(2006/05) May 2006 MTB
- Thread starter bookworm
- Start date
gummiebear
New Member
hey Ivy,
u got a maid? i'm thinking of hiring one too (instead of nanny) to look after the baby when i return to work. so far how is yr maid doing? adapting well? any problems?
my husband and i have been thinking about this matter for some time, but we both not sure whether it's a good idea to get a maid to help with the baby. he is very paranoid after reading all the horror stories about maids...
u got a maid? i'm thinking of hiring one too (instead of nanny) to look after the baby when i return to work. so far how is yr maid doing? adapting well? any problems?
my husband and i have been thinking about this matter for some time, but we both not sure whether it's a good idea to get a maid to help with the baby. he is very paranoid after reading all the horror stories about maids...
hi gummie,
me too abit worried abt the same thing.
Recently a friend said her maid ran away, they did not realise it till she was gone for more than 1 hr. She was supposed to go down to make a phone and shld return in 10 min. They had to go and make a police report and waited for the maid agency to send in a replacement. The replacement maid on the 1st day told her employer that she does not want to look aft kids less than 5 yrs old. My friend's son is 1 1/2 yr old. Though the maid and the kid cld get along well, the maid aft 10 days said she does not want to work there anymore. She said according to her agency in her hometown, she can choose to leave if not comfortable and the local agency will find her a replacement employer. So my friend told the local agent that the replacement maid wants out and they took her back. But told the replacement maid that there is no such agreement that they will find other employers, so asked her to get her family to send in $ for her tickets and she can return home since she is so picky. The replacement maid than begged my friend to take her back but they refused for fear that she will do anything to the kid. Now the kid is in the childcare.
me too abit worried abt the same thing.
Recently a friend said her maid ran away, they did not realise it till she was gone for more than 1 hr. She was supposed to go down to make a phone and shld return in 10 min. They had to go and make a police report and waited for the maid agency to send in a replacement. The replacement maid on the 1st day told her employer that she does not want to look aft kids less than 5 yrs old. My friend's son is 1 1/2 yr old. Though the maid and the kid cld get along well, the maid aft 10 days said she does not want to work there anymore. She said according to her agency in her hometown, she can choose to leave if not comfortable and the local agency will find her a replacement employer. So my friend told the local agent that the replacement maid wants out and they took her back. But told the replacement maid that there is no such agreement that they will find other employers, so asked her to get her family to send in $ for her tickets and she can return home since she is so picky. The replacement maid than begged my friend to take her back but they refused for fear that she will do anything to the kid. Now the kid is in the childcare.
yasmin and gummie,
i got an indo maid. she worked here before for 2 yrs then went home. Then she came here work for 6 mths again but the employer sent her back to agency cos she is unable to communicate with the mother ( who live alone with the maid and can only speak Cantonese). So she was sitting at the agency when i went down, waiting for a transfer. My mum went with me, the agency ppl very good, let me bring her home in the morning then bring her back at nite to try out. So we have that arrangement for a week before my mum decided that she is okie to work with. I think communication is very impt. You must tell her what she is supposed to do in the very beginning and also state that we will not hesitate to send her back if she steals or lazy. So far so good. Think she is also very grateful that we took her else, how she going to pay her loan?
I pay $320 for her salary, which is pretty high for a Indo maid. But since she have worked before (i dun have to train), and can understand English, and get along with my mum, i dun mind paying a bit more. Not sure abt the levy yet cos it will only be due on 17th Feb. Also i haven deliver! How to get the child benefit levy? hee....
i got an indo maid. she worked here before for 2 yrs then went home. Then she came here work for 6 mths again but the employer sent her back to agency cos she is unable to communicate with the mother ( who live alone with the maid and can only speak Cantonese). So she was sitting at the agency when i went down, waiting for a transfer. My mum went with me, the agency ppl very good, let me bring her home in the morning then bring her back at nite to try out. So we have that arrangement for a week before my mum decided that she is okie to work with. I think communication is very impt. You must tell her what she is supposed to do in the very beginning and also state that we will not hesitate to send her back if she steals or lazy. So far so good. Think she is also very grateful that we took her else, how she going to pay her loan?
I pay $320 for her salary, which is pretty high for a Indo maid. But since she have worked before (i dun have to train), and can understand English, and get along with my mum, i dun mind paying a bit more. Not sure abt the levy yet cos it will only be due on 17th Feb. Also i haven deliver! How to get the child benefit levy? hee....
gummiebear
New Member
hi yasmin,
apparently, managing and living with a maid is not going to be easy... but i'm afraid we'll have to give it a try somehow...?
i actually thought it wld be better if i cld leave the maid with my dad during the day time, so that he can keep an eye on her as well, instead of us leaving her alone with the baby... but my husband says what if she turns around and accuse my dad of 'misconduct' if she can't get along with him? hai... there are so many things to worry about...
btw, i thought we could indicate to the agency that we want maids who are experienced in looking after young children?
some pple advised me it's better to find a nanny, but i don't know of any living near my home. besides, we cannot monitor the nanny, so i can't be sure that it will be safer leaving the baby with her than a maid? unless it is someone we know and can trust...
apparently, managing and living with a maid is not going to be easy... but i'm afraid we'll have to give it a try somehow...?
i actually thought it wld be better if i cld leave the maid with my dad during the day time, so that he can keep an eye on her as well, instead of us leaving her alone with the baby... but my husband says what if she turns around and accuse my dad of 'misconduct' if she can't get along with him? hai... there are so many things to worry about...
btw, i thought we could indicate to the agency that we want maids who are experienced in looking after young children?
some pple advised me it's better to find a nanny, but i don't know of any living near my home. besides, we cannot monitor the nanny, so i can't be sure that it will be safer leaving the baby with her than a maid? unless it is someone we know and can trust...
