little_pony
Active Member
Yuki,
Glad to be of listening ear to you. Hope we can do a bit to help you get by too.
Glad to be of listening ear to you. Hope we can do a bit to help you get by too.
(2006/01) Jan 2006 MTBs
- Thread starter lings
- Start date
Yuki - good to hear from you and knowing that your loved ones are helping you cope with the loss. With GOD's strength and blessings, I pray that you can face the years ahead with your beautiful girls. Your hb watching you from Heaven will also want to see you happy and in good health. Pls take care.
Yuki
Continue to pour your thoughts, we will be here for you.
I know it's daunting about the future and really many times, we just cannot understand what God has plan for us or why things happened. We can only continue to keep trusting and praying and keeping the faith.
Continue to pour your thoughts, we will be here for you.
I know it's daunting about the future and really many times, we just cannot understand what God has plan for us or why things happened. We can only continue to keep trusting and praying and keeping the faith.
yuki
appreciate of you to highlight on the importanace of insurance and regular healthcheck. personally, as i look at it. these are not enough. the thing is, why wait for things to happen and hope our insurance can cover us as much as it could?? why wait for things to struck? why be the waiting party and wait for crsis to come then we panic and start amending/saving??
your great loss bought back pain i had kind of left behide me. i lost 1 gf to breast cancer, 5 relatives to cancers too within 2 years. one of them was so dear to me and her departure hit me hard. i missed her... trying to control my tears as i am typing now. i guess you have lots of why in your head, why cancer find your hb, why him, why so suddenly, why why why..
everyone of us has cancer cell in our body, just a matter has them reach the marker that can be detected. soon enough, cancer will be the #1 killer on earth. everyone of us can be the next target, does not mean you exercise regularly, eat a proper diet, don't smoke don't drink and you will not get it. all these are not enough anymore, looking at the kind of environment we live in and low level of nutrients we takes now. tats why i decided to take action to protect my family before things are too late. we turn to supplements that works and has tons of testimonials on cancer cases. prevention is better than cure. why choose to suffer when at the 1st place we can do things from having it happening?? am frustrated when people hack care of their health, fat then fat lor, smoke lor, drink lor, eat unhealthy food lor. never mind. wait till illnesses struck then they panic and their love ones suffer too...
i got emotional liao, better to stop here...
you take care ya. the least we can do here is be a listening ear.
appreciate of you to highlight on the importanace of insurance and regular healthcheck. personally, as i look at it. these are not enough. the thing is, why wait for things to happen and hope our insurance can cover us as much as it could?? why wait for things to struck? why be the waiting party and wait for crsis to come then we panic and start amending/saving??
your great loss bought back pain i had kind of left behide me. i lost 1 gf to breast cancer, 5 relatives to cancers too within 2 years. one of them was so dear to me and her departure hit me hard. i missed her... trying to control my tears as i am typing now. i guess you have lots of why in your head, why cancer find your hb, why him, why so suddenly, why why why..
everyone of us has cancer cell in our body, just a matter has them reach the marker that can be detected. soon enough, cancer will be the #1 killer on earth. everyone of us can be the next target, does not mean you exercise regularly, eat a proper diet, don't smoke don't drink and you will not get it. all these are not enough anymore, looking at the kind of environment we live in and low level of nutrients we takes now. tats why i decided to take action to protect my family before things are too late. we turn to supplements that works and has tons of testimonials on cancer cases. prevention is better than cure. why choose to suffer when at the 1st place we can do things from having it happening?? am frustrated when people hack care of their health, fat then fat lor, smoke lor, drink lor, eat unhealthy food lor. never mind. wait till illnesses struck then they panic and their love ones suffer too...
i got emotional liao, better to stop here...
you take care ya. the least we can do here is be a listening ear.
Hi Rachel,
Care to share what supplements?
The truth is i have been doing a lot of reading on alternative treatments and all boils down to diet.
I am considering to change my diet habits to more of alkaline but it is not easy unless i cook and prepare my own lunch everyday.
Alkaline diet promotes brown rice and veg based, deep sea fish and veg..... Vry hard to find such food outside especially when we work.....
Plus i am reliant on my mum to cook for me........ can't possibly ask her to cook separate for me and i also cannot enforce them to eat the same as i am.......
A friend of mine - his brother was relieve of stage 4 stomach cancer by following the alkaline diet. I won't say cure, cos it has only been six monhs. But then doctor gave him 6 months to live and he started on the diet since. Now 6 months later, his cancer marker went down to norm and he appears healtier than before....
Care to share what supplements?
The truth is i have been doing a lot of reading on alternative treatments and all boils down to diet.
I am considering to change my diet habits to more of alkaline but it is not easy unless i cook and prepare my own lunch everyday.
Alkaline diet promotes brown rice and veg based, deep sea fish and veg..... Vry hard to find such food outside especially when we work.....
Plus i am reliant on my mum to cook for me........ can't possibly ask her to cook separate for me and i also cannot enforce them to eat the same as i am.......
