(2009/08) August 2009 MTBs

fatbobo,
Cos your helper has been their caretaker all these while, most naturally they will look for your helper.
I read that they are at the peak on seperation anxiety during this period, so perhaps it explain why.
My gal also very sticky to my mum and didnt want me to carry sometimes. ( I only bring her home on weekends ). So I can share your feeling but Im sure when they are abit older, they will know who is mummy de....
 


babyS/dolce:: when im hm in the evng..n wkn... i norm handle them myself de.. n norm whn hb is out for entertainment n hm late.. i will ask my helpers to take their dinr first..n i play with them..n oni aft they sleep den i take my dinr. but most of the times, ya lor.. they will make a lot of noise..n cry n watever..smtimes even cry till vomit. cos they dun like me!!!!

my hb spends even lesser time wv the girls..but they noe he is the daddy..n will stick to him smtimes.. im not jealous that they stick to him instead of me.. but i dun feel good they stick to my helper more than me!

my parents oso say someday they will surely noe who's the mummy.. but i still cant really accept being so failed at this stage that my girls will cry when i carry, my girls will cry when the maid is out of their sight, etc.
 
Bobo: maybe play more with them. I will be the one who does the bedtime routine with her. But during that stage that i was trying to 'pull' her back to me, i carried her more, play more, do whatever she wanted to do.

Maybe when they cry for ur helper, u distract them with play?

My friend was super desperate to make her daughter more attached to her then her mil. So she decided to start latching her on again after stopping for 6'momths!! Haha.. Cos no one else can latch her on mah. If u desperate enough... Hee..
 
Fatbobo,
even my boi if he saw my maid he will smile at her but maybe becos wkend i bring him home din let him see maid so he know he gotta come to me for food etc i tink ur prob is even thou u take over the takin care part but ur helper still ard ... i also ask my IL to let to minimise lettin the maid handle him i rather my boi close to my IL than maid..
 
Dolce and bobo: u guys dont look like u grad in 1994!! I think i started sec school in 1994..

Joyce: i grAd in 1998.. But seeing his pics at ur fb, he does look familiar.. What eca was he in? And denson looks like him leh !
 
Fat Bobo, you shouldnt give up so easily. I've the same problem initially n I observed how my helper handle the baby n I learnt. How she rock her to sleep, I learnt. It takes time to master it but talk to your helper n let her know u want ur baby to be close to u too. My helper will leave me alone with my baby n see how I handle n later teach me to adjust to baby's preference. Your beautiful twins definitely know u r their mother but sometimes they might prefer to be handled differently. So we hv to learnt. There is no magic, if your helper can manage them, u definitely can do better! Now my helper has to use many methods to take over my baby from me cos my baby will want me to carry her.
 
fat bobo, wat i wan advise as per babyS said take care of them at nite yrself.. understand that its a bit tough cos got 2.. i nvr let anyone else put my son to slp unless really bo pian.. now onli MIL & me can take care of him.. and i made it a point that i'll talk to him the next morning if i nvr rock him to slp the previous nite.. i'll explain y..take times but but dun be dishearten
 
thanks all for the messages... i definitely feel better now. :)

like hb owas say.. muz hv more patiences... or is it like most of the times i was scolding the helpers, my girls c..n feel that im being..errrh.. fierce..or evn unreasonable? or dat most of the times, im the one disciplining my girls.. messy eating i scold, dun coorperate during diaper chg i scold, n alot of tings i scold. while the helper wun scold them..they r like angel to them??? shit, but during weekdays daytime, if they're already being spoilt by helpers n my mum..den when we're at hm (my hb will smtimes discipline them oso), we as parents dun discipline them.. then how?!? but then oso.. sigh, to discipline or not? if we dun, we're spoiling them.. if we do, they dislike us!

sigh.. i really envy SAHM at times, but i dun hv the financial priviledge......
 