Hi mummies
I got those one suit stuff, (is it called jumper??) for my little one for her to sleep. Experience tell me that I dont have to worry about her leaving her belly exposed. Mothercare has nice ones, but saw some at fox bb saw grabbed for her. Good buy at 13 less 40% per suit... opps do the math yourself...
Maid
Lots of horror stories to share but I think a reliable maid agency is a safe bet! When my ex maid was pretending to be down with illness after 9 days at my house, my agent took the trouble to drive and pick her up at 12am in the middle of the night. they also realised that the problem lies with the maid who was homesick. In the end they sent her back as she refused to work. A bit of luck involved in this.
Anyway, if possible, I rather leave my baby in an infant care! Anyone thinking of doing so?
I got those one suit stuff, (is it called jumper??) for my little one for her to sleep. Experience tell me that I dont have to worry about her leaving her belly exposed. Mothercare has nice ones, but saw some at fox bb saw grabbed for her. Good buy at 13 less 40% per suit... opps do the math yourself...
Maid
Lots of horror stories to share but I think a reliable maid agency is a safe bet! When my ex maid was pretending to be down with illness after 9 days at my house, my agent took the trouble to drive and pick her up at 12am in the middle of the night. they also realised that the problem lies with the maid who was homesick. In the end they sent her back as she refused to work. A bit of luck involved in this.
Anyway, if possible, I rather leave my baby in an infant care! Anyone thinking of doing so?
gummiebear
New Member
gabby,
yes... infant care was something i considered, but very expensive leh! it's about 1K or more... and the other concern is, babies might fall sick easily?
yes... infant care was something i considered, but very expensive leh! it's about 1K or more... and the other concern is, babies might fall sick easily?
hi gabby
i m thinking of infant care if i cannnot find a nanny. i am going round some infant cares to take alook. Some infant care cost less , like around $500-800 and they only take in 10 babies. It is wiser to check out the environment and also how you feel abt babies in there.
Initially i was thinking of getting a maid . unfortunately my neighbour the one opp me is a HQ for maids. Many maids will gather around their doorstep in mid morning to hv chats . so if i hv maid, i think she will join them plus i dun hv any adults home to supervise her.
the adv is getting a maid is similar as infant care cost and maid can help out house chores beside looking after baby.
look like we hv lots of decisions to make
i m thinking of infant care if i cannnot find a nanny. i am going round some infant cares to take alook. Some infant care cost less , like around $500-800 and they only take in 10 babies. It is wiser to check out the environment and also how you feel abt babies in there.
Initially i was thinking of getting a maid . unfortunately my neighbour the one opp me is a HQ for maids. Many maids will gather around their doorstep in mid morning to hv chats . so if i hv maid, i think she will join them plus i dun hv any adults home to supervise her.
the adv is getting a maid is similar as infant care cost and maid can help out house chores beside looking after baby.
look like we hv lots of decisions to make
getting a maid is cheaper than infant care if the centres are charging almost 1k.
Gummie, dun believe what the agency say, the newcomers dunno anything at all, but the agency will always say that they are trained. But the training is super min! If you want to get a newcomer, then be prepared to spend 2 weeks with her to train her. If you get a transfer maid or someone that worked here before, then you get a chance to evaluate/interview her before you bring her home. Not sure if all agencies allow this, but the one i went to is quite good. At least let me bring her back to test waters first. Another plus point is that she can communicate with my mum in Indonesian, otherwise will be chicken and duck talk.
If you worry abt she accusing your dad, it is very hard to protect one lah. Just take the normal precaution of keeping physical distance from her and also tell her to talk to you if there is anything she is unhappy about.
Gummie, dun believe what the agency say, the newcomers dunno anything at all, but the agency will always say that they are trained. But the training is super min! If you want to get a newcomer, then be prepared to spend 2 weeks with her to train her. If you get a transfer maid or someone that worked here before, then you get a chance to evaluate/interview her before you bring her home. Not sure if all agencies allow this, but the one i went to is quite good. At least let me bring her back to test waters first. Another plus point is that she can communicate with my mum in Indonesian, otherwise will be chicken and duck talk.
If you worry abt she accusing your dad, it is very hard to protect one lah. Just take the normal precaution of keeping physical distance from her and also tell her to talk to you if there is anything she is unhappy about.
gummie,
nannies maybe a good choice but it depends if you are able to find a good one. Also if BB is with nanny, then your dad dun get many chance to play with the grandchild.
For me, the pro of getting the maid is that she is able to help my mum with the housework and also look after the BB. This way, my mum is able to concentrate on bringing up my BB and also play with him (old ppl like to have grandkids ard them).
These days, my mum's and my own house is super duper clean....haha...
nannies maybe a good choice but it depends if you are able to find a good one. Also if BB is with nanny, then your dad dun get many chance to play with the grandchild.
For me, the pro of getting the maid is that she is able to help my mum with the housework and also look after the BB. This way, my mum is able to concentrate on bringing up my BB and also play with him (old ppl like to have grandkids ard them).