A friend of mine - his brother was relieve of stage 4 stomach cancer by following the alkaline diet. I won't say cure, cos it has only been six monhs. But then doctor gave him 6 months to live and he started on the diet since. Now 6 months later, his cancer marker went down to norm and he appears healtier than before....
Yuki
diet does help, provided you are strict with it. i have known people with cancer who stick to alkaline diet strictly. it is really not easy and not to mention the price too. like what you said, especially for people who needs to work and cant cook around the clock. there are people with cancer went lax after their cancer marker went down and the cancer cells came back at a faster rate. i had seen and heard many.
Alkaline diet is not as appealing to our taste bud too, there is why people choose not to eat even though it is healthier.
i pm you and we can chat more ya.
diet does help, provided you are strict with it. i have known people with cancer who stick to alkaline diet strictly. it is really not easy and not to mention the price too. like what you said, especially for people who needs to work and cant cook around the clock. there are people with cancer went lax after their cancer marker went down and the cancer cells came back at a faster rate. i had seen and heard many.
Alkaline diet is not as appealing to our taste bud too, there is why people choose not to eat even though it is healthier.
i pm you and we can chat more ya.
mashybrainz
New Member
Yuki
U remember my SIL who has brain tumour? Her tumour has shrunk from 4.5cm to 2cm. She started on Chinese herbs like Lingzhi and goes for accupunture. It seems to help her and she's already looking so much better even though there's still a time bomb in her head.
U remember my SIL who has brain tumour? Her tumour has shrunk from 4.5cm to 2cm. She started on Chinese herbs like Lingzhi and goes for accupunture. It seems to help her and she's already looking so much better even though there's still a time bomb in her head.
mashybrainz
New Member
On a lighter note, here's wishing everyone a Blessed Christmas!
sophia_rebekah
New Member
Hi everyone
Greetings from Perth, Australia! Logging in from my uncle's place. Wishing you all a blessed Christmas and new hope and new beginnings for 2009!
Greetings from Perth, Australia! Logging in from my uncle's place. Wishing you all a blessed Christmas and new hope and new beginnings for 2009!
Hi Yuki
I just came back from Taipei. Am really so so sorry abt hearing abt your hb. My deeplest condolences to you and your family. Will definitely keep you and your family in my prayers. Will pray for God to give you strength to go through this difficult period. Take care. And yes, pls share with us whenever you need too. We're all here to listen and be there for you. Let us know if you need help.
I just came back from Taipei. Am really so so sorry abt hearing abt your hb. My deeplest condolences to you and your family. Will definitely keep you and your family in my prayers. Will pray for God to give you strength to go through this difficult period. Take care. And yes, pls share with us whenever you need too. We're all here to listen and be there for you. Let us know if you need help.
little_pony
Active Member
Mummies
Finally get started on my blog. 3 in 1 lah, on my lil ones, baking and scrapbooking. Add me in ok. www.lilwonderland.blogspot.com
Finally get started on my blog. 3 in 1 lah, on my lil ones, baking and scrapbooking. Add me in ok. www.lilwonderland.blogspot.com
Am wondering what's the proper way to grieve....
On sometimes i can just numb my heart and get on with life without thinking much.
But some deemed that i am hiding my feelings and it's not normal....
But then if i choose to let go, all the pain, sorrow and worries starts coming in and i feel all energy being zap away..........
Worry about my gals don;t have a daddy to guide them in life, worry about me not having a partner to talk and share about my concerns, worry about am i able to support 2 gals all the way to university, worry about they don;t have a daddy to be over protective of them, not one to stand up to people who bully them...........
Life is just not the same..........Am i wallowing in self pity or it's normal process of grieving.........
On sometimes i can just numb my heart and get on with life without thinking much.
But some deemed that i am hiding my feelings and it's not normal....
But then if i choose to let go, all the pain, sorrow and worries starts coming in and i feel all energy being zap away..........
Worry about my gals don;t have a daddy to guide them in life, worry about me not having a partner to talk and share about my concerns, worry about am i able to support 2 gals all the way to university, worry about they don;t have a daddy to be over protective of them, not one to stand up to people who bully them...........
Life is just not the same..........Am i wallowing in self pity or it's normal process of grieving.........
little_pony
Active Member
Yuki,
It is normal that you are struggling now. Just remember to try to talk it out as much as you can.
Ashley is bright and Megan is a chilli padi. These 2 gals sure will be able to complement each other and be your support and daddy would always be in your heart and their hearts to be the strongest pillar.
Do not forget about other loved ones, friends and even us would be there for you too.
It is normal that you are struggling now. Just remember to try to talk it out as much as you can.
Ashley is bright and Megan is a chilli padi. These 2 gals sure will be able to complement each other and be your support and daddy would always be in your heart and their hearts to be the strongest pillar.
Do not forget about other loved ones, friends and even us would be there for you too.