janice:: thanks.. but all along i oso hv been the one to put them to bed... nowadays, i even add some singing activities before bed.. do the same ting over n over.. make it a routine. i'll make sure i ask the helpers to get out of their bedroom.. be it hv dinr, bring my dog for walk, clean up kitchen, take shower or rot in their rm..watever i dun care, just leave my girls n me alone kind. but smtimes, it's really tough, like..twin 1 cry..i carry n try to rock to sleep..den twin 2 oso start to cry...twin 1 still cant sleep..n twin 2 cry so kelian... i put twin 1 down n carry twin 2.. then twin 1 starts to wail..n twin 2 still crying or either (im already confused nw..) 1 omoz fall asleep in my arm, then the other cry n cry..n disturb the 1 in my arm, then the 1 in arm got irritated n started crying n cant sleep cos being disturbed... then i cant carry both, i fail to coax both to stop crying, i bcm kancheong n irritated myself..(i try to keep cool)..both still crying n wailing...cry until dun wan me to carry... then end up cry until vomit!!!!!! n many a times, like this situation.. i try to carry n make them sleep until i myself cry n call for God's help! (which i refuse to call helpers to come in!!!!).. really until bo bian.. cos i really dun wan them to cry until stomach bloacted..dun wan them to cry until vomit.....n since they dun wan me to carry... i hfta ask helpers to cm in!!!!

im just so lousy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
 
i tink im hvg depression again!!

alot of times, ppl tink im a happy go lucky person.. im like owas smiling.. n full of nonsense...... but deep down.. i feel so sorrow! i feel so depressed!!!
 
fat bobo
it is a phase..difficult phase. i went thr that before w my #1.. bb crawling to maid instead of me.. smiling at her instead of me. wanting her to carry instead of me.. give urself time.. not easy i know.. but now i got a sticky 1st born and 2nd born :p.

my boy got close to me when he was about 1.5 to 2yrs old.. especially when i started pregggie with #2 and the grand arrival of #2.
 
fatbobo, handle twins by urself really not easy..we handle one bb alr surrender...

i agree wif BB(alva) observe how ur maid handle them & u learn then slowly take care by urself. since u hv 2 mayb start wif one 1st..no choice.
 
Fatbobo ,
yes it jus a phase gave ur twin sometime I also dun like it when my boi crawl toward my maid rather me .. BB r v clever they know maid = food, nv reject wat they 1 wun scold them so naturally they prefer them n this has been my worries since we decided to get a maid I am Sure ur twin know who is their mama jus tt at this pt of time they prefer the way ur maid handle them we r not born to be perfect or super mum we all need to learn jia you k..
 
donkey:: the other time.. i oso show more attention to one of the girls.....cos she like more clingy to my helper.. then worse, nw the other even more clingy to the helper!!! n i dun wana be so obvious to prac differently or gvg either one of them more attention.. so normally i hfta like rotate n say this time feed this, the other will feed the other!

like nowadays in the mrng, before i go off to work, they will want use to carry out n they will say/wave bye to us.. n i hfta carry both tog..cos both oso want baobao. i love the feeling in the mrng. but im very afraid of the nights! part of me wana go hm early (which i owas do n jabo like 5ish-pm)..play with them, put them to bed.... but part of me, scared of their rejections n cries n all.

last nite my parents n sis stayed on in my hse aft dinr till the girls sleep.. cos the previous nite.. i had to call my mum (in tears..) n asked for help! the moment the helper left the bedroom aft she brought the milk in.. both girls cry until very qi chan le!! then latr on, oso tried to carry 1 of them.. pushed me away... then my mum took her away (i noe she wanted to help.. but i got alittle angry..) i went into my rm.. breathe abit n went back into the girls rm. my younger sis then asked my mum to bring the still-crying baby for me to carry.. i brought her to my rm n aft awhile..she finally slept!

i tot of letting them sleep with me in my rm.... but, the bed definitely cant fit 2 fat adults n 2 babies la.... not like just a single bb.. still can camp inbetween! then they sleep in their rm.. n i most of the times now.. i cant hear them cry when they wake up.. cos the helpers will already be there, one carry..the other make milk le!

i noe in a way, even in the nite when they're up for nite feeds oso by the helpers.. that adds to the amt of time they're exposed to them.. but i in some way, i cant help it. unless i put them in my bed, which is oso risky cos it's higher, n oso being squashed by hb or me! or either, i will never ever get to sleep cos im a very light sleeper!
 
Bobo: u r dealing with twice the amt of what we go thru and u still bring up girls up so well!! And not skinny skinny like other twins i've seen..

I suddenly had a thought last night.. What if my 2nd pregnancy are twins? I said out "God no! I not as good as shirley! I cannot cope with twins like her. "

U r a role model for us leh. U go thru double of what we go thru. Double the cost and double the frustration sometimes. But u get double joy and double love from mattea and keona!!

And like what smurfy say, at least u r blessed to have 2 good helpers who love ur daughters & take good care of them. Abd ur 2 girls like them instead of fear them..

dont feel bad with urself, share with us k. We support each other!
 
