(2008/10) Oct 2008

dimpletot,
agree abt the phase juz hoping it's not gng to last too long.

Nat also into the 'i dont know' with the shrug too

sigh...all the -ve tots (-___-)''
 


no worries jelly.

does bb S sleep on a pillow.. elevation helps w blocked nose.. how abt bb vicks?

Sigh since beginning of the yr when E started school he has bad nites.. keeps crying in his sleep and i have to keep sayanging and assuring him. wonder if i need talk to my PD. This morning v jia luk - 330am started sleep talking abt asking the whole village to come...and i want this and that...

E knows he has to say sorry cos it will melt hearts and anger and he will be forgiven. like that nite he spilled milk when he knows he shldnt if he listened to me.. wah i started scolding him cos i just changed the sheets (of a king size bed)... so he was v apologised... sometimes i doubt he understands what wrong he did.. just as long as we give angry voice and face he will say sorry
 
vanilla,
at least E is doing the +ve way with 'i want' rather than the -ve 'i dont want'...kekeke

i also practice the ignore mode but Nat's daddy prefers the negotiating method. Wonder is it a mother vs father thing? Although i m not saying he is wrong abt that...haha
 
Jelly,
Have u tried using nasal spray?
Some sea water nasal spray thingy. My neighbour passed me a bottle and i use it for Marcus whenever he has blocked nose. The mucus will just flow out. Hehe...
 
haha sometimes when i ignore i tell E i am ignoring his outburst etc... so it is like i m not blind to ur nonsense but i am trying to be blind to it until u stop it.

he has his dowans too.. but nowadays wants outnumber dowans. hb and me had a bet how many "i wants" he will say.. i lost. by mid morning he was already in his 80s.
 
JJmom,
Ken and Jeff and opposites. Ken will do the ignore mode. I will be the one trying to nego, or just give in. I can't resist that cheeky smile of Marcus. Weak me.
 
Jelly,
Nat picked up my angry stares & stares back at me cheekily. She thinks it's a staring game.

Nat might not say sorry even if we tell her too, she might even say 'i dont want'...she's that willful (-___-)''
 
xy
tried. am giving zyrtec too... after 4 hrs... effect is GONE!

i swear my hubby and i wants to slap R sometimes... but off course we din... we just ignore her... walk away or just say stop throwing tantrums otherwise no xxx or yyy...
 
jjmom
when i met nat yesterday, she look so cute and angelic! she is also v loving...

ahah... asian moms... comparing the bad and never the good!
 
haha i like that Jelly-- comparing the bad and nvr the good! if we ang mo mums then different....
happy.gif
 
vanilla
i admit... i only talk about what R is bad or poor at and nv good... but i realise maybe not healthy for us...

ok, now i talk something good abt her... hee... something she surprised me of...

brought her for GD's bb can read preview and the instructor was flashing 10 cards in front of her. 10s later when asked which word is kiwi ( between the words kiwi and guava) she can point to the right word! wa, i was surprised. the instructor did it agan and she got it right again... i was damn impressed by her cos i thot she watch too much barney and ss already... her brains must be fried!
 
clever girl!

haha i dun like barney but in the end from it E learns stuff too... like alphabets, names ...haha my fav - manners.. i will tel him.. didnt barney tell baby bob she must .... haha
 
jelly,
angelic!!! wahahaha...i must go back & tell her daddy LOL

yah...we the asian moms, mayb u can also start a write up on this...kekeke

guess it's juz how diff btw us & the angmo r 'built'
happy.gif
 
XY,
so i c...it's abt who has the softer heart LOL

but cannot fault u lah, not many can resist Marcus's cheeky smile
happy.gif
 
I dunno how much. My neighbour gave me. It's ex ah?? S$1/tube is ex??
1 tube can last like 300 sprays, means a good 3-6 months right?

Are we talking abt the same nasal spray?
 
jjmom
nat looks v cute lor... i will not bear to punish her... R is too cheeky and thinks she knows it all

3 days ago she stood on her potty and sang her own song that goes like this "dangerous ... dangerous"... i gave her the killer stares and she smiled at me and said "mummy! dangerous... look!" i am like -____-"""
 
jelly,
wah...rebby is smart! btw u bringing her to the 'i can read' enrichment class liao?

wahahaha...i also hope to b a haolian mom someday LOL

but i think if i dont become malu mom, i shd count my blessing liao lah LOL
 
jjmom
aiya dun think she is smart lah... i think she gasak... but i might sign her up for the class cos i sort of buy the technique liao... haha...
 
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jelly, R&amp;Rmom,
u mean it's a parent accompanied class too? i tot they r for the kid only.

*lazy mom's character showing up again =P*
 
Saxo,
I was only strict with her for the first four years as far as I can remember. I did wonder if it could be like what you said - that she's rebelling against the earlier years of parenting, but I really don't think so. In fact, she had never exhibited unhappiness in the years when I was strict with her. She knew I loved her as much as I was strict with her.