Yuki,
I had a very close friend who died 2 years ago on 26 Dec. I remember we were out celebrating Clariss b-dae on Christmas when I received a call to go Mt E to see her for the last time. She had colon cancer and was only 36 years old then. She discovered her cancer in April and was gone in Dec. it's very fast. She tried a lot of alternative treatment, chinese TCM, changing her diet and chemo but finally the cancer still got to her. it spread to her liver and by the time I saw her the last time in the hos, her eyes had already turned yellow and she was so tiny at 30kg that I can't believe it's her. She went nepal, mt kk, diving, running full marathon with me and up till this moment, I still think that she maybe just holidaying somewhere and will come back again. I still have her pictures in my hall and she was so bubbly and healthy then.
so sorry to start blahhing about my friend. guess i am still grieving in a way. it's normal to feel sad for a long long time. it's a roller coaster kind of feeling, sometimes strong, sometimes sad and weak. but no matter what, we have to live life to the fullest for the deceased. It's the only right thing to do for them and I believe they will be happy if they know.
I had a very close friend who died 2 years ago on 26 Dec. I remember we were out celebrating Clariss b-dae on Christmas when I received a call to go Mt E to see her for the last time. She had colon cancer and was only 36 years old then. She discovered her cancer in April and was gone in Dec. it's very fast. She tried a lot of alternative treatment, chinese TCM, changing her diet and chemo but finally the cancer still got to her. it spread to her liver and by the time I saw her the last time in the hos, her eyes had already turned yellow and she was so tiny at 30kg that I can't believe it's her. She went nepal, mt kk, diving, running full marathon with me and up till this moment, I still think that she maybe just holidaying somewhere and will come back again. I still have her pictures in my hall and she was so bubbly and healthy then.
so sorry to start blahhing about my friend. guess i am still grieving in a way. it's normal to feel sad for a long long time. it's a roller coaster kind of feeling, sometimes strong, sometimes sad and weak. but no matter what, we have to live life to the fullest for the deceased. It's the only right thing to do for them and I believe they will be happy if they know.
Yuki,
It is really a very difficult period now. It's like losing part of urself with no guidance and no partner beside you. I believe that your gals will learn to be stronger with your doubled love and support. JIA YOU... talk to your close friends, family or even us more. Everyone will be willing to hear you. You need to pour out, there will be endless crying and stress coming up. Continue to be strong for the gals and grieving as long as u can. We will grow from there. *Hugz*
Learnt before in early childhood that kids in single parent family will start to behave differently in school, and this is the crucial period where the parent stand-by with the teachers to guide them thru. Rem to talk to their teachers when school reopens, so they can help you to lesser your stress and responsibility.
It is really a very difficult period now. It's like losing part of urself with no guidance and no partner beside you. I believe that your gals will learn to be stronger with your doubled love and support. JIA YOU... talk to your close friends, family or even us more. Everyone will be willing to hear you. You need to pour out, there will be endless crying and stress coming up. Continue to be strong for the gals and grieving as long as u can. We will grow from there. *Hugz*
Learnt before in early childhood that kids in single parent family will start to behave differently in school, and this is the crucial period where the parent stand-by with the teachers to guide them thru. Rem to talk to their teachers when school reopens, so they can help you to lesser your stress and responsibility.
Yuki,
same as mong, i also posted on the thread that one of my ex colleague found out that she had colon cancer and also being spread to her liver (already 3 stage). She passed away this year in Jun08...only 38 yrs old...her poor son is left alone..we only found out that she is a divorcee during the wake...think her biggest worry is her only son.
same as mong, i also posted on the thread that one of my ex colleague found out that she had colon cancer and also being spread to her liver (already 3 stage). She passed away this year in Jun08...only 38 yrs old...her poor son is left alone..we only found out that she is a divorcee during the wake...think her biggest worry is her only son.
Mummies,
I need alot of advices here regarding breastfeeding. I did not bf long for the 1st one. So didn't know what is freezing milk and all others.
I had decided to at least bf for 3mths at least for this time round. Not sure if I can continue after I start work as I am always "on the run" and they do not have a proper "milking" room.
Can I ask I few stupid questions?
1) If I pump at 9am and store in Avent Cup, should I put in the top freeze straight? Or I put on lower compartment first?
2) And if I pump again in 10am, can I mix the 10am with the 9am? And combine a few times before freezing it? (Am worry abt contamination)
3) How frequent should I pump?
I need alot of advices here regarding breastfeeding. I did not bf long for the 1st one. So didn't know what is freezing milk and all others.
I had decided to at least bf for 3mths at least for this time round. Not sure if I can continue after I start work as I am always "on the run" and they do not have a proper "milking" room.
Can I ask I few stupid questions?
1) If I pump at 9am and store in Avent Cup, should I put in the top freeze straight? Or I put on lower compartment first?
2) And if I pump again in 10am, can I mix the 10am with the 9am? And combine a few times before freezing it? (Am worry abt contamination)
3) How frequent should I pump?
Hi Mongs,
My hubby also lose a lot of weight towards the end.... he has alway been very proud of his physique, maintaining his 6 packs.... i think it must have pained him alot to see himself like that.
