(2007/03) March 2007 MTBs

SQ, QQ,
nope, hb doesn't know how or what i am thinking. and i don't really intend to tell him. cos he will just think it's me-and-my-nonsense. You know, like how some people think women are just so emo-and-nonsense type of thing? I think he will think that way.

Pink,
I never really thought of it that way.. until you point out. So maybe it's true i feel that my "job" of giving-birth is over, thus i am thinking abt #3. I dunno. Perhaps subconsciously I feel that way? Or I just want to feel "useful" and "worthy" thus I am thinking of #3? If so, then it would be quite sad right..
 


autum: alamak. u sound down. i think perhaps you could consider something else on top of classes to channel your energy there? coz i think quite evidently, you don't feel challenged and energised with what you are doing now.. and hence you feel down?

QQ/SQ: i wun bring bally and can't bring him. coz both him and teng played with the cold bug.. and passed it to one another merrily .. haiz.

QQ: thanks for the trip yesterday wor.. alamak.. caught me by surprise when my mother showed me the stuff.. and i am like.. how come got that? :p
and no problem. tomorrow i be ur 'maid'..

pink: bring enya! but pity bally can't meet his twin sister :p

huingee: wishing dylan speedy recovery.

ash: u too! get well soon.

SQ: u think of me? hahaha. a small amount is ok.. and somemore the iron in the cereal is more than normal amt..coz iron enriched cereal.. so net effect not great
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qq/yvonne: roger that. gate crash qq's house on 24 aug :p
RR: u not joining us to gate crash qq? :p
 
astro
wats the occasion on 24th aug? will's full mth?

aiya so sad...if not we can put them side by side and see if they really look alike. my fren says enya's face is starting to change, she's slimmer, weight rather stagnant, body longer + MIL wants her not to eat too much.

autum
i think la, usually its around mid life, we gave birth liao, career stagnant liao, so we'll start to ponder over a lot of things, and so what's next? For some mummies, taking care and watching kids grow is a form of motivation. For others like us, we have to re-analyse and think thru wat we want again. at least i know I want to stop at #2 and do things that I cant do when I was pregnant :p
 
pink,
nothing. ah will has no full month celebration, oni distribute some cakes and angku.
gate crash my house cause mr kong will be overseas and we worried that astro has too much time to think of him.
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haha!

anyway, my maid coming here v v soon.
 
Autum, Pink: Change job? This should bring about new challenges and allow you to channel your energy into learning new things.

QQ: Yes, my current maid is the smart one lor. She's good but also know how to chut pattern lah. Will most prob bring her.
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Autum: If I'm depressed, the first person I want to know of it is my hubby. Your hubby is the closest to you, why is it you tell us but not him? Maybe he'll surprise you with his listening ear and opinion?
 
Iphone: There's a promotion between Starhub and CIMB... If you place a certain amount with CIMB, you get the iphone for free by signing up any Starhub plan (even the lowest end plan).
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Promo starts tom.
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AA:Iphone 4 ah?

I took andfiddled with Iphone 3 and 4 yesterday. i found the iphone 3 easier to 'hold' coz of the rounded edges.. and i dun really think the sqarish design of Iphone 4 makes it look appealing. but i am going to be very dumb if i say to miser to get me the iphone 3 instead :p
also thinkingif i can stretch my request to ask him to get me a mac book pro/Ipad on top of the 'confirmed' request of dslr and video cam.. hahah I want to bleed miser dry!

AA: yalor. me too. the first person who needs to know i am depressed.. is miser :p

pink: no special occassion :p. hmmm. yh has a hair cut.. and he is smilingmore.. i think he stills look pudgy.. the hair cut makes him look sauve.. hahaha. but still tiny eyes :p but still they look alike.. :p,
ask ur mil dun deliberately control her diet leh. she will eat as much as she wants to eat..
 