These days, my mum's and my own house is super duper clean....haha...
gummiebear
New Member
ivy,
u're very fotunate that yr mum's able to help you look after the baby, that is the best arrangement i must say
btw why have u hired a maid so soon? u will only need her after the baby arrives ya? or, are u thinking of giving her and yr mum some time to adapt before the baby's here? oh yes, which agency do u use? let me go back to discuss with my husband again then come back and ask you for more info again oki.
u're very fotunate that yr mum's able to help you look after the baby, that is the best arrangement i must say
btw why have u hired a maid so soon? u will only need her after the baby arrives ya? or, are u thinking of giving her and yr mum some time to adapt before the baby's here? oh yes, which agency do u use? let me go back to discuss with my husband again then come back and ask you for more info again oki.
gummie,
actually the maid is to help take care of my dad then later on help to take care of BB. But he passed on suddenly within a week of her arrival. So we still keep her (agency did say that can refund and return her) so that she can chit chat with my mum to prevent her from being too lonely....
I used the Toa Payoh branch of Nation Maids ( the one that Xiang Yun advertised). Let me know if you need more info...=)
actually the maid is to help take care of my dad then later on help to take care of BB. But he passed on suddenly within a week of her arrival. So we still keep her (agency did say that can refund and return her) so that she can chit chat with my mum to prevent her from being too lonely....
I used the Toa Payoh branch of Nation Maids ( the one that Xiang Yun advertised). Let me know if you need more info...=)
hi ladies
i just got my maid late last mth also....after my two bad experience of indo maid (from my 1st pregnancy)..i reali prayed hard that GOD will send me a gd helper...so far this maid is ok..at least she can understand wat i say most of the time...she can speak quite gd english and she is v patient wif my gal...after one week plus, i now training her to bathe and feed my gal..she had no experience working in spore ...but experience in working central of jakarta...
i'm also rather pleased wif the agency ....the last agency i went, i kana cheated.... i dont believe in going 'expensive' or 'branded' maids agency cos getting a maid is more or less by luck and also must be patient wif them
i just got my maid late last mth also....after my two bad experience of indo maid (from my 1st pregnancy)..i reali prayed hard that GOD will send me a gd helper...so far this maid is ok..at least she can understand wat i say most of the time...she can speak quite gd english and she is v patient wif my gal...after one week plus, i now training her to bathe and feed my gal..she had no experience working in spore ...but experience in working central of jakarta...
i'm also rather pleased wif the agency ....the last agency i went, i kana cheated.... i dont believe in going 'expensive' or 'branded' maids agency cos getting a maid is more or less by luck and also must be patient wif them
Infant Care
I sent my no 1 to an infant care and after subsidy it costs us about 500. We loved it as my son was well taken care of. He enjoyed the company of the teachers and other babies. He picked up speech quite fast as he associated with other babies and is constantly exposed to language, songs and stories. We are thinking of leaving no 2 in one for the same reasons. However, we just shifted and now stay too far away from the first infant care so we need to make new arrangements with a maid.
3rd Month Maternity
Have plans to take 11 weeks straight then the balance of 1 week may take time to clear to look after baby. What about you ladies? Me thinking of being a SAHM but will need a major adjustment to lifestyle...
I sent my no 1 to an infant care and after subsidy it costs us about 500. We loved it as my son was well taken care of. He enjoyed the company of the teachers and other babies. He picked up speech quite fast as he associated with other babies and is constantly exposed to language, songs and stories. We are thinking of leaving no 2 in one for the same reasons. However, we just shifted and now stay too far away from the first infant care so we need to make new arrangements with a maid.
3rd Month Maternity
Have plans to take 11 weeks straight then the balance of 1 week may take time to clear to look after baby. What about you ladies? Me thinking of being a SAHM but will need a major adjustment to lifestyle...
milo66
Active Member
ivy,
i was thinking of getting a maid to help out with hsework at my mum place so that she can conc on looking after the baby. if you dun mind, would like to check out some things with u
1. do you intend to bring your maid hm everyday after bb is born or she is permanantly stationed at mum place
2. is it illegal to leave maid at mum's place on weekday then bring maid hm on weekend to clean up my place
3. is it a very heavy burden to have a maid? currently i am giving my mum $600 a mth, if i get a maid as well, my total expenditure not including maid daily expenses will be already $1100. u think its advisable?
thanks!
i was thinking of getting a maid to help out with hsework at my mum place so that she can conc on looking after the baby. if you dun mind, would like to check out some things with u
1. do you intend to bring your maid hm everyday after bb is born or she is permanantly stationed at mum place
2. is it illegal to leave maid at mum's place on weekday then bring maid hm on weekend to clean up my place
3. is it a very heavy burden to have a maid? currently i am giving my mum $600 a mth, if i get a maid as well, my total expenditure not including maid daily expenses will be already $1100. u think its advisable?
thanks!
Hi gals,
I am happy today..
cos at least i m back to work..
Wah! seems like most of you are getting a maid.. i m still thinking.. cos if i get a maid, my only left bedroom has to let her stay, ie my bunny has to give away.. : ~(
cos my hubby hack e 2nd bedroom next to my masterbedroom.. combine as one big room.. one side just main for our bed n the other side is for the study room, bookshelves n walk in wardrobes..
ivy, u r such good gal to your mum.. true, need to get some1 accompany her since yr dad pass away..