It seems like cancer is hitting a lot of young people........ we never know don;t we?
Hi May,
I contacted the gals school and teachers on the next day my hubby pass away. Some days the gals just play like normal but sometimes when they quarrel, they will start crying for daddy and that really breaks my heart. My elder gal asked why can't we pray for God to bring Daddy back..... i don't know how to answer the question.........
My hubby also lose a lot of weight towards the end.... he has alway been very proud of his physique, maintaining his 6 packs.... i think it must have pained him alot to see himself like that.
It seems like cancer is hitting a lot of young people........ we never know don;t we?
Hi May,
I contacted the gals school and teachers on the next day my hubby pass away. Some days the gals just play like normal but sometimes when they quarrel, they will start crying for daddy and that really breaks my heart. My elder gal asked why can't we pray for God to bring Daddy back..... i don't know how to answer the question.........
surprisingly i find it very hard to talk to close friends......... sometimes i am even jealous that they have a complete family....... and when we hang out together last time, we will talk about our hubby etc or during agthering, my hubby will be there too. Seeing them only makes me realise he is really gone........
Dear Yuki
There are 5 stages of grieving.
I took the below from a website for you, you may or may not follow this in order but at some point in time you will go through the various phases... and only when you reach acceptance, you will find peace, it may not be overnight that you recover and may be months, but one day, you will heal. Don't get stuck in a single pahse. Of course, you may not feel it exactly and know what phase you are in, that is the hard part, that's why you should surround yourself with people that can help you. I may not be the best person to advise you, but I can share with you my own personal experiences with grieving.
That is the only fact that you will know for sure, this is because you have friends, family and your daughters. It is ok to feel numb sometimes, it is ok to be feel happy sometimes, it is ok to feel that it is the end of the world sometimes during this period. You are not expected to go through this alone. No one expects it to be easy for you. Although your children are young, don't forget they also will grieve. Be with them, and grieve with them and allow them to heal with you. My cousins lost their fathers at a very young age, they needed to grieve too, one of my cousins became very bitter and angry, so be careful you don't let your children feel this way.
The five stages of grief are:
1-Denial-"this can't be happening to me", looking for the former spouse in familiar places, or if it is death, setting the table for the person or acting as if they are still in living there. No crying. Not accepting or even acknowledging the loss.
2-Anger-"why me?", feelings of wanting to fight back or get even with spouse of divorce, for death, anger at the deceased, blaming them for leaving.
3-Bargaining-bargaining often takes place before the loss. Attempting to make deals with the spouse who is leaving, or attempting to make deals with God to stop or change the loss. Begging, wishing, praying for them to come back.
4-Depression-overwhelming feelings of hopelessness, frustration, bitterness, self pity, mourning loss of person as well as the hopes, dreams and plans for the future. Feeling lack of control, feeling numb. Perhaps feeling suicidal.
5-Acceptance-there is a difference between resignation and acceptance. You have to accept the loss, not just try to bear it quietly. Realization that it takes two to make or break a marriage. Realization that the person is gone (in death) that it is not their fault, they didn't leave you on purpose. (even in cases of suicide, often the deceased person, was not in their right frame of mind) Finding the good that can come out of the pain of loss, finding comfort and healing. Our goals turn toward personal growth. Stay with fond memories of person.
Get help. You will survive. You will heal, even if you cannot believe that now, just know that it is true. To feel pain after loss is normal. It proves that we are alive, human. But we can't stop living. We have to become stronger, while not shutting off our feelings for the hope of one day being healed and finding love and/or happiness again. Helping others through something we have experienced is a wonderful way to fascilitate our healing and bring good out of something tragic.
I hope this helps you somehow. Do take care.
There are 5 stages of grieving.
I took the below from a website for you, you may or may not follow this in order but at some point in time you will go through the various phases... and only when you reach acceptance, you will find peace, it may not be overnight that you recover and may be months, but one day, you will heal. Don't get stuck in a single pahse. Of course, you may not feel it exactly and know what phase you are in, that is the hard part, that's why you should surround yourself with people that can help you. I may not be the best person to advise you, but I can share with you my own personal experiences with grieving.
That is the only fact that you will know for sure, this is because you have friends, family and your daughters. It is ok to feel numb sometimes, it is ok to be feel happy sometimes, it is ok to feel that it is the end of the world sometimes during this period. You are not expected to go through this alone. No one expects it to be easy for you. Although your children are young, don't forget they also will grieve. Be with them, and grieve with them and allow them to heal with you. My cousins lost their fathers at a very young age, they needed to grieve too, one of my cousins became very bitter and angry, so be careful you don't let your children feel this way.
The five stages of grief are:
1-Denial-"this can't be happening to me", looking for the former spouse in familiar places, or if it is death, setting the table for the person or acting as if they are still in living there. No crying. Not accepting or even acknowledging the loss.
2-Anger-"why me?", feelings of wanting to fight back or get even with spouse of divorce, for death, anger at the deceased, blaming them for leaving.
