(2006/07) JULY 2006 MTB


Liverpool,
Not that I wanna focus on the unhappy times. In fact, I've already learnt to let go.

After 2yrs, if the man still doesn't 'learn' how to be a responsible father/hb, then it's time to give up. Actually if the man is in the corporate world, he would have been 'fired' long long time ago...
 
Eeyore,
No worries...I'm ok lah. I'm still happy as can be. U can't see any diff in me when we went out last wk, right?

Mummies,
I brought Kay swimming tis morn for an hour, hoping she'll nap longer. End up, she only nap for 45mins. Pengz..
sad.gif
I give up!
 
YB,

hug hug. I hope you are feeling better today.

Kay is a such a sweet girl, she probably does not want to nap so that she can spend more time playing with mummy!
 
Morning,

Amanda,
Very very sorry leh.

YB,
ur hubby such "habit" only appear recently after he changes his job? May be he really need to social ard with his peers or clients. He is in sale right!

For my hubby, if i play a very strong role, he thot he was not needed. So I learn to be clever this time, I step back a bit. Act that I cannot handle so he will come in to assist. Man mah..... He need to be felt needed sometime. hahaha...

As for going out with frd. I will count the number of times he go for his R&R. I will try to match my nos of R&R too. hahhaa...
 
Morning mummies,
D increase in CC subsidy is indeed a gd news (just hope d CC fees won't increase at d same time also).
Yesterday my boss suddenly asked me if im having more kids, i acted like not confirm yet so dat dun need to give him an answer :p

MTDT,
So wat are u waiting for? Can start trying no. 2 liao :p
 
Hong..
Nope..hb haven't started new job yet. Haha..I've tried your method previously. Works a few times, but not tis time.

I wanna go R&R too! But no chance..everywhere I go, Kay has to tag along. Hb won't feel the pinch & he'll take advantage of my occasional R&R time to do his own R&R too since Kay isn't around to 'fan' him.
 
OC,

My collicks are looking at me and kept asking me if I am trying for 3rd one. I told them my experience with my kids on Sat. I said I am ok with two but I dun think I can bring 3 kids out at the sametime on public transport.

YB,
must feel needed all the time mah. hahahaha...
Just pass Kay to him lor. U can try for a short while. Like running errand to supermarket but put Kay and hubby at home. Then stretch the timing. When the kids reject daddy, he will feel not needed. Some men dun think caregiving is their piece of cake. Not even for 30min, it gets worse when the kid reject him.

However, lim kopi till next morning is quite extreme to my context. I will sms, call and make him come back leh.
 
YB,
No lah, my fren introduced me to d job but he is not d boss. We were discussing on d new incentives.

My boss said he dun think d extra 1 mth ML is a gd idea (of cos since he's d employer :p), d gahmen shld look at more subsidies to help in d cost of raising d kid (CC, maid, education fees etc) so dat there will be more taxpayers in future, but in d meantime, help to raise them up first!...lol

hong,
Yah can imagine! i cant even cope with 1 on public transport. But at least Janelle is older liao so will listen to u.
 
Hong,
Ermm..no chance to pass Kay to him leh..he's hardly at hm. We dun even have a chance to 'talk' to him these days too.

Kay has already started to call my BIL 'papa' already. Told hb & he doesn't seem to mind.

I already bo chap liao lah..I think I'll go crazy if I have to care abt where he goes, wat he do etc. Sometimes I can't even get thru his HP.

OC,
Wah! Ur boss hinting u arh? Hee..hee..but nothing much he can do cos it's the law.
 
Morning mummies...

looks like our man all very typical...ke lian us liao...

Hong that's exactly what i feel. Why men like that one huh?

peach... thks.. i very long nv kena sayang liao... My friends ard me all think I am very "strong". Even people I don't really knows here also think this way. Whenever I hear that I'll sulk, cos I know that a strong woman is a stupid woman lor... a clever woman will not portray a strong image cos then her hubby will step in to help and she will not have to do so many things.

