(2008/01) Jan 2008 MTBs

Wendyg and grumpus.

Thanks for your views. I also know it is hard to say which is better. But I just want to "fa xie" here. Coz have been quarreling with hubby over this for a few times and I know it is not good for #2 pregnancy loh.

Also agree that to some extents, maids will try to take advantage of the employers... Guess really have to eduate or warn the maid sternly loh. But I am not those fierce type. Hehehe...

Burmese got chinese-speaking?? Oh, I did not know about that. Thanks for telling me that.

I really very ignorant about employing maid. If later really decide to get maid, must see for your advice what are the requirements/criteria etc.
 


yvonne
well we've stopped all milk since yesterday. He can't take FM.. we tried that for a few days earlier this month and his poo became very hard and there was blood, even with the daily intake of papaya. So my Isaac will be a "no milk boy" for the time being hahaha. Maybe i shld give him my breastmilk and give Tobey 100% fresh milk hahaha.
 
wendyg,
Hey, why not? He's sick now so give him the privilege to have mummy' milk lor since Tobey doesn't mind drinking fresh milk.
 
krystle
i dun hv maid.. i only listen/ read stories of people who employ maid.

my colleague's Indon maid has a smell about her. She's not Sri Lankan ley. Indon also got smell meh?! Apparently it's her personal ..... BO?? My colleague already bought special herbal soap, deoderant etc... she said NO USE. Her kids (u know kids la.. brutally honest) dun hang around her that much due to the smell.
 
Haiz... For maids, think the problems about them can go endless loh. That's why I am so against it. But my MIL and hubby don't see it this way.

So I think since my MIL wants (& she is the caregiver) so I should respect her decision bah. Even though it is about my kids. I don't want kept quarreling with hubby and also make him sandwiched between us too.

Myverla,

You very clever to thought of the expense ledger. ya loh, should monitor that loh. Hmm.. seems like getting maid is like extra job for me. Instead of feeling good that got extra helper, got to prevent this and that. A bit sian...

Sorry again for grumbling here.
 
krystle,

I felt that you have to talk to your hubby patiently and calmly on what you want and what he wants, and see how you both can compromise.

Maid aside. Are you and hubby happy with the way your MIL taking care of your #1. If yes, I would always want to have a close relative to taking care of my kids rather than sending them to cc or nanny. Nothing beats LOVE, genuine LOVE!

Unless you don't like the way your MIL taking care of your kids, then it's different issue.

If you think MIL should continue taking care of your kids, then you should respect her request to get a maid to help her out, cos as you know by now, it's really not easy to take care of kids, let alone 2!

Come back to the maid. It's really by luck what type of maid you would get, a good or a bad one. But like others said, since you have PIL around at the house, you have less worries. But again, getting a maid would come with other problems also, which you have to be prepared of.

If you are really really can't accept to have maid around at your house, then you have to talk to your hubby and reason with him. You two have to be in the same frequency. Once you both can compromise, all the problems solved!

In cc, like wendyg said, for toddler class/playgroup (18 months and above), they get to learn things through play, but not through scheduled curriculum. It's true that they have more social interaction and learn from there, but then you can also acheive this by bringing your kids out during weekend. Why you want your kids learn how to read and write at this young age? A happy childhood should be just play play and play and be happy!

Me and hubby are always against maid. So it's a very easy decision for us.
 
krystle,
if u really decide to get a maid, can ask me. i seen my mother go through x no. of maids for 20+ yrs already...hehe..thankfully we've never had one which outrightly abused us as kids, but we did have one which accused my mum of abusing her!!

wendy,
my PD told me that FM tends to harden stools and that's why kids with mild intolerance to milk can get major constipation problems on cow FM. the alternative is soya milk lor...
 
Wendyg,

Have you tried other brands of FM on Issac?? Maybe poo poo will be better??? Coz I believe growing children should still drink some milk. Or can give soy milk? At least better than no milk??? Just my thought.
 
Isaac took Isomil before when he was younger & had dunno what problem.. vomitting or smthg.... gosh the smell was terrible. As expected, he didn't go beyond 1 sip, and the tin was wasted. I gave it away the very next day. 400g tin only, but still $$ right?!