3-Bargaining-bargaining often takes place before the loss. Attempting to make deals with the spouse who is leaving, or attempting to make deals with God to stop or change the loss. Begging, wishing, praying for them to come back.
4-Depression-overwhelming feelings of hopelessness, frustration, bitterness, self pity, mourning loss of person as well as the hopes, dreams and plans for the future. Feeling lack of control, feeling numb. Perhaps feeling suicidal.
5-Acceptance-there is a difference between resignation and acceptance. You have to accept the loss, not just try to bear it quietly. Realization that it takes two to make or break a marriage. Realization that the person is gone (in death) that it is not their fault, they didn't leave you on purpose. (even in cases of suicide, often the deceased person, was not in their right frame of mind) Finding the good that can come out of the pain of loss, finding comfort and healing. Our goals turn toward personal growth. Stay with fond memories of person.
Get help. You will survive. You will heal, even if you cannot believe that now, just know that it is true. To feel pain after loss is normal. It proves that we are alive, human. But we can't stop living. We have to become stronger, while not shutting off our feelings for the hope of one day being healed and finding love and/or happiness again. Helping others through something we have experienced is a wonderful way to fascilitate our healing and bring good out of something tragic.
I hope this helps you somehow. Do take care.
yuki,
Very sorry to hear about your loss. I was in HK when CL smsed me to tell me about it. I had to read the sms a few times to make sure what I saw was correct. It's really hard to believe that someone so young can just pass away like that. And we have not heard you talking about it in the forum so I gathered that it must have happened very suddenly.
Like what all the rest have said, take your time to pick yourself up and rethink about what lies ahead of you. Once you have come to terms with the loss, the road ahead will seem less bumpy and uncertain. Just remember that there are alot of other pple out there that are worst off. And alot of pple care for you and are sharing your grieve and you are not alone in all these. Don't lose hope and drown yourself in despair. You still have your 2 princesses and I'm sure your HB will want you to be happy and healthy...
Very sorry to hear about your loss. I was in HK when CL smsed me to tell me about it. I had to read the sms a few times to make sure what I saw was correct. It's really hard to believe that someone so young can just pass away like that. And we have not heard you talking about it in the forum so I gathered that it must have happened very suddenly.
Like what all the rest have said, take your time to pick yourself up and rethink about what lies ahead of you. Once you have come to terms with the loss, the road ahead will seem less bumpy and uncertain. Just remember that there are alot of other pple out there that are worst off. And alot of pple care for you and are sharing your grieve and you are not alone in all these. Don't lose hope and drown yourself in despair. You still have your 2 princesses and I'm sure your HB will want you to be happy and healthy...
Yuki,
I don't really have the words to console/comfort/advise you... Ultimately, I believe that you have to and will be brave and strong to pull through this difficult time. Just remember that you are never alone in this, you have Ashley and Megan and so many relatives and friends around you. And we are here too, if you find it difficult to talk to your close friends, feel free to post here or PM or call anyone of us. We are here to listen.
May,
Answers to your questions:
1) Regarding milk storage and handling:
Answeres can be found here http://www.kellymom.com/bf/pumping/index.html
2) In order to build and maintain supply, ideally, you should be latching / pumping every 3 hours and this includes waking up at night to do so, until your supply has stabilised and you can roughly estimate how much you baby is drinking. There's no short cut to breastfeeding. To breastfeed successfully, just have to be hardworking, especially during the 1st 1 to 2 months, unless you are one of those lucky mummies who have naturally abundance of milk. Most mummies need to work hard to build supply and maintaining it.
I don't really have the words to console/comfort/advise you... Ultimately, I believe that you have to and will be brave and strong to pull through this difficult time. Just remember that you are never alone in this, you have Ashley and Megan and so many relatives and friends around you. And we are here too, if you find it difficult to talk to your close friends, feel free to post here or PM or call anyone of us. We are here to listen.
May,
Answers to your questions:
1) Regarding milk storage and handling:
Answeres can be found here http://www.kellymom.com/bf/pumping/index.html
2) In order to build and maintain supply, ideally, you should be latching / pumping every 3 hours and this includes waking up at night to do so, until your supply has stabilised and you can roughly estimate how much you baby is drinking. There's no short cut to breastfeeding. To breastfeed successfully, just have to be hardworking, especially during the 1st 1 to 2 months, unless you are one of those lucky mummies who have naturally abundance of milk. Most mummies need to work hard to build supply and maintaining it.
sleepingdeer
Active Member
Hi Yuki,
I guess different people grieve differently. I let all my grief out, I grieved long and hard, and when I wake up the next day, it was the same all over again. That time was for me alone, so I just let it wash all over me, thinking about all the times we had, and those we would not have in the future. It worked for me, by grieving that way, I slowly accepted life back again. Towards the tail end, I started to block memories whenever I started thinking of it... so it's really what is the best way for you... take care!
May,
yup, queen is right, I am latching her on every time she wants my breast, its very hard work, but once they start stablising, it will be worth it.
