(2008/07) July 2008

PB
he knows i m qutie strict and he gets scolded if he doesn't ask. of cos nowadays he can do it himself so he does eat without asking. but one thing that is funny is that sometimes when the father lets him watch tv, he will say that i din allow...

u know i used to have that problem with the sch bus too. JH came back with sweets everyday and when i ask the bus auntie they said sch gave but sch said they din give. so we figured the auntie gave. so we quite directly tell her not to give cos it affects his lunch.

the exhaust one is tricky cos both sides will surely say that.....can't do much seriously...

bbp
jh had a best fren after 1 day in sch...haha....it's good that they make frens easily.
happy.gif
then more motivation for sch

re party packs
tell me about it...jx already has 3. and i still have to deal with the situation of jh trying to share her party packs!!

i also just did jh's birthday and of cos racked my brains over it. but my fren commended me on it cos what i put in are some mind games and then healthy snacks. yummy earth lollipops, some graham cracker snack (very small packet) and another vanilla cookie snack pack. all from iherb!
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i think celebrating their birthdays in sch make them look forward to sch more! so it may be a good thing and also a chacne for u to know more of their frens.

smiggle
the test sounds a bit skewed esp on things like wheelchair. why would a 3 year old kid know what is a wheelchair?? these are not everyday objects. and it doesn't mean that knowing wheelchair means vocab is extensive right...
 


Re bus sweets
I told the boys to just refuse and tell the bus auntie that their mummy said they cannot eat sweets. That worked.

Party packs
I sneak them out of the school bag while they are not looking and casually put the bag out of sight. Out of sight, out of mind, right? At night, after they go to sleep, I go through the bag, eat the chocolates, and give the other junk to the dustbin.

Finding snacks for party packs is tricky. Must find out if any child has an allergy to nuts, etc and ensure that the food and other items are not choking hazards as well.

Smiggle
Just enjoy it now. But mummy will always have a special place in his heart lah
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Jace
Yup yup yup, kindy is full of holidays and half days because of some celebration or other. Actually I love it - apart from the fact that I don't get my bit of me-time - because we can nuah at home together or go out and explore and play!
happy.gif
 
Oh Ho Ho...not easy for G to resist once he sees the MMM or khee-kat...n once he sees...he develops an elephant memory and will not stop harping on it til it's in his mouth...

Anyway.... My holiday has begun so kong Xi Fa Cai everyone!!!
 
youpi,
Oh no! Allergy! That's another thing I've gotta think about when it comes to goodie bags??? Sigh.

We should have a list here just for goodie bags.
 
DD
What is kheekat? MMM?

*long time later*

Oh. M&Ms and kitkats! Lol lol!! Happy holiday, you!

Youpi
Good good. I've been telling poppy too but don't know if it works :S ohhh I'm with u on the holidays. Now that poppy is in pm session, it just makes it so hard to do things. Can only do mostly home or close to home based activities before sch bus at 11 then she's back at 245 then shower and ready for nap and she's up at 5 then it's prep dinner and huh? Shower and bedtime liao :S if got holiday then at least can do more stuff!!!

March hol.. I'll be 4 weeks from delivery then... Let's see what we can do :D

Oh and how's S doing in P1!

Sy
Did u manage to go to the science ctr thing in the end? Open spaces is it?

Bbp
You know, truth be told not all parents mind what goes in the goodie bags la. We grew up with these things too right? And we're fine aren't we? So I also wonder why I'm so paranoid about it *shrug*

I really think toothbrush+toothpaste is a good gift! Or even stickers. Crayons? I don't like the idea of receiving sharpeners either... Quite dangerous for little fingers :S

Good stuff poppy's received fr sch goodie bags:
Poppy once received an eng-chi SPOT book. But that was a pretty rich parent to give out to 20+ books to the kids. If anyone wants to consider, BIG BOOKSHOP has pretty decent books at $2!

A thomas train reusable bag (it's now our library bag)

Celebrating in sch
My bday's in june so I never had it and always envied those who did!! We did it for poppy last year and she was so excited! I think it makes them feel real special
happy.gif


Homework
Er wondering if ur kids get homework?! We got a note fr teacher saying we'll receive a file every week with stuff poppy's done in sch but no HW cos she's only in nursery. Does that mean K1 onward got homework?! Oh gosh. Hyperventilating again
 
PB,
You know... I might just not do goodie bags. I was just researching online for good stuff to put into goodie bags and some parents said that goodie bags are meant to thank people for coming to your party and for their gifts... which does make a lot of sense.
Well, since our kids birthdays are in July, I still have half a year to survey what other parents are doing. But right now, I'm just leaning towards just cupcakes in school which means I have half a year of cupcake making practice.