Other brands FM.. he was on Friso 3 when he turned 1yo, earlier this month i gave him GainIQ Kids coz that was the only Step 4 formula with 400g tin. When he recover fr this phlegm thing then we see how la. btw krystle, his name is spelt with 2As bcoz he's v clever.. isAAc

mylvera
i think we're supposed to stop dairy products totally, at least for the time being. Doc said give him more green leafy veggies. thanks for the suggestion anyways!
 
Kekeke... Indonesia maid got smell?? Hmm.. 1st time hearing.

Thanks, Kam for the advice. Good that you and your hubby on same frequency. If the maid is to stay with us, I am sure that my hubby will object too. Coz he is like me, don't like outsider in our house. But hoh since maid will stay with MIL, he thought no issue with that loh.. LOL.

Am I Kiasu parent who thought that 18mth is good age to start learning?? Coz I do let Issyen play (actually she plays most time loh. At MIL's place, completely no book coz MIL cannot teach). So when back home, I will show her flash cards and books to read. I think just a little bit of time allocated for reading will be good for her. Of course, she is just a kid. Needs to play play play!!! Hahaha...

So far, I don't have much complain about MIL's way of taking care of children. In fact, she is doing better than what I expected initially. Just that she is not very hygiene at times and don't bother to change Issyen immediately if her shirt is stained. Then hoh, the stroller which she used always get dirty easily in 1 or 2 days loh. My hubby had to scrub and scrub so often. He will complain lah but I still see the same. I just close one eye coz in other aspects, she really care for Issyen well. So like what you said, I should respect her views bah. Also hopefully, the maid can help to clean up the mess for her!!!

Grumpus,

Sure I will ask you in time to come. Thanks for your help! I really need that.
 
ya, thank God that she is willing and able to take care of your kids for u. Some grandparents are unwilling to give up their social life or their jobs to take care of grandchildren, and some are unable to do so due to age/ poor health.
 
Wendyg,

Oopps. Sorry about Isaac's name. Hope I get it right this time. Coz very similar with Issyen's name. So I thought it is 2S. Yaa... 2 As, very clever indeed!
 
wendyg,

Agree! A colleague mine is like that. Her parents asked her to quickly give birth, cos she is the only child and they were drooling for a grandchild. After my colleague gave birth, the grandparents only took care of her for 1 month only, then said to my colleague - nowadays infant care very pro hor, why not send her to infant care. Pengz, my colleague has no choice but to send her daughter to infant care, costs her $900 after subsidy!!! The grandparents continue to enjoy the carefree social life.

Those who has a willing to take care of kids and who do it very well one, is really blessed!
 
oops,
am i they only one whose MIL does not work and is willing to take care of my kid, but in the end i quit to take care of her myself :p
 
grumpus,

what makes u want to quit when u have someone so ready to help you or u just dun like her way of things...

i was sick for the last 2 days...some major flu..too tired to handle my gal, lucky i stayed with MIL and she can help to take care of her completely while i rest...but hor as i getting sick of my job, i really really want to resign but i scare of losing my finanical freedom and my maid(which i pay from my own pocket).....
 
kam, yea $1200 is really expensive. you can make good use of the $550 extra every month! hehe. But i think it's really good to put your #2 with nanny leh, cuz infant care will have lots of babies ma, which can potentially expose her to more risk in terms of health?

wendy, if fresh milk can cause phlegm like what Yvonne mention, then maybe you give plant based milk ( like my son, keke), since infant formula is still made from cow's milk ma.
 
hi wendyg,

talk abt this SAHM with grandparents ard....their hubbys must be earning big bucks to substain so many mouth...

y i just can't pick up my guts and just quit...even my hubby have give me the green light.....

sorry for ranting here....
 
Kam,

I got colleagues here whose MILs are fighting with them to take care of the babies loh. Faint... Even to the extent of not allowing my colleague to hold the baby when bring to PD. Then my colleague also don't like the way MIL take care of baby. Both quarrelled then MIL threatened to bring baby back to her place for 2 mths. Got such grandparents also faint....
 
kellie
ya of those few i listed i know whose hubby earning big bucks to raise the whole family on 1 income.. but i guess there are others who make sacrifices and manage their expectations when they hv to adjust to life with 1 income. Sometimes, maybe the grandparents are self-sufficient - their retirement funds enuf and dun need the kids to support them. And they're still in good health so not so much medical expenses.

tongtong
my #1 is no longer an infant.. he is a pre-schooler liao. Anyways he will go without milk for the time being.. won't die one la. When he recovers then we intro bit by bit to see what's his tolerance level. at this point, we're only suspecting it's milk. Skali it's rice. muahahahaha.
 
wendy,

den include more ikan bilis to #1's meal?

paiseh .. me on/off here... office got big crisis haha cannot refresh so often :p
 
krystle,

Exactly! You are the lucky one and you should appreciate that! Get the maid problems out of your mind, and enjoy your pregnancy!