I guess different people grieve differently. I let all my grief out, I grieved long and hard, and when I wake up the next day, it was the same all over again. That time was for me alone, so I just let it wash all over me, thinking about all the times we had, and those we would not have in the future. It worked for me, by grieving that way, I slowly accepted life back again. Towards the tail end, I started to block memories whenever I started thinking of it... so it's really what is the best way for you... take care!
May,
yup, queen is right, I am latching her on every time she wants my breast, its very hard work, but once they start stablising, it will be worth it.
Hi Aileen,
On the contrary, when i think aout what lies ahead, i get more tensed up and worried. I think about the bad points just like those i pint out above - whether i can support the gals to uni, their emotions, my emotions......
If i don't think and just let each day pass, it seems easier.... i don't know, maybe till now, to me it's like he is working somewhere...... so i just treat it like he is working and i get on with my life like he is working.... I on't know if that is deceiving myself.........
Hi Sleeping deer,
When i think about what we won't have in the future..... that's where i find all energy zap out of me.........
Some days i just choose not to think and go thru the mundane of life.... may i escaping reality? To some, it is......
On the contrary, when i think aout what lies ahead, i get more tensed up and worried. I think about the bad points just like those i pint out above - whether i can support the gals to uni, their emotions, my emotions......
If i don't think and just let each day pass, it seems easier.... i don't know, maybe till now, to me it's like he is working somewhere...... so i just treat it like he is working and i get on with my life like he is working.... I on't know if that is deceiving myself.........
Hi Sleeping deer,
When i think about what we won't have in the future..... that's where i find all energy zap out of me.........
Some days i just choose not to think and go thru the mundane of life.... may i escaping reality? To some, it is......
yuki
just keep sharing and pouring out here. sharing is impt and good for u i believe. dun feel that u r escaping reality by choosing not to think abt it and going thru life each day. i believe at different stages there are different ways to handle it. take time to grieve and take time to learn as well. it will be a long process.
will pray for u
may
for jh i only managed to partial bf him for abt 10 months. this time round i managed to tbf when jx was abt 2 months. like what the rest said, it is really hard work. right from the start i told myself that i must latch more often and pump dilligently. and a few things that i learnt from first time is that i must really empty well to simulate supply. and really try not to give FM if u wan to build up the supply. when jx was abt 9 weeks she refused the bottle so much that i had no choice but to latch for every feed, since then i manage to tbf her and even have excess for jh.
in the initial weeks if i have to give bottle i will tell myself i need to pump to replace the bottle feed that i simulate the demand for milk.
dun worry too much. just do what u can.
just keep sharing and pouring out here. sharing is impt and good for u i believe. dun feel that u r escaping reality by choosing not to think abt it and going thru life each day. i believe at different stages there are different ways to handle it. take time to grieve and take time to learn as well. it will be a long process.
will pray for u
may
for jh i only managed to partial bf him for abt 10 months. this time round i managed to tbf when jx was abt 2 months. like what the rest said, it is really hard work. right from the start i told myself that i must latch more often and pump dilligently. and a few things that i learnt from first time is that i must really empty well to simulate supply. and really try not to give FM if u wan to build up the supply. when jx was abt 9 weeks she refused the bottle so much that i had no choice but to latch for every feed, since then i manage to tbf her and even have excess for jh.
in the initial weeks if i have to give bottle i will tell myself i need to pump to replace the bottle feed that i simulate the demand for milk.
dun worry too much. just do what u can.
mashybrainz
New Member
Yuki
I understand that you're feeling lost right now but worrying abt the future really won't help much other than worry.
Don't worry, the future will be in place. Things will fall back in order. Your gals will get to go university if they want to. It will happen. It might be harder now, but it will materialise.
The gals may feel a sense of loss, and get upset when their teacher ask them to write abt their families or drawing a family photo, but these things will pass. Most importantly, they must know that they're loved. Had been, will be. How they will turn out is anyone's guess coz the internal conflicts are things we can't control. Just show them lots of love and patience.
I myself lost my mom when i was young. I hated the fate that i grew up without a mother, someone to teach me how to cook, someone to go shopping with (esp for bras during my teenage yrs), share with me abt being a mom but i get by. At times certain things will trigger that feeling again, but otherwise it's forgotten. Well, i think i grew up fine even without a mother.
I agree it's a long process and even 20 yrs down the road, you'll still remember the pain. But the pain doesn't prick u as much anymore by then.
Are you working now? Working is good. It helps the healing process by getting your mind off the sadness.
I understand that you're feeling lost right now but worrying abt the future really won't help much other than worry.
Don't worry, the future will be in place. Things will fall back in order. Your gals will get to go university if they want to. It will happen. It might be harder now, but it will materialise.
The gals may feel a sense of loss, and get upset when their teacher ask them to write abt their families or drawing a family photo, but these things will pass. Most importantly, they must know that they're loved. Had been, will be. How they will turn out is anyone's guess coz the internal conflicts are things we can't control. Just show them lots of love and patience.