Homework:
Yes, some schools do give out homework and even spelling and 听写 (I think Chiltern House). So far, my friend whose daughter is in K1 (in the same sch as Dec) says that she has not seen any homework yet.
 
U know those stencil rulers and the ones where u can draw patterns when ur pencil goes round n round in a circle (geez I'm so bad at describing it!) we gave that out instead. G got pencil cases, stickers n crayons so far. N kindy birthdays r easy peasy I thought.. Just a cake and goody bags! Don't even have to worry abt guest list or RSVP's!
 
hello everyone!

what an eventful 24h since we tried to board the annual migratory home flight to MY. we discovered at the airport that Mr C did not buy ticket for C2, I accidentally packed abalone into carry on luggage (so made an unwanted donation to Customs), and 2 luggages / 4 boxes went missing on our arrival. Anyhow we just got news that our stuff is coming into MY on this evening's flight, so the boys will finally have some clothes to wear other than those in the diaper bag.

Happy CNY everyone!

the C family
 
Well things can only get better then, Cellow... I'm sure u played the zen and calm mama... Have a great time feasting!

It's been great but tiring fun for us so far and we spotted a beautiful long arched rainbow after the rain today!
 
Wow Cellow. Just wow! Hope you enjoyed a good blast of firecrackers earlier this evening to wipe all that craziness out!

DD
We missed it!! We were both napping! Haha.

Science centre common spaces exhibit
Um just to share that it looked rather shabby and sad to me. But I did see it when it was not yet open (poppy and I went by before going to omnitheatre) so it being empty did play a part in it looking quite abandoned and boring. I THINK there is the science centre admission fee on top of the common spaces fee so take note ya, whoever wants to go

And btw "born to be free" at omnitheatre is really recommended! Poppy enjoyed it so much

And to echo batgirl,
Happy new year everyone! Huat huat huat ah! May the year of the dragon bring everyone good health and abundant wealth! And me, a healthy little baby girl :D
 
Gong xi fa Cai to all my July mummies!!!

I'm back from Cameron! The drive in total was 12 hrs! We lost our way twice cos mr mich wanted to avoid the KL city center, and refuse to follow the GPS (what's with men and GPs)? The place is boring and the farms are not open till the day before we were to leave. The butterfly farms are really moth farms with dead moth all over the place and cleaner picking up tonnes Of dead butterflies while you tour the place! The strawberry picking is really just like 10 rows for you to pluck and all small lah! But eboy enjoyed plucking strawberry the most. The bOH tea plantation was very nice, on mountain top picnic place, tea with scones. Very nice, however the drive up was very dangerous, narrow mountainous drive on the same single lane for up and down. In summary, I'm so not going back there!!! Weather was not really a saving grace cos its either hot, or rainy. We spent a lot of time in hotel which was the best in this trip. Ha ha ha... Whoever thinking of going up, don't bother lah, can't even shop and buy things lah!!

How's your new year? Lots of visiting and eboy is finally slowly opening up and not so shy, but still a long way before he is confident to speak to people.

Salute to zen cellow ma ma!!

Happy dragon year!
 
Aiyoh poor mich? Guess cameron has really changed huh. I remember it being quite magical. Lol on ur butterfly farm description!

Hey mummies, wanna do a small CNY gathering on sun? 29 jan at BG, our usual spot? Maybe we target to meet early like 930 so we can 1) avoid sun and 2) avoid upsetting anyone's nap routine

Nothing big and fancy la. Just whoever wants to come, bring a snack for own child+extra one or two portions to share, and maybe something for the kids to play. Like bubbles or ball

Jul mummies CNY mini gathering at BG sun 29 Jan 930am!!
1) PB, BB, poppy, and PB's vericose veins (boohoo) with grapes and ball
 
PB
oww...got to miss it on sun cos got church. have fun!

i saw flying monsters. haven't watch born to be free yet. shall go catch it. we joined science centre for 2 years!!