I am happy today..
Wah! seems like most of you are getting a maid.. i m still thinking.. cos if i get a maid, my only left bedroom has to let her stay, ie my bunny has to give away.. : ~(
cos my hubby hack e 2nd bedroom next to my masterbedroom.. combine as one big room.. one side just main for our bed n the other side is for the study room, bookshelves n walk in wardrobes..
ivy, u r such good gal to your mum.. true, need to get some1 accompany her since yr dad pass away..
milo,
1) The maid will be permanantly stationed at mum's place even after BB is born cos i dun like a stranger to be at my own place plus i am staying with mil. So even if i take BB home every night, maid will continue to stay with my mum.
2) There is no really legal regulations on this, but you must make it clear to the maid in the first meeting that she is staying at your mum house for weekdays and back to your own house for weekends cos you are working. If she is not agreeable, then dun hire her. This arrangement works our fine for all my colleagues cos it is better to leave the maid with parents than leaving them alone at home.
3) Expenses wise, yes, it will be heavier. I am giving my mum about the same amount as you too, so plus the maid, total expenses will be about $1k plus. You will need to discuss with your hubby about the increase in financial expenses as it is a 2 years committment, if he is taking care of all other household expenses/bills and BB's needs, then it should work out fine. The maid do not have much daily expenses that you need to spend on. She eat whatever we eat, use our shampoo/body form. Only thing is the sanitary pads that my mum gets her to buy on her own. Cos it is CNY, so she have some angpow to spend on.
Alternatively, do you have any siblings that is going to put the kids at your mum house as well? You can talk to them to split the cost of getting the maid?
1) The maid will be permanantly stationed at mum's place even after BB is born cos i dun like a stranger to be at my own place plus i am staying with mil. So even if i take BB home every night, maid will continue to stay with my mum.
2) There is no really legal regulations on this, but you must make it clear to the maid in the first meeting that she is staying at your mum house for weekdays and back to your own house for weekends cos you are working. If she is not agreeable, then dun hire her. This arrangement works our fine for all my colleagues cos it is better to leave the maid with parents than leaving them alone at home.
3) Expenses wise, yes, it will be heavier. I am giving my mum about the same amount as you too, so plus the maid, total expenses will be about $1k plus. You will need to discuss with your hubby about the increase in financial expenses as it is a 2 years committment, if he is taking care of all other household expenses/bills and BB's needs, then it should work out fine. The maid do not have much daily expenses that you need to spend on. She eat whatever we eat, use our shampoo/body form. Only thing is the sanitary pads that my mum gets her to buy on her own. Cos it is CNY, so she have some angpow to spend on.
Alternatively, do you have any siblings that is going to put the kids at your mum house as well? You can talk to them to split the cost of getting the maid?
milo66
Active Member
ivy,
thks for ur advise!
do agree that expenses wise will be heavier, guess must really work out my sum and have to sacrifice some personal luxuries.
i am my parents only child thus no one else to help split the cost. my mum insist that she can handle but as my dad is wheel chaired bound thus i presume she may have some diff taking care of both young and old.
ur indo maid can speak english? my mum will have no prob communicating as she can speak fluent malay, but i scare the chix and duck will be me and her...keke
thks for ur advise!
do agree that expenses wise will be heavier, guess must really work out my sum and have to sacrifice some personal luxuries.
i am my parents only child thus no one else to help split the cost. my mum insist that she can handle but as my dad is wheel chaired bound thus i presume she may have some diff taking care of both young and old.
ur indo maid can speak english? my mum will have no prob communicating as she can speak fluent malay, but i scare the chix and duck will be me and her...keke
milo,
yes, gotta give up some restuarant meals and buy less clothes and bags..hee...
my indo maid can speak simple english and understand my english too. She can also understand Chinese cos she worked in a chinese family for 2 years before. So no chix and duck case between us...
In your case, i do think that your mum really need some help cos it will be very tiring for her to take care of bb, your dad and housework, especially if she is getting on age liao.
By the way, i have just checked, my levy is $200, cos my parents are above 60 years old when i apply for the maid.
yes, gotta give up some restuarant meals and buy less clothes and bags..hee...
my indo maid can speak simple english and understand my english too. She can also understand Chinese cos she worked in a chinese family for 2 years before. So no chix and duck case between us...
In your case, i do think that your mum really need some help cos it will be very tiring for her to take care of bb, your dad and housework, especially if she is getting on age liao.
By the way, i have just checked, my levy is $200, cos my parents are above 60 years old when i apply for the maid.
Hi All,
Ask you gals, do I have to discuss with my mum abt getting a maid. My dad, mum, older sis and younger bro are all living with me now. They moved in with me last Jul and my mum has been giving me lots of prob recently. I have been thinking of getting a maid and this maid will have to share the rm currently occupied by my sis and mum. I am not sure if I need to discuss with them before I get myself a maid. Any advise?
Ask you gals, do I have to discuss with my mum abt getting a maid. My dad, mum, older sis and younger bro are all living with me now. They moved in with me last Jul and my mum has been giving me lots of prob recently. I have been thinking of getting a maid and this maid will have to share the rm currently occupied by my sis and mum. I am not sure if I need to discuss with them before I get myself a maid. Any advise?
milo, true. I hinted to her abt getting a maid but she just pretended not to listen and has not mentioned anything abt it leh. Will try telling her abt it once its almost confirmed.