Can they get to sleep on their own, without rocking ?

U let them lie on ur bed. U lie with them, get them to sleep. Then after they sleep then bring back to bed. When they see mummy lying next to them when they r abt to sleep maybe they'll like it, very secure. Then ur poor dh will have to wait for the girls to sleep and go back to theit bed b4 he geta his turn to sleep
 
babys:: norm i lie with them in their bed.. the way they need to find the correct spot to fall asleep can be so drama n funny! haha.. trun here n there..with so much effect n force... sit up..lie down..sit up..stand up..fall back down..roll up..roll down... basically they will cover the entire queen-size bed to find their spot....sometimes ending up falling asleep in weird positions! but more than often, when they r able to do this, the daddy has to be ard...n they will roll over daddy..n all. when im alone with them, they will torture me with their monsterous behaviour le! im lucky if one of them can lud to sleep themself..n i carry the other, else...ya.. the horror cms!!! i hvnt tried letting them lud on my bed, cos my bed is higher n not protected...am afraid they will fall off the bed!!!
 
btw.. ntuc hv discount on ENFA FM.... saw an adv in the straits time tonite whn i was in the clinic juz....briefly niah, so din catch the price n all.
 
BabyS,

Thats how i get my gal to sleep.
I will lie with her on my bed, then carry her to her own bed when she is asleep. ( I usually lock the door )
Only then is my husband allowed back in the room to sleep.
My gal distracted easier, if she know daddy in the room, will keep going to him to play de.
So sometimes daddy have to pretend to go out but hide in toilet and crawl back in to avoid being seen by her while she is on our bed all along...
 
dolce/babys:: but in my rm..it's norm play de. hmmm, i will prolly try out your suggestion, try to bb-proof my rm (bed) more.. n c if they will sleep in my rm or not.. (esp when the daddy is not ard....)

last time, i was telling my hb, the girls prefer him (to me) to be with them before they sleep... (i mean..im ok that the girls r more daddy's girl.. but not be clingy to an outsider..ie maid la!) then my hb said her colleague's daugther oso more clingy to the hb....(plus hor, the hsework all done by the hb de..).. then i was like..telling my hb (off).. "look, the hb is owas hm frm work n all... but (you) owas out for drinks (like 2-3days a week.. then 1 day dinr at my parents, 1 day at his parents).. so most of the times, except sat.. i hfta handle the crying babies lor!" then he hfta keep quiet, cos he realised most of the times, he wasn't there to help me!

he will owas say i hfta be patient.. slowly watever...... but i owas try my best le.. yet i still get those treatment (frm my girls)... hw can i keep calm?!?
 
fat bobo,me too feel very sad when my gal also dont wan me...see my sil will go away will cry and very clingy to her if she is around ,feel such a failure too..but due to my work..i m alway the last one to reach home.
 
Thats y choosing caretaker for our child is impt cos they will be clinging to them during the 1st 2 years. Thats y im willing to try for a baby oni after I got my mum's words that she will help me take care...
This feeling is really terrible...
 
joyful/fat bobo
i oso got similar experience.. when my #1 was young, my mum brought him downstairs to wait for me come home.. he saw a girl withi long hair.. kick his legs excitedly.. and tot that was me..

it happened not once.. but twice..

then when he was older.. can run abt liao.. my mum brought him downstairs to wait for me again, he saw me.. start running.. but 100m away from me.. he decided to make 90degree turn
sad.gif
 
bobo,

Huh .. i got the exact opp problem. Ovann has been waking up & crying so many times at nite!!! And he only wants me, dun want hubby. Having orb bak kak now cos it's been happening a few nites le
sad.gif
 
my girls never show excitment when i reach hm de. even when i like jump in front.. act like clown, sing their names in high pitch or watever.... not excited at all! just a simple "hello" frm daddy.. they r like.. hoooooo~ drop everything n pounce towards him le. i mean.. ok la.. they so happy to see daddy.... good mah.. means arh.. they cling to daddy..i not so busy oso. (haha.) sigh..but to repeat agn.. i juz dun like it when they will scream n cry when the helper leaves their sight.

they will sometimes sit there.. n make funny face at me..tease me..... but many a times, just keep their cool n not too interested to come bug me de lor!

my daddy (and aunt) say smtimes bbs or little children r like dat.. they will purposely ren other ppl as mummy de... but so far i see so many.. dun hv such case leh.

often i will blame myslef.. dat i did not produce BM..n wasn't able to BF them.. dat's y they r not close to me!!! but oso not wat i chose to to not produce milk! some mths back, there was once when i was changing in front of them.. they looked like me like so weird.... i tried to put my breast at their mouth.. n they pushed it away like so freaky!!! sigh, hurt!!!!
 