i think the common spaces may not need science centre admission cos u can purchase the tickets directly at omni theatre. it will just mean that u can't go anywhere else after u r done.

cellow
hope u r having a good time despite all the hiccups!!

mich
oh...thanks for the Cameron update! i was thinking of going..haha

mummies
i know i may be overly suspicious but i feel that my hb is not being truthful with me. a lot of small signs and he has this staff that keeps messaging him even during CNY! am i being overly suspicious? i checked with a fren who managed to find out that this lady just joined his team a few months back. maybe she's new so she needs more help but hey, why are u messaging my hb day and night even during CNY time?? sounds like it's not qutie right right?

sometimes i wonder whether i shd go on checking or just act like nothing happen but the act like nothing happen option is tough. i cannot pretend that nothing happened. and last week my hb obviously went to cut hair during lunch but did not clarify when i tot he went after work. i saw his credit card slip which says he went during lunch. i had assumed he went after work and he din correct me on that. why leh? keeping something from me or credit card slip is wrong? i even ask him wehther the hairstylist had to wait long cos usually he leaves by 7pm but when i text my hb at 7 to ask him whether he going to cut hair he said he going soon. so what is the conclusion??

haiz i really dunno...
 
SY

really don't know how to advise you but my take is a woman/wife's instinct is seldom wrong. especially he has been exceptionally distant these few weeks right? my guess is he may be facing a temptation from this lady colleague? I am not so concerned about the haircut time, sometimes men just can't be bothered with little trivials like this. but the woman messaging him throughout the cny is weird lah.

whatever it is, you must set right what is wrong between the two of you first. rushing to confront/clarify does not do any good at all. you were supposed to spend a day with him, just the two of you so that you can clear the air? how is that coming along?
 
SY, women's instinct is always right. Constant messaging is a strong sign so don't think you are overly suspicious.

My Brain Talking:
Now, what I would advise you to do, is to stay calm and don't imagine things. Do not confront him no matter what. Start with the collection phase: 1) During your recent TPY trip, did he also message a lot? check his phone bill and all roaming details (including number) will be there. note that number down. 2) during convenient time, check that number against his phone. If there is something going on, chances are, he will be deleting all his messages and recent call records before he heads home. So, if there is no frequent SMS from the same person which you can check the number with, you have to check his address book one by one. Do it discreetly and slowly, i.e. dun rush into finding it until you get caught. He cannot know that you are already suspecting. Meanwhile, just observe his behaviour and don't rock the boat. carry on normal activities as you would. Go ahead arrange for a special day where you spend time together, etc etc... Once you are sure of the situation, i.e. its a women colleague, her name, when they know each other etc... then we move on to phase 2..

meanwhile, this is the most important step. Keep receipts of all your expenses, sign up for spa, child's enrichments, etc etc... start compiling those today!

My Heart Talking:
If you still love him, you have to keep on trying to bridge the gap between you two. He can keep turning away, you have to keep pace behind him.. acting like nothing happen is very tough and if you think you deserve to know the truth, brace yourself to find out and accept the truth. I suggest that you do not start asking of his whereabouts cos that will only make him feel frustrated and he will have more things to hide... do you know his colleagues well? perhaps can arrange for an CNY open house and invite his friends and colleagues? whatever it is, just suspecting alone is going to hurt a lot and disturb you a fair bit, so you need to find someone whom you can trust to talk to, like your mom... come in here to post if need to. Most importantly is to make sure you dont get distracted so much that your kids get affected... you must be strong!
 
doggiebb, michelle
i dun have access to his phone cos it is password locked and the phone bill is under company so i have no access to it.

the only times i try to peep is sometimes when he is charging his phone and i wan to charge then i will see that there are msg waiting for him and i always see this woman msg him but i can't see the content.

we are going for dinner this fri but dunno how it is going to be.

i don't think i will confront him now cos i dun have any evidence. i will only do it when i m 100% sure that something is not right. my hb is the type that will outtalk and outsmart me one so unless i m 100% sure, i won't win the 'fight'.

i think he knows that i m keeping tabs on him. he has been very cautious lately. when i m near him, he will actually use his hand to cover his phone. such behavior makes me even suspicious right. while i dun think he has betrayed me, i think he may be closer to this lady than i imagined.

i m lousy at keeping track of expenses. maybe i really shd start keeping a file of all these expenses......

i dunno his colleagues and frens. when he has his gatherings, he always refuse to bring us along. he is also not the kind to wan to invite his frens and colleagues home. most of my frens who used to work there also left so i have very few spies left haha.....

sometimes i wonder whether i wan to know but i think it's better ot know than to keep imagining right? i also dunno....
 