AAA, Astro,
I guess I used to think that way last time.. if I am unhappy/depressed, the first person to know should be my hb. But now I don't feel that way any more. Maybe it's because i have grown older.. maybe because the source of depression/unhappiness is different.. maybe I have just grown indifferent. I don't know.

Partly also because I don't want to appear to be a whiny wife. As it is, it's not like my hb doesn't care about me or spend time with me.. so I also have the mentality that I shouldn't 'complain' so much. I can imagine, at the end of the day, when he has worked so hard and long hours.. then come home, still must face a depressive/whiny wife? So thus I am trying to cope on my own. Not sure if I can cope.. but that is another story..

AAA, by telling you girls on the forum, I don't really expect anything.. I mean, a listening ear, and some opinions and support from you all.. yes. But it's different from saying it to hb. Cause if i say it to hb, it changes the dimension of things.. it will become, I expect him to do something about it? The relationship between hb/wife is different from that between friends.. so the level of expectations is different bah.

If the problem is about the kids.. about the house, then yes, I will tell him or discuss with him. But now, i feel it's my own problem. So I don't want to burden him.
 
Astro: Yah iphone 4. It's reviewed to have more bugs than iphone 3. But the telcos are not selling iphone 3 anymore, are they?

Autum: Orh I see. Guess different people view the marriage partner and relationship differently. If I do that, I'll feel that I am keeping a secret from my hubby.
And how abt my suggestion to change your job?
 
I need opinion. I really don’t know what to do.

- When Elisha whinny or demand for something, I will talk term with her instead of give in, e.g. “ok, u do this and that then mummy will do this and tat for you”
Then my maid will do the same things, she promise Elisha on things on behalf of me like she is her mummy, say the same word I say even “mummy will”
Told her thousand time she should not represent me to promise Elisha things which I don’t think I will do. She still doing the same…

- I discipline Elisha, when she cry, my maid will go and pacify her. so everytime I discipline her she will go to maid...

- Many time I hear she answer to Elisha when she call out ‘mummy’

- She gave those things that I forbid the kids like eat medicin, she told Elisha “mummy don’t allow, ask mummy first then I give/do for u’. Told her she can tell Elisha strictly no, can’t do instead of say I don’t allow…She still made me a bad guy…


Result:
Just now Elisha pour the barley on the floor, I smack her hand, of cause she cry out loud then I walk to kitchen to get another cup…Elisha go hug maid and call her “mummy”. She answer and hug her back…

my new maid been send back to phil coz she failed MOM test, we need to select another one. Look like I need to face her for at least 2-4weeks, I have been talk to patiently countless time on this, she still want to do opposite me, I’m very tired abt this but I need to tackle this ASAP. Think Elisha is blur, she don’t know she only have one mummy coz maid keep answer her when she call her mummy and she keep tell her “mummy will”

beside look forward to change her, what should I do? Elisha is gtting out of hand when she around.
 
ecmom: I don't see anything wrong in what she's doing leh. I teach my maids to say "mummy will scold" if the kids are notti or if they want to do something not allowed. If they ask for sweets or to watch tv or to go out to play etc, then I teach my maid to say "you ask mummy first". But I won't allow my maids to interfere when I discipline my children ie they cannot go sayang them when I'm punishing them.
In fact, I also don't allow anyone else (incl my hubby) to sayang the child I'm disciplining. Otherwise it defeats the purpose of discipling the child.
 
Ecmom,
Just scold your maid. As in, tell her very sternly, everyday if you need to.. all the things you don't want her to do. It's like that, must keep drilling. Some people can take instructions well. Some people, need constant reminders. So your maid is one of them.

