sunny,
don't worry about tearing. it's 8 weeks for me and I sometimes still feel like tearing when things dont go right. actually, I feel better after crying. ya, sometimes, it's just us and have nothing to do with anyone else, my hubby and MIL have been great help but I guess it's our own high expectation.
re: pacifier,
actually there is no harm in giving pacifier, some babies like it, some don't even like it. we tried to give it to clariss in her 2nd week and she dont like it. we notice that when she sleep, she will bite a little of her lower lips, guess that is her natural pacifier. but u have to make sure that u pull out the pacifier just before your baby fall into deep sleep, guess that will reduce the dependency. that is recommended in the book by Gina Ford.