Sy
it happened to my hubby, cos he used to go out entertain alot..
so we had a lot of problems..
My style is to always confront.. but he is always defensive..
so i wait for my chance to gather as much evidence.. my hubby also like to outtalk me..
so we sit down down and talk and pour our hearts out..
everythin can be resolve.. just find out what he wants...
for me, if i don find out everythin, i will imagine the worst, so i like to know quickly.. but tone i used is moe casual.. rather like interrogating
 
how did u gather evidence?

my hb keeps saying he dunno what he wants and he dunno whether i m making all these changes for what reason. we have very different thinking. to me, commitment is impt but to him i m changing not for the sake of love but commitment and he cannot accept that. he keep saying he dunno whether the changes are for real and why i m doing it. soemtimes i think it sounds shallow and like an excuse. he said wan to go for marriage counselling and said he will go find. then ask me why i never go find. haiz...how serious is he then? sometimes really very disappointed and heartache. he only say that his heart die already since a long time ago.how i respond like that?
 
SY
i check everything lor..without his knowing..

and i rem what he says and goes.. and tries to find discrepancy..
if your hubby talks like that means he is giving up..
dont sound good..
use whatever you can, your family, close friends, kids.. yourself to talk to him..
don let him give up..
plan for occasions, spend time, go counseling if really need....he may not want to talk to u, but to someone else?
work hard to save your marriage..
 
Wifi erratic. Posting when i can...

Sy,
Hugs! I have lots to say but I do not know where to start. Constant messaging is suspicious... Hmm.
I agree w all that the girls say here.
Re marriage counseling, tell him to arrange then u will show up?

PB,
Have fun this Sunday! I m still here in MY. Arriving sun night in SG.
 
SY
*hugs* The other mummies give good advice. Do try to see things objectively and not act on impulse. Since he says he wants to go for counselling, do so. That's a positive step towards reconciliation.

PB
Sorry we are not available this Sun, have fun!
 
cellow
wait for him to arrange till cows come home. he said he will do it and then in the end ask me why i never do anything about it. i wonder whetehr is it even impt to him. in the end i still have to go source for it.

and it doesn't come cheap....i realise....
 
oh no SY. it could also be that you are so capable in terms of taking care of the kids and running the household, that he doesn't feel "useful" anymore, thus the feeling. try checking family service centres, they may be more affordable.
 
it's a non-stop week for me.. but I also had to stop to give SY a big hug.. so much to say too, but just don't know where to start... sent you a contact for counselling.. call them up...think carefully and rationally before acting... will pray for you! stay strong and hang in there sista! you've got us behind you here...
 
SY - big hugs from me too. really hope things work out well for you..the fact that your hubby is willing to attend counselling is positive
 
Gong xi Fa cai everyone!

SY: *big hugs*... Counseling is a good idea, you want contacts for Christian counseling? I have. Need a listening ear just call. Can always meet you for lunch.

Pb: have to pass bg gathering on sun, attending worship at church.
 
thanks mummies for the hugs!!! need them..cos my hb doesn't give hugs haha...everynight i will tell him he forgot to hug me....

today i told him we shd take turns to org lunch and dinner dates. he said ok but i highly doubt he will remember. my fren told me to ask him to take turns to do it.

Jo
yup if u have a christian contact that would be good as well. will call all of them up! but prob will do it after my parents go back to china. don't wan them to worry...
 
dear PB

need you even ask?

our lifes turn topsy turvy the minute the children came, but dads? really very little changes to their life...
 
Zen and losing our luggage
zen... erhm... i wasnt that zen at all inwardly. managed to only shout once at Mr C during the whole process :p. i consider that a major accomplishment when i was mentally swearing at him, at the situation, at almost every step of the journey. things rapidly got better fm that inauspicious start
happy.gif


CNY
the boys are getting used to random firecracker bursts through the day. luckily the water dragon has been VERY watery in the night, so that reduces others' fireworks and firecracker setting. hehe
getting to know my MIL more has been fun too.
(wah, i m actually saying this out loud!!!!)