Do you gals give your parents $. I dont since they are living with me and I pay all the bills I dont give them $. I think my mum expects me to give $ to her. But since my dad, sis and bro are working I dont see a need to. Also my mum doesnt clean my rm or the furnitures in my house. She hangs the cloths out for drying, folds them and leaves on our bed to put away. She baths my son, feeds him and sends him to school. She mops the flr and sweeps the house. She cooks for the family. She only washes the common toilet. The master bedrm, occupied by me and HB is taken care of by ourselves. We buy our own toileteries, and stuff of our son. The family grocery is taken care of my sis. But yet my mum has been treating me very badly lately. Keeping the house messy, not cleaning the kitchen or the bulky items at home. The 2 seater sofa and 3 seater sofa covers also I have to take out and wash, she wldnt do it. I have to take out the curtains and put for washing she wldnt do it. The kitchen bascially is used by her and 1/3 of the kitchen is occupied by my dad's hardware tools, its so unkept and dirty and I have pointed out so many times but she refuses to clean it. The kitchen cabinet is so greasy and she doesnt want to do anything abt it. Expects me to do it. My dad uses the dinning chair to hang his clothings and I have pointed out a few times but its still hanging there. His comb is also on the dinning table. The buffet hutch I have is all with their stuff and they dont keep it clean. The house is so messy...... Oh most importantly there are 2 dogs and 1 of them is my dad's fav. My dad sleeps with the dog and my dad likes to sleep in the hall flr while watching TV. The dog sleeps under the coffee table. I cannot say anything abt the whole situation, if I do. They get so upset that its my house and say I am ill-treating them. I am very displeased abt the whole thing and am very angry. I really cant close my eyes and walk ard my house can I.
Sorry for such a long message its just that I am very frustrated. Thanks for bearing with me gals.
Do you gals give your parents $. I dont since they are living with me and I pay all the bills I dont give them $. I think my mum expects me to give $ to her. But since my dad, sis and bro are working I dont see a need to. Also my mum doesnt clean my rm or the furnitures in my house. She hangs the cloths out for drying, folds them and leaves on our bed to put away. She baths my son, feeds him and sends him to school. She mops the flr and sweeps the house. She cooks for the family. She only washes the common toilet. The master bedrm, occupied by me and HB is taken care of by ourselves. We buy our own toileteries, and stuff of our son. The family grocery is taken care of my sis. But yet my mum has been treating me very badly lately. Keeping the house messy, not cleaning the kitchen or the bulky items at home. The 2 seater sofa and 3 seater sofa covers also I have to take out and wash, she wldnt do it. I have to take out the curtains and put for washing she wldnt do it. The kitchen bascially is used by her and 1/3 of the kitchen is occupied by my dad's hardware tools, its so unkept and dirty and I have pointed out so many times but she refuses to clean it. The kitchen cabinet is so greasy and she doesnt want to do anything abt it. Expects me to do it. My dad uses the dinning chair to hang his clothings and I have pointed out a few times but its still hanging there. His comb is also on the dinning table. The buffet hutch I have is all with their stuff and they dont keep it clean. The house is so messy...... Oh most importantly there are 2 dogs and 1 of them is my dad's fav. My dad sleeps with the dog and my dad likes to sleep in the hall flr while watching TV. The dog sleeps under the coffee table. I cannot say anything abt the whole situation, if I do. They get so upset that its my house and say I am ill-treating them. I am very displeased abt the whole thing and am very angry. I really cant close my eyes and walk ard my house can I.
Sorry for such a long message its just that I am very frustrated. Thanks for bearing with me gals.
yasmin,
seems that you dun really have a good relationship with your parents and yet have to bear to stay with them....You are really kind!
Maybe you can tell your mum nicely that you need a helper to keep the house clean and also to help take care of BB. Put it in a way that since your mum is unable to help keep the whole house clean and you are too busy with work to do so, then the maid will be a great help.
But one thing important to note, given you have such a big family staying together, is to communicate well with the maid. Let the maid know who is her MOM, then she will know who to listen to. Else she might be confused with the instructions that you/your dad/your mum might give and end up not being able to do a good job for you. Also you must make it clear to your mum what the maid duties are, else your mum may decided to dump everything to the maid....that will be very scary....
seems that you dun really have a good relationship with your parents and yet have to bear to stay with them....You are really kind!
Maybe you can tell your mum nicely that you need a helper to keep the house clean and also to help take care of BB. Put it in a way that since your mum is unable to help keep the whole house clean and you are too busy with work to do so, then the maid will be a great help.
But one thing important to note, given you have such a big family staying together, is to communicate well with the maid. Let the maid know who is her MOM, then she will know who to listen to. Else she might be confused with the instructions that you/your dad/your mum might give and end up not being able to do a good job for you. Also you must make it clear to your mum what the maid duties are, else your mum may decided to dump everything to the maid....that will be very scary....
hi yasmin,
pardon me but something must have happened before for your mum to behave this way suddenly. or maybe like me, i used to say hurtful things unintentionally to my mum when i was angry. perhaps your mum is 'retaliating' and waiting for you to give way. bring her out for a meal and have a good chat with her one-to-one.
hiring a maid will relieve her burden too so i am sure she will understand your good intentions.
pardon me but something must have happened before for your mum to behave this way suddenly. or maybe like me, i used to say hurtful things unintentionally to my mum when i was angry. perhaps your mum is 'retaliating' and waiting for you to give way. bring her out for a meal and have a good chat with her one-to-one.
hiring a maid will relieve her burden too so i am sure she will understand your good intentions.
