SingaporeMotherhood | Parenting
September 2024
Buckets & Taps to Help My Child Cope with Stress
How do you cope with stress? It’s exam season and the girls were laughing mindlessly at something over dinner. I wanted a more serious conversation of how their day went, but realised there was more to their silliness. “Are you stressed and that’s why you’re laughing so hysterically?” I asked.
When my remark evoked another bout of nonsensical laughter, I couldn’t help but smile at what I’d discovered. We accumulate stress throughout the course of a day and unknowingly keep it in for days, weeks, months, and even years.
The moment I identified their irrational laughter as their stress relief, they felt permitted to let it all out. As their laughter subsided, I marvelled at how quickly their initial sombre, tired attitudes had miraculously shifted into joyful relief in minutes.
There was a light-heartedness throughout the rest of dinner, where sharing flowed freely and smiles were all around. Happy hormones coursed through our internal systems, creating a delightful and memorable experience that continued even after dinner.
(See also: Unlocking Happiness for Me & My Child During the Exam Period)
Managing Stress
Since stress is a part of life, understanding its signs clues us into living an emotionally, mentally, and physically healthy life. While we know that different people experience stress differently and cope with stress in different ways, did you know that we also have different stress tolerance levels?
For example, someone who grew up in a challenging environment could have developed mental fortitude. But they may be lacking in emotional resilience, depending on their interpretation of their childhood events.
Our capacity for stress can be measured using the analogy of a bucket. Due to a combination of genes, personality, and life experiences, each of us has buckets of different sizes. To better help ourselves and our children manage stress, we need these three things:
#1 – Self-awareness
How big is your (child’s) bucket? Big buckets can hold more water, while for those with smaller capacities, stress building up can quickly reach critical levels.
Are you someone who can take a lot before you reach breaking point? Remember that every individual is different and constantly pushing your child beyond their limits may not serve them.
There is nothing shameful about having a smaller bucket. In a competitive society where ‘bigger is better’, have we failed to appreciate the value of small buckets?
I used to secretly scorn those with smaller capacities, but as I mature, have come to embrace the important reminder they serve. That life is for enjoying, not a constant mad race for bigger or more.
Those with a profound awareness of their individual threshold brings a powerful acceptance and presence in life. It’s way more respectable than either the slave driver who keeps pushing for more or the ticking time bomb who is a clueless victim.
So have compassion for those with big buckets and be kind towards those with smaller buckets. Owning the size of our buckets is what matters.
(See also: Are You a Caregiver for Your Child? – Please Read This (+ True Life Stories))
#2 – Situational Awareness
Where does water gush in from in your life? Being cognisant of the stress that is being poured into our buckets from work, school, relationships, finances, physical activities, transitions, or loss helps us better manage the water levels.
Living through different seasons of our lives means that water comes in from different areas. More stress may come from studies, appearances, and relationships when one is younger. Someone older could face more professional responsibilities and financial obligations.
Where do you have to make life adjustments to regulate the water coming in?
Also, remember to ask yourself — are you one of the streams pouring stress into your child’s life on top of the waters already filling their bucket?
(See also: “How Do You Motivate Your Child? It’s PSLE Next Year and Mine Doesn’t Seem to Care!”)
#3 – Coping Strategies
What are your de-stressors? Coping strategies are like taps that allow water to drain away. Mind tools, exercise, quality sleep, relaxation, and sharing feelings with friends are some common water taps.
At the same time, beware false taps that give temporary relief, but results in water flowing back into the bucket. Staying up late, sleeping in, inactivity, procrastination, and suppressing or ignoring problems never effectively drains your stress levels.
As the year end exams loom, let’s be mindful and accepting of each of our children’s buckets, instead of insisting they expand their capacities.
Let’s teach them to identify and regulate the volume of stress coming in through open conversations. Validate their emotions instead of advising them on the actions they should take.
Then create effective taps by discovering new ways to de-stress, whether it’s listening to music, exercising or dancing. Hugging, laughing, and sharing good, meaningful conversations work wonders to cope with stress too!
While we all have solo de-stressing activities that help us cope with stress, why not brainstorm some family taps to put in place for a healthy mental and emotional release on a regular basis?
We mark World Mental Health Day once a year on 10 October. But no ones says we can’t celebrate it weekly. Some ideas include family movie nights, meal treats, sleep-in weekends, swimming outings, camping by the beach, and window-shopping at the mall. What’s an enjoyable family activity everyone can look forward to every weekend?
(See also: Why You Need to have Mental Health Conversations with your Children)
Author of “The Naked Parent”, founder of Mum Space, and mother to five amazing children, Junia is a respected thought-leader in the parenting space. Recognised for empowering parents and kids with her 21st-century parenting model for over a decade, she now brings her ‘Modern Asian Mother’ expertise and experience to this exclusive SingaporeMotherhood column. |
Featured image: Freepik
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