Wingkei..
Sorry to say this.. but I was.. treating an ex-bf like your HB is treating you.. I went out with this guy for 5 years and we stayed together as housemates, during this time, I had control over his car, where he goes and he did all the housework...
The way you are describing your hb, frankly sounds very much like how i treated my Ex-Bf long time ago. If you don't mind, this was how I felt truly because i didn't find my ex-bf attractive any longer at that pt in time and I was quite tired of the relationship.
I was picking on meagre things on purpose, finding reasons to put him down, and everything he does seem irritating, I was critising him for everything, even though those were the very things I liked him for in the first place, but because i was irritated, i didn't care how he felt, since I couldn't wait to get out of the relationship. YET, at the same time, i felt insecure, like I was afraid that I would not be able to stand on my own if i left the relationship, so i find myself holding on to that man and whenever he gets real upset (i would go back to console him, with which i didn't really meant , and would find a reason and then counter why he got upset and make me look like I was more upset)
I simply find that he was not putting in effort, he did not dress up, he was not trendy and he did not know my friends. I thought he was not street smart and did not know many things. He was not cool and was not doing well in his studies, and he was a mummy's boy. After 5 years, i felt trapped, there was no room to grow anymore. So, fustration kicked in, and I was picking on him for every little thing, trying to find every reason to pinch him where it hurt most. I would also find every opportunity to go out whenever i could. Yet, time and time again, when he voice it out to me, I would console him and tell him I still love him. (which I was confused over)
Then one day, i remember it was before my birthday (i already planned to celebrate my birthday with some other people, and I made it CLEAR to him, just so to make him feel i was excluding him on purpose), he came home with a few bags of barang and I thought they were for me. Surprisingly, he had went out and gotten himself some nice clothes and cologne, and had also spotted a new hair cut. Suddenly, he looked really cute. But i was unconvinced. Over the next few weeks, we were speaking less, he was going out more and he even signed up for the gym. He didn't even offered to send me to uni anymore, (although he will when i specifically call) and he was also going for massage and facials by himself. Because we were speaking less, I find myself actually wanting to speak to him, and get his attention. Unfortunately, it was a tad too late.
He told me he felt tired too, and it was too much work to start over with me again, he said it took some courage for him to tell me all this. He felt that he needed his life too and that his life no longer revolves around me. He told me he did not meet anyone new, just that someone at uni did took his fancy. He also took his car keys back from me and told me he needed his car more nowadays. Soon, he was not asking me to the movies or to the city anymore.
I was taken aback, suddenly I was not the center of the universe anymore, all that I felt irritated about him did not matter to him anymore. I did not feel free, instead i felt horrible. I tried to make amends, and I came home earlier, waited for him till wee hours, made dinner for him and helped him with the housework (previously he did all of these), and even washed his car.
In the end, we graduated from uni, and he went back to his home country, I did try to salvage the relationship, but i guess he was too hurt. He wrote a letter to me before he left and he told me it was a hard journey for him. He thought we had a future together, but finally saw that all about me was about materials and I was not that kind and broad hearted girl anymore.
Wing.. how my story could help you, I think you would have to sort it out on your own. I was like your husband in the past, picking, hurting, pinching. But someone took the stand, changed in unbelievable ways and it worked on me. I truly hope you could take the stand on that man, let your true attactiveness surface, do what you NEED to do, say what you HAVE to say, I think both men and women are attention-seeking creatures, once you stop giving the other attention, he will come back round to seek your attention!