Ivy, thanks for the advise. Once I get myself a maid will defintely instruct her accordingly. Especially since my mum likes to talk family issues with pple she gets comfy with. Cos thats wat she did with my uncle's maid now the uncle married that maid.
Anastasia, my older sis currently going thru a separation. She got married in 2004. Her HB is seeing another woman and my sis left him. Ever since my sis came to stay with us, my mum has been only looking out for her. My mum is so busy tending to the needs of my dad who is an attention seeker. She now is so pre-occupied with my sis cos my sis loves to go out and will insist my mum follows her. Also my sis gives her $10 every day for my mum's expenses. My mum is that kind of a person who treats pple who give her $ well. She has always been like that. Last time b4 I got married, every payday I will bring her out and buy gold and clothings for her. But since marriage have not been able to do that. Our relationship started to sour then. Even now though she stays with me and all the household stuff is handled by us she still treats my sis better. Partly bcos of my sis being separated and also bcos sis gives her cash directly. Indirect cash is not appreciated.
For both my preggie, my mum has never once asked me if I feel like eating anything in particular that she can cook for me.
I always feel left out. Cos my mum eversince I got married said that I got my HB so HB shld do everything for me. But she fail to understand that now since everyone is staying together, we shld all contribute. Now also still expect only my HB to help me out.
Anastasia, my older sis currently going thru a separation. She got married in 2004. Her HB is seeing another woman and my sis left him. Ever since my sis came to stay with us, my mum has been only looking out for her. My mum is so busy tending to the needs of my dad who is an attention seeker. She now is so pre-occupied with my sis cos my sis loves to go out and will insist my mum follows her. Also my sis gives her $10 every day for my mum's expenses. My mum is that kind of a person who treats pple who give her $ well. She has always been like that. Last time b4 I got married, every payday I will bring her out and buy gold and clothings for her. But since marriage have not been able to do that. Our relationship started to sour then. Even now though she stays with me and all the household stuff is handled by us she still treats my sis better. Partly bcos of my sis being separated and also bcos sis gives her cash directly. Indirect cash is not appreciated.
For both my preggie, my mum has never once asked me if I feel like eating anything in particular that she can cook for me.
Ivy,
I agree that the environment at home is so tensed and I dread staying in my own house. I seriously have to endure till next year. Then will be going off to Aussie for good. Till then I have to bear with it. This morning too I told myself that they are still my family and if I dont forgive and forget who will. But just 1 person cant be thinking this way. I am trying to take things cool. Trying to restrict myself to the rm so that I dont step on their boundaries and let things cool off. See whether this way, things get better. Hopefully it does.
I agree that the environment at home is so tensed and I dread staying in my own house. I seriously have to endure till next year. Then will be going off to Aussie for good. Till then I have to bear with it. This morning too I told myself that they are still my family and if I dont forgive and forget who will. But just 1 person cant be thinking this way. I am trying to take things cool. Trying to restrict myself to the rm so that I dont step on their boundaries and let things cool off. See whether this way, things get better. Hopefully it does.
Yasmin,
hmm.. so sorry to hear that.. my mum oso like that.. eye on $$... luckily, she is not staying with me.. else, i think my hubby sure divorce definitely..
like now, my hubby just brought the car nearly 1 mth.. mainly for our bb sake n oso to send me to work n to his work sites... my mum expects him to be the driver during cny break to go everywhere...
I told her that no way that we are going out to sentosa or anywhere she wants to go cos we have our programmes..white lies.. we stayed at home during those days.. cos i want my hubby to rest... worked so hard day n nites at 2 sites before cny..
i think every family has a thick hard story to go... hopefully, u find a solution fast, cos maid oso does create more problem..
hmm.. so sorry to hear that.. my mum oso like that.. eye on $$... luckily, she is not staying with me.. else, i think my hubby sure divorce definitely..
like now, my hubby just brought the car nearly 1 mth.. mainly for our bb sake n oso to send me to work n to his work sites... my mum expects him to be the driver during cny break to go everywhere...
I told her that no way that we are going out to sentosa or anywhere she wants to go cos we have our programmes..white lies.. we stayed at home during those days.. cos i want my hubby to rest... worked so hard day n nites at 2 sites before cny..
i think every family has a thick hard story to go... hopefully, u find a solution fast, cos maid oso does create more problem..
fates
Active Member
Yasmin, I am sorry to hear about your relationship with your mum too. Since you felt your mum expects you to give her $, why not do so to make her happy? Don't have to be a huge amount, but a comfortable amount to let her spend? No matter what, she cooks for all of you right?
Girls, in case anyone interested, I saw this in Yahoo auctions:-
http://page.auctions.yahoo.com/sg/auction/96069826
Cheers,
Girls, in case anyone interested, I saw this in Yahoo auctions:-
http://page.auctions.yahoo.com/sg/auction/96069826
Cheers,
olive_tree
New Member
Hi Yasmine,
Sometimes money is still an issue between parents, siblings, etc. is your sis/bro/dad giving her money? maybe your mum feels that she is not given money and still needs to do housework, take care of your son and is now expressing her unhappiness esp with the baby coming. She might feel that she got to do extra and with no money... I think a maid might ease her workload as well as keep the house cleaner. In this way, you mum might not feel bad if you don't give her money. However, think you still need to let her know of your intention...esp the room sharing part...
