Yes, it's good that we can support one another here.
I have heard those comments u have experienced before too! U are lucky to have enlightened friends who realise that IVF is not 100% guaranteed success. Why I felt sad about my friends was becoz they could say things like "You can try again if you fail. It's like getting the driving licence. One day you will succeed." I certainly dun agree the IVF procedure can be compared to the driving test. It's a medical procedure!
I've a cousin and she also told me abt a certain hospital in Guangzhou which specializes in fertility treatments, and boasts of a high success rate. She knows my husband and I have been trying for a baby for years. I think many mainland Chinese are sometimes affected by the way these specialized hospitals or clinics advertised. It's not just these fertility-focused hospitals, also cancer-focused hospitals and all sorts of specialized treatments. I've stayed in China for a short period of time, and saw tons of such ads or sharings in person. Very effective to attract ppl who are old, sick for prolonged periods, and perhaps infertile couples who have tried for so many years.
I'm not a Christian but I have a MIL who always goes "omitoufo" whenever things didn't go so well. She is aware of our fertility attempts, and always tried to ask me to go this temple or that temple, if not, do all sorts of weird stuff to see if the gods and ancestors could bless us with a child or a smooth pregnancy. She definitely means well but like you, I also feel that using religion to explain away failed fertility attempts and offer comfort just makes things worse. At the end of the day, it is easy to fall into those thoughts of "Why am I the one not favoured by the higher being and have to go thru all these?"
Archie7, go ahead and rant if u need to. I realise it's not good to bottle things up too much. Hugs.