Tongtong,

To me, I am not worry about germs spreading in the cc. I believe that kids need to fall sick (as long as it's not serious disease like rotavirus) to build up thier immune system. I let my boy to have all the vaccinations available to protect him from more lethally virus. To catch the common flu are okay with me.
 
hi wendyg,

have u try those TCM...but same lah...also need time to take effect lor...i always dun feel good abt taking too much western medicine...
 
Kam
i was surprised to see the figures that 500,000 people worldwide die of flu every year. Maybe a large part of those are old folks or those with compromised immune systems, but i read someone whose young adult friend died of flu.
 
krystle,

my view is discuss with ur hb on the options bah?

I would lke to share with u that i just employed a maid last mth due to my #2(coming in jun). my mum say she cannot cope with 2 kids and she find my #1 too young to send to childcare so ask me to get maid to help out. i took up a myanmar maid cos can speak english. very few burmese maid can speak chinese unless they r staying near china. my MIL old folks home got a myanmar nurse that can speak very good chinese cos her hometown near china! my maid speak zero chinese cos she is very tanned & hometown is near india. honestly having a maid was not that smooth & easy loh. after few days, my mum complained that the maid is slow, lazy, forgetful & doesn't know how to take care of bb. *sigh* pay $ and get more problem in the end.

i personally do agree with my mum too & maid confessed to me that her biodata of taking care of bb b4 is not true. the agent in myanmar wrote for them! anyway i didnt send her back but have inform my agent that their supplier provide fake info to cheat customer. i decided to let her try out and every now & then, i have to tell my maid what to do daily cos she doesn't have initiative + forgetful & machiam like robot. my mum every other day will complain abt the maid & comment that she eat a lot (at least 2 bowl of rice per meals) though she is skinny. Last sunday, i cooked fried rice and she ate 1 big plate at 1pm and another big plate at 5.30pm. When we went out for dinner @ 8pm, i bought roti prata and she can finish the prata too! I wonder is she pregnant or i m pregnant cos my appetite seemed to be much smaller than her wor....

2 wks back, i caught her taking hot shower at 9.30am. i questioned her y and who give her permission to do so & she pretend to be innocent. anyway i issued her serious warning on this & told her that if u like to take hot shower, u can jolly well go back to myanmar to shower. up to today, i m still put myself on high alert to watch out what she is doing behind my back and still comtemplate whether to transfer her b4 my #2 pop. Cos i told hb tat she doesn't have experience take care of bb and what if my #1 and #2 cry at the same time, i think she will sit there & ask me "mdm, what i do ah?" *faint*....
 
Superbee,

What you are going through is exactly what I fear in the future!!! Got to handle her and got problems... I think worse than handling 2 kids loh. She is more troublesome.

But hoh, I feel that I have to respect my MIL's wish lah. Since she wants then let her have one maid. Sometimes, got to let them try then they will know so many problems bah... Now what I said, my hubby will say I think too much.

I will still discuss with hubby and tell him my preference for CC. If he still thinks maid is better, I guess I don't want to say more liao. Tired to start this discussion everyday and end up going to bed, angry.
 
Superbee,
i wish i can be like u, question maid whenever she did something wrong. im ke qi with her, end up she always tryin to talk like a employer, but she is capable in doing some things. Just cant stand her attitude at times, like last sun, we went for makan, she doesnt like the food, so she showed black face, i see liao, damn pek cek, lucky shes gg bk nxt mth, else i muz see her lian se. Got food still hiam! sheesh!
 
krystle,
ya loh.. handle maid can be more headache than handle 2 kids i think.. but then again, have to b fair with those who got a good maid that is really of good help to them. mine is just another case of "bad examples" :p

since ur MIL has requested & ur hb also support the maid idea, then just let them get a maid to try out bah. things may not turn up to b that bad for u if u happen to get a good maid. don't go to bed angry k!
happy.gif
 
luca,
u very nice to your maid.
happy.gif
i heard of stories that when the maid reaches the end of contract, all kinds of ugly stuff come out from them. just had lunch with my colleague & she was complaining abt her maid who insist to leave 3 mths b4 contract ends. her maid give attitude until my colleague got pissed off and let maid go back early loh.

