(2008/01) Jan 2008 MTBs

I read something interesting this afternoon.

Kids belOw 7 are not supposed to LISTEN to us, but to learn from us. We shd show them what's our reaction towards their behavior n shd not expect that they will listen to us, rather they will observ n learn . Eg. we ask them to tidy up the toys . They dun listen. Fine, we do ourself. It's already very good if he helps to pick up a few toys n runs away. Dun expect them to do everything. Do it 50O times until they get it. They imitate, observe n learn. So no point shouting or screaming qt them unless u want them to learn that. If they dun listen, nvm. We do what is right.

I think if we practise that way we will feel better. No more anger perhaps. 何乐不为? Hehe
 


Kitsune, congrats on a gd start for career! I couldnt inform my Sis on time n they hav rushed down to register already! I saw the booklet, the ec is beautiful! I am also tempted , but the house would nt be ready til 2013-14, which will concede with our no.1 pri sch registrAtion-
 
Yvonne,
Art exhibition for Children at SAM had ended yesterday so you won't be able to bring B there during Sep holidays.

Kam and JanBB,
let me join your club leh. I have the tendency to "scold" my boy too, 10x more than my girl. Maybe it is because my girl is auto at times and the moment we are not happy with what she did, she will repent immed and apologise. So scolding is kept at minimal.

But for my boy, firstly he lives in his own world and does not bother who is talking to him. He does his own thing, watch TV or play with the sis. And the fact he is not speaking yet, makes it very difficult for us to communicate to him properly. When we speaks nicely, he never responds and we don't know if he gets the message or not. Really have to "scold" when he is naughty then he will cry (meaning he got the message that we are angry at him for being naughty)... Haiz...

Hubby used to chant I scold too much. Well, I did tried a few times (without his knowledge) to let him handle my boy (by sneaking away or pretending to focus on other housework), the "talk nicely" tone => "scolding" tone happened on hubby. Ha! So now both of us scold my boy and in fact, I feel recently he scolds more. We are clueless how to communicate to my boy seriously...

Tongtong,
I think what you wrote is 100%. Kids learn from us, not listen ya... Hmmm... must really give this a serious thought on how to handle my boy.

Eve,
Welcome to our thread! I am one of the mummies here whose kids have the similar age gap as yours.
happy.gif


Kitsune,
Good to hear your career is picking up! Hope that you can close a sale soon. Sorry no lobang from me as I am not planning to move at this moment.
 
Pixie
So if I wan to attend, I go to the website? I attended parenting with confidence b4 in my girl's kindy, I din find it useful. Din think the person who conducted it did a gd job. Many things are easier said than done.
 
tongtong,
What you said = 言教不如身教, right?!! It's absolutely true, and I always believe in that, parents have to show a good example, if we don't do it ourselves, how can we expect our kids to do it?

Actually for me, it's not too bad lah, the scolding usually only happened during bedtime. It's good to rant it out here, yesterday I didn't raise my voice at all, was very patient with them. Even picked up the courage to wean XY off her pacifier, and it went very smoothly!!!
 
Kam,
But B very kiasi...if he see so many people around he won't dare to cycle. Plus he's not very good at it, he always ask us to push him instead.

Chaye,
B is like that! Talk nicely he won't listen, scold and raise voice, he will still try to push our limits and give us the naughty face. So must take out cane and sometimes must really cane then he will stop.

tongtong/kam,
I know what you mean but sometimes it's not possible. For example, B loves to jump around the room. We will tell him to stop cos it's noisy and he's disturbing neighbours downstairs. We can say it 10 times and he will still do it until I finally explode and cane his legs. We're definitely jot jumping around ourselves so I really don't know how to stop him. It's ok if he does in during the day but he jumps at night which is really irritating.
 
Krystle, thanks, you don't need to move. Can just refer your friends to me, keke.

