to a happy baby.

Maybe...God had only decided to give me only 2 childrens? who knows...

 

[09mumtobe]

terrible 2> she is still under control now. When she want something, she will try to tell me and i will figure out what she want.
Before that she will just point that direction and keep saying " eh! eh!" i tell her "mummy dont understand what is that?" "Tell mummy, what do you want?" she will then stomp her feet and whines, i will just ignore her, saying "mummy, dont know what do you want", after a few times, she tried to express what she want through words like "open", "pa-si-fer" (pacifier), sit down, "handfone"(handphone) etc... then i will answer "Oh i see, you want mummy to Open the door..."etc

 

[glass]

Hi clarin: Congrats! Wow, you managed to survive 3 months without knowing you were pregnant? I had nausea almost immediately when the egg was fertilised, plus a super late period.