SY,
then does he hug you after you point it out?
next time, do what C1 does to me.... sometimes "MAMA, i NEED a hug .... right now!"

in any relationship (HB/wife, mother/child), the feelings of love flow and ebb. that is normal. i love C1 n C2 v much, AND there are times i wish to be far far away from them. all normal. what matters in what mich calls heart is the daily commitment, the fidelity to the day's activities. so that is the heart part.

head: think abt keeping a record of expenses, tracking your bank accounts, plus write a record of your time when you were SAHM... your non-monetary contribution to building up JH and JX.

happy to email/sms/lunch to lend you a ear.

daddies going along their merry way
http://naturalpapa.com/self-improvement/life-lessons/how-to-be-a-better-husband-show-up/
after reading this, I realise Mr C mostly shows up in our lives, mine and the children's. that's why I m able to complain abt the rare times when he doesnt.
PB, happy to lend you a ear if you need to... have you shouted at BB already? n solved watever is bugging you?
 
haha @ cellow re 'have you shouted at BB already'. yes, this morning i gave in to my pregnancy crankiness cum lack of sleep cos poppy came to me in the night and just ripped his head off.

but after cooling down i apologised through our in-house mailing system
happy.gif
 
need some advice on sleeping arrangements, esp from mums of 2 or more with older children
maid had been sleeping w C2 since last mar. i chickened out and sort of decided to forego attachment parenting for more sleep in order to deal w the daily demands of managing my job plus a household. during this CNY, i noticed that C2 is v much attached to maid.... he still wants me for certain things, but when it comes to zzz time, he only looks for maid.

may i know for those of you with older children, how are the sleeping arrangements?
i get that youpi sleeps in one bed with both boys, SY and dor too with JH/JX and D/E.

Jo, Cin, Doggiebb, Smiggle, Jace, Hannahi, batgirl, holly???? i know i must have missed tons of others....

i do not know why this is keeping me awake now. but it is!
 
Cellow, all my 3 children sleep in the same room with me. Thankfully my room is big enough. They hv their own beds too. I find that I can sleep better knowing that all of them are save and sound. Easier to check on them like whether they hv kicked away their blankets. Also to save on electricity bills
happy.gif
 
SY, how was your dinner date? Hope it went well!!

Cellow, I'd say let the two boys sleep in a room and helper stay outside... Now you know why I'll never allow my helper continuous >30 mins stretch with eboy for fear that he will grow too attached. I cannot take it. Ha ha. Even then, eboy loves to play with my new helper and sometimes he'll ask to go home so 'I want to play with aunty' and I go 'argh!!!!'.. I am selfishly over-protective of my son this way... Ha ha..
 
Cellow - we put the girls in their own separate rooms from day one. Bean does wake up when she hears hayley crying but she very seldom calls for us..she just goes back to bed and next morn, tells me..last night I heard hayley cry
happy.gif
 
Cell: ideally, each of them will get a room. Right now, like Hannah, both in my room and have their own beds. This arrangement has been in force since Bb G was born. They sleep through and didn't disturb anyone. Me lazy to walk so didn't shift them out. :p
 
Hannah
Wow your room sounds like the size of my flat!

Cellow
For me no choice, the girls will have to share room. But not until the little one sleeps thru. Meantime, she'll be bunking in with us. And I guess poppy might want to join in the merriment after a while so it just might be me and bluebunny back to sleeping like lizards sticking on the sides of our beds again while the girls roll and stretch and kick all over us.
 
Hee, after putting the extra beds, not much room to walk around lah. Helper literally has to lie down to clean the floor. Ha ha..

Doubledee, #1 used to sleep in his own room. But when he saw #2's cot in our room, he also want to come in. So end up both in my room. #3 slept in the kids' room during 1st mth with me. After that we all went back to the master bedroom.

Usually they sleep thru the nite. But usually it's #3 that will wake up and cry. The boys may move/wake up then fall back to sleep again. So no issue. But each morning must be very quiet when I try to wake the boys up for sch. Even the 2 alarm clocks in the room are only allowed to ring less then 3 seconds. Ha ha. The boys all know can't wake mei mei up.