I myself lost my mom when i was young. I hated the fate that i grew up without a mother, someone to teach me how to cook, someone to go shopping with (esp for bras during my teenage yrs), share with me abt being a mom but i get by. At times certain things will trigger that feeling again, but otherwise it's forgotten. Well, i think i grew up fine even without a mother.
I agree it's a long process and even 20 yrs down the road, you'll still remember the pain. But the pain doesn't prick u as much anymore by then.
Are you working now? Working is good. It helps the healing process by getting your mind off the sadness.
yuki,
i guess if it's the uncertainty that frightens you, then maybe all the more u should brace it. So that if you know what lies ahead and know how to cope with it, then u will feel more stable, and settled? sounds to me that you are afraid of the financial difficulties that you may encounter. perhaps when u feel more ready, get someone to help you do your sums and see what needs to be done. cut down on spending, take on another part time job etc...
it's not going to be easy... but it's do-able. give urself some time, don't jump into everything all at once. if u are not ready to plan for the future, then don't force yourself. just remember, u are not a wonder woman. u'r only human...
i guess if it's the uncertainty that frightens you, then maybe all the more u should brace it. So that if you know what lies ahead and know how to cope with it, then u will feel more stable, and settled? sounds to me that you are afraid of the financial difficulties that you may encounter. perhaps when u feel more ready, get someone to help you do your sums and see what needs to be done. cut down on spending, take on another part time job etc...
it's not going to be easy... but it's do-able. give urself some time, don't jump into everything all at once. if u are not ready to plan for the future, then don't force yourself. just remember, u are not a wonder woman. u'r only human...
Hi Mashy,
The more i think the more worried i get indeed. Had been thinking about the children's future and get worried. Had been thinking i lost someone to confide in and i get worried.
Just last night, many thots hit me - that when my gals grow up, i will be alone or i will be a leech who choose to stay with them when they get married....and become a biter MIL? Or i will live in a small apratment all by myself..... I have no partner to share my lonliness with....... Then i think about the talks hubby and i had last time - about traveling the world when the gals grow up, live our own independent lives, stroll in East COast Park,...... never in our plan to lead an individual life.........
Am not working yet. My SIL (hubby's sister) will be going back to USA and i will bring the gals over to stay with her for a few weeks. Hubby and i had planned to do so thou not confirmed. I also don't know what i am doing is correct.... a friend ask if it is a right time to bring the gals for travel.... i really don't know. I am just going thru life, day b day. Very much lead by others.... Will be bck in end Jan and start work again in Feb.
I am doing as much as i can to seal the memories of hubby. I get hubby's colleagues to write down notes about hubby so that our gals get to read wha kind of person their daddy was like. Thay are very nice to do up an album with photos and all.
I am also tracing all the photos we took as family as a reminder to the gals of the outings that they had with daddy. I want them to know that thou their daddy is not around anymore, they had their daddy's 100% love and devotion when he was around. I don't know if that helps or make them feel worse now that they lack of all those...... A friend who lost his wife to cancer reckon that children have short memories and will not remember them and it is better that they don't remember..... at this point of time, i don't agree with such reasoning..........
The more i think the more worried i get indeed. Had been thinking about the children's future and get worried. Had been thinking i lost someone to confide in and i get worried.
Just last night, many thots hit me - that when my gals grow up, i will be alone or i will be a leech who choose to stay with them when they get married....and become a biter MIL? Or i will live in a small apratment all by myself..... I have no partner to share my lonliness with....... Then i think about the talks hubby and i had last time - about traveling the world when the gals grow up, live our own independent lives, stroll in East COast Park,...... never in our plan to lead an individual life.........
Am not working yet. My SIL (hubby's sister) will be going back to USA and i will bring the gals over to stay with her for a few weeks. Hubby and i had planned to do so thou not confirmed. I also don't know what i am doing is correct.... a friend ask if it is a right time to bring the gals for travel.... i really don't know. I am just going thru life, day b day. Very much lead by others.... Will be bck in end Jan and start work again in Feb.
I am doing as much as i can to seal the memories of hubby. I get hubby's colleagues to write down notes about hubby so that our gals get to read wha kind of person their daddy was like. Thay are very nice to do up an album with photos and all.
I am also tracing all the photos we took as family as a reminder to the gals of the outings that they had with daddy. I want them to know that thou their daddy is not around anymore, they had their daddy's 100% love and devotion when he was around. I don't know if that helps or make them feel worse now that they lack of all those...... A friend who lost his wife to cancer reckon that children have short memories and will not remember them and it is better that they don't remember..... at this point of time, i don't agree with such reasoning..........
mashybrainz
New Member
Yuki
Personally i feel it's great to go visit your SIL for a few weeks. At least with a new environment, u might get your peace faster.
I think it's good to keep some things as memoris for your children. I'm sure they'll wanna find out more abt their father when they grow up. It's true they probably won't remember much of their father after a while coz they're still so young. My friend's daughter couldn't remember me just 1 yr after i didn't see her altho we used to hang out together so much.