Aqua, aiyah, too bad I didn't have your contact, then can sms you. Faster. No chance to meet your sis liao. ;P

Thanks, Chaye. one was a fb friend, one got my contact from condo flyer I gave out earlier, another one was referred by another agent. But I think I will concentrate on whole unit rental cos room rental really earn too little for the same effort, so not worth it.

Thanks for the T3 info. I'm taking 'off' from condo showflat duty next week since it's school hols to spend more time from family. Maybe can go airport.
happy.gif
 
Yvonne,
But why need to stop him from jumping? Feel bad for B for getting the cane because of jumping :-( Can ask him why he wants to jump? Is it because he wants to show you some tricks or because he thinks it's funny? Or if he really likes to jump, you can assign him a specific area and tell him can only jump at that area. And have to tell him a good and genuine reason why he shouldn't jump (like disturbing the neighbours).

You know how the books and experts said we shouldn't say "NO", "DON'T" too often to the kids. How I deal with it now is whenever I want to say no or don't, I always give a reason, if I can't think of a valid reason why they should not be doing what they are doing, then I won't stop them (sometimes it's purely because of our adults' perception). And I try to rephrase the sentence so that I tell them what they should do rather than telling them what they shouldn't do.

For example, previously, I would say "Don't jump on the sofa". Now, I would say "Jumping on the sofa is dangerous, you may fall, come down please".

During painting session, I used to shout at them "Don't splash the water, it would dirty your hands/clothes". Until one day, HR said, "Mama, it's okay, I will wash my hands after this". Then I realised ya, why should I shout at them when they are having fun and those colours on hands/clothes can be washed off after that, even if it can't be washed off (which happened to a few pieces of their clothes), what's the big deal, right (those are cheap shirts). Try to relax more and more and be reasonable, think at their level.
 
Yvonne, if our kids dun wanna listen, just tell ourself that it's fine , they r not supposed to listen before age of 5 . Not that they r not thinking but they are learning. Give him more time to pick up 'commands' from us. Perhaps I will tell him, 'oh it's fun jumping ! I know u want to jump, shall we do it without disturbing our neighbors? How should we do it then? Let's think together ! ' in a way u are distracting him into doing something else Liao. I think this method works fine with my boy. U might want to try. My boy always wants me to acknowledge his feelings or what he does , so I always acknowledge. He is very happy with that .
 
any mummies like me? just continue to let the kids jump on the sofa. if they fall, they will learn that it is dangerous to jump on the sofa?
I think having 2 kids make me relax alot on some areas since at times we have no time to stop them. furthermore, my hb is the kind who will not stop the kids. He wants them to learn from falling, of course we will still explain and stop them if its extremely dangerous. :p
 
Hi all
I tried not to shout yest n today. But today I buay tahan already. Just exploded n snap at #2. It's always the meal time that I get v upset with. My gal who was a good eater suddenly refuse meals. When I ask cc teachers if she has this problem in sch, they said no prob.
 
shannonbaby,
i'm like tat. i will remind my girl that if she jumps on the bed/sofa, she might fall and it will hurt. but i dun insist she stop jumping.
if she falls and cries, i will tell her that that's wat happens when she jumps on the bed/sofa :p
 
Shannonbaby,
I second Kam's way of telling her children. I dare not already let them jump/run..Not after Zachary ran and hit the door frame and received 10 stitches on the forehead. I felt so guilty for not being firm with him. It was worst when everyone around me said that I did not look after him properly.

I have seen all kinds of falls in school and at KK A&E..I once had a ten year old student who missed a step and fell head on. The whole class was strolling back to class. The ba lu ku was so huge that I had to get his parents to send him to hospital for a check up.

You need not fall off from a staircase to get a fractured arm. There's another girl who fell on the floor while walking (not running in school), now she had to wear a sling cos she had fractured her arm.