At four, she went around my parents' house and collect all the coins she saw and put them in her own pockets, and only gave them to me when we were alone. When asked why, she said she knew I didn't have alot of money (which was true at that point of time). The coins were heavy and she was carrying them for the whole day, quietly and discreetly. I think that incident told me alot about the depth of her love for me.

It's after I became laxed with her that she became lazy in her attitude towards alot of things. Altho now my parents and sisters change their tune and ask me to cane her, I find that at this age, it's not very appropriate anymore.

I was raised in a family of seven children. Comparison among my siblings by my parents was a way of life, and like you, I resented it. In fact, my parents often ran me down in front of relatives, saying that I am the stupidest of the lot. They never fail to remind me that my first spelling at P1 got zero and so that concludes that I am stupid. They only stop talking about this a few years ago when I did well for a degree course. However, the 'stupid' reminder hurts me for more than 30 years and I struggle with my self-esteem constantly. When you're being told that you're stupid by your parents and siblings since a young age, you take it as the truth.

But I think Amy Chua is different. She didn't compare her children like that. What she was doing was drawing out the potential of her children. She didn't destroy their self-esteem. If you'd read her daughter's response, you'd know that she admitted to doing the card insincerely, within 30 seconds, and she didn't feel abit hurt that the card was rejected.

I feel that today's children are too fragile. They are easily 'traumatised' by a comment. It's children like Amy Chua's who will be able to take setbacks and failures in their stride becos they would have the inner confidence to deal with external failures. It's people like them who can pick themselves up after a fall becos they have very strong beliefs in themselves.

In any case, this article is just an excerpt from her book about her parenting journey, so she might give a different insight to her parenting style at the end of the book. Since her kids are already 18 or so, she might be a very different mother now than when her kids were young. But I truly admire her parenting style in the article. By adopting that kinda parenting style, she herself must be a consistent role model for her kids to follow or even just to see. I honestly thought it a pain to be that disciplined a person.

Oh my goodness, pardon me for being so long winded!
 
Amy Chua's parenting style
- I suppose different strokes for different folks. But her extreme methods takes the cake. Sorry Rains ;)

- I feel childhood should be a happy one , filled with lots of kisses, gentle but firm nudgings rather than being "whipped mentally pyschologically emotionally" to do the kid's best. Like sax and many of u, is the best measured best academically ? By straight As, getting into Carnegie?

The cynic In me after reading her elder daughter's article, immediately asked the question - is this the work of the tiger mom again? Did she threaten her gals to say only the best things??! Hahah.

My parents did not force me to do many things like play the piano or be the top student etc when I was young. Maybe becos we were poor then and my dad was the only breadwinner. What he did was to get me to drill my maths - becos he knew I had to do well enough to get into a good school. My parents knew I loved art and excelled in it, and they simply encouraged me in that area by bringing me for art competitions etc. I saw how hard my dad worked to bring dough for our family and I motivated myself to do the best in my studies for them n for myself.

For my kids, I will not do the tiger pose on them. What I will do is to expose them to different areas and see where their interests lies. Whatever choice they make, even now - I will make sure they do their best.

Now having said all that, what will you mommies do if your child decides next time to do something or be someone not what you wish for him to be? Like a model, or just not a professional? I find it hard to reconcile my hopes for them vs reality .. If different thatbis.
 
I doubt Amy Chua was drawing out the talents of her daughters. In fact, Lulu, her second daughter, never actually stuck to the piano, did she?

She also admitted that her second daughter didn't take to her method as well as Sophia, her first daughter. Her second daughter is more strong-willed. I see her 2nd daughter not feeling hurt because (1) she is used to her mother's criticisms or (2) she is too strong-willed to care.

How do you know they have very strong beliefs in themselves? I don't see that. Maybe I'm not seeing the full picture. But I know yes, they can endure hardships and going to climb up when they fall, but are they going to step on others to get up? Just so that they can get to the top, as was expected of them by their mother? Because that's what that matters. Still no talk about character-building. Is character-building seen as a weakness?

Remember the Muslim Math whiz who was also brought up by strict parents? What happened to her? She prostituted herself, didn't she? What moral values did she learn?

Rains, I do agree that we should teach our children to take hardships. But it need not be so extreme as Amy Chua. In any case, she did hint about exaggeration on her part.

Ruffles
I will let her be. It's going to be a very hard decision but if Jo has thought it through, then I'll let her decide her own life. Anything except being a prostitute wahahahah. I cannot imagine her to be in that line. Or anything similar. Just like I can't control my husband. I don't want control anyone.
 
Ok here are my thoughts:
She never allowed her kids to the the following: • attend a sleepover
• have a playdate
• be in a school play
• complain about not being in a school play
• watch TV or play computer games
• choose their own extracurricular activities
• get any grade less than an A
• not be the No. 1 student in every subject except gym and drama
• play any instrument other than the piano or violin
• not play the piano or violin.

My question to her would be why? Ok maybe sleepovers, I can understand. But playdates? Isn't that a form of building social skills? What's wrong with being in a school play? What if the child's talents lie in acting/drama?