We all got used to this lifestyle and I am quite happy as well. Can check on them any time in the nite without having to walk out of the room.

Cellow, don't worry too much abt C2 looking for helper during sleep time. He'll outgrow it. Last time, my #2 was so attached to my previous helper. Don't even want me. But when she left us, he didn't even ask for her. Till now, no memory of her
happy.gif
And although my current helper spends most of the time with my children, all of them don't even want her when I'm home.

So don't worry too much, if sleep is something that you needed a lot at this moment.
 
Cellow
They are sleeping with me, unless one gets sick then will sleep with the maid...

Housework
Is it me or is it with 2 kids , the house is so much dirtier..
Since maid less on thurs, I have been cleaning and cleaning..
This morning I was busy from 11am till 5 pm before I can even take my shower...
Kudos to the mummies with 2 kids and without help !

And now my question is how to turn my hubby into a better father... He has been playing games while I have been slogging away.. Not even helpin out but according to him those few times of 5 min eyeballing are...he is not spending time with the kids once he gets hooked to his game..
 
Morning!

Cellow when we were in our old place, the room was large enough to accomodate the ikea sized toddler bed, our queen sized bed and mei mei's cot/playpen. So all four of us slept together. Like what hannah said, really save electricity bill man! haha
After moving to our new place in Nov last year, ho ho ho no place to put their beds into our room so no choice, the 2 girls sleep in their own room (without the helper). Lixun has been really good. Most of the days she will just sleep through in her own bed without waking up. Mei mei is the troublesome one. Last night she woke up 4 times -_- and so hubby and we were are like pandas today ... took turns to go into the room. We use the baby monitor so can hear the cries loud and clear.
 
cellow
no, he won't hug me unless i ask....so much for feedback.

michelle
hmm date din turn out as expected. sigh..it's really really a very very tiring journey. i dunno what to say and how to say. things are just....haiz...

re sleeping
i think ideally both shd sleep in their room or share a room without the maid. i dun allow maid to sleep with them. now all sleep with me cos no room at my parents' place. but once i shift, i will wan them to stay in their own room.

cellow, maybe u let the boys share room and then ask maid to move out of C2's room?

smiggle
when is your new maid coming?

are there activities tat he enjoys with the kids? what kind of games is he playing? if can get some activity that he enjoys with the kids that would be easier. like my hb will play wii with JH.

it's a lot of frustration when the chores are not split evenly and one party seems to be doing everything. but please don't let the resentment build up. that's what happen to me also. i always resent it when my hb goes take his nap whil i m so tired or sick. such resentment can be felt.

if you ask him to help, what's his response?
 
first day at work! wow the emails....

sleep arrangements
thanks all for your feedback!

hannahi,
it is true that both C1 and C2 are growing up and they stick to me as long as i m around with them. so the current sleeping arrangements stay for now, as i DO need my rest. otherwise, *I* get very cranky. sleep deprivation makes me a really vile and ill tempered person to be around.
it is not so much their attachment to me/maid that is on my mind.... more their attachment to each other if that makes sense.

HB playing games and doing other things
i say compared to one generation ago, Mr C is def doing more fathering and showing up, being more engaged that either my own dad or his dad. BUT! there will always be a simmer of resentment that his me time is his, whereas my me time is all jumbled up with kid/household stuff. i try to not let it build up too.
ofcoz i occasionally explode. or implode as the case might be. but not healthy rite. and who is the centre of my house? me lor. so cannot liddat. *i* must be happy otherwise Mr C, C1 and C2 will get it :p

men in general... even my hands-on Mr C.... just do not have the eye for seeing what else needs to be done. chores or kids or household or whatever else.

i have lots more to say, but cannot frame any thoughts. no coffee in the house and so many work emails to clear, plus work tasks to do. i need my caffeine!!!!!!!

plus boss just confirmed that i need to be in KL, cyberjaya from 20-24 feb. aargh.
i dislike being away from my babies, and the comforts of home. what to do... work.... tis enought to make the 'quit quit quit' chant start again in my head.

to make myself happy, i shall go to supermarket to buy (1) bath salts for my upcoming work trip (2) coffee!!! hehe. then all shall be well again.
 


oh yes, C2 is still fretful through the night, esp when he is teething. record is 4x in a night, like a newborn. i really can be panda like jace already if he sleeps with me......
 
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