Nowadays I'm very KS. Will stop anyone from zooming around, jumping on sofa and bed. Miss 1 step and that's it.
 
yo mummies
i have been mia for some time coz very very bz at work, next monday flying off to UK for biz trip, missing my kids liao wahhahaah

mom2nat
maybe to you not workable. alot of things initially my hb also say hard to achieve, but by now, he say can achieve liao. coz we sat down, listen, discuss, and watch the videos...
yes, just go to register at the website and attend the course stated on the website's date n time lar. cheap lor imho

they talk about the 5 love languages. you all can google to see whats the 5love language is all about. if you do it consistently, your child will want to please you than make you angry. just turning negative into positive kinda method...
and they also advocate your child to think about what he should, can, or want to do will affect how things turn out in life. apart from the normal discipline, we have to learn to push him to think about his actions (yes even at this age oredi can start liao!) so that he is self reliant on discipline after age 5
thats why they say, after age 5 if foundation is good, no need worry about your child misbehaving


for anyone who is keen, i repost the link again (last time ask who keen no one bother, now keep asking me. kok your headZZZZZ)
http://www.family.org.sg/default.aspx?go=article&aid=666

and the parenting with confidence ppl are Ian and Mary Grant:
http://www.parentsinc.org.nz/cms/

just some very fat n down to earth ppl who speaks plainly in the videos



recently, x1 misbehaves a lot....headache, he hit me n x2, no choice, always bring him to the cool down corner. last weekend he stood there n cry, scream, shout for 10-15mins non stop...but he seemed to get the picture: once you cry or whine, off you go to the corner. now he very scared of the corner. he start to whine i give him a choice: stop or go to the corner, i can see he makes the effort to stop although hes struggling to stop
happy.gif

today he bit my maid....arrgggg

about the sofa
i will warn him, but will let him know if he falls down i am not going to help him coz i have told him the perils of jumping on the sofa.

blackbatz
saw u shopping in spree section again eh heehheheheheheh
 
shannonbaby / blackbatz,
For me, if no danger, I let them jump and monkeying around, eg, on our queen bed and floor with mattress. But if on the sofa on the living room, esp if near to the coffee table, I will try to stop them, if can't, I stay very near so that can rescue them for the just in case. There was once my girl fell and so close to hitting hard on the coffee table, I was so scared!


pixie,
Have a good trip to UK!
 
Pixie,
Nice to go UK for biz trip. Miss London alot. Have a safe and good trip. So who will take care of your Xs'?

Hmmm, wonder why X1 misbehaved so suddenly? I remember he can be a very good and obedient boy.. Is it something got to do with school?

Kitsune,
Yes, if friends need recommendation, will help to intro to you.
happy.gif


Blackbatz,
I KS like you too... very scared my kids will fall down and get hurt. I get very KC when they started to run about. But on the other hand, hubby is the type that advocate, kids learn by falling. So sometimes we will clash... I definitely don't want to wait until something serious happen then regret. My girl had 2x of bad fall when she was younger and it scared me already. And seeing my younger nephew over played at shopping mall and in the end hit his head, have to go A&E for stitches, headache...

Yvonne,
When you say B jumps around the room, does it mean he only jumps coz he is excited about something and for a short moment?
Or instead of walking from 1 spot to another, he jumps???
 
Pixel,
Have a safe trip and remember to go to Bicester Village for your shopping!

Krystle,
It is very too painful to watch the surgeon stitch up the wound as normally parents are required to hold the kids still as they do the stitching in the operating theater.
 
Pixie,
Enjoy yr trip! Time to shop n shop
happy.gif


Krystle,
My hb is just like yours, ESP during play ground n outdoor play. My kids really go wild.

I think my boy has lots of fall everyday but this bad mummy didn't even notice it cos I just saw lots of blue black on both his legs. I can understand why cos he climbs all my cupboards, shelves, tables n stairs. N my dear hb says he is a boy, we shod not restrict him. :p
 
Shannonbaby,
Boys being boys tend to be more active and rowdy when they play together. Hence, should never let our guard down. Like what Kam says, must be near to rescue them just in case.
 