The 'best' part about her is that she would deem herself as a failure as a parent if her child fails academically. quoting her: that "academic achievement reflects successful parenting," OMG!!! She is just fortunate that her child is not autistic or dyslexic. Otherwise, I think she or her child would have committed suicide. To me I would see successful parenting as having a wonderful bond with my child, knowing that my child would turn to me in her times of need, sharing her joys and woes at every growing stage. Parenting itself is a learning journey for me and I don't need something measurable to tell me that I have been successful. I would be more than happy to see my child succeed in whatever undertakings she has decided upon and most importantly, having an upright and just character.

About her belittling her children - how does that build self esteem? Rains herself admits that being called stupid has hurt her for many years. Fortunately, resiliency has seen you through the tough moments. Shouldn't resilience be built at a young age? I'm pretty sure the writer was full of praise and claps when her daughters were at the baby/toddler stage reaching their milestones. Why didn't she start belittling them then? E.g. say things like other kids your age are walking and you're not? Isn't she being a hypocrite? First she praises them when young and then start calling them garbage later? An A minus on a test isn't good enough for her... what about her own grades?

Let's look at the Singapore context of school. We all cannot deny that the school system here is a dog-eat-dog system. But how far do we want to push our kids? An ex colleague of mine has a daughter in a primary school. The girl has no break. School has remedial/supplementary classes, CCAs and what have you... so that takes up the whole week. Weekends, she's shuttling her daughter from English to math to Chinese tuition, Ballet, music and swimming classes. She has recently allowed her daughter to drop the art class. I'm like OMG! The poor girl! To me, if I'm going to to do that to Regina, then I should also be at work if she's at some class. If I need to weekend to recharge, doesn't she need to as well? But the number of tuition centres in Singapore seem to tell us otherwise. Weekends are their cash cow.
 
ruffles,
I had my ideals for my elder kid when she was young. The first time it struck me what I had hoped for her may not be what she wanted was when she told me she wanted to be an ice-cream seller. The only thing I could tell her was that she had to earn enough to support herself and me, comfortably.

After that, she has been telling me she wants to be an actress, model, singer, photographer ... I guess she is still searching for an ambition. I don't have any problem with what she wants to be eventually provided she's able to earn a comfortable living.

Oh yes, there is just one thing I am adamant that she should never become and would always vehemently object to: a teacher. *grin* Of course, also cannot be a cleaner, road-sweeper, factory worker etc.
 
wow.. so much comment abt this article.. have not read it.. figured dont need to anymore.. im obviously no where near what this tiger mum is.. i have spoke to hubs many times that if we can, our girls will study in australia. hence i'm maintaining my PR status and applying for their residency too. cos i doubt they'll excel in this dog eat dog system since daddy n mummy are so slack, it will be hard for them to compete with the other competitive kids who have parents pushing them. i dont have a problem if they dont do well (it would be a bonus if they did).. but if they get streamed into a bad class.. am worried abt the company they'll keep and as what kind of character they will become.

whenever i hear someone boast of their child, i just say i can only hope they find their passion and pursue it.. provided its an honourable profession.

having said that, do wish i had abit more discipline to enforce some rules on kaitlyn like eating habits, time-outs and potty training..
 
rains

Seem that u really dislike the teaching profession alot. Hehe... I am opposite. I secretly wish Tong will be a teacher in future, best, a Chinese teacher. But that is my secret wish. Watever Tong wish to be, as her parent, I have the obligation to inform her of the hardship involved in it. But if she still go ahead, then she will have to bear the consequences herself. It is afterall, her life. So I will tell her roadsweeper mean u got to entire rain or shine, being look down at (social norm) or used as a negative reference whenever parents or teachers want to tell their kids to work hard (if u dun work hard, u will become roadsweeper etc) Haha...

saxo,

Dun say that. U r a good mummy to Jo. Everyone of us have own character fault. Me too. I think Tong will turn out to be quite a spendthrift like me in future. Haha... But I also think Tong will inherit my positive, optimistic outlook of life cause we do influence our kids in this aspect. I start to see some of ME in Tong actually. Of course, not to forget, she inherit my GOOD TEMPER. No lah, my hubby good temper. She is generally a very guai, good nature gal (*crossing fingers*), though she is certainly not on par with her peer in term of learning ABC, speech n others. Hehe... I speak well of my daughter, not quite the Asian parent who tend to be humble.

Everytime I call parent, they expect me to talk about bad things of their children but I don't. I do call up parents to inform them good traits of their children. Asian society, I guess.
So mummies, start praising your kids from now on. Hehe...
 
halo mummies.. long time no see.. been so busy busy.

xy,
u taking order on iherb or close liao?

mummies need ur to intro vit for cough.. my whole family incl me coughing so badly and shawn has been keeping sch since last thurs but guess he is more than happy not to go sch coz he still cry badly.
 
Cheerbear,
Close coz hit S$400 already.
Unless can get enuff to order another batch.

My sis shared with me a story of a prostitute she met during one of her exotic travels. I will share it later.
 

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