Sometimes money is still an issue between parents, siblings, etc. is your sis/bro/dad giving her money? maybe your mum feels that she is not given money and still needs to do housework, take care of your son and is now expressing her unhappiness esp with the baby coming. She might feel that she got to do extra and with no money... I think a maid might ease her workload as well as keep the house cleaner. In this way, you mum might not feel bad if you don't give her money. However, think you still need to let her know of your intention...esp the room sharing part...
Thanks Annie. Think I am not the only 1 ard with fly issues.
Fates, to me is the principle behind it. If we are rich and we can afford it yes of course, like during festive seasons and special occasions we do give $. But dont expect that every day. Like that day, for Christmas my HB's siblings came over. 1 of his sil gave my son $20. My son left it in the basket on his bicycle and we completely forgot abt it till the next day. HB was asking how was given, normally he likes to keep track cos next time we know how to give them too. I went to look for it and it was gone. No one was at home to ask too. Then my mum came back, I asked if she saw the $ cos missing. She said she took it. I asked her how much was it and she shld tell us cos not so nice especially since given by my HB's side. Cos last time once my mum's bro gave my son $. And at that time my mum was leaving in her own flat and my uncle gave $ there. She took it. It is fine with me. Cos her bro so she took it. But now, in my flat and my HB's side shld give it to my HB not she take it. If not wat will my HB think. I told her and she said, hey you dont pull your HB's name in. Everything also say his name. Its quite impossible to rationalise with her.
Fates, to me is the principle behind it. If we are rich and we can afford it yes of course, like during festive seasons and special occasions we do give $. But dont expect that every day. Like that day, for Christmas my HB's siblings came over. 1 of his sil gave my son $20. My son left it in the basket on his bicycle and we completely forgot abt it till the next day. HB was asking how was given, normally he likes to keep track cos next time we know how to give them too. I went to look for it and it was gone. No one was at home to ask too. Then my mum came back, I asked if she saw the $ cos missing. She said she took it. I asked her how much was it and she shld tell us cos not so nice especially since given by my HB's side. Cos last time once my mum's bro gave my son $. And at that time my mum was leaving in her own flat and my uncle gave $ there. She took it. It is fine with me. Cos her bro so she took it. But now, in my flat and my HB's side shld give it to my HB not she take it. If not wat will my HB think. I told her and she said, hey you dont pull your HB's name in. Everything also say his name. Its quite impossible to rationalise with her.
Margaret, I agree. I will defintely inform her but am not going to get her permission to do things. Like when I do the cooking I must ask her can I cook tis or tat. She must give go ahead than I can do. But think she cant expect me to do that for the maid. So will let her know when maid is confirmed.
And as for a cleaner house, yes its a must since they insist of keeping the dogs and also she does not help me out. I dont know why my older sis cant help out leh. Every weekend she goes out from morning and comes home late at night. So irresponsible, but yet my mum will keep quite. My sis can take showers like 3 times a day and her sessions are over 1 hr. My dad is very unhappy with that. My bro also will make alot of noise to ask her to come out. So much water is being wasted but my mum will not say anything. Always will defend her and keep covering up for her absence. Cos my dad doesnt like it that she comes back very late, my mum always so busy with covering up for her. The house is always so chaotic.
At times I really regret trying to help them out.
And as for a cleaner house, yes its a must since they insist of keeping the dogs and also she does not help me out. I dont know why my older sis cant help out leh. Every weekend she goes out from morning and comes home late at night. So irresponsible, but yet my mum will keep quite. My sis can take showers like 3 times a day and her sessions are over 1 hr. My dad is very unhappy with that. My bro also will make alot of noise to ask her to come out. So much water is being wasted but my mum will not say anything. Always will defend her and keep covering up for her absence. Cos my dad doesnt like it that she comes back very late, my mum always so busy with covering up for her. The house is always so chaotic.
At times I really regret trying to help them out.
yasmin,
you are migrating to Aussie next year?, but rem that the maid contract is for 2 years...
Guess it is really difficult to stay with your mum, just try to relax and take things one step at a time. At least you are seeing light at the end of the tunnel, you will be leaving in another year's time. But then again, will forsee problems for you again cos maybe you have to settle the ownership of the flat come that time...
you are migrating to Aussie next year?, but rem that the maid contract is for 2 years...
Guess it is really difficult to stay with your mum, just try to relax and take things one step at a time. At least you are seeing light at the end of the tunnel, you will be leaving in another year's time. But then again, will forsee problems for you again cos maybe you have to settle the ownership of the flat come that time...
Ivy, yes I am migrating. PR was granted aft I found out I am preggie.
Yup, will try to take it slow. The only thing I look forward to is going Aussie hoping that distance will make the heart grow fonder. And all this bad feelings will vanish.
Ownership of the flat will still remain under our name. But we intend to sell the flat ard 2007-2008 cos foresee that market will pick-up then. This is something I have made clear from the beginning. Cos still need money to buy a house there. They are defintely aware of this. But think 2-3 mths back my dad did mention to my HB that we shld not sell the flat here. HB told him ofcos but eventually we will. So think they will defintely look for a pl of their own when the time comes.