Pixie
I went to the parenting with confidence for age 0-5 la. The facilitator not effective. Boring, I dun remember anything!!
 
kam/tongtong,
B jumps on the sofa, from the sofa, from the bed, on the floor, everywhere all day long. I'm fine with it but when he jumps around in our bedroom at 11pm, I will not allow it cos it's disturbing the neighbours downstairs. I told him it'll disturb the meimei sleeping downstairs but he doesn't listen and does it nearly every night. During the day I won't stop him but I told him if he breaks his own leg while jumping from the sofa, he will have to stay in the hospital.

He's generally hyper and enjoys "creating noises"...I can't stand that but do allow it to a certain extend as long as it's not too late and he's not disturbing the neighbours. Hubby and I are prepared the sooner or later he'll break an arm or a leg.
 
Just came back from Vivo City with B...so tired now. He wanted to watch Cars 2 but slept through half the movie...haha.

Oh, by the way, B also jumps down from the bus. Instead of walking down, he will jump down. Fell a few times but he still hasn't learnt his lesson...yet.
 
Today seems to be a kid-out day. Most parents are bringing their children out for play. Thread is very quiet.

Yvonne,
Then B is rather hyper if based on what you described. But he can fell asleep in cinema. Hahaha... is the movie nice?

For B's jumping, I think I will be stern and start to slowly restrict him to jumping even in the day. For our kid, I don't think they understand or judge what can be done in day or night. So maybe B thinks since he can jump in the day, why cannot do it at night? Just my cents of thoughts. Maybe you try to talk to him and slowly can cut down on the jump.

Another way is maybe engage in activities that he can sit and calm down. Like arts and craft etc...
 
Yvonne,
My #1 has learnt jumping on the sofa again from #2 recently. Last time when #1 try to jump on sofa or bed, I will show him the outcome of falling down. That is to carry him & topple him on the floor (Like wrestling). Of cos, not throw him on the floor but almost reach the tiles. I explained to him that this will happen if con't to jump & it will be very painful. After that, he is so afraid & never do it again.

But now, with #2 taking the lead. I will go crazy & shout stop first to prevent any accident, haiz. I told the 2 of them jump as much as they like on the floor but not on sofa or bed. And #1 is my spy, heehee, whenever #2 try to jump on sofa. #1 will report to me ;) And Mama here will go & scold her.

Why not you create a corner with mattress & is safe for him to jump since he likes it so much. Told him he can only jump at this zone? For jumping at nite is No-No, u can tell him that neighbours will complain & police will come. I tell u I'm very carzy one. I am a "director" cum "actor" at home. I will run to the door & knock secretly. Then the kids thot the POLICE are really coming, wahaha ;)

Kam, krystle & eve,
Think the main reason why we are more "unfair" to #2 is because we are more stress with two kids. Last time when only with #1, we have lots of time, energy & patience. But now with 2kids, we have only a pair of eyes to watch them which is def not enough. When one misbehave, we will naturally shout to stop the action or get things done.
 
aiyoh i not going to london, im going to birmingham, one of the many offices we have in UK...
but the hotel sounds good, and walking distance to a super big shopping mall!
 
krystle/janbb,
B is only kiasi when he's outside. At home, he's not afraid of anything except the cane. Being stern and stopping him from jumping doesn't work cos he just loves to challenge us the more we try to stop him from doing something. So I just ignore as much as I can otherwise I'll have to whack him everyday. Explaining the danger of it, telling him police will come, the auntie downstairs will come, etc all doesn't work cos he just one ear in one ear out and he's jumping the very next min. He has fallen off the sofa and our bed but still not scared leh...

Funny thing is he dare not try any of his stunts when we're outside. So all the aunties and his classmates' parents all say he very guai and obedient...like real. Maybe he has split personality...hahaha.
 
Morning all!!

Playdate playdate! We need playdate. Haven't had one for so long.

How about we do one on Children's Day, 1st Oct (Saturday)? Would anyone be interested?
 
Pixel,
What are u thinking of getting from UK? U said that u are visitng in Birmingham lei.. But they should have Selfridges, Primark, Mothercare, H&M..
 