These days I already acted very weak liao... cos preg so can act more often :p Exaggerated alot liao.. hope he get it. Btw tdy he very hardworking lor.. early morning vacuum the floor

YB, I sayang u.. sometimes I would wonder.. why did they bother to get married if this is the kinda life they are seeking... But i really think u and ur hubby shld talk, actually me and hubby shld talk too. i know keeping quiet abt it is very unhealthy... haizz.. its easy to say hard to do right... i also think so
 
OC - My boss also hinting me leh... she says.. u arh.. u this kind, if im employer, i will chose not to hire u young and just start a family one. Will chose those that are married or at least have 2 kids coz most singaporean typically stop at 2. Have 3rd one sure 'accident' one. Wa lau... Hear lioa sian 1/2,
Somemore she's a female too, but career minded kind. her no2 only 3 mths, she can forfeit the ML and come back to work de.

She says if im really gone for 4mths, everyone will forget me, if I really intend to get pregnant, I shld only take 2 mths, come back and clear the other 2mths slowly.
 
Last time I also try to act very strong. Thanks to Hong, one night was msning with her and she told me to act 'weak' so indeed I acted weak, at the same time E was difficult to handle as he grew older coz he was more demanding etc. Then my hb really did help out when we go out etc...

Now he's still involved, but during weekends only! coz he says he is doing his best to balance his work life, friends and family. Weekend family, weekday work + friends. So i shldnt comment much if he spends his weekday not at home, coz weekend he's with us already. What crap right??? Then what abt me? Im so inbalanced now!
 
PM, ur boss hinting very obvious lor... really hear liao sian half...

I feel very not balance also. My life here is just circled ard family. B4 preg still can go take classes here.. now tummy so big, due in 2 mths time, anywhere also cannot go lor... no friends, to go out also.
sad.gif
My mom is right, I'll be bored when I come here, without friends ard, unlike hubby, he still have his colleagues. he has a life here while i dun have lor.. my life is my kiddos' liao..
 
OK, I conduct course for daddy work-life-friends balance programme. You gals pls get your HB to subscribe. But the fees will not be cheap hor....but think of the long run...you gals will benefit in the end.
 
agree with Hong on the acting weak part..I used to "bao" everything on the hsehold until my collic warned me that if this goes on, hb will take us for granted and once they koe u can do everything, they will go bo chap..since then i will act weak once in a while & will report everything under the sun abt the kids to him (i dun care he listen or not) to get him involved..ha...
 
agree with Hong on the acting weak part..I used to "bao" everything on the hsehold until my collic warned me that if this goes on, hb will take us for granted and once they koe u can do everything, they will go bo chap..since then i will act weak once in a while & will report everything under the sun abt the kids to him (i dun care he listen or not) to get him involved..ha...
 
KLCC - Yr hb dont look liek that sort leh... that sort of bo chap ones.

MY - u feel bored only wen ure in US. Sg u still have friends to go out with?
I dont even have friends as in can go out kind with me in SG. All drifted apart due to diff demographics. My 'friends' can be counted like close mummies met here and went out before kind. Even if one day i have the luxury to go out with Emerson, I also dunno who to ask for accompany. Haha.. sounds pathetic..
 
MY - Sometimes wished that we could transfer the tummy to them. Let them feel how is it like to be with a big and heavy tummy and feel clumsy. Not to mention those backaches!
 
PM, he dun look like one hah??but he is one if u dun involve him, he will not chap type..rem the incident of him gg to the wrong school to beo his ger?? Think is his job nature ba..nowsaday, he will leave thing at where it is after he finish his part..i.e fixed the pipes & leave the spanner & tools ard till i pack it up & he clamied he forgot liao..
 
I believe all men are like that... I also dunno how to act weak in front of them... that time even during my pregnancy, I climb up onto the bed and chair to change our master bedroom ceiling light. Ask him to do it, must wait till complete darkness in the house then he willing to change. Somemore he don't have guts to stand so high up. pengz...
 