By the way, is coughing contagious? MIL had cough but insisted on carrying him. Now ovann seems to have it too. So damn bloody sianz.
 
btw.. side track.. talking abt MIL... i am so going to her place and put away most of the toys she bought for my girls.. all the nonsense.... i even printed those reports on the recent toxic toys cases and am going to show them as back-up!!!
 
Denson has a kor kor friend in school which happens that the father he crawl to sit on the lap is this boy's father..

his best friend.. according to the teachers, he only like this kor kor to play w him and share his toys w him.. this kor kor always bring toys for him oso.. everything oso didi, didi (refering to Denson).. 2 of them besties..

consoling to noe tat Denson has a kor kor to look after him in sch..
 
bobo,

Ya lah!!! I already knew that she's sick from her voice. When i sent hubby to ask her, she said no.

The next day, she sounded more serious and let out a few cough. I told hubby again and he ask her. Instead of admitting, she barked at my hubby and said "I'm just coughing, it doesn't mean that i'm sick!!!"

HAH! The next day, she IS SICKKKKKKKK! Went doc's and ask me wat the medicine is for. Bloody idiot.
 
Fat bobo,
cheer up!'
like wat smurfy says, look on the bright side
at least ur girls r well taken care of
happy.gif

cos we working mothers spend little time with them
I think amt of time spent matters...not just quality of time...out of 24hrs more half of the time our babies spend time with caregiver, no matter who or what they do, all babies tend to stick to caregiver
even my I sleep with my boy n breastfeed him till now...he never leave my side other than working hours...he also stick to my mum...so dun blame itself
think they will find mummy at a later age
so dun think too much about it
 
hi bobo,

i can understand your feelings, i was in your shoes too. #1 didn't like me too, even though i took care of him 24/7 for the first 3 months. I bf him partial for 4 months. When i went back to work, i had depression, often cried in the office.

When i sent him to CC and accompanied him to/fro school for 1 month, he was sticky to me, for that month only.

Now, i'm always with #2. He will say don't want mummy. It's very disheartening to hear that but really no time for him. I can't handle 2 alone.
sad.gif


One thing i know is :
children only reciprocate when the person is fun to play with.
make funny faces, gently knock their heads with your head, tickle them, massage them, have physical touch, they enjoy it, and will feel loved.
 
joeey,

U r so right! They like people who play with them. Ovann oso like dat, and anyone oso can carry him.

But when he cries and want comfort, he will look for me ... err.. dunno to feel happy or sad.
 
thanks all.. i do feel better le. n i will try out sm suggestions u ladies input. thanks.


joeey:: im sure it's really painful to hear your #1 said that. sigh.

like u said, prolly they owas see me 'scold' my helpers..they dun like me!
but i do owas make funny faces to them, do silly things with them n to them.. sing n dance.. massage them (sometimes, if they r not over cranky before bedtime!).....etc..
 
Time is a factor too. Now that i have a maid, sometimes, i'll work from home and let #1 stay at home with me instead of going to the school.

I try to have all 4 of us sleep in the same room. I'll put #2 to bed first. Hubby will put #1 to bed in another room. Then carry #1 over. We have a queen size and a single mattress on the floor.
 
actually i hv 2 queen size in my bedroom.. (dun ask me why so many bed!! 'thanks' to my MIL!!) but i find both bed too hazardous for the rolly-babies...haha. in fact, i was telling my hb the other day.. i tot of buying another blankie.. den we can sleep the girls with us oso....so to minimise even more contacts between the helpers n them.

ya, ok.. prolly i shld really action this tot n try it out.
 


bobo, don't feel bad about it. Its very normal for kids at this age to stick to the person they spend the most time with. When my older ones were infants, I looked after them myself for 6 months. Then I started work, so my MIL took over. And they stuck to her very much though I had invested 6 mths full time and breastfeeding. It was very depressing indeed, made me wonder if what I did was worth it. When they turned 2 yrs old, I sent them off to the childcare centre, and from then, they no longer stick to my MIL. Infact they are very happy to see my and my hb every evening. Its like they are older now, and they know who is "most important" :p things will get better later on.
 
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