U don't have to be a bitter MIL next time if you take a positive step towards your life. If u stay cooped up, refuse to accept this and get some peace, then yes, probably u might become like this. Those widows that i knew who got on fine with their lives are those who accepted it and get on with their lives with lots of activities and friends. The ones who became bitter don't have friends (or rather refused to hang out anymore until all her friends give up on her) and hang on to their children like they're her only 'possessions'.
No matter how hard it is, life continues on. There's always another sunrise, another day, another surprise, another joy. When u look back at your life at 50, this might seem so small. I'm sure you'll find the courage to carry on, even without a helper. I'm sure God has other plans for you.
My friend gave me a quote which i thought is meaningful:
Fraser, a missionary to China, once said," A man is immortal until God's work for him is done."
Your hb has finished his work here and has gone back to Him who gave him his first breath. You're to finish the rest of it. I'm sure you can do it.
Personally i feel it's great to go visit your SIL for a few weeks. At least with a new environment, u might get your peace faster.
I think it's good to keep some things as memoris for your children. I'm sure they'll wanna find out more abt their father when they grow up. It's true they probably won't remember much of their father after a while coz they're still so young. My friend's daughter couldn't remember me just 1 yr after i didn't see her altho we used to hang out together so much.
U don't have to be a bitter MIL next time if you take a positive step towards your life. If u stay cooped up, refuse to accept this and get some peace, then yes, probably u might become like this. Those widows that i knew who got on fine with their lives are those who accepted it and get on with their lives with lots of activities and friends. The ones who became bitter don't have friends (or rather refused to hang out anymore until all her friends give up on her) and hang on to their children like they're her only 'possessions'.
No matter how hard it is, life continues on. There's always another sunrise, another day, another surprise, another joy. When u look back at your life at 50, this might seem so small. I'm sure you'll find the courage to carry on, even without a helper. I'm sure God has other plans for you.
My friend gave me a quote which i thought is meaningful:
Fraser, a missionary to China, once said," A man is immortal until God's work for him is done."
Your hb has finished his work here and has gone back to Him who gave him his first breath. You're to finish the rest of it. I'm sure you can do it.
mashybrainz
New Member
Happy New Year everyone!
sleepingdeer
Active Member
Hi Yuki,
slowly, a day at a time, don't face what you cannot, just do it a day at a time, slowly. When you are better, you will be able to cope with more and more reality...take care, and come in n share whenever you want.
slowly, a day at a time, don't face what you cannot, just do it a day at a time, slowly. When you are better, you will be able to cope with more and more reality...take care, and come in n share whenever you want.
sleepingdeer
Active Member
Hi Everyone,
just sharing S' 3rd birthday cake, this is done by CL's shifu...haha....
CL,
she did a very good job. Everyone was impressed by the too-pretty-to-eat cake.
just sharing S' 3rd birthday cake, this is done by CL's shifu...haha....
CL,
she did a very good job. Everyone was impressed by the too-pretty-to-eat cake.
Yuki
Go ahead to pour your heart out. Don't worry about A & M, I'm sure they will grow up strong and learn to fend for themselves. I've lost my dad when I was a teenager. It made me a more mature and independent person. Don't worry about being a bitter MIL, I'm sure your girls will appreciate and love you even more. Personally I think it is important to have your own circle of close friends whom you can confide in. It definitely helped my mom to pull through the darkest moment.
Go ahead to pour your heart out. Don't worry about A & M, I'm sure they will grow up strong and learn to fend for themselves. I've lost my dad when I was a teenager. It made me a more mature and independent person. Don't worry about being a bitter MIL, I'm sure your girls will appreciate and love you even more. Personally I think it is important to have your own circle of close friends whom you can confide in. It definitely helped my mom to pull through the darkest moment.
little_pony
Active Member
Sleepingdeer
Wow lovely and cute little fairy S. You found such a nice outfit to go with the theme of the cake.
Wow lovely and cute little fairy S. You found such a nice outfit to go with the theme of the cake.
yuki- its good to go somewhere and just try and put things behind. I believe u will be strong for your 2 girls. I am happy to hear from u. Thks for sharing ur thoughts and do continue to do so. Don't worry abt what the future will bring for the Lord will take care of all. Just rest and have faith in Him.
Sleepingdeer- wow very nice lei. How much is it? How many days in advance must we book?
Sleepingdeer- wow very nice lei. How much is it? How many days in advance must we book?
Hi mummies,
Actually the trip scares the shit out of me.... hubby has been very protective and he is the best in packing luggages, he took care of the details etc......... What pushes me to take up the trip is that i must learnt and get used to taking care of the gals all by myself, start to learn to be independent and all.... I know there are family and friends but i cannot be forever tacking on to someone else lives........ if it become a habit, then i will be like a leech.........
Actually the trip scares the shit out of me.... hubby has been very protective and he is the best in packing luggages, he took care of the details etc......... What pushes me to take up the trip is that i must learnt and get used to taking care of the gals all by myself, start to learn to be independent and all.... I know there are family and friends but i cannot be forever tacking on to someone else lives........ if it become a habit, then i will be like a leech.........