Liverpool - Perhaps I must say that u have the luxury of having helpers. 2 helpers somemore. Hence both of u do not have to be bothered abt housework, and all the nitty gritty stuff that some couples do quarrel abt. Hence, more time could be spent on yr kids and that u might not feel so much toll as some of us?
 
* Stalker popping out again, in support of the family-oriented man *

I am very lucky to have a hubby who is a very hands-on daddy (maybe even more so than me). Needs to compensate for lazy mummy.

He puts DD to bed. If he has to work late, DD will try her best to stay awake till daddy comes home. He also plays a lot with her, changes her diapers, bathes her. R&R with friends are usually family affairs too.

Family upbringing and friends' values are strong influences on our men and their priorities.

To YB, misaryeo and other strong mummies, really pei fu your strength. I don't think I can cope with what you have to handle. So jia you jia you.
 
Liverpool, PM is right if u have helpers none less to say u have less trivial stuffs to quarrel about, for mummies, some have to work and some don't have to, we need to take care of kids and house chores, we just need hb to sympatise abit by doing their part. mayb not major part like hanging luandry or vacuum floor but mayb put your cups away after drinking, clear the newspapers, throwing rubbish, throw your dirty clothes into the laundry, etc... these are small lil' things that we do appreciate, instead of us taking care of small ones and big ones...
 
like last night, ask hb to put char to bed, dilly dally drag the time then still must pull mummy inside too. After half an hour, I went in peep, char still not asleep, so i laid beside her, immediately hb walked out of the room, surf net, on tv and char was aslp within 10 mins. After that i walked to the living room, realised hb dunno how to keep the toys away, never wash the bottles and surfing net and watching tv at the same time.
 
yes..eeyore..i agreed with u!! hahahaha...if i askhb to put ian to sleep...ian at timeswill shout for me...thenwhen i go in....hb willgo out..he said too many ppl in the room ian will not sleep...but once he out of the room...ian shoutedfor himtoo...wahlau...then even if ian dun look forhim..he will watch tv, surf net etc..then the toys will be ard the hse, the milk bottle on the table...the dirty clothes on the chair...books all over the place...see liao i almost fainted...then somemore..i need to hang laundry leh..i oso tired mah....
 
Liverpool,
Haha, I think even if u conduct lessons, no daddies will join. Men are just plain MCP. Never admit they have a prob. There're so many self help books about being a responsible daddy..But u think men will go & read?

Misaryeo,
Already dun feel like talking liao...no mood, no interest.

PM,
Same here..my life ONLY circles around family & Kay. Only friends I have are the forum mummies lor. Somemore now no more PTT gatherings, lugi lonely.
 
cheer up mummies..
on a +ve note, i have been telling myself that if my hb is as capable with the hsehold chores as wat i would want him to be, he may not have married me as I am not a perfect wife myself afterall :p
so vent yr frustration if need be then forgive & forget(optional):p
 
dsii, me too, usu the timing for me to hang laundry is past midnight after char has slept, otherwise she'll run to the yard to look for me, climb the chair, take the mop, etc... by then I'll shout for hb cos his eyes stuck to the laptop or tv again... btw usu if he sleeps together with char, he's the one to doze of b4 char does.
 
klcc, u mean u want your hb to be capable with the house chores u delegate to him, otherwise he won't do it isit??
If say once, move once, say twice, move twice, don't say, no movement, sick of saying, don't say, wait till we die also nothing done... i also dun wish to nag, so tired of nagging then i faint together with dsii...
 
eeyore, if i delegate he still do lah..js that i wanted him to be more automatic, no need press button then do lor..actually he is quite good le lah..he is the one who attend to the 2 gers at nite while I sleep thru..he is the one washing/hang the laundry, sweep & mop the floor if he sensed that i am angry, play with and teach the kids etc..
 
mummies,

I agree that really have to "kan kai". Must find ways to make ourselves happy, make ourselves miserable also nobody knows.

Although my hubby does help to take care of H, bathes her, changes diaper, plays with her, we also argue often abt housework and nitty gritty stuff. Now worse, quarrel abt parenting and how to handle H some more.