actually i learn some tips on managing maid thr a blogsite. they provide houserules and maid guidelines then i modify it & give to my maid first wk of work & even ask my agent(who speak myanmar language) to go thr with her line by line. i shared it with one of the bosses in my dept n she circulate it to her staffs who got maid too. now i become "famous" for my 101 maid guidelines. :p
 
hi mummies, today brought my 2 kids and maid to see doctor. me and #2 have recovered from HFMD. but my poor #1 still having and need to be monitor. my maid so far no symptom at all so hopefully she won't get it if not i have to take leave again.

yesterday i was fed up with my office, my manager said do i still want to work? 1st maternity leave and now mc due to HFMD. so my colleague told him she the one more tired and not him. i dunno is my colleague who make noise or manager cos if no one make noise who will give the remark that they want to fire me? when i was on ML they also make noise and want me to go back to work during the 1st month and now this... if i can afford not to work, i will throw the letter.
 
Superbee,
yalor, u r rite, nw she showed her face in almost everytink, n tends to be forgetful at times too.

hey, share the website n ur tips leh
happy.gif
Tks!
 
wendyg
My mil comes by when I need to go out or caregroup. Otherwise I am with maid at home. My mom works, comes home ard 730pm.

grumpus
I oso not working cos of my kids. My mil can't handle. My mom leh... I can't afford to pay her!
 
superbee,
actually what u have mentioned abt yr maid is typical. honestly when we hire maid in singapore, everything u see on the biodata can throw out the window, cos alot of it is bulls**t.
anyway, even if they claim they can cook, wash, iron etc...we must understand that they come from less developed countries than us, definitely their idea of washing and cooking is not the same as our standard lor...i even had indon maid who didn't know how to take lift!! we take it for granted but those straight from kampung really dunno lor..

typically i think will need min 3 mths (for good maids) to 6mths/1yr, before they are really able to be on their own. my mum always tell me they are like that one, everything must instruct, repeat many times, write schedule for them, remind them countless times etc....if they are so smart to learn and quick to pick up and have super initiative, they wouldn't be maid already lor...which if you think abt it is true...

most impt is attitude lor...my mum always say she dun mind repeating many times, if they dunno they ask still ok...what is worse is the bo chap attitude or thinking they know everything...

to be fair, my mum's maid now is very good..she can even take care of my kid for a few hrs if necessary...she's been with us 2 yrs already and we just extended her contract for another 2 yrs..

kellie,
actually my MIL is ok, but she's was not very competent in taking care of my high needs bb lor...she stopped working since she had her own kids so she's very out of touch and also quite set in her ways, try to teach her she find it hard to adapt and not flexible but die die dun want to say cannot manage
but the worse was my FIL who comment this and comment that, e.g that my MIL stay with us 2 mths and lost weight, that i always keep the bb in the room with me never let my MIL carry etc...i got fedup so i quit and take care myself lor..

mom2nat,
same lor, my mil cannot handle. my mom still working, if i have to pay her i cannot afford!!


wendy,
which SAHM hb is earning big bucks to raise the whole family on 1 income? tell leh :p
for me my hb only hv to feed me, our kid and the dog...my FIL still working and i hv no maid
 
oh talk abt horror stories when maid reach end of contract.
one of my previous maid left 3 months on contract give attitude. dun want to mop floor properly etc..when my mum scold her and tell her to redo, she sit down on the floor and kick her legs and say dun want! that's like what our kids are doing now lor...
my mum told her u want to sit down and not work u dun sit in my hse, u get out...the maid really go out of the house (my mum stay landed house) and sat there one whole day and one whole night.
my mum called the agent and told them to come and get the maid the very next day..
when the agent come and try to talk to her she bo chap, dun even bother to face him. until he say in bahasa indonesian "eh i'm here to send u back, u dun want to go ah?"
the maid immediately jumped up and started wailing and said her mam (my mum) beat her and she very scared that's why she run out of the hse...wtf..
 