If you hear her answer Elisha, when Elisha calls mummy, then say infront of BOTH Elisha and your maid, "xxx, you are not Elisha's mummy. I have told you that many times already. Please do not answer Elisha when she calls "mummy".. " then after that, tell Elisha, "that is Auntie, not mummy". You can just say it calmly.. not angry or what.. just treat it that you are correcting her behaviour.. not outburst at her. Then Elisha will come to see that you are saying things because you are making sense, not just because you are angry or unhappy.
 
ecmom
i believe elisha is old enough to know who is her real mummy. don't u think so? my parents/grandma oso like to tell seth "ur mummy says" then if they promise things that i won't, i will tell them straight not to do that. then i will tell seth, "(AUNTY) promise u, but not MUMMY" if its something that is not allowed.

as for the maid answering to elisha when she calls out, i feel that is 'normal' leh. as in, elisha may be needing help, then whoever is free shd attend to her. would u prefer the maid to ignore her when E calling "mummy" over small things? then u bz cannot tend to her how?

as for looking for maid when u smack her, it will work the same if it was ur mum or whoever else present. they definitely go to the nearest person for comfort. oso cannot say...

is it not possible to get a transfer maid or someone that u dun have to wait so long for?
 
Re answering Elisha when she calls for mummy, is your maid doing it on purpose? Or does she just want to go sayang E cos she's crying?

On impulse, most maids will go sayang the employer's child if the child is crying. If you don't want her to interfere in this instance (cos you're disciplining your child), then you can tell your maid to stay away. When I encounter such incidents, I'll wave my maids to all stay away. And they'll automatically stay away next time.
 
Ecmom,
You are not low EQ la. Some people just find managing/handling a maid difficult. And find it difficult to scold/say their maid. Well, to me, I think "scold" have different categories.. if it's saying in a stern manner (not scream and yell type), I think that is fine.. (in my opinion la).

As for maid making you the bad guy, I did feel a bit unhappy sometimes.. but then, I will think back, if I am the maid, how can I handle? If i tell the kid off directly, maybe my mam will scold me for being fierce to the kid? So the best is to use "mummy scold" as the way to tell the kid.

As for maid sayang the kid, that is also something you must drill into your maid. Just tell her straight and sternly, do not interfere, when you are disciplining.
 
Astro
willingly let him go, he will love you back 5 times more :p

AAA
hmm im stuck here, no way to leave.

Autum
hmm. i know wat u mean. are u afraid that he will feel stress after knowing your condition? or do u think he will try to think of ways to make u feel better? u need to talk to pple. Besides us, chat with your hubby. Dun worry about stressing him, if he loves you, he will have to find ways to help u.
 
ecmom: Share with you something.. It is more of a headache to us if the children don't like the maid than the other way round. If they don't like the maid, you will end up having to do everything - bathe, wash their backside, brush teeth, feed, change clothes, wear shoes, comb hair etc.

Whenever I have a new maid, the children may not take to liking her at first.. Like this new maid that I have.. Anna took a particularly long time to ease up with her.. Cos she prefers the old maid (who's leaving soon)..

To make anna like her, I tell anna, if you let auntie xxx bathe you, auntie will give you a gummy bear. And slowly she allows this auntie to help her and she willingly cooperates with the aunty.

And I have to keep consoling my new maid, to not take it to heart if the children say they don't like her at first, cos over time, the children will like her.

And I do this so many times with each new maid..
 
ecmom
sound like your maid kinda like Elisha? thats the positive feeling i get from your description above.

when im pissed off with leia, i will raise my voice and tell everyone to go away or scold my mum if she pacifies leia. my maid will stay away.

u just have to warn your maid to stay away when you are disciplining Elisha, or u can bring her to a room to discipline?
 
AAA
im still thinking about my new business. haha. if i take up new responsilities, i wont have time to work on new biz. actually im the $ person in the company, so he rather not let me deal with clients direct in case they start to climb over my head. Im more or less come to term with the current situation. i'm a bit bored at work but I've time for more nights-out with my galfrens recently, starting to enjoy myself again, with the help of maid and MIL is home to watch over. it helps bcos im also giving ah tan the time and space he needs.
 