Yup, will try to take it slow. The only thing I look forward to is going Aussie hoping that distance will make the heart grow fonder. And all this bad feelings will vanish.
Ownership of the flat will still remain under our name. But we intend to sell the flat ard 2007-2008 cos foresee that market will pick-up then. This is something I have made clear from the beginning. Cos still need money to buy a house there. They are defintely aware of this. But think 2-3 mths back my dad did mention to my HB that we shld not sell the flat here. HB told him ofcos but eventually we will. So think they will defintely look for a pl of their own when the time comes.
olive_tree
New Member
Hi Yasmine,
Have a good weekend too! Stay cool....
Have a good weekend too! Stay cool....
eve74sg
Member
After hearing your story, i realised i am much luckier. Though my mum also abit money-faced sometimes, she defintiely not as bad as yours 
Sorry to say that, no hard feelings.
Anyway, i also felt that maybe u should give her a small monthly allowance since u and your hubby working n she is looking after your son? Maybe like $100 a mth should be ok for u right? maybe that will help solve the relationship between u both. Maybe she thks since u can afford to migrate to Aussie, you are not so poor after all.
Sorry to say that, no hard feelings. Anyway, i also felt that maybe u should give her a small monthly allowance since u and your hubby working n she is looking after your son? Maybe like $100 a mth should be ok for u right? maybe that will help solve the relationship between u both. Maybe she thks since u can afford to migrate to Aussie, you are not so poor after all.
pebblestones76
Active Member
hi bookworm
I go to Wax Affair @ Holland village. The lady there is not pushy at all. Very cosy and friendly place. How is the place you have been?
I go to Wax Affair @ Holland village. The lady there is not pushy at all. Very cosy and friendly place. How is the place you have been?
yasmin,
Great to hear that you got your aussie PR. I had my study in sydney, kind of like that peacefulness there.. so calm n everyone slower down their pace.. cool weather .. which part of australia you intend to stay over?
I agreed with Ivy, better tell yr mum abt you are selling the house sooner or later..
Great to hear that you got your aussie PR. I had my study in sydney, kind of like that peacefulness there.. so calm n everyone slower down their pace.. cool weather .. which part of australia you intend to stay over?
I agreed with Ivy, better tell yr mum abt you are selling the house sooner or later..
gd morning gals,
Wah! time pass real fast, cny is almost over.. back to work as usual.. : )
Last nite, after back from my mil's hse for gathering dinner, i saw this "inside the womb" @ national geographic channel under SCV.. so sorry, i could only sms some of the gals.. hopefully, someone watched it..
I am definitely sure that within this week or next, sure got repeat but not sure abt the date..
The other two documentary programmes which i actually watched last year, i d a check with SCV but they stated that the two documentary programmes are "sponsored by IBM".. only will show again if IBM or other company sponsor.. dammn.. we paid $$ mthly yet, they still think not enough to show a 1 hr programme..
I couldnt clearly rememebered the title, i did mention that 1 shows the sound n memory affect the baby's emotion and feeling..
Hopefully, i am lucky to enough to see these two programmes preview so that i can put a post out here..
cheers..
Wah! time pass real fast, cny is almost over.. back to work as usual.. : )
Last nite, after back from my mil's hse for gathering dinner, i saw this "inside the womb" @ national geographic channel under SCV.. so sorry, i could only sms some of the gals.. hopefully, someone watched it..
I am definitely sure that within this week or next, sure got repeat but not sure abt the date..
The other two documentary programmes which i actually watched last year, i d a check with SCV but they stated that the two documentary programmes are "sponsored by IBM".. only will show again if IBM or other company sponsor.. dammn.. we paid $$ mthly yet, they still think not enough to show a 1 hr programme..
I couldnt clearly rememebered the title, i did mention that 1 shows the sound n memory affect the baby's emotion and feeling..
Hopefully, i am lucky to enough to see these two programmes preview so that i can put a post out here..
cheers..
hi ydnic,
am interested in getting a cot. but thinking of getting in late Mar/early Apr...heard new stocks coming in then. Not sure what sort of lobangs are available. How many gals are interested?
Hi gals,
how much wt have u all gain after the CNY? Just went to my gynae appt last weekend and found that i've increased about 4.5 kg since the start of my pregnancy. Doesn't seem a lot but my gynae already "warned" me to watch/control my diet liao. ;-P
Visited a fren who has just given birth. Think i sua-ku but my fren actually did a c-section using epidural (i.e. she was conscious thru' out n only the lower part of her body is numb)...sounds realli scary...now i'm terrified...;-(
am interested in getting a cot. but thinking of getting in late Mar/early Apr...heard new stocks coming in then. Not sure what sort of lobangs are available. How many gals are interested?
Hi gals,
how much wt have u all gain after the CNY? Just went to my gynae appt last weekend and found that i've increased about 4.5 kg since the start of my pregnancy. Doesn't seem a lot but my gynae already "warned" me to watch/control my diet liao. ;-P
Visited a fren who has just given birth. Think i sua-ku but my fren actually did a c-section using epidural (i.e. she was conscious thru' out n only the lower part of her body is numb)...sounds realli scary...now i'm terrified...;-(
fairysnowberry
New Member
Hi,
Does anyone know where to buy the Omega-3 supplement, Neurogain?
Does anyone know where to buy the Omega-3 supplement, Neurogain?