I know of some very hands-on Daddies, who can really do housework, handle the kids, can even cook somemore and sometimes I do envy their wives and when we start to quarrel, I will sometimes compare my own hubby with them. It's really bad, I know. But cannot help it la. My mum said this to me once - I chose this man to be my husband, so bo bian. sianz...

dsii/eeyore,

same here leh! Everytime I go into the room, he will go out immediately to surf net, watch tv. So sometimes I get naughty also. I will only go in after I have surfed the net or watched tv :p.
 
Well, everyone household have their difficult moments I guess, but I guess some form of communication and commitments is needed.

Like I said before, nothing in this world is perfect. Let's focus on the positive on a day to day basis.
 
like last nite..he wanted to put a cardboard packaging thingy on table..he moved from the basin to the table in kitchen then commented how come everywhere oso wet...then i buay tahan..i said u placed ur iced water on table of cos got vapour then wet lah..then basin wash this n that of cos wet lah...dun wan wet area ah? go dining table..if still wet go bedroom loh...wet then use cloth to wipe lah...must shit from one place to another meh? use cloth to wipe oso lazy ah???..wahlau....so angry sia
 
liverpool
of coswe know nothing is perfect..and we can do nothing but see more open and be more positive...if not....alot of mummies here early early..'gone' liao loh...hahahahha
 
Speaking of that, I am sometimes the culprit also. But from time to time, Gerrard also have his preference. If he insist on my sleeping with him, I have to stay no matter what.

Gerrard woke up yesterday night at around 2am coming into our room looking for me. While I was with him, then I notice that he is having fever at 38.1 degree. No choice need to monitor and feed him medicine. At least by morning, his fever has gone done.
 
I wonder if any mummies here is going to take any studio pics soon?? Thinking of going to Foto-U to take for Gerrain.

Anyone any recommendations besides Foto-U?
 
KLCC, good that your hb will auto, help u with your gals...

stimes, char cry for milk during her sleep until the whole house also can hear, but hb only wakes up after she finishes her milk, lights off, then he ask, she wants milk huh and really wakes up to make. stimes during the day, even empty milk bottle on the table, he "eye got stamp", never see it, still ask her if she wants milk. of cos char ignores him, hahaha...

yah lar, 家家有本难念的经, we just wanna vent our frustration somewhere...
 
My wife sms me say his fever gone down. We are thinking most likely due to his cough n throat infection coz yesterday he was refusing food. So gotta monitor him closely today. Hope Gerrain will not get it from him.
 


Liverpool,
u are different lah but dun forget ur have two helpers hor.

KLCC, do u find ur hubby more involved when u have 2nd child?

Mummies,
My personal experience lah. May not apply to all.
Ok let put it as SOME MEN, if not liverpool will be offended leh. hahaa..

When I have Janelle, my hubby not very hands on. Cos of 1st kid, as a mummy will then to get more anxious and wanted very much to be involved with the kid. SO the kid, interact with mummy more than daddy. Daddy as the 1st time father, dun know wat to do to get the child closer to him. Somemore kid rejected him, so he got more bo chap.

When Julian came along, I started to get more bo chap. As i needed to take care of Janelle feeling toward a new member in the family I paid more attention to Janelle than Julian. By then hubby started to feel that I neglected Julian and as 2nd times father, he knew what he needed to do. Making milk, when the bb need his nap, check his diaper, change diaper, etc....

Of course, he involved alot this time and Julian in turn closer to him than to me. Now he started complained that I didnt treat Julian as good as Janelle so end up Julian doesnt want me.

I let him have a taste of being a "more involved" daddy cos Julian only wants to sleep with him.

Now the family caregiving load is quite balance. Both kids will chose who they wanna sleep. Like yesterday Janelle angry with me so she ran over and sleep with daddy. I end up sleeping alone in the kid room. Ke lian right!
sad.gif


So mummies, may be the 2nd kid will make the hubby change a bit.
 
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