Kam,
Thanks for your compliments! Paiseh leh...
My old fringe was just too long and I just let my hairstylist decided how he wants to cut it.
My girl was saying "Mummy and I have the same hair". Hahaha.

Pixie,
You have to go Primark! I just love that store! I went everyday and came back with bags of stuff daily. Just this store is enough for me to satisfy my shopping spree in London. Aiyo, I wish you can pack me in your luggage now.

I might be keen on a playdate on 7 Oct. But have to check my office calendar to see if can take leave.
 
Pixie,
Primark, very cheap bb clothes. H&M n mothercare is cheap too. Whole foods market or boots for bb food. Organix, Heinz n hipp is cheap there.
Sambucol uk version also cheap. Can get from boots.
 
Hi mummies...

I have a confession to make ....

I saw 2 ladies fighting (pulling hair and scatching) in the train this morning. A man standing tried to stop the fight by pulling the 2 ladies apart. But the PRC wouldnt stop. She tried to charge again a few more times and look very fierce. With a very super high pitch china slang she started to curse the sg gal. Curse her whole family bu de hao si, zhou ni ma shang li ke si tiao, curse curse curse ... Very bad-mouthed ! until I stepped forward and scolded the PRC to stop cursing. Then she says na you guan ni shen me shi ?? I told her if she not happy pls go back to china and stop cursing ppl here. Then she says mei you wo men zhong guo ren ni men xing ma ??? They really think very highly of themselves here ! So angry leh. Then I say if u really so capable pls go back to your own country dun work here. This is singapore bu yao zai zhe bian sha ye ! Then she ask me so what can u do to me now huh? That irritating pitch ! arggghhh.. I told her I will take out my hp and take pix of her and put up the web now ! So she turn her head away and so happened it's her stop and she alighted.

I dont know why I did that and I shouldnt have said that also
sad.gif
 
Chaye, I know what you mean. I will probably do the same too.Problem with singaporeans is that we are not vocal enough, no loud voice nor armed with a 'scolding words' vocabulary. Unlike Mainland Chinese, they have this saying that 气势不能输. So even if they are in the wrong, they won't lose easily in a verbal spat. Most Singaporeans are too tongue tied, definitely lose out in a fight. This is the problem of cultural difference between new immigrants and native Singaporeans. You are just defending a fellow Singaporean who is not able to speak up, no need to feel bad.
 
pixie / krystle,
Would you prefer to have the gathering on a weekend (1st Oct) or on a weekday (7th Oct)?


krystle / grumpus,
Haha, I have never stepped in a Primark during my 3.5 years in England. Oh, think maybe once or twice cos there is a big Primark in manchester, where my hub lived. But I am not sure if Birmingham has one, didn't remember seeing one.


chaye,
Do what you want to do, speak what is in your mind! Don't have to feel bad about it. You did the right to speak for your people! I do tell people off from time to time too, esp those smokers smoke at a non-smoking area, my hub always say I am very busy body :)

It's really shocking to know that they think they are so important now that SG can't live without them. What made them think that way, I wonder. No offence to fellow PRCs here okay, I know some great people from China, but unfortunately not everyone is with the good attitute and right mindset. And most cannot gel in or do not want to learn the culture here.

But I have to say the population of PRC is really getting bigger and bigger. You see them everywhere! Every corner. Food court to fine dining. Neighbourhood shops to prime/branded shops. From cleaner to CEO. I think as Singaporeans, you all feel even more than me, as I myself is also an "invader" to your country :p
 
Hello ladies,

Chaye,
Bravo! I agree with Kitsune, most Singaporeans, including myself will become tongue tied in such situation. You are so good to stand up and defend that lady. I know a lot of hardworking PRCs who came here to work hard for their family in China. But also personally know some PRC who came in search of "opportunities". The culture difference and mentality is really great between us.