Pink: I feel you're happier after you come back from the trip.
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This freedom is doing you good.
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I feel that hanging out with gfs is very therapeutic for me - go shopping, go to each other house or go for coffee - something simple is good enough for me too..
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Last night I met up with my ex-ex-ex-ex boss. He's sort of my mentor, based in London but was here for a course. Hubby drove me and the 2As there and then came home, put them to bed, and waited for my call to say I'm done and came and drive me home.

Haha..
 
AAA
very therapeutic indeed. imagine I woke them up every morning to jog in the hotel gym! wahaha.

wow your hubby is really sweet, he's your willing chauffer in a way :p when ah tan text me to fetch me from airport, i was so surprised. i wouldnt ask him for such things bcos it seems like waste of time for him but he did. it's really not him but he tried :p
 
Yvonne
wat wine investing? share more.

recently my gf asked her dad to buy crabs from this wholesale shop from serangoon. her dad steamed them and she brought over to my place. wow so delicious! the crabs were kept in the fridge for a while. We had wine and took our own sweet time to eat the crabs...so shiok!
 
AAA,

Nope, I don't have the English sets. My understanding is that the activities are slightly different. It is not merely a translated version.
 
Pink: Sounds v fun. I've yet to reply my church gfs if I wanna join them to HK.. But keeping quiet, it means I'm not joining ler..

My hubby is sweet. Not only to me, he's liddat to his parents too.
Maybe Ah Tan didn't think this kind of thing is a waste of time leh? And will he be wondering why u haven't asked him to do such things?
 
Pink
Investing new wine tt haven been bottled... It is still in the barrel... Till it mature den sell in the market... Tts when u make money...

Btw, there will be this wine investing event at marina bay on this coming sat and sun... Anyone interested can go take a look n noe more abt it...
 
Yvonne, Pink: Make sure the wine seller is a reputable one. Recently there's a case of some company going ka-put and the investors lost all the money invested into the wines through the company.

Wine investing is an exotic investment, and the market for it is super illiquid with very wide bid and offer spreads. I won't recommend for someone who doesn't know this trade well, esp since there are other available investments.
 
AAA
no leh, i wont ask. if he wants, he will offer willingly
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crabs, just dun eat the eggs! yummy! wats keeping u from joining them to HK?

Yvonne
wow interesting. i dun mind going for the event. any link? must invest a lot anot?
 
AAA / Autum / Joelle,
Initially I think it ok too but I see the negative result, as in Elisha regards me as the bad guy and the maid is good person, coz everytime she go to her will got what she want. Then I have to fulfill what maid have promise her coz she will whiny big time as ‘mummy’ promise. It very hard for me to discipline her cos she know she have a shelter, not need to listen to instruction. Sometime she is really out of hand when maid and hb around…

So I told maid, we can’t do this way anymore… yes, I told her she cant scold, shout at the kids… so I understand… I told her she can tell her the reason why can’t…like medicine is only taking when she is sick…and TV can only watch at certain time…instead of mummy don’t allow…That will give her the idea that it actually can do but mummy don’t allow…

She answer Elisha even when we all together in the living room, she answer right in front of me when Elisha call “mummy”


Joelle,
I don’t think so, Elisha’s tr did told me on 2nd day of school, Elisha call her mummy when she need help, so she is confuss now.
I always tell her I’m your mummy, the only mummy. The rest is aunty…
I don’t think she will understand/differentiate mummy VS aunty, if maid still answer her when she call mummy.

Autum,
I really don’t know how to ‘scold’ her, she will look on the floor when I talk and repeat the same mistake again after it…I also feel extremely bad after I ‘scold’ her…

AAA,
My maid don’t do all the personel things of my kids, I’m the one who doing…bath, wash their backside, brush teeth, change clothes, wear shoes.. Maid will do it when I really stuck with either one so she will do.

Her hygiene really very poor, I still can see leftover after she clean their backside. She have no patient to feed the kids, I have to sit in let her feed one and I feed the other, have to watch her feed if not she will sit there start in the blank or watch TV till the food turn cool and tell me the kid don’t want to eat. So I prefer to do it myself unless I’m stuck with either one. It rear case.