Wendy, I definitely belong to the latter. My hubby is only a poor teacher. If not, it would not have taken me 1 whole year to muster the courage to quit my job. My parents are definitely not self sufficient type cos they are in their 70s and 80s with little savings. But luckily, my brother now has a stable income as a teacher so even if I take a few years off, they won't starve. It's definitely about making sacrifices and manage expectations when they hv to adjust to life with 1 income. Eg. I can't go on long holidays (got to scale down to Malaysia and fight so hard to get 'free' tickets), definitely no branded bags and shoes (luckily I don't really fancy such things in the first place), cut down on eating out, terminate cable tv, merge phone lines and broadband under SingTel Mio to save $$ etc.
 
wendy
alamak, why list me? Some more say those listed = hubbies earn big bucks to support whole family...aiyah, arent all the SAHMs here hubby supporting whole family? For me, yes, i quit to take breather from working even before i gave birth, but when found preggie, and hubby got overseas job offer, decided to continue to be SAHM. Altho my mom is with me and helping in taking care of Rylee now, there's no end of her complaining of how she's losing her freedom/social life/afternoon nap. So i am very stressed in making sure she doesnt tire herself up but sometimes she also say one kind, do one kind, kept telling me she can't handle, and sometimes grab baby from me! Always complain to my sister say she is very tired handling my gal and that she's old liao, but if go shopping, suddenly, not old liao, u see her pic u will know...haha..me like badmouthing my own mom...hehe...but yes, i'm very grateful to her for being at my side lah. Just that old people always lots of things to say....Anyway, my mom's expenditure is "supported" not just by me but also by my 3 other sisters mah.

But yes, i'm very grateful and happy hubby can afford to let me be SAHM to watch my baby grow up. Not super loaded lah...just comfy lo....As for PILs, not very close to them and in a way, i'm glad we're not in Sg, cos their way of raising kids really can make me vomit blood. That time Rylee barely 2mths old, my FIL wants to put her on the hard concrete floor to let her "roll around". And he's not joking.

krystle/superbee
i can understand ur frustration. My maid was also hired cos of my mom...who insisted she's old liao, cannot handle baby and housework. I told her, i will do it but she said she cannot turn a blind eye. So we gave up our privacy issues for her. So she happy lo. But i insisted baby-caring will be strictly by us, the maid doesnt touch baby except for cleaning and washing baby clothes. Many people told me my maid's life very good life. But STILL, we also almost vomit blood cos she's like robot, a FORGETFUL robot some more. Lots of things she doesnt know, she wont ask, quietly try to figure out and do everything wrong. But i tell myself, well, she doesnt steal and at least didnt show me attitude, so we continued with her. Really dunno how i'm going to manage if got #2....
 
abt maid, i think its too late for me to give her the Guidelines and Schedules now. she have been with me for a month. she's from philippines. sometime i think i'm too good to her even my parents also. she quite forgetful, she shifted the stuffs but didn't put back to the original place and my parents dare not say her and ask me to say her back i didn't see it how to say her? few days when she with me, as we just move in to our house, she unpack my stuff without asking me, i'm so angry. be smart and not act smart. end up i have to repack everythings.
 
Joyce
Aiyoh, so poor thing to be receiving this kind of comments from your boss/colleagues. Hang in there.

grumpus
wat a horrifying story!!
 
mylife, if not b'cos its near my place and the pay. i'll throw letter. too bad my hubby cannot afford to give us comfy life if not i'll be SAHM. but i'm glad that my mum take good care of my kids even though sometime cannot stand the way they handle the kids. just close one eye bah.

so your mum also in hk?
 


Grumps,
It's like that. Same for my previous maid of 4 years. Towards the last 6 months, also gave my mum attitude. When my mum mentioned that floor is not clean, she insisted that she cleaned it etc..if not give black face..Anyway, I knew that it was time to let her go cos she is very bright.

As for my current maid, she is more thorough with her job, so we can feel the difference in the cleanliness level.

With new maid, must really be patient. Mine left 9 months, now still quite blur at times. All the ground rules about shower, waking up must go through over and over again. Mine actually switched on lights in the afternoon when she bathed initially.

Mine likes to "ling shi pao fo jiao". Diapers always wait until left 2 pieces, milk powder left with last feed, detergent left with last drop.. plus NTUC want to close for the day then inform me. Last week I told her I don't have the time to buy necessities on a piece meal basis.

With Myanmmar maid, must be even more patient than Indo. my in laws had to spend money to disinfect their maid's room cos she was so "dirty" until whole room was infested with bed bugs. Asked for spoon, gave me sugar..9 months to overcome language barrier.
 
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