Kam,
You are not an invader! The problem why we feel invaded by those PRCs is that a lot of them don't respect our culture and way of life and also becomes arrogant along the way.
 
Chaye,
I think you are very brave to speak up for us.
I have to admit I am one of the timid ones, maybe I will stand and watch. To me, that PRC is just a mad woman and I don't want to quarrel with her as such people won't talk rational at all.
Think I will hit the intercom and tell the MRT staff there is a PRC disturbing the passengers.

But seriously what you did is not wrong, I think. You just speaking up your mind and not using any bad words or curse against her. Dun feel bad ok?

I think the only recent time I did raise up my voice was at NTUC, at a SG auntie paying at cashier in front of me. She was being nonsense and held up the queue until I buay tahan and tell her off.

Kam,
If weekend, it will be better for me since I will have hubby to drive the car and can join in the handle the kids. But I still not sure about Oct schedule yet. Hubby is changing job this month so dun know how is his workload.

But weekend will be crowded right??
 
thank you for the support.

My hubby ask me to check out Stomp later in case someone took my foto and load it up ! And he says I shouldnt have asked the PRC to go back to China. That's why I thought maybe I have talked too much.
 
Luvv,
Oh, thank you for accepting me, I feel so welcome :)))


krystle,
Actually depending on places. Not too bad actually. I just found out there will be a lot of free performances at Esplanade on the 7th Oct, for Children's Day celebration.

Oh, your hub changing job again? To a new higher level or better offer?


twinkystar,
How are you coping with your housework all this while?

I think for us, we are quite set not to get part time help. House is less clean than before, but we are just coping okay. I only hate to ironing part :-(
 
By the way, do we have PRC in this thread ?

I dont feel Malaysians are invaders too. In fact most of my colleagues are from Malaysia, they are all nice ppl. I do have a couple of PRCs here but are nice too. Not those fierce, scheming ones and definitely not those who utter in a shrill manner ! But then again u never know when you offend them, they may turn into a ferocious monster and eat us up !
 
Kam,
Yes, my hubby changed job again. And this time, it is because of me. :p Because I keep nagging that his current coy is not very good and alot of middle levels managers have left the coy.

I feel bad that I am the cause of it but I just can't keep quiet and let him continue to work in a coy with little prospects. I understand his coy since his coy is actually my coy's supplier. Being in this industry for 10 years, I think I understand better bah.

His boss countered offered a higher post in 3 years, FC but I told him no point to take. He just jumped to another US MNC as FM but higher pay.
happy.gif


Performances at Esplanade sounds good. And it is indoor some more.
happy.gif


Are you refering to this?

http://www.esplanade.com/youngAudience/octoburst11_home.html

Chaye,
Ya, later go Stomp and take a look.
But I think many Singaporeans will agree with you. Dun worry about it.
Don't think we have PRCs here but I know not all PRCs are bad. I have a coll from SH and she is very soft spoken and nice.
happy.gif
 
krystle,
Yes, yes, that's the link. If you scroll down to the bottom, look for the FREE stuff at "Performance @ concourse".

Noted your "indoor" request, hehe :)

I will be going for the The Nutcraker. Go to the last row, under TICKETED - only $10 for a real theatrette experience!!
 
Kam, agree with Lynn. Most Singaporeans don't consider Malaysians invaders. You are like a part of family. Many of our relatives are Malaysians. My FIL is also from Malaysia. His brothers are still there. I am hoping to take the bumboat with the gals to visit 四湾岛 one day. Don't know what the place is called in Malay though. :p

hi^! I hate ironing too. I have already tried 4 PT cleaners so far. Other than the first one who was good but quit on me without notice, the rest are all so so.

Joked with hubby that if I have PT cleaners fatigue, will go back to hiring maids so that we are less stressed on weekends. :p
 


Chaye,
Well done! Nothing wrong with what you did. I also encountered a few times when they don't queue and tried to take my cab...I also tell them off. If they're nice, we're nice. If they're nasty, then don't expect us to be polite!
 
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