Once the school shoe is wet, she kept quiet, stand by there for Elisha to wear, lucky I’m the one who wear it for her…the shoe is real wet..when press on it got water come out type…

Pink,
Yes, I find she is saying them too… that why sometime I dilemma to change her…but she have show impatient to them recently…remember she injured her?
 
ecmom
regardless wat, since u are changing maid soon, try to start afresh with the new maid. this current one already caused injury, so she is over. even if you change her now, she is going to leave, so if there are things u dislike about the current one, u can reinforce it on the new one.
 
Ecmom: I see you're very hands on with the kids yourself. Then it could be better if you consider having a part-time maid to come in just to do the household chores. This way, you won't have the fear that your maid is ill-treating your children. You gotta ask yourself if you really need to have a stay-in maid.

Pink: This is what I'm refering to lor. Maybe he wants you to ask leh? Or do u mean when you ask, he then becomes obliged to do it, and it becomes he's doing it unwillingly? I don't think so ler. Cos most men will do it if they're free.
 
AAA
maybe we're an odd couple :p I wanted to ask but prefer to wait for him to offer bcos i find it more genuine if he offers, if i ask for it, it may ended like a chore? actually if i need to fetch him from airport, wait for him for 1/2 to 1 hr, i may become impatient too :p
 
Pink: I esp love the eggs, will always request they give me a crab with roe.
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The reason I'm not joining is #1) I don't like HK, and #2) I'm not that close to all the girls who are going, am ok with some, but not all.
With either just point 1 or point 2, I'll most prob still go, ie if it's HK with my best friend, or if it's to another place with this same group of girls. But with points 1 and 2, not so keen lor..
 
Pink: You're not odd. Every couple comes together and stays together for their unique reasons. And it's really not for outsiders to comment to change the status quo, else, the balance might be tilted, and what worked before might not anymore.
For my case, becos he's patient with me, I find myself having the patience to wait for him too, if need to. But if the timing is odd, he'll insist I don't go.
 
ecmom,
do u have a list of rules for your maid? u should. i feel that u are quite lost and thinking here and there.
calling maid mummy, u can immediately stop this from continuing as soon as u see this. u have to be firm.

shoes wet wet, elisha never complain? i imagine if it is tian, she will complain instead of me finding out later. so i hope tian can be my litte reporter in future.

seldom have maid failing tests right? usually their english ok ok then should pass, acccording to agents. did u have phone interview with her before? perhaps u wanna ask more questions and have a sense if they will fail test or not. reduce risk..

for your next maid, start afresh! ok?
start to tell yourself to be firm, and u are the mam, u are also at home. there is no reason for u to see the maid's face and do things. u need not feel angry or frustrated at all. u should stay calm, convey your message, demands, and let her comply to your order (but must b reasonable one la).
good luck!
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to both of us.. and AAA.
our new maids coming.
 
Pink: You remind me of this couple friend of mine. I know both the husband and wife personally, am close to both at the same time.

The wife is a very independent woman. She doesn't really express her thoughts and much less her desires to people around her, incl her husband. Maybe like you, she prefers the other party to do things without being asked to.
The husband, on the other hand, will sometimes confide in me to ask things abt the wife! Like will she like a particular type of earrings or flowers etc. Cos he says she doesn't say and he can't guess what she's thinking, but he wants to do the best for her.
Know what I mean?
 
pink, i fully understand..
you will feel more SONG4 if he goes fetch u, auto , right? hee.
there is no problem ma.. ok woh!
happy.gif
 

AAA, i cannot give u my luck, cause i also need a lot!
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u are like managing a series of maids. v v siong! each of them got differnt pattern to chut. really buey tahan.

i am a bit stress now. cause i have no system at home, everything goes by common sense. so i need to make a system now. so... i am left with 2 days. jialat. then hor, i plan to train ah will latching these few day, i think i am going to be too stress. haha!!
 
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